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Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!




ROLL CALL OF CURRENT CHAMPIONS

Impact World Champion: Rich Swann
From "retired" to World Champ, Swann had probably the best match Eric Young has ever been a part of when the two faced off at Bound for Glory on Saturday. Where does he go from here? Probably a rematch with Young in the coming weeks.

Impact World Tag Team Champions: The North
In their second reign as tag champions, Josh Alexander and Ethan Page won the titles after taking Alex Shelly out before the scheduled match began. Those dastardly villains! With Shelly (and Heath ) presumably on the shelf for the time being, expect the Good Brothers to challenge the North.

Impact X-Division Champion: Rohit Raju
When his tag partner Raj Singh got injured, nobody could expected him to not only win the X-Division Championship, but be able to spread his wings as a Honky Tonk Man-type champion. The only person to retain his or her championship at Bound for Glory, Raju did so by stealing a pinfall in the six-person scramble.

Impact Knockouts Champion: Su Yung
With Kylie Rae MIA, Deonna Purrazzo needed a challenger for her title. Low and behold, Susie has reverted back to the Undead Bridesmaid! Now in her second reign, Yung will probably wrestle Purrazzo again, and maybe Kimber Lee. Hopefully Rae is OK.

Impact Knockouts Tag Team Champions: TBD
Last seen in 2013, the tag titles for women are coming back! My money on the first returning champions are Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz based on nothing.

NEXT PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT: HARD TO KILL
January 16th, presumably at Skyway Studios due to COVID-19 still being a thing.

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Alaois
Feb 7, 2012

D U S T M A N


maybe its just because my brain is melted cheese but those knockouts tag belts just make me think "shout outs to the Menagerie"

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007



Alaois posted:

maybe its just because my brain is melted cheese but those knockouts tag belts just make me think "shout outs to the Menagerie"

They're very 1930s carnival lookin, yeah

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

Whatís Kizarny doing in the Impact Zone?!

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



this company continues to be an embarrassment.

ItohRespectArmy
Sep 11, 2019

Cutest In The World, Six Time DDT Ironheavymetalweight champion, Third ever International Princess champion And a pretty good singer too!
"When I was an idol, I felt nothing every day but now that I'm a pro wrestler I'm in pain constantly!"


Basic Chunnel posted:

this company continues to be an embarrassment.

this isn't the WWE thread OP

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...2802919424?s=19

Every time people start swearing up and down that Impact Is Good Now they do some dumb poo poo like this

oh but seriously I
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

Benne posted:

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...2802919424?s=19

Every time people start swearing up and down that Impact Is Good Now they do some dumb poo poo like this

i don't watch the show and i am extremely tired but i think this is funny on purpose

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!


It's John E. Bravo - it's supposed to be goofy.

J-Ro
Jul 26, 2005

Child Of The Revolution



Benne posted:

Every time people start swearing up and down that Impact Is Good Now they do some dumb poo poo like this

The dumb carny soap opera that doesn't take itself seriously one single bit is pretty good, actually.

JOHN CENA
Oct 20, 2006


Benne posted:

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...2802919424?s=19

Every time people start swearing up and down that Impact Is Good Now they do some dumb poo poo like this
this rules

ItohRespectArmy
Sep 11, 2019

Cutest In The World, Six Time DDT Ironheavymetalweight champion, Third ever International Princess champion And a pretty good singer too!
"When I was an idol, I felt nothing every day but now that I'm a pro wrestler I'm in pain constantly!"


Benne posted:

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...2802919424?s=19

Every time people start swearing up and down that Impact Is Good Now they do some dumb poo poo like this

this owns lol

Seams
Feb 3, 2005


it only took almost twenty years but TNA/IMPACT is finally good

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.



I'm sorry but John E Bravo getting shot at his wedding to Rosemary has officiated by James Mitchell while the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man watches on and Tommy Dreamer dressed as Road Warrior Animal attends to him is most definitely a "ok, I'm gonna start watching TNA again" moment.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007



yeah i poo poo on TNA more than most but this is that very good silly poo poo that pro wrestling needs.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



I hate to be the one to tell you this but low card comedy angles mean nothing when you've got Ethan Wyatt 3 and mean Eric Young up top.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!


