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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

this is an rpg but instead of tweaking your constitution vs anal circumfrence stats the only stuff in your character sheet is like if you're a wizard or not or if you have a sword or whatever.

P much you can pick if you wanna be an oldschool wizard who can do any spells, or like a half and half who can only do one "style" of spells, or a fully fighting mans who doesn't have spells.
And then pick 3 skills and you have the equipment to do it or w/e

if you don't pick any of that just describe ur guy and i'll create your sheet it'll be fine


the Free City of Frigg

Yup Frigg, the richest and most cultured and best city in the world! And the old fat elf Stendrig, on the actual board of directors! And he's right on the other side of the door!

"Well send them in! We can't have this critical job waiting all day!"

ok post a pic of your guy and what your deal is

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SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

also i forgot to mention there's a couple other threads of this you might run into so if you make a character for this one don't read the other thread to cheat or anything
not every character is an npc there may be other goons out there

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Dinosaur Gum

I come stumbling in reeking of ale and struggling with my mistress, Gravity- who I ramble at, talk to and blame often for my woes.

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009








Rozalin
Salamanderkin
- knife maniac
- flame-resistant
- prone to burst into flames

Roz is ready to kick open the door, but she really needs this job and smolders impatiently for the party to be assembled before giving this fat elf the business. She settles for not-so-silently judging the others as they trundle in and anxiously fingering her knives.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

I come stumbling in reeking of ale and struggling with my mistress, Gravity- who I ramble at, talk to and blame often for my woes.



rolling perception... -6
you're too drunk to notice where you're at but the boss is super pumped for a monk to be on the team
"Perfect! Perfect!"


clockwork chaos posted:



Rozalin
Salamanderkin
- knife maniac
- flame-resistant
- prone to burst into flames

Roz is ready to kick open the door, but she really needs this job and smolders impatiently for the party to be assembled before giving this fat elf the business. She settles for not-so-silently judging the others as they trundle in and anxiously fingering her knives.

A butler waves you in and Stend is like


This is the deal:
The company needs a crack team of inexpensively paid heroes to send a CRITICAL PACKAGE across the continent to Xoma, the holy city. Probably they're tolerating an obviously trashed dude because everyone knows the City of Saints has every kind of cult to exist in the whole world and a monk of anything is an in.

In exchange for this super easy and not deadly task whoever signs up will get an an expense account for whatever supplies they need, as well as INCREDIBLY VALUABLE STOCK OPTIONS



Yeah that's gotta be worth like a hundred bucks or something!

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones



redm
giant/halfling hybrid
-jeet kune do adjacent improvisational fighting style
-limited experience with accidental inscribement of eldritch chaos gods rituals
-silver medallion that grants +10 to strength if wielding baseball bat with a x2 weakness to ice based attacks

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

rolling wisdom... 3
probably nothing will ever go wrong with chaos gods but the boss doesn't care anyway and you're in

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009






>> Roz's tail flicks nervously as she listens to the plan. She's never been to Xoma before but cults of all colors tend to have various sharp implements that she'd enjoy. The temperature around her is a good twenty to thirty degrees hotter as she waits for mister rotund elf to pull out the contract. No matter what, she needs her name on that stupid thing

>> Searching her many pockets for a pen of some kind, but all she keeps finding are more and more knives. "Please tell me this is a land route, bossman, " an ounce of disdain trickles into her voice, "water routes are absolutely loaded with tolls last I checked."

