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Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




Captain Log posted:

Grandpa Emails have taken a nosedive into political territory in 2021.

On the plus side, this makes them all the more hysterical.

"COME SUPPORT GOD TRUMP AT HIS CASTLE IN CUBA!!! OR HAITI?!? OUR TOP SECRET MAP IS VERY, VERY SMALL."

---------------------------

Dear Reader,

Reports state Trump's bought an entrenched complex in foreign territory...



But he's not alone.

Something "strange" is happening behind the scenes in America.

And it threatens us all.

Click here to learn more.

Best Regards,

Rachel Bodden

Managing Editor, Strategic Investor

The map marker might be pointing to Anguilla (British overseas territory) or Saint Martin (half French, half Dutch). I doubt any of them are in a hurry to take Trump off our hands.

Anyway, what's the "strange" something that's happening behind the scenes and is it funny or just sad?

E: could also be St Kitts & Nevis or Antigua and Barbuda. I'm sure the map's lovely resolution is no accident.

Somebody Awful fucked around with this message at 20:20 on Feb 18, 2021

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




"True Story. I was brandishing my gun to a cashier at a grocery story and everyone was RELIEVED to see a PATRIOT was PROTECTING THEM. True Story. But a CRAZY LADY went NUTS at the sight of my FREEDOM. True story."

----------------------------------------
This lady was nuts.

True story.

I was in my local grocery store getting a few things and having a conversation with the attendant.

She asked what I do for a living, and so I told her about American Tactical Sports.

Her husband has a few guns and likes to go hunting when he can, so we were having a great chat.

She said she always checks out the customers to see if they are carrying when they come into the store.

The bulge on the hip is a dead giveaway, and she was surprised that I wasn’t carrying a gun after I explained what I do.

But I am, I said, as I opened my jacket to reveal my weapon snuggly concealed on my hip.

You see, I was wearing my Belly Band Holster, which is made, from Stretch Neoprene Material allowing me to conceal my weapon in any position.

The attendant was amazed, but the site of my gun triggered a complete meltdown from some crazy lady who was also in the store.

She started yelling, “He’s got a gun. Why do you have a gun? It’s dangerous.”

I mean, this lady was nuts.

The kind of person who wants to take our 2nd Amendment from us.

No one else in the store had a problem.

In fact, with all the unrest going on right now, the attendant and the other customers were relieved to know that a responsible person was armed in their vicinity.

Well, everyone except the crazy lady who was still screaming as she ran out the door.

The Belly Band Holster works so well not one person could tell I was carrying.

And they’re extremely comfortable.

Would you like to try one?

I have 500 Belly Band Holsters to give away.

All you need to do is click here to claim yours before they’re all gone.

The one size fits nearly every handgun and, it also comes with an extra pouch to hold a
spare magazine, your keys or phone.

Check it out for yourself here.

I’m sure you’ll love it.

Because you never know when a crazy is about to enter your world.

From your friend

Dan Conley

American Tactical Sports

P.S. I’m giving away 500 Belly Band Holsters to patriots who want to carry their weapons in complete concealment.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




I haven't got a new grandpa email in a while, much to my disappointment. Just the same old poo poo.

But this one is a gem -

----------------------------------

Welcome to Cardinal Spellman High School! My name is Daniel Hodes and it is my pleasure to serve the Spellman Community as its President. Cardinal Spellman is a truly wonderful and unique college preparatory school located on a sprawling 42 acre campus on the Brockton/Abington line. Since its inception in 1958 under the direction of the Sisters of St. Joseph, Cardinal Spellman has served as a leader in Catholic Secondary education in the Archdiocese of Boston, and this tradition continues today. Spellman has made a commitment to invest in campus expansion, technological improvement, faculty support and the fine arts both now and into our future. We have made good on these promises in recent years with creation of our Library Learning Commons, a state of the art 21st century learning environment, with our new dining hall, and our cutting edge science labs and 1:1 iPad program. With all of that completed within the last four years, Spellman only seeks to do more in the years ahead, continuing to evaluate our students' needs and responding with programmatic and campus wide enhancements.Spellman has a rich history of success on the athletic field as well, boasting championship teams in almost every major sport. Our athletic offerings are as diverse as our academic curriculum with something for everyone. We serve families in over 40 cities and towns across the South Shore, partnering with them in the education of over 450 of the brightest minds in Massachusetts. I hope you enjoy what you see here on our site and that you will stop by our campus soon to see for yourself what makes Spellman such a great place to call home. A place where so many have stretched themselves to reach their maximum potential going on, to great colleges and amazing careers. I invite you to catch some of that same Spellman Spirit!

sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV

sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

Proč bychom se netěšili když nám Pán Bůh zdraví dá?


