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CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man



Good luck spelling any of the names on this card

Nurmagomedov Gaethje Malkoun Shakirova Ankalaev Cuțelaba Oliveira Rakhmonov

But seriously here's info on the fights copied from tuesday's posts with some minor edits to update the fight order:



NOTE THAT THIS HAS AN IRREGULAR START TIME. THE MAIN CARD STARTS AT 1PM CST AND THE PRELIMS AT 9:30 CST I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF I GOT THIS WRONG FOR YOUR TIME ZONE CHECK IT YOURSELVES BY GOOGLING “UFC 254 TIME” YOU LAZY SHITS

This card gets a bit then as it goes down, but I’ll be happy to drink nice coffee and watch it and then have a whole lot of my afternoon and evening still ahead of me afterwards.

Main Card
Lightweight Championship Unification Bout Khabib Nurmagomedov vs Justin Gaethje
Where to begin? Khabib is an extremely undefeated dominant champion in before “Tibau” and like Anderson Silva before him manages to look even better in every bout. His last time out he made then interim-champ Dustin Poirier look like he had no idea how to fight when in fact Poirier is extremely good at fighting. Meanwhile in Gaethje’s last bout out he put a violent wrecking on Tony Ferguson, snapping t-ferg’s 12 fight winning streak. Before that Gaethje had a rockier run to the title, coming into the UFC with a lot of momentum as an undefeated World Series of Fighting champion, but then being knocked out by Eddie Alvarez and Poirier before getting his rhythm with a few good wins.

Khabib is an extraordinary aggressive wrestler with standing KO power

(edit: there has been some disagreement on this claim, and I'll confess that his power likely exaggerated in my memory since his standing KO of Thiago Tavares is pretty much the first Khabib highlight that comes to my mind because that's when I started following his career as a future great in the making - really Khabib wins most fights by using his wreastling to break his opponents mentally and then finishing them on the ground one way or another, most recently with very painful looking chokes and neck cranks, but the threat of his top game opens up striking opportunities for him otherwise).


Gaethje is an extremely aggressive striker with strong counter wrestling. Khabib is a solid favourite in this because he hasn’t looked vulnerable in years, but Gaethje has the tools to beat him, if he has the game plan and a bit of luck.

Comain Event Middleweight Robert Whittaker vs Jared Cannonier
Former champ Whittaker is working his way back to the top of the heap. In his last bout he took a pretty one-sided decision over Darren Till as his rebound to his KO title loss to Izzy Adesanya. Cannonier DO NOT LOOK AT HIS SOCIAL MEDIA GOD I WARNED YOU moved down to middleweight after a 2-3 run at Light Heavyweight, after a 1-1 run at Heavyweight. He totally wrecked David Branch and Anderson Silva, which, ok whatever, but then he also totally wrecked Jack Hermansson who has been on a tear otherwise.

Whittaker brings skillful but game as gently caress kickboxing with a strong wrestling game. Cannonier brings unbelieveable power and a pretty good wrestling game too. Whittaker is probably the more skilled fighter overall, but don’t sleep on Cannonier’s power – he has KOed UFC heavyweights, and Whittaker has been hittable. The X factor here is that Whittaker hasn’t been booked for a 3 rounder since 2017.

Heavyweight Alexander Volkov vs Walt Harris
A battle for relevance. Volkov is 1-2 in his last three, with losses to Blaydes and Lewis (though he was dominating the Lewis fight until 4:49 of the 3rd, when Lewis killed him) and only a win over Greg Hardy. Walt Harris is coming off of a very quite sad loss to Alistair Overeem, which was yet less sad than his public family tragedies. Before that Harris was on a good run and looking like he was close to being a title challenger.

My assessment is that this fight will depend on Harris’s mental state. He’s probably a better fighter than Volkov right now, if he can be that fighter.

Middlweight Phil Hawes vs Jacob Malkoun
What is this? Neither of these guys have Wikipedia pages. Hawes is an 8-2 former regional champ listed as a wrestler. He won a Contender Series fight in September, and appears to have been a washout on TUF 23. Malkoun is 4-0 and Australian. I can see literally no other relevant information about this fight. It’s beyond me why it’s on the main card of this tentpost event.

