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really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




Biden wrecked...(NOBODY was ready for this!) posted:

We are absolutely DEVASTATED!
⬇⬇ Joe Biden and Donald Trump are now TIED In Florida!! ⬇⬇
FLORIDA POLLING: JOE BIDEN AND DONALD TRUMP TIED
EMERGENCY FUNDRAISING GOAL: We talked to our accountants and we need to raise $50,000 by MIDNIGHT to get back on track! Rush $5 right now and weíll 500%-MATCH it to RUIN Trump's presidency >>
500%-MATCH ACTIVE: DONATE TO DEFEAT TRUMP >>
Itís simple.
If Joe Biden loses Florida, he LOSES the Electoral CollegeÖ Donald Trump will WIN. (NO!!!)
Thatís why Trump and his allies have already spent over $82 MILLION to DOMINATE Florida.
So weíre RACING to raise as much as we can in these final 20 days until the election.
If Democrats step up, we can DEMOLISH Trump!!
If Democrats DONíT step up, weíll be forced to suffer another 4 years of a Donald Trump presidencyÖ
So, are you with us? Please chip in whatever you can (500%-MATCHED!!) by MIDNIGHT TONIGHT to DEFEAT Donald Trump >>

I have had the unfortunate fate of being on some email list at some point, which has been sold to drat near every campaign in the country. I've gotten emails from every drat campaign, no matter how little hope they have of winning. It's just become routine for me to mark them as spam or to unsubscribe from them and move on. Some however, make me laugh at how loving awful they are at getting me to even care about the candidate. While other emails can make me borderline mad enough to want to spite vote trump (I'm not going to libs, voting is for chumps). Above is an email that made me laugh (not shown are the geocities graphics they use), here's one that made me angry.

JIM JORDAN IS LAUGHING AT US posted:

RQC, we only have 7 hours left in our campaign to defeat Republicans like Jim Jordan.

When we emailed you? Nothing.
When we urged you? Nothing.
When we told you that we needed support to take on GOP mega-donors? Nothing at all!

But we're still $8,954 short of our goal to defeat Republicans like Jim Jordan and elect Progressives. And we're nearly out of time.

Coming up short is NOT an option, RQC. We need your help to DEFEAT Republicans like Jim Jordan >>
RUSH $5 TO DEFEAT REPUBLICANS LIKE JIM JORDAN →

If we hit our goal, we'll show Jim Jordan's corporate backers that our Progressive movement is far more powerful than them.

But if we fail, Rep. Jordan will have full reigns to target our Progressive leaders with unrelenting attacks.

Jim and his right-wing friends are backed by conservative billionaires, so if we don't hit our fundraising goals now, we'll have no chance to defeat them.

This is too important, RQC. There's no other way to put it. Please chip in right now to defeat Republicans like Jim Jordan →
$5 →

$35 →
$50 →

$100 →
$250 →

Other →

[website removed]

Last few hours.

-Progressive Caucus

drat, that really makes me want to take my reduced salary wages and drop it into this organizations bucket!! Hell yeah. If theres anything I love more than being voter shamed, its being political donation shaming.

This doesn't include the flood of emails I get about how "WE'RE LOSING THE BATTLE!!!" and "WE DONT KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO IF YOU DONT CONTRIBUTE!!" and of course my favorite "hey, are you up?" which is no joke, an email I got from Jaime Harrison.





So please, if you have also been cursed with such a fate, post some of your own favorite emails received from dem candidates that make you feel an emotion.

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ur in my world now
Jun 5, 2006

Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was




Smellrose

biden lost and it's my fault? appreciate the congrats

Malkina_
May 13, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 9 days!


Biden is going to lose

Poniard
Apr 3, 2011





ur in my world now posted:

biden lost and it's my fault? appreciate the congrats

Good soup!
Nov 1, 2010







Lipstick Apathy

ur in my world now posted:

biden lost and it's my fault? appreciate the congrats

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003

no meds = f4


ur in my world now posted:

biden lost and it's my fault? appreciate the congrats

Stairmaster
Jun 8, 2012




i cant believe joe biden loving died

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

*every nuclear warhead in existence detonating at the same time*

*a pure wave of fire washes over the earth*

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.




Maybe they shouldn't have ratfucked the guy who was actually popular.

Dr Pepper
Feb 4, 2012

Don't like it? well...