Captain Log posted:

sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV

sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV
sHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfVsHwsyRfV

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop


That poo poo is tripping all my Cold War shortwave radio/cryptography alarm bells. Is it some kind of cipher? A cross between a Roman letter transposition and a one-time pad? Is it the same type of convoluted numerical code that Al Capone used when he was in prison to communicate his wishes to the outside?

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




infrared35 posted:

That poo poo is tripping all my Cold War shortwave radio/cryptography alarm bells. Is it some kind of cipher? A cross between a Roman letter transposition and a one-time pad? Is it the same type of convoluted numerical code that Al Capone used when he was in prison to communicate his wishes to the outside?

What’s it saying?

Butt stuff?

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Captain Log posted:

What’s it saying?

Butt stuff?

Let's see... eight characters repeated six times in the first line. Let's assume it's a book cipher. Using the most popular book known to mankind, Chuck Tingle's "The Tingleverse" rulebook... page eight... and the sixth word on the page.

"Some"

Okay, then we skip a line, which usually means we skip to the next paragraph in the book. And the next line repeats the characters seven times. The seventh word is:

"spooky"

We continue on, picking words based on the number of repeats.

"old"

"is"

"afoot"

"is"

"the"

"is" (x2)

"something"

"is"

"Billings"

"is" (x7)

"afoot"

So not counting duplicates, we have "some spooky old is afoot is the is something is Billings is afoot". The duplicates can be handled a couple different ways, so we'll try them both. The first way is that a duplicate entry causes another paragraph shift. In that case, we get:

"Some spooky old is afoot is the is low place low clear low which exist"

Now we're getting somewhere! From here it just a simple mathematical transposition. Fifteen words and fifty-six characters. Fifteen transposed over twelve (months) is one with a remainder of three, which gives us March. 12/15ths is 4/5ths, which applied to fifty-six gives us 48. This is too many to translate to days in the month, so we add them together to give us 12. So March 12th. That's when the train robbery will happen.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

infrared35 posted:

Let's see... eight characters repeated six times in the first line. Let's assume it's a book cipher. Using the most popular book known to mankind, Chuck Tingle's "The Tingleverse" rulebook... page eight... and the sixth word on the page.

"Some"

Okay, then we skip a line, which usually means we skip to the next paragraph in the book. And the next line repeats the characters seven times. The seventh word is:

"spooky"

We continue on, picking words based on the number of repeats.

"old"

"is"

"afoot"

"is"

"the"

"is" (x2)

"something"

"is"

"Billings"

"is" (x7)

"afoot"

So not counting duplicates, we have "some spooky old is afoot is the is something is Billings is afoot". The duplicates can be handled a couple different ways, so we'll try them both. The first way is that a duplicate entry causes another paragraph shift. In that case, we get:

"Some spooky old is afoot is the is low place low clear low which exist"

Now we're getting somewhere! From here it just a simple mathematical transposition. Fifteen words and fifty-six characters. Fifteen transposed over twelve (months) is one with a remainder of three, which gives us March. 12/15ths is 4/5ths, which applied to fifty-six gives us 48. This is too many to translate to days in the month, so we add them together to give us 12. So March 12th. That's when the train robbery will happen.

What are the chances it's a coincidence?

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




infrared35 posted:

Let's see... eight characters repeated six times in the first line. Let's assume it's a book cipher. Using the most popular book known to mankind, Chuck Tingle's "The Tingleverse" rulebook... page eight... and the sixth word on the page.

"Some"

Okay, then we skip a line, which usually means we skip to the next paragraph in the book. And the next line repeats the characters seven times. The seventh word is:

"spooky"

We continue on, picking words based on the number of repeats.

