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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



Greetings fellow Grandpas and Grandmas in training.

This thread is a place for us to have a laugh at all the frankly amazing spam emails and horrible advertisements we have to privilege to receive due to being gun hobbyists. If you've ever been unlucky enough to use your email in any sort of gun transaction, you probably get upwards of twenty emails a day with subjects like -

- ONE NEAT TRICK TO BEAT A TERRORIST TO DEATH WITH A MICROWAVE
- HEY BUDDY, DID YOU KNOW [nullsetfirstname][nullsetlastname] IS ON THE NEW TSA DOUBLE SECRET WATCH LIST?! ENTER YOUR SOCIAL HERE TO FINE OUT THE THIRD SECRET!!!
- HOW TO CLEANSE AN UNWANTED DEMON SPIRIT OUT OF YOUR GHOST GUN
- DOWNLOAD YOUR CONCEALED CARRY FLAMETHROWER PERMIT BEFORE AL GORE BANS 'EM!!!

Please share your dumb rear end forwards here. Also, we can use this space to make fun of stupid advertisements from websites and magazines.

Side Note - This is primarily a place to laugh at stupidity. While a lot of these forwards have political bullshit mixed in, this isn't supposed to be a Politics Chat Thread. We have better places for actual serious conversations.

Let's Begin!!!

----------- drat those LAZY PEOPLE always wanting free handouts...NOW GIVE ME SOMETHING FREE!!! I always wanted "MILITARY GRADE HYDRATION!!!" :open palm slams a VHS of Apocalypse now and equips three liter MILITARY HYDRATION BACKPACK full of Mountain Dew:

Hey,

Lazy people sit around complaining and the government gives them free handouts...

All while YOU have to sweat and sacrifice for every penny.

Nothing makes me angrier…

That’s why I'm going to even the playing field...

By sending YOU this [FREE] $103 Military-Grade Hydration Backpack…

It’s basically a military-grade Camelbak with extra pockets for storing necessities.

This hydration backpack carries 2 liters of water and keeps your water cool even in the most grueling heat…

Unlike disposable water bottles that melt and add chemicals to your water in the heat.
Accept this free gift so you can…

Enjoy hands-free hydration while you hike, bike, hunt, fish, shoot or drive your car/truck/motorcycle!

I only could afford to give away 100 of these hydration backpacks…
So don’t wait if you want one for free.

There are no trials, no hidden fees and no strings attached…

In other words, you’re getting a $130 military-grade hydration backpack for FREE…

With no B.S. attached!

All you have to do is enter your US postal address on the next page so we can send this to you:

=> ~Click & enter your address here.

Your friend,

~SG

-----------

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Naked Bear
Apr 15, 2007

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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




I'm not sure you've been buying guns, or I've been buying the wrong kind of guns.

Proper Kerni ng
Nov 14, 2011



Gotcha beat on volume of (dumpster) fire!

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



Proper Kerni ng posted:

Gotcha beat on volume of (dumpster) fire!



Fision sights?

Tell me more.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



I always, always, always click on all the links from a guy calling himself, "Head Honcho."

I also think this knife (ripping off an Emerson) might be too fast, too spooky. Wait, DATELINE IS REPORTING ON THE FAST "switch-blade" KNIFE?!?! People are VERY UPSET!!!

-------------------------------------------
Dateline -- Saturday, August 15th, 2020 -- U.S.A.

This has got a LOT of people screaming bloody murder...

...but it's for REAL.

It's a brand new, shockingly-fast pocket knife, quicker than any switchblade, that I will now rush you...

...for FREE!

See Your Cool Free Knife HERE!

>> See Your Blazing-Fast Knife! <<

I gotta warn you... this Striker will blow your mind! It's simply faster than anything else on the planet!

Which is why a lot of very upset people (who don't know any better), are calling it a 'switch-blade'.

Well, unlike a switchblade, this gorgeous knife has been cleverly designed to be perfectly legal, (at least here in the U.S.).

It's our own design. Our own engineering. You can't find this anywhere else.

And right now it's my GIFT to you!

It's worth at least $65. There's even a complimentary instructional video included to show you the simple, easy and safe way to draw this so fast it can't even be seen by the human eye!

You gotta see this to believe it!

>> See The Short (And Shocking) Demo! <<

Okay, so how can I afford to give-away such an amazing new knife? The short answer is... I can't.

Not for long. Which is why you should check this out right now... even if you're only curious.

>> Yes! Lemme get my bad-rear end knife... NOW! <<

Just hurry -- and you'll own the quickest blade ever invented. One that you can have out and ready before your opponent can even blink.

For a safe life...

Head Honcho

Bob Pierce
President, FightFast/TRS

P.S. I'm not kidding around. It's new... it's blazing fast... and it's yours free!

----------------------------------------------

Proper Kerni ng
Nov 14, 2011



I hardly ever actually open these dumb things, but the next time I get a "Liberals complain this holster is TOO EFFECTIVE at concealing guns!!!" I might just to see what the laughable gimmick is.

It's a bit depressing to think about how effective all the 0WN TEH LIBS!!1! clickbait poo poo almost certainly is.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



Proper Kerni ng posted:

I hardly ever actually open these dumb things, but the next time I get a "Liberals complain this holster is TOO EFFECTIVE at concealing guns!!!" I might just to see what the laughable gimmick is.