Stoner Sloth
Apr 2, 2019





Sam Izdat
Mimic
-Mimic Abilities
-Extradimensional Stomach/Internal Space
-Freaking Gigantic when fully unfolded from extradimensional space, usually appears much smaller



Sam is currently a mug of booze being held by a certain drunken monk, for now the mimic relaxes and waits for to learn what can be learned by patiently listening.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

clockwork chaos posted:

>> Roz's tail flicks nervously as she listens to the plan. She's never been to Xoma before but cults of all colors tend to have various sharp implements that she'd enjoy. The temperature around her is a good twenty to thirty degrees hotter as she waits for mister rotund elf to pull out the contract. No matter what, she needs her name on that stupid thing

>> Searching her many pockets for a pen of some kind, but all she keeps finding are more and more knives. "Please tell me this is a land route, bossman, " an ounce of disdain trickles into her voice, "water routes are absolutely loaded with tolls last I checked."

"Completely land based I assure you! In fact you could end up travelling through a scorching desert if you desire!"

He figures these 4 incredibly powerful and affordable adventurers are probably more than enough. If the Board disagrees of course reinforcements will be sent immediately. But speed is of the essence so he slaps a fat contract that looks completely fine and not like a scam.

All you gotta do is sign, go downstairs to procurement and pick up some supplies, and then go pick up the package at the Tinkerers' Guild on the other side of the city. Then a quick jaunt to the next big city over and you'll be into the real bux!

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones

my character signs the contract and makes a request with procurement for a dealers choice baseball bat, a pocket sized blank notebook and a five pack of inkpens

Stoner Sloth
Apr 2, 2019



>>The mug of booze waits until said booze is drunk and it is set aside on the table before quickly sprouting a trio of small eyes to scan over the contract as subtly as possible. In a crowded bar it's possible that this goes unnoticed even. After a moment, and somewhat less inconspicuously, it sprouts an arm picks up the pen and scratches the name 'Sam' on the contract before retracting the short lived appendage back into the mug as if nothing had occurred.

>>Perhaps the mimic is hard up for work, desperate for coin or merely desires to leave town quickly given the speed with which they sign up but in any case the deed is done.

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009






>> Roz signs her name hastily, slightly singing the paper. She eyes the sentient mug warily, but it signed the contract so now they're comrades-in-arms. The Contract is law, after all.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

redm posted:

my character signs the contract and makes a request with procurement for a dealers choice baseball bat, a pocket sized blank notebook and a five pack of inkpens

the clerk slides that stuff over the counter
alright man you do you but, uh, do you want some food or something? Maybe a map? A tent or whatever?

You guys realize it's gonna be like 3 months of hell march across the desert, right? There's only a couple ways there and all the ones that skip the desert are long as hell. Plus there's monsters and bandits and poo poo like that.

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009






SniperWoreConverse posted:

the clerk slides that stuff over the counter
alright man you do you but, uh, do you want some food or something? Maybe a map? A tent or whatever?

You guys realize it's gonna be like 3 months of hell march across the desert, right? There's only a couple ways there and all the ones that skip the desert are long as hell. Plus there's monsters and bandits and poo poo like that.

>> "You there, gentleclerk, we'll take the recommended starting gear, rations map tent whatever is necessary." Roz says, trying not to sound too pushy or bossy and failing.

>> "Beer mug, sam was it? Can you speak?" It signed a contract, it understands well enough
"Regardless, can you become a trunk to hold these things? I don't trust the others to not drop them, and I'm far too busy to carry them."

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones

my character tries to take a drink from a mug he thought he saw an arm sprout out of before setting it back on the bar once finding it to be empty, shrugging it off as a hallucination

"right... the desert...sure a map sounds good uh, can I also get a .22 rifle, box of rounds, canteen, compass, a frying pan, machete, couple flintstones, maybe a leather goosefeather sleeping bag and like a box of corn dogs?"

Stoner Sloth
Apr 2, 2019



>>The mug, after redm puts it down, responds to Roz's question in direct fashion. A couple of small metal legs sprout from it and it hops off the table before expanding in volume to the point of being a large chest.

>>The chest lid flaps open as it speaks "Yeah, can manage that." the mimic replies simply. Those close enough to the chest might notice that when the 'mouth' is open it seems to go down a long, long way into darkness - who knows how much it can actually hold but it looks considerably more than the physical dimensions would suggest.

