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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




"Brenda! The liberals are at it again! Trying to replace the holiest of holies, the Star Spangled Banner, with SECULAR HIPPY MUSIC! Fetch my credit card, we've gotta show 'em by paying shipping, handling, and processing on this here coin!"
------------------------------------------
"Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception." - Seth Rouche

Liberals Want to REMOVE the Star Spangled Banner as Our National Anthem!

Liberal activists are at it again! This time they've got Francis Scott Key's "The Star Spangled Banner" in their crosshairs...

Get this! They want to replace it with John Lennon's song Imagine.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as much a fan of The Beatles as the next guy, but I say HELL NO when it comes to changing our National Anthem.

These liberals aren't going to like what I'm doing now! To show support for our current National Anthem, I'm giving away this FREE beautiful Gold 'The Star Spangled Banner' Commemorative Coin today!

Don't hesitate to take advantage of this special offer. We've acquired 500 of these exclusive coins for this limited promo and we invite you to claim yours now!



CHECK AVAILABILITY HERE!

You won't find these coins at stores. This may be your only chance to get this coin to show your support for our tried and true version of The Star Spangled Banner!

We've decided to pickup the cost of this coin...all we ask is you cover the modest price of shipping, handling and processing.

Remember, this nationwide promotion ENDS soon or whenever supplies run out (which could very well be tonight!).

Show Liberals You Want to Keep "The Star Spangled Banner" and Claim your FREE coin now!

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tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

For what it's worth, the Star-Spangled Banner is a legitimately bad national anthem for purely musical reasons.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




tarlibone posted:

For what it's worth, the Star-Spangled Banner is a legitimately bad national anthem for purely musical reasons.

It's a lot of fun to pick a FOUR verse mess that most professionals do not have the range to sing.

The professional choir/dance troupe I was in had to sing it so many loving times. I could probably still do the Tenor Two line from memory, even though our arrangement had me singing weird scale runs of "Truth. Is. Mar. Ching" through some verses.

Once you actually learn the lyrics, it's a little bit

Hayden
Jan 17, 2006
buttsex?

I'm curious how much and what quality, if any, actual gold is used on these coins.

I'm guessing very little to none.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Here's one of the best explanations, on a musical level, as to what makes the Star-Spangled Banner a terrible national anthem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI7nhSIuHg4

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Imagine would also be a lovely anthem, to be fair.

It would be uniquely lovely though, instead of generically lovely.

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006



loving lyrics/meter don’t match the beat at all in the banner.

So many spots where you either extend a vowel way too far of trip over syllables to get to the next word ASAP.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Hayden posted:

I'm curious how much and what quality, if any, actual gold is used on these coins.

I'm guessing very little to none.

Hint - They don't mention gold on the STAR SPANGLED BANNER COIN!

Normally, 24k GOLD PLATED basically means they used absolutely dick all. There is a reason it's worthless.


Cyrano4747 posted:

loving lyrics/meter don’t match the beat at all in the banner.

So many spots where you either extend a vowel way too far of trip over syllables to get to the next word ASAP.

There is something so uniquely American about having Francis loving Scott Key write a masturbatory, rambling, mis-enunciated national anthem. Stephen Foster would have made something better.

There is a reason most anthems are dull and plainly sung - anyone is supposed to be able to do it.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




Captain Log posted:

There is something so uniquely American about having Francis loving Scott Key write a masturbatory, rambling, mis-enunciated national anthem.

To the melody of an English drinking song, no less.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Somebody Awful posted:

To the melody of an English drinking song, no less.

Hey, I'm going to be bugging you to change the thread title to reflect this being a place to laugh at -

- Grandpa Emails
- Gun Magazines
- Industry Advertisements

But we need a fitting title.

:stares at everyone else:

(I'm sitting on a loving hysterical article from a recent gun mag on improvised self defense weapons. Like trash can lids. Throw like frisbees. At shins. I'm not making this up.)

Hayden
Jan 17, 2006
buttsex?