"old"

"is"

"afoot"

"is"

"the"

"is" (x2)

"something"

"is"

"Billings"

"is" (x7)

"afoot"

So not counting duplicates, we have "some spooky old is afoot is the is something is Billings is afoot". The duplicates can be handled a couple different ways, so we'll try them both. The first way is that a duplicate entry causes another paragraph shift. In that case, we get:

"Some spooky old is afoot is the is low place low clear low which exist"

Now we're getting somewhere! From here it just a simple mathematical transposition. Fifteen words and fifty-six characters. Fifteen transposed over twelve (months) is one with a remainder of three, which gives us March. 12/15ths is 4/5ths, which applied to fifty-six gives us 48. This is too many to translate to days in the month, so we add them together to give us 12. So March 12th. That's when the train robbery will happen.

Why am I getting this sudden urge to start performing gun katas? It’s like a light switch deep in my brain has been flipped.

Also, why am I uncontrollably thinking about Dukakis?

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Captain Log posted:

Also, why am I uncontrollably thinking about Dukakis?

Mike, or Olympia? This is important.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




infrared35 posted:

Mike, or Olympia? This is important.

I cannot tell, because I'm too busy doing karate chops.

EMAIL TIME!

This is the second time in a twelve month period I've received a message with the word "pronto." Making it easily 200% more than any other period in my life.

I wonder how much it costs to cover shipping...and handling...and processing?

I'd also like to know where I can get the LIE-beral DEMONcRAT version of this coin that would undoubtedly be extolling the virtues of being Pro-Satan, Pro-Death, Pro-Sword?

--------------------------------

Can Traditional Conservative Values Survive Biden's America?

President Biden and liberal lawmakers are on a rampage to destroy the conservative values of America. It is vital that conservatives continue to stand by those things we hold dear.

I personally believe there are three pillars of being a conservative in America: being Pro-God, Pro-Life and Pro-Gun.



To ensure these conservative values survive Biden's presidency, I am giving away 570 of this brand new exclusive gold Conservative Values coin (they're going first come, first serve!).

Go here to claim yours while supplies last.

We're proud to cover the cost of this gorgeous commemorative coin...all we ask is you cover the modest price of shipping, handling & processing.

Go here now to claim yours now and we'll get it in the mail PRONTO!

Don't procrastinate...these coins will be gone fast and we're not sure if we'll be able to get our hands on more.

Thank you and God Bless!

shalafi4
Feb 20, 2011

another medical bills avatar

I'm *almost* tempted to make a junk Wish account just to see how many of these commemorative coins I can find there.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

I want a shirt that says I'm a gun totin' LIEberal DEMONCRAP. Or is DEMONcRAT better?

I just want to make some heads explode at the range sometimes.

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

Proč bychom se netěšili když nám Pán Bůh zdraví dá?


Swords will loving cut you, man

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Hoo boy howdy man alive! Have you ever got treed by a wild hog with nothing but your stabbing Bowie? You know what would help in that situation?

A fake Go Pro.

"Crap, I thought" is the most bizarre poem I've ever heard.
-------------------------------
Proof of the one that got away.

Hi

It’s funny now, but it wasn’t at the time.

I was on a fishing and camping trip with some good buddies of mine when things got a little out of hand.

I was casting flies as I made my way along the river when I came to an impassable section.

So, I climbed the steep bank and was pushing through the thick undergrowth when I stumbled upon him.

A 150lb ball of angry muscle, staring at me with his beady eyes.

Usually, I would shoot the sucker and be done with it but, on this day, all I had was my 8-inch bowie knife and my fishing rod.

Crap, I thought.

So, I kept eye contact and started to back away, but he wasn’t going to let me get off so easy.

With a squeal, he lunged forward and started chasing me.

I drew my knife and positioned a tree between the two of us.

Every time he came around the side of the tree, I would stab at him with my knife.

After a couple of good thrusts that nearly took out his eye, he backed away and disappeared.

That was my cue to get out of there.

When I got back to camp, I told my story to the others who didn’t believe me.