Goodpart posted:

I got to see Jacob Malkoun live at Eternal MMA the Friday before UFC 243 and he was so insanely, obviously better than everyone else there. I also don't really know why it's on the main card but perhaps the UFC is pretty high on him? He's Whittaker's teammate which probably factors into things.

Women’s Flyweight Lauren Murphy vs Lilya Shakirova
This was supposed to be a pivotal match between Murphy and Cynthia Calvillo but Covid got her so this is what we get. Poor poor Lauren Murphy sadly represents what a lot of people dislike about WMMA. She’s not a terribly exciting fighter, and she gets through with lots of split decisions and other luck. She even won her Invicta title off of her opponent’s knee just spontaneously combusting. I sometimes feel bad for her. She also has that characteristic that some fighters have where she never looks good, but somehow her opponents always look like total horse poo poo. I’ll give her this – she’s tough and persistent. Shakrivoa is 8-1 and from… what flag is that… Uzbekistan? She has wins in such promotions as BATTLE ON VOLGA.

Light Heavyweight Magomed Ankalaev vs Ion Cutelaba
This is a rematch of a fight where Ankalaev (a 14-1 Russian kickboxer) punched Cutelaba in the head and Cutalaba (a 15-5 Moldovan brawler) insisted that he was only faking being hurt when the ref called a standing TKO. People (and I think Dana?) blamed the ref but gently caress you Ion, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It’s my honest belief that Ion was one punch away from oblivion and that the ref saved him, and he was just being a punk to try to save face, so my prediction is going to be this fight will end with Ankalaev by 1st round T/KO – what kind of odds will anyone offer to me? I’ll risk 24h

Prelims
Heavyweight Stefan Struve vs Tai Tuivasa
Struve is 7 feet tall and he fights like a 5’10” grappler. Tuivasa is big and Aussie and drinks out of a shoe. Really, Struve should be on a two-fight win streak, but for some reason the ref just kept shrugging at him whenever Ben Rothwell kicked him in the junk. Tuivasa started his UFC run with 3 wins and a lot of charisma, but now he’s running 3 straight losses and he has looked like a stupid rear end in a top hat in two of those fights. Really, Struve should be able to handle Tuivasa quite easily and win this however he wants, but Struve has shown a great ability to squander his physical and technical advantages in new and creative ways in any fight.

Alex Oliveiera vs Shavkat Rakhmonov
Brazillian Cowboy Oliveira is actually the late replacement here, for Elizeu Dos Santos. Cowboy Olivieria is an anyone, anytime, anywhere journeyman and usually good, if not for a good fight, for some entertaining cheating. He has a section on Wikipedia called “Grenade attack on Christmas Eve 2018” and another “Incidents in May 2019.” He’s rangy, has good power, and an aggressive submission game. Rakhmonov is a Kazakh with a 12-0 record and a sweet nickname – “Nomad”. It’s “Cowboy” vs “Nomad”! That owns! Anyway he’s listed as a sambo fighter and he has a 2016 win over “The Iron Turtle” Jun Yon Park, who fought this past weekend. This fight looks interesting, actually. The UFC must think highly of Rakhmonov if they’re giving him opponents like this for his debut.

Light Heavyweight Da Un Jung vs Sam Alvey
I still remember a little bit when Alvey was worth tuning in for. At one point he was an absolute finishing machine, including a 3 fight streak of first-round KOs. Anyway now he’s on a 4 fight skid with lots of lovely awful to watch fights and split decisions. He seems to have power late in his career, but he doesn’t pull the trigger anymore on his offense. Da Un Jung is a 13-2 Korean who is 2-0 in the UFC with stoppages of Mike Rodriguez and Khadis Ibragimov. He has wins by strikes and submissions. I don’t remember either of his fights. He has a 2017 win over an opponent named only Hulk (now 0-1-0), at something called Heat 41


140 lb Catchweight Nathaniel Wood vs Casey Kenney
Wood is English and 4-1 in the UFC, somehow managing to be stopped by Dodson in February, but he bounced back with a decision win in July. Casey Kenney is a bit of a hot prospect right now fighting an extremely active schedule and already having picked up UFC wins over Ray Borg and Louis Smolka, among others. His only loss is to Dvalishvili, so that’s pretty good. His fights have been consistently fun.


