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GoodyTwoShoes
Oct 26, 2013


I have been asked to post this in multiple subforums, so here's this one.
------------------------------
I HAVE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF COVID-FARTS and I wish to publicize it so others can enjoy fartless COVID-19!!!!

Short version: It induces temporary lactose-intolerance, which results in flatulence/diarrhea/cramps/bloating.

Treatment: Switch to lactose-free milk while sick with COVID-19. You can go back to real milk once you are well.


Long version, so you can skip this if you don't care: I'm on my second round of COVID-19. First round, in April, lasted 25 days, and I had covid-farts for about 20 of it. This round started Sept 29, so I'm on Day 20. The very good friend who does my grocery shopping when I'm sick was talking about going on a trip, so I asked for Fairlife milk instead of real milk, cuz its use-by date is farther away, plus it's high protein so if I got too sick to cook, I could just have a big glass of milk-based beverage to wash down my zillion pills I take every day, and call it supper. Also, their chocolate milk isn't too bad for no-sugar-added and has the same amount of sugar as non-choco, real milk.

Fairlife is also lactose-free. Instead of huge amounts of loud, stinky farts, I had one or two medium-loud, moderately-stinky farts per day. Then, this Friday, I switched back to real milk, and several hours later developed full covid-farts! TA-DA!!!! Somehow, covid-19 induces thank-god-it's-temporary lactose intolerance.

Now, I just have to convince a few doctors and scientitians to recommend this approach to enough covid-fart sufferers to turn it into a real study, and my Nobel Prize For Medicine is in the bag!

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Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







Have you tried not getting COVID all the time OP?

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





are you sure it wasn't BOVID?

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



milk is for babies

when you grow up you have to drink beer

RepeatingMeme
Dec 27, 2012

The lights are on
but nobody's home





Pawn 17 posted:

Have you tried not getting COVID all the time OP?

The ONE TRICK doctors hate!!!

Fucked-Up Little Dog
Aug 26, 2008

Posting live from the nightmare future of Web 3.0



Scratchmo

GoodyTwoShoes posted:

I have been asked to post this in multiple subforums,
Most of us ignore the voices, I highly recommend it

Mega64
May 23, 2008





Just wear a mask on your rear end and then you can drink all the milk you want!

zaepg
Dec 25, 2008



Also avoid heavy drinking and drugs when posting on the forums. It lowers your immune system and makes you suspectable to disease and stupidity.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


I'm not convinced, OP. You should bottle and date/timestamp each fart for analysis. Your doctor will appreciate this

Evil Bob
May 2, 2004

've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be believed.


A simpler solution is to just think about how fuckin gross milk is and stop consuming it

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

zaepg
Dec 25, 2008




Finally, a good post.

I Love You!
Dec 6, 2002


Mega64 posted:

Just wear a mask on your rear end and then you can drink all the milk you want!

zaepg
Dec 25, 2008




Anti rear end Maskers are now a real threat.

bossy lady
Jul 5, 2006



Have you maybe thought that the farting is an evolutionary response to keep other people away from you so you don't spread COVID?

Chrs
Sep 21, 2015



Maybe you should get better at social distancing OP

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



GoodyTwoShoes posted:

I have been asked to post this in multiple subforums, so here's this one.
------------------------------
I HAVE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF COVID-FARTS and I wish to publicize it so others can enjoy fartless COVID-19!!!!

Short version: It induces temporary lactose-intolerance, which results in flatulence/diarrhea/cramps/bloating.

Treatment: Switch to lactose-free milk while sick with COVID-19. You can go back to real milk once you are well.


Long version, so you can skip this if you don't care: I'm on my second round of COVID-19. First round, in April, lasted 25 days, and I had covid-farts for about 20 of it. This round started Sept 29, so I'm on Day 20. The very good friend who does my grocery shopping when I'm sick was talking about going on a trip, so I asked for Fairlife milk instead of real milk, cuz its use-by date is farther away, plus it's high protein so if I got too sick to cook, I could just have a big glass of milk-based beverage to wash down my zillion pills I take every day, and call it supper. Also, their chocolate milk isn't too bad for no-sugar-added and has the same amount of sugar as non-choco, real milk.

Fairlife is also lactose-free. Instead of huge amounts of loud, stinky farts, I had one or two medium-loud, moderately-stinky farts per day. Then, this Friday, I switched back to real milk, and several hours later developed full covid-farts! TA-DA!!!! Somehow, covid-19 induces thank-god-it's-temporary lactose intolerance.

Now, I just have to convince a few doctors and scientitians to recommend this approach to enough covid-fart sufferers to turn it into a real study, and my Nobel Prize For Medicine is in the bag!
OP
Have you given this information to the C-SPAM mod twoday?

Completely seriously this could be the missing piece that will enable them to cure coronavirus

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007



What do you do for a living to get covid twice

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:

What do you do for a living to get covid twice

dick sucking factories have been hit hard by this pandemic my guy. have some sympathy

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007



Chinatown posted:

dick sucking factories have been hit hard by this pandemic my guy. have some sympathy

The factory i work at lets me use this 6 foot rubber hose. I got another thats about 3 miles long that i use to work from home.

GoodyTwoShoes
Oct 26, 2013


ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:

What do you do for a living to get covid twice

Stay-at-home cripple with hosed-up immune system, only go out to grocery shop once a week. You know, all the high-risk stuff.

GoodyTwoShoes
Oct 26, 2013


Pawn 17 posted:

Have you tried not getting COVID all the time OP?

Yes. I failed.

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GoodyTwoShoes
Oct 26, 2013


DeadFatDuckFat posted:

I'm not convinced, OP. You should bottle and date/timestamp each fart for analysis. Your doctor will appreciate this

Given that she almost laughed herself off her chair when I told her about the covid-farts last spring . . . she just might.

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