They thought I made it up as an excuse for not catching any fish.

Until I showed them the footage.

You see that morning I had clipped on my Cloak Cam to my jacket to record all the fish I was going to catch.

The Cloak Cam is the most versatile camera on the market.

I use them around my home for the motion sensor recording.

Have one mounted on my dash to record the traffic, and of course clip one on my jacket whenever I’m hunting, fishing or doing any sporting activities for the high definition video
quality.

Like fighting off wild hogs!

The guys couldn’t believe the footage. It was live action at its best.

Me, yelling like a crazy man and the hog going in for the kill.

So, to celebrate my close call, I’m giving away 1,000 Cloak Cam’s to worthy patriots.

If that sound like you, click here to claim yours.

These amazing cameras are so good they put the competition to shame.

Try one out for yourself.

At least then you will have proof of the ‘one that got away.’

Or the one that nearly got you.

Grab yours today here.

From your friend

Dan Conley
American Tactical Sports

P.S. If you saw the footage, you would laugh too. I was breathing hard as I fought that thing off. Click here to claim a Cloak Cam for yourself, then share your wild stories with me.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




P. sure you already posted that one, but it's as bizarre now as it was then.

All I'm getting is the usual crap from Lou the lone survivalist who won't shut the gently caress up about his gimmick survival knife, and even those are pretty stale because most of them are just the one recycled template with a couple of keywords and taglines swapped out.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Somebody Awful posted:

P. sure you already posted that one, but it's as bizarre now as it was then.

All I'm getting is the usual crap from Lou the lone survivalist who won't shut the gently caress up about his gimmick survival knife, and even those are pretty stale because most of them are just the one recycled template with a couple of keywords and taglines swapped out.

The surprising thing I've noticed (that sometimes trips me up) along with you is how they will occasionally re-write the same thing. For all the bullshit I get in my inbox, I want them to change it up a little more.

If I was smarter, I'd figure out how to tag them to automatically go to a "Grandpa" email folder. But for all my praise of Macs, their email client loving blows compared to Outlook.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Hey, Infrared, I didn’t know you worked with Jordan Perkins!

This poo poo is really ratcheting up in tinfoil hat weirdness since the election.

————————


this is an urgent warning regarding the horrifying C-O-V-I-D vaccine story that nobody is talking about.

According to new sources… over 1,500 seniors have died after receiving their vaccine.

And that’s believed to be just 5% of the total death count based on historical data.

The reason for all this is simple...

These vaccines were rushed through FDA approval faster than any other in history -- with practically zero human safety research.

And why were they rushed through approval?

Because pharma companies paid our government millions of dollars in exchange for getting their vaccines to market.

And now Americans are paying the price.

But that’s not even the worst part...

This is NOT a simple case of greed and corruption.

According to bestselling survival author Damian Campbell, a dark group of Global Elites set up this vaccine disaster on purpose!

And these dark elites are controlling far more than just the vaccine going into your arm.

They’re working to manipulate every aspect of your life -- to keep you fat, dumb, and 100% reliant on the government.

And these vaccines are simply one part of their disgusting plan.

Campbell reveals all the shocking details in his new book, “Rulers of Darkness” -- which is available Free today right here.

Inside, you’ll discover how their evil plot could affect your family as soon as the next 3 weeks…

And what you must do NOW to protect yourself and fight back.

Fair Warning: Campbell has agreed to issue Free copies to the next 77 readers who request one.

After that, you may be forced to pay full price ($37) if you want one.

Click here to grab your Free copy while you can.

Stay safe and God bless you,
Jordon Perkins

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

Hey, Infrared, I didn’t know you worked with Jordan Perkins!

This poo poo is really ratcheting up in tinfoil hat weirdness since the election.

————————


this is an urgent warning regarding the horrifying C-O-V-I-D vaccine story that nobody is talking about.

According to new sources… over 1,500 seniors have died after receiving their vaccine.

And that’s believed to be just 5% of the total death count based on historical data.

The reason for all this is simple...

These vaccines were rushed through FDA approval faster than any other in history -- with practically zero human safety research.

And why were they rushed through approval?

Because pharma companies paid our government millions of dollars in exchange for getting their vaccines to market.