If the angle was that Rich Swann was shot, I'd be complaining, but it wasn't. It was a non-wrestler who spent about two months in Wrestle House.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



No you don't understand, Rich Swann getting shot would have been great

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



The Kennel from Hell? Sucked, bad. "The Dairy Queen" Kurt Angle spraying milk all over the heels? Great, iconic. Make absurdity the cornerstone of the project, not the thing you do with the low card while you try and get the fans invested in serious business Eric Young

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.



A sizable chunk of my entertain from wrestling these last few years has come directly from Rosemary and if that makes me a bad fan or TNA a bad company I dunno, I don't care, I still love it.

Did Taya shoot him? Or was it Crazzy Steve? Could it have been Rosemary herself or her father? Or a surprise? Maybe Raven dressed as Road Warrior Hawk? I'm engaged.

I'm also interested in the tag tournament and the men's tag division seems like its rebounding so like, yeah, why not? Redownloaded Impact+.

STAC Goat fucked around with this message at 18:48 on Oct 28, 2020

Destroy My Sweater
Jul 24, 2009



I've only really peripherally been following TNA since, like, Samoa Joe having a dick on his face but one thing that always gets me about reading Impact results are the ridiculous names. Like, I know that WWE has stepped things up recently with SLAPJACK and T-BAR but names like BRAM, CRAZZY STEVE, GUNNER, WENTZ and MADMAN FULTON give me lovely mid-2000s e-fed vibes.

GORB defeated Bryan Myers in a New York Mets Mayhem Match
Studz McKenzie vs. Trukk ended in a double DQ due to interference from RAZKAL FATZ, setting up a tag team brawl for next week
Eric Young defeated Grafton Ritter in a squash match
Slime Bronco won a reverse battle royal for an X-Divison title shot (participants included TJP, Reep Lybutton, Chrysler Dodge, Willie Mack and Zyx Xyler)

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.



I think Gunner and Bram are the only ones of those who are actually TNA specific names. And they actually don't strike me as that bad. I mean Gunner's currently going as Jaxson Ryker, which just looks like something someone tried to bad phonetically spell out or something.

And I mean, AEW is the top favorite fed around here and its got guys like Wardlow, Miro, Evil Uno, and Trent?. So maybe wrestlers just sometimes have silly sounding names out of context?

Like I saw people in that gimmick tournament thread joking about Rellik and how he had a Muta ripoff and Redrum knockoff name. And it was funny because (a) his gimmick started as an evil Muta doppelganger in AJPW and (b) it became Redrum in Mexico before he got to TNA. TNA is an easy punching bag but its usually just wrestling.

STAC Goat fucked around with this message at 21:41 on Oct 28, 2020

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003




Rellik. Hm. I wonder if there's something you could do with that name. I can't quite put my finger on it though.

SatansOnion
Dec 12, 2011



Codependent Poster posted:

Rellik. Hm. I wonder if there's something you could do with that name. I can't quite put my finger on it though.

Isnít it obvious? The gimmick is he collects saintsí bones and bits of Jesusí baby blanket

Destroy My Sweater
Jul 24, 2009



STAC Goat posted:

I think Gunner and Bram are the only ones of those who are actually TNA specific names. And they actually don't strike me as that bad. I mean Gunner's currently going as Jaxson Ryker, which just looks like something someone tried to bad phonetically spell out or something.

And I mean, AEW is the top favorite fed around here and its got guys like Wardlow, Miro, Evil Uno, and Trent?. So maybe wrestlers just sometimes have silly sounding names out of context?


Yeah, I think that's fair. I just remember reading the same series of results that included, like, Bram, Crazzy Steve and Braxton Sutter and it struck me.

Dango Bango
Jul 26, 2007

"Yup, it looks like his head went so far up his own butt-hole that it exploded right back out his pee-hole and he died in a cataclysmic shower of his own blood and poop and pee."
- Too Much Mustard


Benne posted:

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...2802919424?s=19

Every time people start swearing up and down that Impact Is Good Now they do some dumb poo poo like this

Is that Jimmy Havoc on the end when the lights come back on??

thatguyclint
Apr 11, 2005
See, I didn't know that...ducks eat for free at Subway.