Early Prelims
Women’s Flyweight Liana Jojua vs Miranda Maverick
Jojua (Georgian, 8-3)lost her UFC debut by stoppage to Sarah Moras in 2019, but that was presumably at 135 since there’s no way Moras is making 125 in a million years. She has an arm bar win since then. Miranda Maverick (American, 7-2) won the Invicta FC Phoenix Series 2 Flyweight tournament, which is actually kind of a big deal. She’s a pretty athletic and well-rounded fighter, and I remember having enjoyed her Invicta fights. This could be a good WMMA match

Lightweight Joel Alvarez vs Alexander Yakovlev
Alvarez is a Spaniard who guillotined Joe Duffy in July in a major upset. Yakovlev lost a decision to Roosevelt Roberts and has a prtty mixed UFC record overall bouncing between 155 and 170,though losses to Kamaru Usman, Demian Maia, and an overweight Zak Cummings aren’t the worst. I can’t remember much about his style other than that he’s a wrestley Russian with reasonably powerful hands.

So to reiterate my prediction for this card is that Ankalaev vs Cutaleba will end with Ankalaev by 1st round T/KO – what kind of odds will anyone offer to me? I’ll risk 24h



Also, you Goons - you're Goons - get your GOONWEIGHT picks in: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...2#post509180802

CommonShore fucked around with this message at 14:36 on Oct 24, 2020

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kimbo305
Jun 9, 2007

He is I, and I am him



Flaskraven posted:

Someone posted this to reddit:

Nice early card.

Aye Doc
Jul 19, 2007

my name is john carter



Fights. let's go justin

Orange Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



Whenever I get personally invested in a fighter winning a fight it always goes the opposite of how I want it to, so with that said here's to hoping Khabib wins

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




so loving awake for these fights

Digital Jedi
May 28, 2007

Wow....that feels good





Fallen Rib

been up since 5 watching esports and now punch sport time!

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

Герой Советского Союза



I barely slept, lets gooooooooo!

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

Watch Khabib smash before dinner? Hell yeah why not

The Automator
Jan 16, 2009


Morning mma with the boiiiiiis

BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


WHY'S IT SO loving EARLY DANA

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013

I was 12 when I made love for the first time, in Tropea, with a Roman girl who was 17 years old.





if you're not properly hype for Robert P. Knuckles blowing the doors off Qanonier, and then Khabib vs Gaethje, i don't want to talk to you

duckdealer
Feb 28, 2011



Slept in... hey there is MMA on now!

Flaskraven
Nov 20, 2012

I hope you get crushed to death by a fat guy trying to commit suicide by falling out of a window and when the paramedics answer the local bystander asking if you'll live, he just says "fat chance" and laughs.

Two 6'3" lightweights to start the night. We love extreme weight cutting, don't we folks?
EDIT: Ok that was cool

Flaskraven fucked around with this message at 15:16 on Oct 24, 2020

Brain Curry
Feb 15, 2007

People think that I'm lazy
People think that I'm this fool because
I give a fuck about the government
I didn't graduate from high school


Off to a good start

BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


Flaskraven posted:

Two 6'3" lightweights to start the night. We love extreme weight cutting, don't we folks?
EDIT: Ok that was cool

These guys both are billboards for 165

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




Good start to things.

Flaskraven
Nov 20, 2012

I hope you get crushed to death by a fat guy trying to commit suicide by falling out of a window and when the paramedics answer the local bystander asking if you'll live, he just says "fat chance" and laughs.

Despite Justin being a huge Trump guy I would still like him to win. He's so fun to see fight. Remember that Khabib is probably an even bigger shithead politically.

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013

I was 12 when I made love for the first time, in Tropea, with a Roman girl who was 17 years old.