>>In any case the mimic makes ready to store whatever gear the rest of the group selects.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

redm posted:

my character tries to take a drink from a mug he thought he saw an arm sprout out of before setting it back on the bar once finding it to be empty, shrugging it off as a hallucination

"right... the desert...sure a map sounds good uh, can I also get a .22 rifle, box of rounds, canteen, compass, a frying pan, machete, couple flintstones, maybe a leather goosefeather sleeping bag and like a box of corn dogs?"

"The gently caress's a rifle? Rounds?"
A bigass troll walks by with a cannon. The clerk shoves the rest of the stuff over the counter.


clockwork chaos posted:

>> "You there, gentleclerk, we'll take the recommended starting gear, rations map tent whatever is necessary." Roz says, trying not to sound too pushy or bossy and failing.

>> "Beer mug, sam was it? Can you speak?" It signed a contract, it understands well enough
"Regardless, can you become a trunk to hold these things? I don't trust the others to not drop them, and I'm far too busy to carry them."

"Right yeah here's a couple months of food, you're probably gonna want some kind of pack animal or something. Here's the rest of the camping crap."
He looks at the mimic "eh whatever maybe skip the mule."
He draws up a map real quick

"The black dots are towns and the lines are roads. You probably wanna skip the dotted ones cause it'll take drat near forever to go that way. The X is Xoma and the big dot is obviously Frigg. If you want and are insane you could just go east and then cut north but the desert there is cursed by ghosts. If you wanted you could follow the river all the way south and spend a shitload of money to get a boat. Or you could go southeast and take a boat from Zbub. Or go north around the mountains and avoid the desert but it's all barbarians. The quickest way is just take the desert road, it'd be dumb as hell to do anything else."

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones

my character looks down as if to check his watch, staring blankly at his naked wrist

"crossbow it is then."

he introduces himself to the barrel man, dragon lady and talking strongbox before suggesting taking the standard route down the desert road to Xoma

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

MTV




My character looks down from the heavens because he died and is now stuck in heavenhell, which is a combination of heaven and hell for demon angel hybrids, my guy is really cool and has sunglasses and a trench coat and a goatee. He's got twin blades made out of ebony and ivory and his name is Gabriel the Lucifer, he looks down at the adventures of all the great heroes and says "Man that stuffs gay, I don't do that corny crap." he then turns back around and starts sorting his carved dragons holding crystall balls collection.

- memorized all the most advanced martial arts techniques and blade techniques
- doesn't care about anything, gets pissed off real easy, but it doesn't matter
- can fly and shoot lazers from his eyes, his goatee turns into a flaming goatee when he shoots lazers

Lil Swamp Booger Baby fucked around with this message at 06:05 on Oct 4, 2020

Stoner Sloth
Apr 2, 2019



>>Sam follows suit and introduces themself. Turning awkwardly towards their employer and the others, Sam suggests "We should take plenty of water too, and maybe that mule if we can - good to have at least some additional storage plus if things turn bad mules can be eaten. Good deal of rope is always handy and other basics. Weapons and armor as needed for the rest of the group if you're supplying them."

>>Looking over to redm, the speaking storage space solution comments "That sounds like a good enough plan to me." seemingly amenable to other suggestions though clearly siding with the simplest plan for now, what could possibly go wrong with that?

Stoner Sloth fucked around with this message at 06:05 on Oct 4, 2020

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

redm posted:

my character looks down as if to check his watch, staring blankly at his naked wrist

"crossbow it is then."

he introduces himself to the barrel man, dragon lady and talking strongbox before suggesting taking the standard route down the desert road to Xoma

Yeah here's some bolts too


Stoner Sloth posted:

>>Sam follows suit and introduces themself. Turning awkwardly towards their employer and the others, Sam suggests "We should take plenty of water too, and maybe that mule if we can - good to have at least some additional storage plus if things turn bad mules can be eaten. Good deal of rope is always handy and other basics. Weapons and armor as needed for the rest of the group if you're supplying them."

