- Leng
- May 13, 2006
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One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind
No other road
No other way
No day but today
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I read this last week and I think this part really sums up my experience after reading it:
like he destroys his life: so what? what happens next is quite a bit more interesting than what happens, if you see what i mean.
in terms of what to change, i don't think you need as much explanation of your world, it's near enough to ours that you can just have the characters refer to it in passing and i promise you we'll get it.
Once you get into the scene with Tash, the exchange with Scott feels even more redundant. Tash is way more important to the narrative than Scott so I wanted a little more investment of time in Paul's relationship with her than what we got.
This was what Paul wanted.
...
The city boy sat on that tree and watched the woods. When the sun seemed to have moved on a bit, he stood up and zipped his backpack. Face burning, stomach cold and twisted, he set back down toward the tree line.
...
In the back of his mind he thought again of what had occurred to him in the woods. Perhaps there was a way to make it work for him, to make life work for him, and to keep away all those things of the city that made his stomach turn and his heart feel heavy and sour. It would be done the way he and the millions of creatures like him had adapted to do, navigate it the way he knew best.
...
The familiar engagement strategy, though he revolted against it, still worked in its own way. He was warm, he felt loved, and Paul smiled.
The reason it feels unsatisfying to me is that I've just gone along with Paul for this journey–including feeling complete revulsion at the thought of having ads in my brain while I'm sleeping that I can't install ad blockers for–and he takes it all back without even trying to live in the wilderness.
He actually goes further than taking it all back - in the beginning of your story, he's an unwilling participant. He does what hyping he needs in order to survive but he doesn't like it. Yet he ends up embracing it after trying to destroy it yesterday and it's this complete 180 in a very short space of time that I have trouble buying as a reader.
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Oct 29, 2020 02:51
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