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BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Scrambled eggs are a ruined breakfast.

Fried eggs are delicious. Omelettes are delicious. Even the egg-white omelette is a delicious diet-conscientious classic. Churn those leftover yolks into a frozen custard to share with a friend on your next cheat-day! These egg recipes are all dirt simple, you can learn any of them in an afternoon.

Or, at the very last minute, you can gently caress it all up. You can undo all of nature's careful work and chemistry keeping egg white and egg yolk separate, forgo all the great and delicious and versatile recipes at your disposal, and smash your breakfast up in a pan like a two-year-old "helping" Mommy cook. What would have been, if you'd just left it alone, a lovely crisp breakfast with a creamy yellow center, is now one large uniform sponge-scab of Easter yellow foam, destined to drown in ketchup or hot-sauce just to make it remotely edible. What could have been one of literally millions of types of omelette is instead a blank sheet, served as-is to your unfortunate and disappointed guest. There it is, the least of breakfasts. The greasy spoon's greatest failure. Scrambled god-drat eggs.

A blubbery sheet of insulation, flopped onto your plate with the unmistakable slap of ennui- it even sighs at itself as you poke it, as unsure as you are if this bloated mess before you is food or if the kitchen accidentally served you a pot-holder. Scrambled eggs, the "nothing omelette", worse than what it was or what it could be, a thoroughly ruined breakfast. I try to keep an open mind but, unless you're serving to someone whose jaw is wired shut, or maybe an endangered baby condor you're training to eat via puppet in a lab, there's no reason to mash your nice, already-edible dish of food together into a uniform blob before you eat it. Imagine this approach applied to other lovely, already-perfectly-edible meals. Peanut butter sandwich, yum yum. Let's mash it up into doughy goo in a plastic bag first, clearly now it's better. Chicken and rice? Now it's rice-gruel in processed chicken slurry, mm mm. Fish sticks! Nossir, gritty chum fresh from the blender. How delicious. Leave that process to the privacy of inside your own skull, please.

Even people with all-liquid diets don't pour them into bowls and sit there at the table, eating Soylent with a spoon like it's soup. They chug that stuff in their car between jobs/panic attacks; no Styrofoam shell, school-cafeteria plastic fork or steady table surface are needed. Scrambled eggs are not yummy, quick or convenient compared to the regular fried eggs you ruined to get them. They could have been an omelette with the addition of even one ingredient, but no, they're just ruined eggs. And I defy anyone to defend them!

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Prof. Crocodile



scrambled eggs are a classic tweener. they sit at the midpoint of "tasty" "easy to make", "easy to eat", "easy to clean up", and "hot saucable."


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

Iron Chef Ramen

Only the very best.


there's a difference between properly scrambled eggs and a chopped up omelet

you gotta be gentle and use lots of butter

Ass-penny



Strong egg opinions ITT.

Prof. Crocodile posted:

scrambled eggs are a classic tweener. they sit at the midpoint of "tasty" "easy to make", "easy to eat", "easy to clean up", and "hot saucable."

This is a Venn diagram I would love to see.

owlhawk911


lmao



sig by my fave teacher, Prof. Crocodile. seasons greeting from that blaise rascal

google THIS



But what if you add leftover pizza to them op

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






sounds like someone scrambled yer eggs

https://giant.gfycat.com/DownrightTediousDinosaur.webm
vanisher/nut collab fall 2020 gratefulness edition

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!


google THIS posted:

But what if you add leftover pizza to them op

Then it's a pizza omelette. Delicious, totally viable.

It's plain scrambled eggs I find to be so unbearably miserable as to whine for paragraphs about them. Just what I felt like writing this morning, haha.


Sig by Heather Papps

owlhawk911


BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Even people with all-liquid diets don't pour them into bowls and sit there at the table, eating Soylent with a spoon like it's soup. They chug that stuff in their car between jobs/panic attacks; no Styrofoam shell, school-cafeteria plastic fork or steady table surface are needed.

well op, you're extremely wrong about eggs but you write good. i liked this line a lot



sig by my fave teacher, Prof. Crocodile. seasons greeting from that blaise rascal

TheAardvark


Op I would just like to say that you are wrong. Thanks.

JhatDontMessOk


eggs are so nice. so what if obortion is bad.. guess what. scrambled eggs are nice. cooked eggs are tastey

Iron Chef Ramen

Only the very best.


mr. frankenstein it harms my soul to see a dish that i love so dearly being maligned in such a way

i think you've only ever had scrambled eggs that were overcooked into the "chopped omelet" form i alluded to

start in a cold pan, add your whipped eggs and a pat of butter

turn your pan on to medium

stir

stir

stir

stir

stir

eventually the butter will melt

stir

stir

stir

when you feel the eggs start to coagulate, turn the heat off

continue stirring

you will be left with velvety soft eggs, delicious and moist

salt and pepper to taste

Manifisto





yesterday morning I made scrambled eggs with fresh basil, parmesan cheese, a touch of milk, salt, freshly ground pepper, and worcestershire sauce (magical condiment), with a slice of buttered whole wheat toast and fresh berries. the eggs were cooked until just glistening, solidified, and wobbly, no runniness or dry sad clumps. the flavors were integrated throughout each bite, not sprinkled on top, which can be a failing of fried or poached eggs (both of which I like). the whole thing came together in one minute tops.

that is the opposite of ruined my friend, these eggs were a delight.




amazing sigs courtesy of cda, vanisher, and luvcow

Iron Chef Ramen

Only the very best.


