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Sep 12, 2008

This OP uses descriptions and stuff by someone awful's OP from 2014 and zakharov's OP from 2016, only slightly updated for stuff i've noticed is different.

always be pyramiddin'

TLDR: This is an awesomely chaotic game that's surprisingly deep. Come play a game, accept that poo poo won't make sense at first, ignore the lame jokes, and get to murdering.

Board Game Online! It's like a board game, but online! Also, there's not really a board. Roll dice, murder your fellow goons, and catch STDs -- but in a game this time.

Play it here:

BGO's easy to play. Every turn you roll the dice and go through a random event, ranging from trivia questions to exploring a cursed pyramid -- and the outcome might affect you, your opponents, or everyone in the game! There are also classes, abilities and tons of items, all of which can be used in events or during other players' turns to gently caress people over in your pursuit of the finish line. It's like Sorry! crossed with Munchkin or something, and looks kind of chaotic until you get the hang of it. Just jump in and click things and kill yourself a lot, that's all I do and I actually sort of know what I'm doing. The first person to the finish line wins.

A lot of this game's "humor" relies on ancient memes and dumb sex jokes, but if you can get over the fact someone apparently still thinks Rickrolling is funny in TYOOL 201620(!), there's a pretty fun game underneath with more depth than you'd expect from a silly HTML5 web game. (Accordingly, the pubbies in this game are really, really horrible. Thankfully you can make private games and never have to acknowledge them.)

... oh yeah, and there's a jukebox, featuring thousands of songs (real songs! ...and also awful brony anime songs.), pulled from YouTube, to choose from. Every new turn after the song ends, someone gets to choose a random song to play. Don't ever expect to hear good music on this. It's there, but we probably won't pick it because we hate each other and ourselves. Picking awful music is half the fun!

So how do I play this stupid crap?

Well, first, you should probably register an account on the site. You don't have to, but it takes like 30 seconds and some goons are assholes and kick guests (why? I don't know).

Every turn, you roll two dice (usually). Sometimes you'll get a roll streak, which is mostly random chance. Then an event of some sort happens, you do poo poo in the event, and then your turn ends. Repeat ad nauseam. Events can be all sorts of things -- visiting a shop to buy items, exploring dark caves or overgrown jungles are some options, or you might just fart and head back a couple spaces from embarrassment. There are tons of events and you never know what you're gonna get. Sometimes you might use items to queue up a specific event for your next turn: a Wildcard: Shops, for example, will send you to a specific shop of your choice when you use it, or a Gun will let you choose to take a shot at somebody. But generally that's how gameplay flows.

There are approximately 90 million items obtainable, and most have multiple uses; read the tooltips carefully for a description of each one. There's also a rudimentary crafting system, where some items can combine -- either to create different, more powerful items, or with things like Magic Wands and Crystals, to charge them with a semi-random spell. That's a hell of a lot to swallow so don't really worry about it. Some items can be used during events; this used to be mysterious, but now, if an item is usable it will generally pop up in-panel as an option. (Also you can use Hypno Glasses to immediately take control of a player's next action; you must use them during the exact screen you want to control, and then make the choice for them as if it were your own turn. Just doing a callout about them here since newbies tend to get confused.)

You'll get the chance to choose one or more classes. Each class has certain special powers. I could describe them for you, but it's all on the BGO site and this post is too long anyway. Just try stuff and you'll get the hang of it.

On occasion, you will die. That's okay! Everybody does sometimes, it's just how BGO works. Death lasts for 3 turns, generally, during which time you can't do anything and it's super boring and lame. But then you'll get back up and be alive again, ready to roll dice and do dumb poo poo some more (or get immediately re-killed, either/or). Ethereal Gloves will let you use items while dead, so keep an eye out for those; there are a few other items that you can use while dead, too. Occasionally while dead you may Reincarnate as an animal; this is moderately less boring as you can roll one die, but you are vulnerable to getting murdered again and cannot use items. Try and make choices appropriate for whatever you reincarnated as to earn Karma; at 4 Karma, you'll reincarnate again and be alive as normal. There's also the secret super rare Flying Spaghetti Monster afterlife, where you can roll like normal and party hard with the FSM.

The game ends when somebody crosses the finish line (in Classic Mode) or when the set number of rounds ends (in Sprint Mode). It's really variable how long any game will last: with only 4 players a 300-space game might take a half hour, or with a full 16 a 150-space game might take over an hour and a half. Of course, someone also might just get the Pharaoh's Treasure out of the Pyramid and win the game instantly on the second turn. It's really hard to say. So don't ragequit just because you've fallen behind early, or have spent the last ten rounds dead! It's not only lame as gently caress but there's an absurdly high potential for comebacks, due to the massively random nature of the game.

How to make a game

We strongly recommend you use the following settings for maximum fun:
Timer: 25 seconds
Classes: either 3 classes or all classes
Reinforcements: 1st round
Disarm: up to you, 1-2 rounds nukes some of the early game chaos
Wild Card: every 10 rounds
Instant Classes
Expert Mode
Early Reinforcements

If you leave the game public, expect terrible pubbies to join! You may or may not care about this!

150 spaces is a quick game. 200ish is average. Anything over 300 is pretty drat long. Some crazy people have been known to do 10,000 space games which take around 8 hours. I personally find long games to be boring because they always devolve into one person getting massive +speed and getting out of range of any possible items of other players, then everyone else can only win by making breakfast or getting to the end of the pyramid.

If you're a donator to the site, additional options are available involving using more classes, and you can add extra themed events to the game involving holidays that aren't currently active and jokes like Weed Day or some Hunger Games thing.

Once you have your game link, post it here along with the number of spaces. When your game ends, cross out your post with [s] tags so people know it's started. Feel free to use this thread for highlights and stuff.

Good luck, have fun, expect to win, and don't be afraid!

Jinh fucked around with this message at 01:48 on Oct 22, 2020


Sep 12, 2008

I'll go first! 150 spaces

Jinh fucked around with this message at 00:07 on Oct 22, 2020

Sep 12, 2008

and another! 150 spaces, 5 players Filled again!

Jinh fucked around with this message at 01:26 on Oct 22, 2020

Feb 23, 2013

i won the first game be being a terrible succubus+warlock, setting everyone on fire and spreading curses, then cramming my face with food for the win. this game is silly, people should check it out

Sep 12, 2008 150 spaces

Jinh fucked around with this message at 00:42 on Oct 23, 2020

Sep 12, 2008 200 spaces. wild mode on filled!

Jinh fucked around with this message at 01:05 on Oct 23, 2020


Jul 13, 2006

Wrong about everything XIV related

I haven't played BGO in years. I need to hop back on it again.

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