Dango Bango posted:

Is that Jimmy Havoc on the end when the lights come back on??

No, that's Crazzy Steve, who walked Rosemary down the aisle.

Flight Bisque
Feb 23, 2008

There is, surprisingly, always hope.

Codependent Poster posted:

Rellik. Hm. I wonder if there's something you could do with that name. I can't quite put my finger on it though.

Spell it backwards, it's Trevor.

J-Ro
Jul 26, 2005

Child Of The Revolution



https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...629196955901952

https://twitter.com/Mayydayy86/stat...571084072878080

I'm really glad that the Decay bond still holds strong and Crazzy Steve gets to walk his Demon friend to the altar. And yes, the main event scene is still a weak spot for them - but Rich Swann getting the belt imho rules.

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...625298203516928

So what additional teams are we getting for the Knockouts Tag Tournament?

Kiera Hogan / Tasha Steelz; Havok / Navaeh and Taya Valkyrie / Rosemary are surely in and so probably is Deonna Purrazzo / Kimber Lee. If the Jordynne Grace / Alisha Edwards team-up wasn't just a one off misdirection then that only leaves us with Tenille Dashwood and uhh maybe Madison Rayne? That's almost the whole women division right there (Su has the singles belt, Kylie is MIA).

If Tenille finds a partner that's still only 6 teams. Are we gonna get some returning talent / new KOs or just local talent filling up the remaining spots?

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!


Kylie Rae isnít doing so good, according to her Patreon.

Pinwiz11
Jan 26, 2009

I'm becom-, I'm becom-,
I'm becoming
Tana in, Tana in my mind.



Edward Mass posted:

Kylie Rae isnít doing so good, according to her Patreon.



Be well, Kylie.

oh but seriously I
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

I hope Ms. Rae gets better and, purely selfishly, that she performs the classic wrestling maneuver "unretire"

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN

https://twitter.com/WrestlingGary/s...5958009856?s=19

oh but seriously I
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

not denying anybody's agency and speaking as somebody whose humours have gone all out of whack on more than one occasion: sometimes you say some wild poo poo when your having an episode

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



The narrative around her turning down AEW seemed to revolve around Cody hyping her in the press as a big deal, now she drops out of a top spot in a big annual show?* Maybe sheís not one to handle pressure well.

Not everybody in the business can be a glory hogging carnie, but still. It helps.

* Granted, the big annual show of a dirt indie, but still

Lead Pipe Cinch
Mar 10, 2003

Heavy Metal Bakesale




Basic Chunnel posted:

The narrative around her turning down AEW seemed to revolve around Cody hyping her in the press as a big deal, now she drops out of a top spot in a big annual show?* Maybe sheís not one to handle pressure well.

Not everybody in the business can be a glory hogging carnie, but still. It helps.

* Granted, the big annual show of a dirt indie, but still

I don't know how you take someone straight up saying they're leaving the business because they're unwell and glibly write it off as simply not being able to handle pressure.

J-Ro
Jul 26, 2005

Child Of The Revolution



I hope she gets the help she needs and takes as much time as she needs to get well. Egoistically I'd love to see her come back one day, but if this carny rear end business is bad for her then by all means leave it behind.

Excited for Bey in the Super J Cup, that was a piece of news that caught me off guard today.

J-Ro fucked around with this message at 02:14 on Nov 3, 2020

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003




J-Ro posted:

I hope she gets the help she needs and takes as much time as she needs to get well. Egoistically I'd love to see her come back one day, but if this carny rear end business is bad for her then by all means leave it behind.

Yeah, I don't want to speculate too much, but anxiety is a hell of a thing. I hope she gets better whatever it is, even if she doesn't ever return.

J-Ro
Jul 26, 2005

Child Of The Revolution



https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING...249489884614656

What a bizarre week. JR even gave a classy shout-out to IW at the end of the segment.

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Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!


The Rascalz are leaving

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