It's a bit depressing to think about how effective all the 0WN TEH LIBS!!1! clickbait poo poo almost certainly is.

Now that this thread exists, I'm paging through the daily torrent of messages like a hipster looking through vinyl.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



Oh God, I just got this one about an assisted opening seven dollar gas station knife.
-------------------------------------------
C'mon, variety is the spice of life.

Especially when the variety includes the most deadly blade in history -

Absolutely Free.

Add this to your arsenal patriot, you deserve it.

All you have to do is enter your shipping information.

Easy, right?

So easy.. Sleepy Joe could do it.
--------------------------------------------

HOO RAH SOLDIER PATRIOT MAN, don't let Sleepy Joe snatch up all the knives with his communist socialism medicare for all ANTIFA thugs!!!

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



I want my five year old to master the deadly brute force of the one click Ninja...on a plane.
-------------------------------------------------------

If you head to the next page you’ll see a new device we call the “1-click ninja weapon.”


We gave it this nickname for a very simple, but obvious reason.


The reason ninja warriors are feared and respected is because they can unleash devastating violence without ever being detected.



And this new weapon...which doesn’t even look like a weapon…


Will delivers brutal takedown power with the click of a button.


It’s so effective for defense a 5-year-old girl could easily use it to buckle a man 10-times her size.


So far 138,000 Americans have purchased this weapon since we released it 2 years ago.


And they all got one thanks to its discreet appearance and force-equalizing power.

Best of all is you can get one today without a background check. Plus, you don’t need a permit to carry it.


To see how this weapon works… why no one will ever realize it’s a weapon… and even how it can be taken on a plane undetected...


AND, most importantly to get one for a major discount.


>> Go Here Now.



P.S. It’s possible your Internet browser may block this site since some people have reported it as being “offensive.” Click here to see a secure version of this page to see a safe version of this website.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Okay, I'm curious.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



Neither of my phone browsers will allow me to open it. Proceed at your own risk.

https://links.nationalgunowner.org/...807e012dfa19755

I’m betting “lovely Taser.”

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Captain Log posted:

Neither of my phone browsers will allow me to open it. Proceed at your own risk.

https://links.nationalgunowner.org/...807e012dfa19755

I’m betting “lovely Taser.”

I can’t get to it either. Heck of a marketing strategy.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



Remember our friend, the super hardcore CIA Superstar Jason Hanson who was giving away his own custom Humvee jpg?

He is back.

I want to know more about the ULTRA-OP-SECRET HARD TARGETS UNIT!!! HOT DOG!!!

(P. S. - He is giving away a complimentary copy for free!)

----------------------------------

"Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception".

Please see the message from our sponsor. Thank you for your support!
~Seth Rouche, Outdoor Survivor


A brave American gun owner just pulled a fast one on Amazon.

As you know, Amazon isn’t exactly friendly to the second amendment. In fact, they use their money to support many laws against the second amendment.

Which is why decorated CIA operative, and firearms enthusiast, Jason Hanson has pulled a fast one on Amazon and has decided that instead of selling his new book on Amazon so they can support more anti-gun causes…

He’s going to give you a complimentary copy for Free.

Hanson’s new book is a treasure-trove of information for gun owners and survivalists alike.

This new book takes little-known secrets about firearms currently in the CIA’s ultra-op-secret Hard Targets Units…

And passes them directly onto you.

This book gives you information you’ll never find on a gun blog or firearms magazine.

Here’s a sample of what you’ll be getting in the Free copy of this book:

• The #1 ammo to buy today. Most people on the Internet say it’s foolish to buy this because of stopping power issues. On page 9 you’ll see why that’s an idiot-ic thing to say.
• Where to get the “transformer rifle”, the only rifle that will hide in plain sight and can’t even be seen by an ATF agent.
• A simple method anyone can use to test out a wide range of guns without spending a single dollar on renting or buying them. That’s on Page 20.


As I mentioned, this book isn’t available for purchase on Amazon.

In fact, you can’t buy it anywhere except for the publisher’s site where it’s normally $29.

However, if you’re one of the next 55 readers to click here you can get it for Free.

While the publishers will never sell this on Amazon, they also can’t afford to give away Free copies forever.

Claim your Free copy now so you can use all the information inside to better prepare and support the second amendment at the same time.



P.S. Jason has warned me that he’s seen people take the information he’s willing to give you for Free today reproduced on other websites without his permission.

Therefore, he said he reserves the right to pull the offer to get a complimentary copy down at anytime if this kind of behavior persists.

Make sure to get your Free copy right now so a future shutdown won’t prevent you from owning this book.

ThinkFear
Sep 14, 2007



Jeff Bezos' kids are going to go hungry tonight.

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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"



This irony on this one is so, so sweet. I'm only posting the first chunk. It's for a lovely Camelback ripoff.

--------------------------------------------

Lazy people sit around complaining and the government gives them free handouts...
All while YOU have to sweat and sacrifice for every penny.

Nothing makes me angrier…

That’s why I'm going to even the playing field...

By sending YOU this [FREE] $103 Military-Grade Hydration Backpack…

--------------------------------------------

PEOPLE WANTIN' FREE HANDOUTS ON MAH DIME oh, something free? Why yes I'd like one.

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