>>Looking over to redm, the speaking storage space solution comments "That sounds like a good enough plan to me." seemingly amenable to other suggestions though clearly siding with the simplest plan for now, what could possibly go wrong with that?

Yeah nah the papers say everybody gotta ask for what they want here's extra water and rope & here's a mule.

The mule looks kinda bored.


Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

My character looks down from the heavens because he died and is now stuck in heavenhell, which is a combination of heaven and hell for demon angel hybrids, my guy is really cool and has sunglasses and a trench coat and a goatee. He's got twin blades made out of ebony and ivory and his name is Gabriel the Lucifer, he looks down at the adventures of all the great heroes and says "Man that stuffs gay, I don't do that corny crap." he then turns back around and starts sorting his carved dragons holding crystall balls collection.

- memorized all the most advanced martial arts techniques and blade techniques
- doesn't care about anything, gets pissed off real easy, but it doesn't matter
- can fly and shoot lazers from his eyes, his goatee turns into a flaming goatee when he shoots lazers

Woah Woah Woah I'm trying to run a supply desk over here, your aloof attitude and tragical past is intimidating the apprentices, man! Keep it professional, please. You want some gear or what?

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009






>> Rozalin begins shoving everything into the trunk, nodding along with the geographical instructions, "uh huh, uh huh, follow the road, will do."

>> She slams the lid on the Sambox, sits down on top of it, and begins filing her nails with one of her many many knives. "ready whenever, i guess."

Stoner Sloth
Apr 2, 2019



>>Sam doesn't seem to much mind being used as a chair, thems the breaks of appearing as an inanimate object most of your life. The mimic does sprout a secondary mouth on a rapidly extended pseudopod to add "Hmm... now that I think about it... could we also get a cheap compass, some distance and bearings to write on a crude map, a spear or at least a wooden pole, a tower shield and hmmm... a pair of troll sized brass knuckles?" figuring we might as well be as prepared as possible.

>>After waiting to see what if any of that can be accomadated by our employers the mimic reabsorbs the talking tendril and then hoists itself, and Roz, up onto a quartet of newly formed, appropriately sized camel like legs, ready to head off once the rest of the group is ready to go.


(if shield is available Sam will bond to it and use it as a sort of lid for the box, if brass knuckles are available they'll be absorbed into the side of the chest so they appear like slightly personalized handles, everything else goes into storage)

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Official Forums Path of Exile Expert


wrong OP, halflings are clearly shorter

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

Stoner Sloth posted:

>>Sam doesn't seem to much mind being used as a chair, thems the breaks of appearing as an inanimate object most of your life. The mimic does sprout a secondary mouth on a rapidly extended pseudopod to add "Hmm... now that I think about it... could we also get a cheap compass, some distance and bearings to write on a crude map, a spear or at least a wooden pole, a tower shield and hmmm... a pair of troll sized brass knuckles?" figuring we might as well be as prepared as possible.

>>After waiting to see what if any of that can be accomadated by our employers the mimic reabsorbs the talking tendril and then hoists itself, and Roz, up onto a quartet of newly formed, appropriately sized camel like legs, ready to head off once the rest of the group is ready to go.


(if shield is available Sam will bond to it and use it as a sort of lid for the box, if brass knuckles are available they'll be absorbed into the side of the chest so they appear like slightly personalized handles, everything else goes into storage)

"Paperwork says 'grade d better than trash supplies only.' Compass don't grow on trees you gotta buy your own. You already got the notebook"

The clerk hands over a wooden pole and a wood shield but no knuckles.


Rutibex posted:

wrong OP, halflings are clearly shorter


Yeah, chicks. Dudes is shorter.