Flaskraven posted:

Despite Justin being a huge Trump guy I would still like him to win. He's so fun to see fight. Remember that Khabib is probably an even bigger shithead politically.

part of me wants to think Justin, what with his social work degree and open desire to do community work when he's done fighting, only went to the Trump thing because Dana/Ali Abdelaziz made him

but then again this is the UFC, where the only leftish fighter is Carlos Condit

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

Now I hope Justin wins

Flaskraven
Nov 20, 2012

I hope you get crushed to death by a fat guy trying to commit suicide by falling out of a window and when the paramedics answer the local bystander asking if you'll live, he just says "fat chance" and laughs.

Troy Queef posted:

part of me wants to think Justin, what with his social work degree and open desire to do community work when he's done fighting, only went to the Trump thing because Dana/Ali Abdelaziz made him

but then again this is the UFC, where the only leftish fighter is Carlos Condit

This was Justin in 2016:
https://twitter.com/Justin_Gaethje/...584160859533312

This is Justin in 2020:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CFKotubJTRM/

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man



Troy Queef posted:

if you're not properly hype for Robert P. Knuckles blowing the doors off Qanonier, and then Khabib vs Gaethje, i don't want to talk to you

BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


Flaskraven posted:

Despite Justin being a huge Trump guy I would still like him to win. He's so fun to see fight. Remember that Khabib is probably an even bigger shithead politically.

It's almost like getting punched in the head professionally is bad for your cognitive facilities or something

awesomeolion
Nov 5, 2007

"Hi, I'm awesomeolion."



wait her nickname is fear the

Flaskraven
Nov 20, 2012

I hope you get crushed to death by a fat guy trying to commit suicide by falling out of a window and when the paramedics answer the local bystander asking if you'll live, he just says "fat chance" and laughs.

This georgan walkout is comedy gold.
- Horrible song
- Wipes herself down with a towel for some reason
- Necklace caught in hair

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

I want Jojua to win because she seems kinda weird

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013

I was 12 when I made love for the first time, in Tropea, with a Roman girl who was 17 years old.






note the times: in 2016 he was still in Ray Sefo's World Series Of Fighting Presented By Ray "Sugarfoot" Sefo, and yeah, i think that's a company line about "Trump helped the UFC get off the ground" he's quoting.

henkman
Oct 8, 2008


if i make a lot of noise, my punches hit harder

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

and she walked in
looking like dynamite




henkman posted:

if i make a lot of noise, my punches hit harder

seems like it worked, actually

Mr Gorgon Holmes
Aug 1, 2007
Ask me about being possesed by the spirit of John Holmes

The wonderful oosh oossh ooossh striking technique. Maverick is letting herself get hit in the face too often for my liking

Jojua’s Nose Exploded. I liked her she did a little curtsy

Two quick finishes

Devoz
Nov 18, 2006


Good stoppage by the ref, that nose cut was bad.

BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


CarlCX posted:

seems like it worked, actually

Did it?

The two real damaging shots were silent, wernt they?

awesomeolion
Nov 5, 2007

"Hi, I'm awesomeolion."



BAD STOPPAGE MORE BLOOD COME ON

awesomeolion
Nov 5, 2007

"Hi, I'm awesomeolion."



anthony smith picking up his teeth but it's whoever just lost picking up their nose tip

BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


awesomeolion posted:

anthony smith picking up his teeth but it's whoever just lost picking up their nose tip

Man, something wrong with that boy.

Smith to ref: "Can you hold these for me?"

Ref: "Gross."

The Automator
Jan 16, 2009


They just called Sam Alvey a knockout artist lol

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




Most of the knockouts they showed were non reebok shorts. Going back into the mists of time. Let's go Jung.

G-Hawk
Dec 15, 2003



The Automator posted:

They just called Sam Alvey a knockout artist lol

lol

BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


The Automator posted:

They just called Sam Alvey a knockout artist lol

Cubist, maybe

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




Alvey looking like a bobble head in there.

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BrotherJayne
Nov 27, 2019

Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt


So was it a poke?

Edit: 2 pokes?!?!

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