Owns how leftists both don't need to be catered to but are also the cause of any neoliberal ghoul's loss to a fascist ghoul

Stairmaster
Jun 8, 2012




They're both facist actually

Relin
Oct 6, 2002

You have been a most worthy adversary, but in every game, there are winners and there are losers. And as you know, in this game, losers get robotizicized!

we need the electoral college solely for the amount of blubbering it causes

if you want to win red states move out of your blue enclaves upper class libs. alternatively, libs abandoning these states is partly why theyve gone so red

TehSaurus
Jun 12, 2006



really queer Christmas posted:

drat, that really makes me want to take my reduced salary wages and drop it into this organizations bucket!! Hell yeah. If theres anything I love more than being voter shamed, its being political donation shaming.

I, too donated to the Obama campaign. The quantity of shrill wailing in my promotions tab is unreal. I would think about flagging them as spam but that would mean engaging with them at all.

I was expecting a phone call from a new number earlier this week and you know that the DSCC used that as a chance to shill for money. I merely said with disgust that I already voted and hung up. And I have a really hard time being rude to people in person or on the phone but Jesus Christ if the constant cashgrab alarmism hasn't hardened my heart into a tiny black lump of coal and disdain.

Elephanthead
Sep 11, 2008




Toilet Rascal

I couldnít be prouder then to sink the dem party again.

VideoKid
Jul 28, 2006

Next nothing new.


really queer Christmas posted:


Donald Trump will WIN. (NO!!!)

T-man
Aug 22, 2010


Talk shit, get bzzzt.



i did the same long ago, never give a lib your email it's like inviting in a vampire

The Pussy Boss
Nov 2, 2004



thinking about some young idealistic millennial who makes $10/hr donating money to Joe Biden to Save Our Democracy and now I'm bummed out

Mayor Dave
Feb 20, 2009

ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME



Soiled Meat

ur in my world now posted:

biden lost and it's my fault? appreciate the congrats

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




T-man posted:

i did the same long ago, never give a lib your email it's like inviting in a vampire

It loving sucks. I havent signed up for poo poo and I get like 10 emails a day from New campaigns begging me for money with empty platitudes and folksy pablum about how mean old (candidate name here) is encouraging facism and that's just not ok.

Mayor Dave
Feb 20, 2009

ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME



Soiled Meat

The only campaigns I've ever given my real contact info to are bernie and Jess scarane and now I get a dozen actblue emails a day

Thanks bernie and nichael, much appreciated

ptkfvk
Apr 30, 2013



cant wait

Idia
Apr 26, 2010





Fun Shoe

The emails I love the most are ones asking me to sign a letter thanking Cuomo or John Oliver for some dumb poo poo. I assume it's written for like people in their 40s.

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




Trump will be shocked!! re: texas posted:

this email >>
REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS, Texas is officially within our reach. TEXAS! Election experts say that if Joe Biden wins Texas, President Trump won’t win the Electoral College and his presidency will be FINISHED. Bernie Sanders even predicted if Trump loses Texas it’ll be OVER. So now we have a once-in-a-lifetime to flip Texas BLUE and elect Progressives here and around the country. But to do that we need to raise $40,000 by TONIGHT...and we still need [16] small-dollar gifts from your state to stay on track to hit our goal, so please chip in now →
RUSH $5 TO FLIP TEXAS →
RUSH $15 TO FLIP TEXAS →
Donald Trump is getting nervous. He’s TERRIFIED of losing ruby red Texas.

No Democratic presidential candidate has won Texas since 1976!

But Joe Biden is now only ONE POINT behind Trump, so Republicans are rushing in to crush our Progressives in Texas and beyond.

SO REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS: Tonight’s deadline has never been more critical.
REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS, RUSH A DONATION RIGHT NOW TO ELECT PROGRESSIVES IN TEXAS AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO DEFEAT TRUMP:
CHIP IN $5 RIGHT NOW →CHIP IN $35 RIGHT NOW →CHIP IN $50 RIGHT NOW →CHIP IN $100 RIGHT NOW →CHIP IN $250 RIGHT NOW →Or chip in another amount  →

Malkina_
May 13, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 9 days!


Do these fuckers genuinely believe Texas is going blue lmao

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




we did not expect this posted:

REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS  Devin Nunes is one of Trump’s favorite Republicans in Congress. He’s vowed to jam through Trump’s extremist agenda!

REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS But he’s up for re-election this year, and the latest polls show he’s falling behind.

REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS So we’re rushing to raise $35,000 to DEFEAT vile Republicans like Devin Nunes before Election Day.

REALLY QUEER CHRISTMAS, this could be our ONLY chance to kick Republicans like Devin Nunes out of Congress.
We’re counting on TOP Progressives like you to help us. Chip in NOW to BEAT Republicans like Devin Nunes →

Can't afford to lose this.

Yes they really used my full name 4 times in this email, which they probably think makes them sound endearing and trustworthy instead of absolutely psychotic.

