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Lent my flip phone to my cousin to call home and he used up all my minutes calling his girlfriend. I wanted to get a book on Wicca but the Library doesn't have it and the dude at the independent book store skeeves me out. You rented "Happy Gilmore" from Family Video for your birthday sleepover but you opened it up at it was "Indecent Proposal" You used your TalkBoy(tm) to record armpit fart noises over your older sisters copy of "The Downward Spiral" and now she's coming at you with a spiked heel. Dad promised he'd take you to see Barry Sanders and The Lions play on Sunday but you got sent home on Friday for making prank calls from the school pay phones.
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Oct 8, 2020 13:03
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Getting molested by Michael Jackson.
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Oct 8, 2020 13:08
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a brontosaurus stepped on me
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Oct 8, 2020 13:08
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Dick stuck in loom
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Oct 8, 2020 13:10
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Icochet posted:Dick stuck in loom gently caress the code. Being lost or unable to find a simple address. We had a dude coming to pick up a table and he was like 'I don't have navigation' and it was like hearing someone's house didn't have power or indoor plumbing or something.
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Oct 8, 2020 13:55
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Cant print mapquest directions because the printer is out of ink
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Oct 8, 2020 14:14
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Having an outlook that's positive because there's hope
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Oct 8, 2020 14:19
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Herman Cain.
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Oct 8, 2020 14:20
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Can't get a phrenologist's appointment less than six months out.
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Oct 8, 2020 14:26
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gleebster posted:Can't get a phrenologist's appointment less than six months out. Socialized medicine!! 
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Oct 8, 2020 14:28
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getting drowned in a river for being a witch
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Oct 8, 2020 14:35
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Getting food poisoning after eating an Hispaniolan edible rat.
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Oct 8, 2020 14:42
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Have to put the phone down while you look for pen and paper because the cord isn't long enough
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Oct 8, 2020 14:44
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falling off your penny farthing bicycle onto a fence post and the fence post goes up your rear end and your rear end is all torn up and your sphincter doesnt work anymore and your poo just falls out whenever like a horse
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Oct 8, 2020 14:47
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Missing the penultimate episode of a serialized drama and knowing full well that it will never, ever, ever be aired again
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Oct 8, 2020 14:51
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Having to fight for your right to party. RIP The Beastie Boys.
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Oct 8, 2020 14:53
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worrying that jeffrey epstein will reveal your role in an international pedophilia ring
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Oct 8, 2020 14:58
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How many rods in a chain
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Oct 8, 2020 15:00
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Nefarious 2.0 posted:falling off your penny farthing bicycle onto a fence post and the fence post goes up your rear end and your rear end is all torn up and your sphincter doesnt work anymore and your poo just falls out whenever like a horse I saw a guy on a Penny Farthing just last week on my way back from the pub and I was so amused that I actually remembered the name of it I just pointed and shouted "PENNY FARTHING!!". The rider just dryly said "Yes." and rode away like a fancy man.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:02
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shame on an IGA posted:Missing the penultimate episode of a serialized drama and knowing full well that it will never, ever, ever be aired again At least you can still catch the finale?
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Oct 8, 2020 15:03
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There's nothing to watch on TV except Three's Company
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Oct 8, 2020 15:05
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Schweinhund posted:There's nothing to watch on TV except Three's Company This thread is about problems nobody has anymore.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:08
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wondering if hell exists (it does, this is it)
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Oct 8, 2020 15:10
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Mom threw out the Friday newspaper page that listed movie times  I did not see any of my friends' cars at Denny's or Steak 'n' Shake so I have no idea where they are I already own all the PC games they have at Electronics Boutique
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Oct 8, 2020 15:15
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I was out so I missed the frantic pay phone call from my brother and now he's been murdered by Jeffry Dahmer
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Oct 8, 2020 15:17
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70s bush.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:18
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Oh gently caress Headbanger's Ball is almost on but I can't find the VHS copy of All Dogs Go To Heaven that I put a little piece of tape over the hole all I could record Prong's new video
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Oct 8, 2020 15:20
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The_Continental posted:I saw a guy on a Penny Farthing just last week on my way back from the pub and I was so amused that I actually remembered the name of it I just pointed and shouted "PENNY FARTHING!!". you have been blessed by the cad about town. type "a tuppence for your wainscoting" and you will have good luck and fertility for the coming fiscal quarter
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Oct 8, 2020 15:29
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Mayan calendar.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:42
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Is menstruation still a thing?
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Oct 8, 2020 15:50
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can feel my brain evolving in a way that gives rise to consciousness and self awareness.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:51
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Devils Affricate posted:Is menstruation still a thing? Is that when you pour blue liquid once a month?
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Oct 8, 2020 15:52
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The cassette tape got all hosed up and now I have to try to manually re-spool it by using a pencil to turn one of the spools (gently caress I hated tapes)
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Oct 8, 2020 15:54
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late for work and my horse is giving birth
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Oct 8, 2020 15:55
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Hell Yeah posted:late for work and my horse is giving birth Late night at the debate, Mr. Vice President?
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Oct 8, 2020 15:57
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Devils Affricate posted:Is menstruation still a thing? No, its cured now
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Oct 8, 2020 15:57
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trying to figure out the password for the zip file you got from a warez geocities page
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Oct 8, 2020 15:58
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abraham lincoln had sex with my wife.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:58
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Half the songs I downloaded play for thirty seconds and then play noise.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:59
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We had a party phone line up until about 1982. There were 5 or 6 different households sharing the same line, each household would have a different phone number and a distinct ring attached to it. The phone would ring and, if it was your ring, you'd pick it up. I sure don't miss that bullshit.
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Oct 8, 2020 15:59
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