And now Americans are paying the price.

But that’s not even the worst part...

This is NOT a simple case of greed and corruption.

According to bestselling survival author Damian Campbell, a dark group of Global Elites set up this vaccine disaster on purpose!

And these dark elites are controlling far more than just the vaccine going into your arm.

They’re working to manipulate every aspect of your life -- to keep you fat, dumb, and 100% reliant on the government.

And these vaccines are simply one part of their disgusting plan.

Campbell reveals all the shocking details in his new book, “Rulers of Darkness” -- which is available Free today right here.

Inside, you’ll discover how their evil plot could affect your family as soon as the next 3 weeks…

And what you must do NOW to protect yourself and fight back.

Fair Warning: Campbell has agreed to issue Free copies to the next 77 readers who request one.

After that, you may be forced to pay full price ($37) if you want one.

Click here to grab your Free copy while you can.

Stay safe and God bless you,
Jordon Perkins

Why is he spelling out COVID like he's trying to keep a secret from a small child?

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

EasilyConfused posted:

Why is he spelling out COVID like he's trying to keep a secret from a small child?

Because if you write it out loud, FEMA will find out and put your town in a work camp. You can tell because of the inventory control tags stuck to the merchandise at Target.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Captain Log posted:

They’re working to manipulate every aspect of your life -- to keep you fat, dumb, and 100% reliant on the government.

And these vaccines are simply one part of their disgusting plan.

Oof, yeah, that sounds a LOT like my one teammate.

I really don’t see the appeal of believing extraordinary claims without the accompanying extraordinary evidence. I also, after having spent more than two decades of my life working for the government, know that you should never ascribe to malice what can be sufficiently explained by incompetence. There are absolutely ongoing threats. But raving about the Illuminati or whatever is to ignore the very real issues that we face.

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


infrared35 posted:

There are absolutely ongoing threats. But raving about the Illuminati or whatever is to ignore the very real issues that we face.

Thats sort of the point. Real issues are scary amd complex. A wizard The illuminati did it is simple and weirdly comforting because someone is in control.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

stealie72 posted:

Thats sort of the point. Real issues are scary amd complex. A wizard The illuminati did it is simple and weirdly comforting because someone is in control.

If it's all one person or group's fault, you can just be mad at them, you don't have to examine your own contributions to the problem.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Stick it in a pot and boil it for a half hour, you’ll find the core of the conspiracy to be a particularly nonsensical brand of wretched antisemitism

Which is even more bizarre, when coming out of hard line evangelicals. .

Problematic Soup
Feb 18, 2007

My soup has malfunctioned?





Captain Log posted:

Stick it in a pot and boil it for a half hour, you’ll find the core of the conspiracy to be a particularly nonsensical brand of wretched antisemitism

Which is even more bizarre, when coming out of hard line evangelicals. .

I mean, it seems like evangelicals have an extremely transactional relationship with Jewish people, since they need Isreal to be a thing, so they support Israel, but they also need Israel to eventually be destroyed to have the rapture happen. Support for this happen has precisely zero to do with actually caring about Jewish issues that don’t dovetail with hastening the end times. (This is from the perspective of someone who is not in either of these camps, so ymmv.)

But the contradiction in stated views is just par for the course, as it seems like most strains of American evangelical christianity, at least the ones attached to the religious right are absolutely riddled with contradictions of their stated doctrine and actions. When you have to apply critical thinking to see the antisemitism, it doesn’t remotely surprise me that people miss the point.

I have pretty much stopped actually listening to what people who are conspiracy minded or otherwise have views that seem completely irrational actually say, and have started looking at what psychological needs those views actually fill, because it’s far less maddening to me, and seems to be a better way to actually have some sort of insight into how these folks seem to work.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Brenda! Get my Go Bag and fetch me the Terrorist Blindfolds! I gotta "shut up" my dang PT Cruiser! Also, go cut up my bedsheets and make more! I'm gonna be interrogating my toaster first.

---------------------------------

Log take a look at the chart below.

If the last part of your email is found below, declassified documents confirm it’s been wiretapped for roughly 6 years.