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




Malkina_ posted:

Do these fuckers genuinely believe Texas is going blue lmao

I received 4 emails today and 2 yesterday about how Texas will go blue BUT ONLY IF I RUSH A DONATION NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

pandy fackler
Jun 2, 2020


reply w goatse

Malkina_
May 13, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 9 days!


really queer Christmas posted:

I received 4 emails today and 2 yesterday about how Texas will go blue BUT ONLY IF I RUSH A DONATION NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

Dems profiting off of cynically lying about their election chances with their voters now

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




asking for $5 posted:

RQC -- Donald Trump is nervous! Hereís why: polls show Joe Biden is LEADING in Texas. Experts agree that if Biden can WIN Texas, Trump will never be able to recover. ITíS A MUST-WIN STATE. So we called on Progressives like you to help us elect Progressives in Texas and throughout the nation... and YOU. RESPONDED.



Texas donations SKYROCKETING

But we still need to raise another $21,289 to hit our goal by SUNDAY. If we come up short, we could LOSE this momentum.

Will you chip in to elect Progressives and FLIP TEXAS BLUE?
CHIP IN $5 TO ELECT PROGRESSIVES AND FLIP TEXAS →

Donald Trumpís lead in Texas has EVAPORATED. Joe Biden has a one point lead in this conservative stronghold.

If Biden can win Texas, thereís no way Trump wins the election!

Thatís exactly why we promised weíd raise $40,000 to elect Progressives in Texas and across the country, but we need your help, RQC:

Will you chip in at least $5?
CHIP IN $5 TO ELECT PROGRESSIVES AND FLIP TEXAS →

$15 →

$35 →
$50 →

$100 →
$250 →

Other →

DONíT FORGET RQC: This election could come down to the Electoral College. And weíve got to fight to win every state and every district.

Thatís why winning in Texas is so vital.

If we can win in Texas, Progressives can win EVERYWHERE. But if we donít, Trump could still steal the election.

Will you rush $5 right now to get us started?

The one thing lost by my copying and pasting is the utter insanity of their bolding and different colors. Almost every paragraph is its own color and random sentences and words are just bolded like they learned english from listening to a parrot taught only from simpsons episodes. But I did bold that one bit at the end there because... I was to assume that the election wasn't going to be decided by the electoral college prior to this????

Crumbskull
Sep 13, 2005

by MSDOS KAPITAL

whoops

Maximo Roboto
Feb 4, 2012



really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014





"I dont want to send this email". I've seen that type of email sent so often from dem candidates and organizations that they have to have focus tested that out as the best way to get libs to open their wallet. Because everytime i see that it just disgusts me at the blatant manipulation and outright "I'm a big fat loser!!!" energy that just radiates from it. Like really, does that appeal to anyone??

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006


really queer Christmas posted:

I received 4 emails today and 2 yesterday about how Texas will go blue BUT ONLY IF I RUSH A DONATION NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

the whole charities/ngos which are grifts which exist only to raise awareness of this or that thing (and be a career vehicle) makes a lot more sense when you realize how many political parties are the same thing except with lowering rather than raising awareness (in general)

Brandon Proust
Jun 22, 2006

"Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of scoring a simple goal in a simple way"



ur in my world now posted:

biden lost and it's my fault? appreciate the congrats

Maximo Roboto
Feb 4, 2012



really queer Christmas posted:

Like really, does that appeal to anyone??

I feel like they took the lessons from Obamaís successful tech strategies during the 2008 and 2012 campaign and stretched them out to the point of parody, as so many other value extraction efforts have become under capitalism. Itís histrionic to the point of looking desperate and borderline 419. A reputable organization doesnít send comms like this.

Bideo James
Oct 21, 2020



jaime.....

Bideo James
Oct 21, 2020


Bideo Jaime

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS - BARACK OBAMA & JOE BIDEN NEED YOU TO READ THIS posted:

RQC -- Joe Biden and Barack Obama NEED you to read this email:

✖ Donít close this email
✖ Donít delete this email
✖ Donít check Facebook

Rush a 600%-Matched Donation to DEFEAT Donald Trump:
RUSH $5 TO DEFEAT TRUMP >>

Barack Obama has an urgent message for you, RQC:
President Obama: Whatever you've done so far is not enough

And with Donald Trump clawing away at Joe Biden's lead -- Obama's right. We need to do more now:
NO: Trump SURGING

⇧ Because Donald Trump is SURGING in the polls ⇧

No more games. No more tweets. No more pretending we know how November will shake out. We're begging -- no, PLEADING -- for your help! Please donate:
600%-MATCH: $5 >>
600%-MATCH: $25 >>
600%-MATCH: $50 >>
600%-MATCH: $100 >>
600%-MATCH: $250 >>
600%-MATCH:
Custom Amount >>

We need you in this fight,

-EndCitizensUnited.org

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Jacking Out; Jacking In



really queer Christmas posted:

This doesn't include the flood of emails I get about how "WE'RE LOSING THE BATTLE!!!" and "WE DONT KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO IF YOU DONT CONTRIBUTE!!" and of course my favorite "hey, are you up?" which is no joke, an email I got from Jaime Harrison.



