Evil Bob posted:

I walk into the singles pizza making class and all eyes are on me. My body is sculpted as if from clay. I've been working out and everyone can tell. The women want me, the men want to be me. The teacher is a woman about the same age as me and she cant keep her eyes off of me. First we make the dough, combining the flour, sugar, yeast and kosher salt into a mixer and combine it. Each move I make is as graceful as a swan, as powerful as a lion. The alpha male is here and it is me. As I add water to the mixer I can feel eyes on me from all angles. Soon enough I have a perfect consistency dough and I pull it from the mixer and throw it down onto the lightly floured counter top with a loud "SLAP!" In unison every woman in the class jumps and has to catch her breath.

At this point productivity in the class room has come to a standstill except for myself and the teacher. We lock eyes as our dough flies through the air, tossing in unison. Next we roll the dough out my muscled arms rippling with each stroke of the rolling pin. Once we've rolled the dough its time to add the sauce and toppings. I spread a thin layer of tomato sauce on my pizza, next we need to grate the cheese.

"For this next step I would like a volunteer to help." The teacher breathes, upper lip twitching.

Every man in the classroom raises his hand, but they never had a chance. "Evil bob, will you come up and help me grate the cheese?"

I walk to the front of the classroom, all eyes are on me. The teacher moves to hand me a cheese grater, but I stop her. I lift my shirt and without a second thought she leaps at me and begins grating the cheese on my cheesegrater abs.