Manifisto posted:

yesterday morning I made scrambled eggs with fresh basil, parmesan cheese, a touch of milk, salt, freshly ground pepper, and worcestershire sauce (magical condiment), with a slice of buttered whole wheat toast and fresh berries. the eggs were cooked until just glistening, solidified, and wobbly, no runniness or dry sad clumps. the flavors were integrated throughout each bite, not sprinkled on top, which can be a failing of fried or poached eggs (both of which I like). the whole thing came together in one minute tops.

that is the opposite of ruined my friend, these eggs were a delight.

greetings fellow egg bro

Manifisto





Iron Chef Ramen posted:

greetings fellow egg bro

and to you!

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Scrambled eggs are bad and gross and a bad gross breakfast.

I am sorry some people have never had good breakfasts and are therefore content to gnaw on the mattress foam. But short of some kind of international better breakfasts initiative, I don't know what could undo this terrible injustice.


Sig by Heather Papps

Manifisto





BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Scrambled eggs are bad and gross and a bad gross breakfast.

I am sorry some people have never had good breakfasts and are therefore content to gnaw on the mattress foam. But short of some kind of international better breakfasts initiative, I don't know what could undo this terrible injustice.

someone is in the pocket of big omelette

sad, you hate to see it

Manifisto





[puts on moustache] yes!! also this libel against mattress foam is hateful. the intolerant left strikes again.

TheAardvark


the worst part about scrambled eggs? They're just tooo darned tasty.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




Scrambled rear end!

owlhawk911


imagine having this much hate for a simple, pure breakfast food



sig by my fave teacher, Prof. Crocodile. seasons greeting from that blaise rascal

Ass-penny



GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Scrambled rear end!

Dreadite



an important question is who's fryin eggs successfully on a stainless steel skillet like a pro

gotta get that crisp on the bottom

Manifisto





Dreadite posted:

an important question is who's fryin eggs successfully on a stainless steel skillet like a pro

gotta get that crisp on the bottom

what I gotta do is make a "parmelet"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M1RB2wDVLA

Prof. Crocodile



GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Scrambled rear end!

derpies? is that you?


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

more falafel please

forums poster




i'd like to get to a point in my life where I just don't have a lot of opinions about eggs



sig by prof. crocodile!

Chewbecca

Just thrillin' : )


I like scrambled eggs, but only when they're silky and not dry. Hth, op





sigs by Professor Crocodile, luvcow and Khanstant.
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Diorama

i remember when all this was fields

scrambled eggs is too wide an umbrella to make any definite statements about

Itís like saying American accents are too nasal

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!


I'm receptive to fine-tuning the definition. If there's a specific category of scrambled eggs we can all agree must be banished from this world, my oath would be satisfied.


Sig by Heather Papps

Manifisto





BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I'm receptive to fine-tuning the definition. If there's a specific category of scrambled eggs we can all agree must be banished from this world, my oath would be satisfied.

cafeteria scrambled eggs must die




amazing sigs courtesy of cda, vanisher, and luvcow

Prof. Crocodile



BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I'm receptive to fine-tuning the definition. If there's a specific category of scrambled eggs we can all agree must be banished from this world, my oath would be satisfied.

any institutional scrambled eggs--cafeteria, hotel buffet, maximum-security prison, etc. they're always a weird off-yellow color not normally found in eggs, they are somehow rubbery and runny at the same time, and they have a very unpleasant taste that is very unfoodlike.


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

Manifisto





"institutional" is a good word

Jinh




I tried this a few months back! real parm block and all. It came out looking exactly how his is pictured

I really didn't like it which is really weird because it's two great tastes that should taste great together

Prof. Crocodile



Jinh posted:

I tried this a few months back! real parm block and all. It came out looking exactly how his is pictured

I really didn't like it which is really weird because it's two great tastes that should taste great together

i had this same experience with buttermilk when i was younger. "well," i said to myself, "i like butter and i like milk, so this should work out famously." but i was wrong. maybe buttermilk in scrambled eggs instead of parm? like two wrongs making a right in the morally ambiguous world of eggs?


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

Manifisto





Jinh posted:

I tried this a few months back! real parm block and all. It came out looking exactly how his is pictured

I really didn't like it which is really weird because it's two great tastes that should taste great together

oh, sorry to hear it, but thanks for the trip report




amazing sigs courtesy of cda, vanisher, and luvcow

BoldFrankensteinMir

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Another scrambled egg failure story


Sig by Heather Papps

Bo-Pepper

Want some rye?
Course ya do!



i made and ate this not long ago it was delicious also on the plate is fried leftover polenta with a little bit of truffle oil

Jinh



BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Another scrambled egg failure story

Don't go blaming it on the innocent scrambled eggs, those got salvaged from the weird parm shell and enjoyed

Manifisto





Jinh posted:

Don't go blaming it on the innocent scrambled eggs, those got salvaged from the weird parm shell and enjoyed

I have made parmesan crisps before, which is basically just sprinkling mounds of shaved parm onto a baking sheet and broiling until they are fused together and sort of cracker/cookielike, I am sure the shell is sorta like that

maybe it doesn't go with eggs, but I like the parm crisps

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sk

(ヤイケス!)



I agree op, though sometimes if I ruin a fried egg I'll just mash it all up. I don't know if that's better or worse

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