So please, if you have also been cursed with such a fate, post some of your own favorite emails received from dem candidates that make you feel an emotion.
I'm getting the Jaimie Harrison ones and they are so loving cringe, as the cool kids would say,. it's really loving bad. always shady rear end all-lowercaps emails like "plz help, we're losing". "bad news -- we losing. ples donut" "hi there, asl?"

then followed by pure terrible free-republic boomer energy of alternating words, lovely html colors, and randomized bold letters. cringe

quote:

With just 8 days until Election Day, donations to defeat Lindsey Graham are PLUMMETING.

We still need $91,002 by midnight to send Jaime to the Senate:

IF we donít hit this goal, weíll lose all our momentum.

IF we lose this momentum, weíll never beat Lindsey GrahamÖ

AND IF we lose to Lindsey in South Carolina, we wonít take back the Senate [!!]

So please, Xaris: Chip in whatever you can afford (3X-MATCHED) to help Jaime right away! →

they're never about doing anything good, or how much they're going to kick the rich's asses, or help people, no. it's always 'we LOSING Need mORE $$$ plz". like loving lmao why would i want to support a big rear end loser???

Xaris has issued a correction as of 21:48 on Oct 28, 2020

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really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014




EMBARRASSING defeat posted:

Alan Cohn for Congress

OCTOBER 29th: Trump AND Biden in Tampa to tip the scales in ďstatistically tiedĒ race

FL-15 is not only the most flippable seat in Florida -- my race could DECIDE the 2020 Presidential election.

Even Fox News admitted it!

Iím now hearing that not only is Trump here, my Republican opponent is BEGGING big GOP donors to rush him cash.

They want to outraise us before I get on stage with Biden in 6 hours and hand me an EMBARRASSING defeat.

I refuse to let that happen.

All gifts are being TRIPLE-MATCHED for the next 6 hours to STOP the GOP from outraising us. If we fail, I stand to lose one of the most consequential House races in the country. I need 372 Democrats to make their plan BACKFIRE. Will you step up with $5? >>

Hereís the plan:

-- On stage, Biden and I will lay out our plans to help EVERY American. Across town Trump will be spewing his vitriolic lies.

-- Behind the scenes, I am calling for a surge of donations from my supporters that will have THREE TIMES the impact.

-- Iím going to shock my opponent by raising $15,268 and hand him a HUMILIATING defeat.

RQC, I know I can win this race, but I canít afford to get outraised with only 5 days until the election. I need your help now more than ever before.

I need 372 donations from Democrats across the country to pull it off. Will you rush a TRIPLE-MATCHED $5 before I get on stage with Biden in 6 hours? >>

(Alert) Barack Obamaís big announcement: posted:

President Obama just sounded the alarm RQC!

He just held an EXPLOSIVE rally to win this CRUCIAL swing-state for Joe Biden and DEMANDED Democrats do more:
Obama: The next days will matter for decades to come.
Make a 600%-Matched Donation to DEFEAT Trump in Pennsylvania $5 ➞

** 600%-MATCH ACTIVATED FOR JONATHAN TO FLIP PENNSYLVANIA BLUE **

RQC -- we are SHAKING:

-- Barack Obama told everyone we must do more to take down Trump.

-- And a new poll shows that Donald Trump just sliced apart Joe Bidenís lead in Pennsylvania they are nearly TIED:
PENNSYLVANIA POLL, BIDEN 49%, TRUMP 47%

-- Now we need $100,000 before tomorrow night so that we can expand our efforts in Pennsylvania to defeat Trump.
Yes! I'll make a 600%-Matched Donation to fund a Democratic Pennsylvania Campaign to DEFEAT Trump ➞

The Presidential Election is in 6 Days and Joe Biden is a measly 2 POINTS ahead of Donald Trump in PENNSYLVANIA.

In 2016: Donald Trump won Pennsylvania by 1 point.

We cannot afford to let him get ahead by a single point.

If we fall short of our goal, weíll have to abandon Pennsylvania. Listen to President Obama and chip in to hand Trump an UNMISTAKABLE defeat:

Oh, well if Obama asked democrats to do more than I guess I can sit on the sidelines since im not a democrat

I may edit out my name in the future and post screenshots because man are you guys missing all the different color and font changes they love doing. It reminds me of websites from the 90s, they're just so bad.

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