Stupid GUN related poo poo Mk.ii: The Second One

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




"Our reporter on the ground, Old Man Whizzleteets, has found a supply of PLASTIC BOXES. Look closely...very...closely...You will SEE these PLASTIC BOXES indicate a MASS SCALE BOX EVENT."

-----------------------------

This is disturbing.

Recently leaked photos show that FEMA is stockpiling thousands upon thousands of plastic coffins...

You can see them below -- along with a reporter who snuck in to expose this story:



Who are these coffins for?

Well, none of them have been used yet…

So the answer is still a mystery.

All we know right now is that FEMA is preparing for a “mass scale death event.”

...much larger than what we’ve seen from the pandemic.

If you’re wondering what that event could be... this Military Insider believes he has the answer.

His name is Frank Mitchell, and he’s issuing a grim warning to Americans in his new book “Escaping Anarchy.”

Inside this shocking exposé, he explains the sad truth of why the Great American Experiment may soon come to a violent end…

More importantly…

He shows exactly what Americans and their families must do right now to prepare.

NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Due to 3 events from the past several weeks, I believe a serious collapse and “mass scale death event” may arrive even sooner than I originally predicted.

So to get this information into as many Americans' hands as possible…

The $39.95 retail price is being temporarily waived -- and a limited number of copies are being handed out Free.

However, at the time of this writing, I can only guarantee a Free copy to the next 137 people who request one.

After those copies are gone, your only choice may be to wait for more to be printed and sold and full retail price.

You can see if there’s still a Free copy available for you here.

WARNING:
Many of your friends and family will find the content of this book highly offensive. For that reason, I urge you to exercise caution in who you share it with. That said, for those who seek the truth, this book will be the most disturbing, but eye-opening, read of your life.

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


Captain Log posted:

NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Due to 3 events from the past several weeks, I believe a serious collapse and “mass scale death event” may arrive even sooner than I originally predicted.
This is genius. Hard to think of a time since 2000 where you wouldn't just nod along with your own thoughts of what those three events are.

KozmoNaut
Apr 23, 2008

Happiness is a warm
Turbo Plasma Rifle


More about that book:

quote:

The tens of thousands of readers of The Balk now understand that America is headed towards collapse and balkanization, and that Whites in diverse urban areas need to move out of them to rural, homogeneous White regions.

The ShieldWall Network Plan, Project New America, explains where you should go when you bug out, and when to jump ship to get here.

Now, there is a book telling you how to survive long enough to make it to Ozarkia, if you procrastinate about moving until SHTF.

Riots In Our Streets and a Disputed Election PROVE America May Be On the Brink OF Collapse… And So We’re Rush Shipping Free Copies Of Our New Book Escaping Anarchy – To the Next 137 People to Give You A Complete System
For Surviving The Coming Collapse. 

Get a free copy, paying only $4.95 for shipping and handling.

The Following Warning From the Military Should Have All Americans On High Alert

Not long after the pandemic started to ravage the world, the American military issued an alert.
They warned that what we’re seeing happen in the U.S. could be the birth pains of civil unrest. 
This means there is a strong chance of a future filled with battles fought on American streets.

The true risks are in America right now. How to recognize them and how to prepare for them all? How can you say, “over 19 Trillion dollars in US debt”? If you think nothing bad is going to happen, you’re kidding yourself. The crash of 2008 was just a hint of what’s coming down the pike. 

On page 14, you’ll learn how to use the trash in your garbage to create enough clean drinking water to keep your family alive for months. With this, you don’t have to build anything or buy any expensive filters. An adult can only survive 3 days without fresh water, this one thing WILL save your life…

On page 26, you’ll learn exactly how to have home-cooked meals every day even if the power and gas are out of service. You’ll laugh at how simple this is and wonder, “Why didn’t I think of that before?”

How to save a life, even if you have no medical experience. During a crisis people will be wounded, you can count on it. Follow the Family Survival System and you will know exactly what to do when you, your family, or even a stranger needs your help.

