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Knorrren posted:My dream bathroom: dont forget the rotting splintery box of YEASTCREAM
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Oct 26, 2020 09:31
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Here’s a Christmas decorating idea: instead of hanging ornaments up on a tree, place them in your glass hard candy jar and set a stuffed goose to watch over them!
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Oct 26, 2020 12:32
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I had to redo my bathroom with unfinished brick walls and a hardwood floor but it was worth it to have the best Christmas ever
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Oct 26, 2020 12:33
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Another fabulous tip: This is a surefire way to add an olde-timey ghost infant to your holiday spirit(s).  Jolly old Saint Nick was two hundred years too late. Knorrren fucked around with this message at 13:18 on Oct 26, 2020 |
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Oct 26, 2020 13:14
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A filthy snow lass and an old board painted black can add cheer to any room:
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Oct 26, 2020 13:17
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From their website, a maniacal Santa lugging a decrepit panda through the snow. The reindeer were just dead weight!
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Oct 26, 2020 13:44
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Knorrren posted:Another fabulous tip: That table and those chairs are too polished and modern-looking. Didn't they have any furniture stolen from the backyard of an Appalachian moonshine shack?
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Oct 26, 2020 13:50
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If your family doesn't have a coat of arms, consider breaking into the mausoleum of a wealthy family and stealing the coat of arms from one of the coffins.
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Oct 26, 2020 13:51
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Used to know a person who's parent was born of rich white people in South Africa, like the worst people, servants/slaves. Anyway they always had big Xmas trees and stuff, also they all had chimpanzees and a table for them at christmas. And one Xmas dinner a chimpanzee jumped on the tree and it fell and all the rich cunts were like "Well, that's just not right, my word!" and I guess the servants ran out and fixed it up.
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Oct 26, 2020 13:51
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This poo poo is some real poser Appalachia. No mention of 'shine sippin' on this here Jesustide day?
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Oct 26, 2020 14:01
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Instead of dressing up like Santa for the kids, the dad in this family dresses up like a usurious landlord who shows up to cast the family out into the snow on Christmas Eve.
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Oct 26, 2020 14:48
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you know I probably won't go back to my parent's house for christmas due to the pandemic, so thanks for this thread, it's like I'm there already.
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Oct 26, 2020 22:19
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Skratte posted:you know I probably won't go back to my parent's house for christmas due to the pandemic, so thanks for this thread, it's like I'm there already. When did you first realize your parents' house was haunted by the ghosts of several Victorian children?
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Oct 26, 2020 22:37
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if draping socks over any outcropping is how we are decorating for christmas now then i have a head start on the holiday season!
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Oct 26, 2020 23:01
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Knorrren posted:You can always swing by the abandoned dairy shed to help yourself to some BLACKSTRAP MOLASSES. I want the BUTTERY sign
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Oct 26, 2020 23:03
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Knorrren posted:A filthy snow lass and an old board painted black can add cheer to any room: This snowman whispers into the dreams of children, demanding tithes of flesh that it cannot possibly consume.
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Oct 26, 2020 23:04
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Dixville posted:I want the BUTTERY sign I want a dedicated hook to hang my string beans from.
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Oct 26, 2020 23:39
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Knorrren posted:A snowman made from the snow you find next to the road: Those are probably made from used bandages stolen from a Shriners Hospital. Doubly cursed.
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Oct 26, 2020 23:47
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Knorrren posted:Plenty of forlorn, skinny Santas Claus: The whole "found in an abandoned barn in the Ozarks" aesthetic sucks. That furniture needs to be burned.
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Oct 26, 2020 23:53
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Pigsfeet on Rye posted:The whole "found in an abandoned barn in the Ozarks" aesthetic sucks. That furniture needs to be burned. I get the impression that all of that furniture would go up like a tinderbox. Especially considering every square inch of empty space has been stuffed with straw. A stray spark from your home's overtaxed 1930s-era wiring and the dry, brittle wood of your china cabinet goes up like a dry Christmas tree. You come home one night after an evening of caroling and all that's left of your house are the smoldering iron bands of your washtub.