And recent documents show the rest of the email addresses out there have been wiretapped for about 3-4 years.

Meaning anything you said or read on your email has been tracked by the government!

Fortunately when you follow the instructions in the new book, "Wire Tapped America," they won't be able to spy on your email anymore.

And not only does "Wire Tapped America" keep your email safe...

You’ll also discover:

> Which part in your car talks to Big Brother… and how to shut it up.
> How common appliances spy on you and how you can blindfold them for good.
> Even though they can listen to your phone… you can do something simple to block them.

And more!

The CIA openly admitted before congress all of this is happening.

And that’s why the author of "Wire Tapped America," Frank Mitchell, wants you to have his new book for Free!

Frank has extensive government connections and wants to keep Americans informed and protected.

So he’s decided to give a handful of copies of this incredible book away for Free.

And while Frank's nice… he ain’t rich, which means supplies are limited to just 200 copies, and a ton have already been claimed.

To keep the government’s nose out of your business click here and get yours before the rest are gone.

God bless you and stay safe,
Jordon Perkins

P.S. Frank says this is a one-time ‘privacy alert’ giveaway. Once these 200 copies are gone (and many already are) this info won’t be available free again.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

> Which part in your car talks to Big Brother… and how to shut it up.

Is it the exhaust manifold?

I bet it's the exhaust manifold.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




EasilyConfused posted:

Is it the exhaust manifold?

I bet it's the exhaust manifold.

Shove a blindfold in it. Just to be safe.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




As most of you know, my fathers older brother unexpectedly passed away recently. He was sixty-two.

The man was way into politics and the history behind it all. He read a biography of every president (not sure where you'd even find them all), then read a biography of every Vice President. He then apparently read every biography on First Ladies he could find. He was a no bullshit, read a book or two a day guy. Who spent his whole life as a bartender.

This is relevant - The dude was a die hard, money donating blue voter.

But he always found political knick knacks and collectibles immensely funny. He would send me goofy political bullshit on birthdays. Thanks to him, I continued to the habit. I have a George W. Bush bobblehead from the early 00's I always displayed, despite loathing that man's administration.

I've gone through maybe 10% of what we shipped back from his place and the pallets haven't arrived yet.

Brothers and Sisters, I have found Grandpa Gold.
---------------------------------
I present to you, TRUMP COIN - CHEIF DIPLOMAT!!! (Made with 24 karat NOT GOLD!!!)



Written around the border - "CHEIF DIPLOMAT - Border Security - New Immigration Controls - Prioritize Jobs, Wages, and the Security of the American People



Written on the back - "PRESIDENTIAL ROLES OF Donald Trump - Chief Diplomat - Head of State - Chief Legislator - Commander in Chief - Chief Executive - Party Leader - Manager of the Economy"

I don't even know where to begin ripping on this. Although I can say one thing for sure, Trump Coin could also pass for Kim Jong Coin. It's loving two inches across.

There is so much more, going as far back as Nixon.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

There is so much more, going as far back as Nixon.



Sorry to hear about your uncle.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




EasilyConfused posted:



Sorry to hear about your uncle.

I appreciate it.

Let's step back in time, to the Nixon Administration.



Ah...it's a...Nixon Penny? Something doesn't seem right. Let's set it next to a half dollar -





If a political joke happens in the woods, but everyone who heard it is dead, is it still a joke?

I literally don't understand what this Nixon Penny even means.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Didn't Nixon take us off the gold standard once and for all?

There was a prediction by the Fudds of the financial world that runaway inflation would doom us all. Hence the penny shrinking in size, a comment on how its value would also shrink.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

tarlibone posted:

Didn't Nixon take us off the gold standard once and for all?

There was a prediction by the Fudds of the financial world that runaway inflation would doom us all. Hence the penny shrinking in size, a comment on how its value would also shrink.

Not sure about the details, but inflation was a big issue in the Nixon years, that's gotta be the explanation.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




I'm aware of the inflation issue with Nixon, but thought that penny might be referencing some specific incident or gaffe.

I kinda want to try and buy something with it.

Wait, no I don't. I frequently have cashiers argue with me that half dollars/dollar coins aren't real. Which involves them calling their manager, then they look it up on their phone, then the words, "Huh, I didn't know that was real."