The truth about having a gun. Just having a gun in your house does you no good if you don’t know what to do and how to do it. You’re more of a danger than a protector. You’ll discover exactly what type of gun to have and how to use it to protect the ones you love.

What information to stockpile and how to keep it safe from marauders.The family with the most knowledge wins the game of survival every time.

Learn where the safest place is for your family during a crisis. Hint, it’s not always best to stay home and it’s not always best to leave during a disaster. Once you go through the Family Survival System you’ll know exactly which is right for you and your family.

If you find yourself struggling to see how you could make 2 or 3 of these survival tips happen right this very second…
Then you’ve proven that you desperately need my book. 
And as you can plainly see, based on what’s going on in our world today… 
Our nation is hurtling towards a disaster. 
It’s not a matter of “If” it happens…it’s “when” is the BIG question. 
So that’s why I want to give you a Free copy of Escaping Anarchy – to guarantee you’re 100% prepared for the chaos that will take place on our streets.

KozmoNaut fucked around with this message at 22:25 on Mar 21, 2021

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




KozmoNaut posted:

More about that book:

America is headed towards collapse and balkanization, and that Whites in diverse urban areas need to move out of them to rural, homogeneous White regions.


EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

I think "The Balk" is just what kids call the Balkans these days.

quote:

How can you say, “over 19 Trillion dollars in US debt”?
Very easily

KozmoNaut
Apr 23, 2008

Happiness is a warm
Turbo Plasma Rifle


EasilyConfused posted:

I think "The Balk" is just what kids call the Balkans these days.

It's a book published by "Vinland Freedom Press".


quote:

One of the 25 reader reviews posted on the now censored Amazon.com page for 'The Balk,' Billy Roper's nonfiction book about the future breakup of America, is 5 out of 5 stars. "I think this little book is somewhat unique in that it focuses on the demographic changes that have occurred in the U.S. and the continuing trends that are & will shape our country in the coming years. It helps you to think through steps and actions that can get us prepared for potential scenarios as these trends unfold. Being aware of the changes will help you think about the best places to live if you aren't already there. If you think about moving away from large urban areas, or to another state and connecting with more like minded people then this is a helpful resource but different that other "prepper" type books. It's not about "prepping" per se and not an exhaustive state by state review like some I've read but none the less you will find it useful. It may change your view on what is happening in our country and show you how and where you may be able to thrive regardless of changes coming."
'The Balk' is the kind of hard-hitting, brutally honest description of how, when, and why the United States is doomed to collapse and breakup into smaller, racially based ethnostates that people either love or hate. That's why all of our reviews were either five or one star. The five star reviews are from two-thirds of readers who see the Balkanization coming after reading the book, while the one star reviews are from "anti-racist" activists attempting to hurt the author's livelihood by attacking his book sales, rather than his ideas themselves. It had a 3.6 out of 5 star rating, overall. If you want to understand why multiracial democracy has failed, why America is so polarized and divided, and what will happen next, you should read 'The Balk'.

Why are all these dogs suddenly here?

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




KozmoNaut posted:

It's a book published by "Vinland Freedom Press".


Why are all these dogs suddenly here?

Reading that was like falling off a cliff while hitting spikier and spikier rocks with each bounce.

KozmoNaut
Apr 23, 2008

Happiness is a warm
Turbo Plasma Rifle


Oh, it gets worse than that.

http://vinlandfreedompress.net/

Problematic Soup
Feb 18, 2007

My soup has malfunctioned?





You know it’s a good read when the author gets an SPLC page.

https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/individual/billy-roper

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


Saying for the nth time: gun people are the worst loving brand to represent.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




Problematic Soup posted:

You know it’s a good read when the author gets an SPLC page.

quote:

Billy Roper was born into the world of organized hate. The son and grandson of Klansmen, Roper joined a racist skinhead gang in Arkansas as a teenager in the 1980s, then became a high school history teacher there before launching his adult career as a full-time white nationalist.