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones

my character observes the new traveler and tries to inform him that his beard is on fire while sketching out a fast rendition of the presented map on page one of his notebook

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts rock, chummer.



I'm playing an incredibly hot cat girl with big ol' titties and a katana who also casts spells. Her skills are related to pole dancing(twerking), twerking(twerking) and fighting(twerking.) She looks like this.

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009






>> Rozalin pockets her claw-sharpening knife, readjusts her tail, and pulls out a fat cigar, which she clamps between her razor sharp teeth unlit. The Frigg Clean Indoor Act they recently passed forbids smoking indoors, and she's already been fined too many times to count - so there she sits, atop a weird sapient mimicbox walking ungainly through the office, the peak of smoldering serenity.

>> "Hurry up team, and maybe you'll live long enough for me to remember your names." She tries to keep her voice cool but impatience boils beneath the surface. The air around her is like an oven, but atleast it's a dry heat.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Dinosaur Gum

I...

Drink, of course.

Khanstant
Apr 5, 2007



Rutibex posted:

wrong OP, halflings are clearly shorter


gonna call BS on this. the only time elves are shorter than humans is when they live in trees and make chocolate or when you call those poor slaves Santa reigns over "elves"

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

Mr.Pibbleton posted:

I'm playing an incredibly hot cat girl with big ol' titties and a katana who also casts spells. Her skills are related to pole dancing(twerking), twerking(twerking) and fighting(twerking.) She looks like this.



"I'm sure you'll fit right in."


Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

I...

Drink, of course.

rolling drunk fu... 16
you become more drunker

unless you guys have any last minute supplies you head to the guild of tinkerers where the'res a bunch of people running around with gears and stuff like that. You explain what the deal is and they dump a bigass crate covered in chains and like 15 locks. It weighs a gently caress ton and is weirdly shaped.



"Right, that's it, just take this and drop it off with the bosses over in xoma"


Khanstant posted:

gonna call BS on this. the only time elves are shorter than humans is when they live in trees and make chocolate or when you call those poor slaves Santa reigns over "elves"

yeah, plus i'm pretty sure most orcs have faces with noses instead of holes in their head

SniperWoreConverse fucked around with this message at 17:29 on Oct 4, 2020

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

http 418



Khanstant posted:

gonna call BS on this. the only time elves are shorter than humans is when they live in trees and make chocolate or when you call those poor slaves Santa reigns over "elves"

Might wanna crack open your phb. An elf is tall as poo poo at 5'10

Khanstant
Apr 5, 2007



RFC2324 posted:

Might wanna crack open your phb. An elf is tall as poo poo at 5'10

I have a bidet so I don't need to wipe with that anymore. Elves are taller than humans on average.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

can confirm, elves are usually taller

clockwork chaos
Sep 15, 2009






SniperWoreConverse posted:



"Right, that's it, just take this and drop it off with the bosses over in xoma"

>> Rozalin lights her cigar after clambering off the mimic, taking a long drag off her rank cigar and puffing out a noxious cloud as she begins looking over the cargobox with a series of hrmms and mhmms that she thinks would fool somebody.

>> Her anxiety fades as she mellows out more and more with each drawn breath. Her last couple of Zlatas, safely bundled in her breast pocket, will hafta last her the whole mission unless they find somewhere to buy more. She gives the team plenty of time to set up the mule and the cargo, after all - why shouldn't she? She's on someone else's dime now. She's content to blow sweet smoke rings until someone else does the work.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Dinosaur Gum

I flirt with the locked box.

redm
Feb 20, 2016




Sugartime Jones

my character lights a pre-rolled cigarette and makes comment to Sam of their hot and girthy amount of internal storage space

"you hold a lot of poo poo, my dude. how does that work again?"

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010







Gun Saliva

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

I flirt with the locked box.

rolling smexuality... 10

the lusty crate is playing hard to get... but maybe?

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Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Dinosaur Gum

I double my efforts (and of course, double my drinking)

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