When I managed a lovely restaurant in Kansas, most of the service staff was under twenty-one. On slow days, the relied on me to ask "Quiz Questions" to pass the time, with the winner of ten often getting their sidewalk reduced.

Not a single one could name who was on a one, ten, twenty, or hundred dollar bill. Two of them got Lincoln on the five. More than a few thought Lincoln was on the hundred.

When asked who America fought in World War II, I got everyone from Canada to China to Cuba. They liked C countries. Nobody got Germany. Or Italy. Or Japan.

(If any loving one of you goes "Well actually" and tries to explain how we were at war one of those countries in WWII I'll loving reach through the internet and choke you.)

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

I kinda want to try and buy something with it.

You can't buy anything with a penny, these days, that's the point

Couldn't come up with a way to make Canada our enemy

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




Captain Log posted:

When asked who America fought in World War II, I got everyone from Canada to China to Cuba. They liked C countries. Nobody got Germany. Or Italy. Or Japan.

I need a that explodes into a mushroom cloud of s.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Captain Log posted:

I'm aware of the inflation issue with Nixon, but thought that penny might be referencing some specific incident or gaffe.

I kinda want to try and buy something with it.

Wait, no I don't. I frequently have cashiers argue with me that half dollars/dollar coins aren't real. Which involves them calling their manager, then they look it up on their phone, then the words, "Huh, I didn't know that was real."

When I managed a lovely restaurant in Kansas, most of the service staff was under twenty-one. On slow days, the relied on me to ask "Quiz Questions" to pass the time, with the winner of ten often getting their sidewalk reduced.

Not a single one could name who was on a one, ten, twenty, or hundred dollar bill. Two of them got Lincoln on the five. More than a few thought Lincoln was on the hundred.

When asked who America fought in World War II, I got everyone from Canada to China to Cuba. They liked C countries. Nobody got Germany. Or Italy. Or Japan.

(If any loving one of you goes "Well actually" and tries to explain how we were at war one of those countries in WWII I'll loving reach through the internet and choke you.)

When I do public outreach events at schools, I do quizzes and anyone who answers a question correctly gets agency swag.

I don't hand out a lot of agency swag.

I start out with hard questions like "what year was the Stamp Act passed" and nobody even tries. I ask an easier question like "In what year did the US win its independence?" I got guesses ranging from 1950 to 1986. I ask an easier question like "How many states are there in the US?" and about half the kids get it wrong. I don't want to ask an easier question than that. I already don't have much hope for humanity. I don't want to run a negative balance.

(side note: when I worked at the newspaper, one of the full-time reporters didn't know how many states there were)

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



Captain Log posted:


I present to you, TRUMP COIN - CHEIF DIPLOMAT!!! (Made with 24 karat NOT GOLD!!!)

[

Having a Trump Coin made out of fake gold is so on the nose it hurts.

Knowing it’s unintentional is just

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

I wonder if I could get one class in iron pyrite?

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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




infrared35 posted:

When I do public outreach events at schools, I do quizzes and anyone who answers a question correctly gets agency swag.

I don't hand out a lot of agency swag.

I start out with hard questions like "what year was the Stamp Act passed" and nobody even tries. I ask an easier question like "In what year did the US win its independence?" I got guesses ranging from 1950 to 1986. I ask an easier question like "How many states are there in the US?" and about half the kids get it wrong. I don't want to ask an easier question than that. I already don't have much hope for humanity. I don't want to run a negative balance.

(side note: when I worked at the newspaper, one of the full-time reporters didn't know how many states there were)

The shocking thing? Some of my quiz kids were in AP courses and accepted to nice colleges.

Say what you will about Kansas, but all the high schools are crazy nice. At least compared to the south.

But none of them knew George Washington was on the one dollar Bill.

I quickly learned question like, “What date was Operation Barbarossa?” Wouldn’t work.

But they called me “Blacklist,” so I loved them anyways.


Cyrano4747 posted:

Having a Trump Coin made out of fake gold is so on the nose it hurts.

Knowing it’s unintentional is just

There is so much more.

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