Excuse me what the gently caress

fatman1683
Jan 8, 2004
.

Somebody Awful posted:

Excuse me what the gently caress

The state-mandated history curriculum in most Southern states isn't incompatible with white supremacy. I'm guessing Arkansas is no exception.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




fatman1683 posted:

The state-mandated history curriculum in most Southern states isn't incompatible with white supremacy. I'm guessing Arkansas is no exception.

Even though the klan was founded in Pulaski, Tennessee, isn't it headquartered in Arkansas now?

Not calling everyone in a state klan, for the record.



Good. God.

Look at what I found on that website -



That top picture looks like Tim Heidecker in an absurdist skit.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Europid.

That's a word I know now.

Thanks.

Apprentice Dick
Dec 1, 2009


Captain Log posted:

Even though the klan was founded in Pulaski, Tennessee, isn't it headquartered in Arkansas now?

Harrison, Arkansas to be precise.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

When you say "the klan is headquartered in ____," you're really giving it a lot more credit as a cohesive organization than it deserves.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




tarlibone posted:

When you say "the klan is headquartered in ____," you're really giving it a lot more credit as a cohesive organization than it deserves.

I'll never forget watching some documentary of a reporter living with the Klan for a while, sorta like a Louis Theroux deal. He was talking to the Grand Wizard Whateverthefuck's wife about the robes. She said something like, "We cannot use a certain type of polyester...because we found out it's flammable." while giving the camera wide eyes.

I like to think they found out about that the hard way.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

You know, we are already experiencing a mass death event. And you know what they're doing with the bodies? Putting them in mass graves, or cremating them. Ain't nobody got time for half a million plastic coffins, and ain't nobody got a place to put them once they're occupied.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




infrared35 posted:

You know, we are already experiencing a mass death event. And you know what they're doing with the bodies? Putting them in mass graves, or cremating them. Ain't nobody got time for half a million plastic coffins, and ain't nobody got a place to put them once they're occupied.

But have you heard about the “J” talking about the “S” HITTING THE “F?!”

——————


In the Bible, Jesus made a specific warning about the End Times.

He said while no one knows the exact timing for the End… If you refuse to pay attention, the End will “come like a thief in the night.”

What’s scary is something the U.S. Government did to respond to the coronavirus pandemic makes biblical experts believe we’ve moved one step closer to the upcoming apocalypse.

If you want to know more about what exactly could be pushing us towards Armageddon then you ought to check out Rulers of Darkness, a stunning expose about the secrets Trump knows about our government (but won’t share on TV or Twitter)…

Today you can get a Free copy of this book by clicking here.

Inside your Free copy of this book you'll see how Trump is in just as much danger as JFK was before he was assassinated…

And it shows how what's going on right now is setting us up to live underneath a reign of terror.

The material in this book is so important for concerned citizens that...

We called in a favor and convinced the author to give us a few copies to hand out to our readers for Free.

Right now we have enough copies set aside for the first 100 people who respond to this email.

Once you get this book, you need to review it ASAP.

We can’t tell you when the S will hit the F, but we can tell you Jesus was right that no man knows the hour - and that we should be vigilant and prepared.

Get your Free copy of Rulers of Darkness before they’re gone!

God bless you and talk soon,
Jordon Perkins

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Could someone come up with a funny thread title to include -

- Grandpa Emails
- Industry Advertisements
- Gun Magazines

I'm sitting on some gun magazine gold I'll post when the title gets changed. Let's just say it involves self defense with a trash can lid. Thrown as a projectile. At an attacker's shins.

shalafi4
Feb 20, 2011

another medical bills avatar

Captain Log posted:

Could someone come up with a funny thread title to include -

- Grandpa Emails
- Industry Advertisements
- Gun Magazines

I'm sitting on some gun magazine gold I'll post when the title gets changed. Let's just say it involves self defense with a trash can lid. Thrown as a projectile. At an attacker's shins.