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Oct 26, 2020 23:59
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More inspiration from the Country Sampler website: Long ago, this family was turned into a bundle of festive tapers when they forgot to leave a saucer of hooch out for the Christmas Barn Witch.
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Oct 27, 2020 00:00
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Applewhite posted:I get the impression that all of that furniture would go up like a tinderbox. Especially considering every square inch of empty space has been stuffed with straw. A stray spark from your home's overtaxed 1930s-era wiring and the dry, brittle wood of your china cabinet goes up like a dry Christmas tree. You come home one night after an evening of caroling and all that's left of your house are the smoldering iron bands of your washtub. The nice thing about decorating with filthy trash is that you can always start fresh with whatever is left after your housefire:  Even more country character than it had before!
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Oct 27, 2020 00:03
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Knorrren posted:More inspiration from the Country Sampler website: Even the candles look old and rotting, Jesus Christ
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Oct 27, 2020 00:14
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Christmas is known for its grime, squalor, threadbare-edness, echos of The Great Depression, and early brooms so I'm really not sure what everyone is so drat confused about.
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Oct 27, 2020 00:27
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A classic Santa suit + giant rusty jingleballs is displayed in front of the forbidden cupboard: The Christmas tree decorated with wooden clothespins is great, too.
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Oct 27, 2020 01:59
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The scratchy blankets above the candle are all the host gives you to keep warm in their drafty living room while they sleep upstairs in comfort on their four-poster with the convex mattress.
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Oct 27, 2020 02:23
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EARLY BROOMS is a pro-tier username
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Oct 27, 2020 02:28
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This angel IS pretty distressed: This snowman, however, doesn't seem to mind its fate at all: 
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Oct 27, 2020 02:29
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"Let me out," whispers the snowman in a tiny voice like a lamb. "Let me out."
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Oct 27, 2020 02:45
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I open my gift. It’s a pinecone.
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Oct 27, 2020 04:28
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Knorrren posted:The nice thing about decorating with filthy trash is that you can always start fresh with whatever is left after your housefire: It's a stocking made out of pita bread at the underfunded orphanage for ghosts. Merry Christmas yall!
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Oct 27, 2020 08:05
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A very corona christmas I think the editor of that magazine just inherited a lot of old trash and is trying to make it a "interior design thingy" for the insurence money. Its the perfect crime, oh no I lost my 500$ Early Broom box in the christmas fire. Yeah its an antique, very rare and valuable. Pay up.
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Oct 27, 2020 12:19
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So I've been trying to look up "early brooms" and the best I can suss out is that the "early" in "early broom" is used the same way as "early man" as in like, a primitive "early" incarnation of the broom. But people back then wouldn't have called early brooms "early" they would have just called them "brooms." So these dumbasses googled old-timey brooms, saw that they were tagged as "early brooms" and thought that "early" was the KIND of broom they were, and then made a faux-aged box with an old-timey label based on that misunderstanding.
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Oct 27, 2020 14:58
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early brooms are for sweeping in the morning late brooms are for sweeping at night. shhhhhhhh he's sweeping, they say. regular brooms are for sweeping from 12pm-6pm this isn't difficult
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Oct 27, 2020 15:01
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What disgusts me most is the lack of a coherent narrative in these displays. Like, if you’re going to decorate your house like it’s Christmas during the Great Depression that’s one thing, but even people in the Great Depression has a rhyme and reason to the way they arranged their belongings. This is more like Christmas at the dump.
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Oct 27, 2020 15:16
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tiny tim's crimmas hovel
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Oct 27, 2020 15:19
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Is this like a witchcraft catalog? Could I curse someone with one of these pumpkin-headed abominations???
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Oct 27, 2020 15:32
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Country Sampler is my favorite Nelly albumSpinz posted:Khristi Khountri Samplher is my favorite Knhelli album
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Oct 27, 2020 16:33
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Knorrren posted:Another fabulous tip:
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Oct 27, 2020 20:21
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Knorrren posted:More inspiration from the Country Sampler website: Those are farm prototypes of alarm candles. You lay on your belly top of the blankets, screw one up your rear end for the approximate burning time (one hour per inch), light it, and go to sleep. Don't fart! The candle will wake you up without fail. Those candles look used by early risers.
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Oct 27, 2020 20:51
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