America's Grandpa saves his family and made out big with this one secret trick


Edit: I'm just now getting coffee this morning.. I'll add more if they come to me

Kids these days don't know how to read this free book.

shalafi4 fucked around with this message at 13:11 on Mar 24, 2021

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




OH LORDY!!! IT'S THE DEVIL!!! SNEAKING ALL UP IN MAH' MOUTH WORDS!!!

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

OH LORDY!!! IT'S THE DEVIL!!! SNEAKING ALL UP IN MAH' MOUTH WORDS!!!



*steps up to the mic*

*snaps*

SPIRIT SUBTLE WARS THE WORLD SYSTEM LIES SIN NATURE CAPTURED

*snaps*

angel of light subtile I will be all this power liar destroy the serpent beguiled me

*snaps*

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

EasilyConfused posted:

*steps up to the mic*

*snaps*

SPIRIT SUBTLE WARS THE WORLD SYSTEM LIES SIN NATURE CAPTURED

*snaps*

angel of light subtile I will be all this power liar destroy the serpent beguiled me

*snaps*

A++, would sip coffee to.

infrared35 fucked around with this message at 22:31 on Mar 26, 2021

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




The entirety of this email for a black hat with an American flag patch isn't anything special.

But I found...a few interesting choice...in punctuation and use of ellipses? Patriot? Patriot...hat?

------------------------

America needs patriots just like you to proudly wear this hat?

To help patriots like you, we are giving away 100 of these American Hats to show our love for this great country.

The one catch is that we only have 100 hats to give away, so this free hat is for serious patriots only…

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"






"Kamala's Backdoor"



---------------------------
Everybody is wondering about Kamala’s backdoor.

How big is it? When will she use it? And does it even exist?

Of course, I’m referring to the theory that...

Kamala will soon become President -- using the “backdoor” of Joe Biden’s death.

She didn’t earn her role as VP…

Instead, according to bestselling survival author Damian Campbell...

She was hand-picked by a dark group of global elites? who are quietly working to put her in office.

… the same group that’s been planning for years to take down America and all the conservatives who support it.

Now their plan is finally coming to pass.

And it could put your family in grave danger as soon as the next 2 months.

That’s why Campbell is desperately trying to warn Americans in his recent book, “Rulers of Darkness.”

Inside, he exposes the disgusting plans they have in store for you -- and what you must do now to fight back and WIN.

NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Because of 2 key events in the past 7 weeks, this wicked plot is happening even faster than originally predicted. As a result of that fact, I’ve decided to waive the $39.95 retail price of this book, and rush out a small number of digital copies for FREE.

One small problem…

As of today, Campbell is promising Free copies to the next 77 readers who request one.

And this email just went out to all of my other 62,885 subscribers.

So if you want a Free copy, it’s important you click here now to grab one.

God bless you and talk soon,
Jordon Perkins

Log - This book has made some very powerful enemies. I already have a target on my back for it, and I don’t want the same thing happening to you. So please be sure this sensitive information doesn’t leave your trusted circle of friends and family.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




Captain Log posted:

She was hand-picked by a dark group of global elites? who are quietly working to put her in office.

… the same group that’s been planning for years to take down America and all the conservatives who support it.

Every time I see a claim like this, I want to back the author into a corner and see how long it takes to make him admit that "dark group of global elites" means Jews.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

How big is it?

How big is his death? This doesn't even make sense by their standards.

Somebody Awful posted:

Every time I see a claim like this, I want to back the author into a corner and see how long it takes to make him admit that "dark group of global elites" means Jews.

tbf, sometimes it's also gays.

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Hayden
Jan 17, 2006
buttsex?

Somebody Awful posted:

Every time I see a claim like this, I want to back the author into a corner and see how long it takes to make him admit that "dark group of global elites" means Jews.

I'm gonna guess the dog whistles start immediately, and I'll put the line for actual slurs at 15 minutes. I'm taking the under.

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