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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Somebody Awful posted:

Every time I see a claim like this, I want to back the author into a corner and see how long it takes to make him admit that "dark group of global elites" means Jews.


Hayden posted:

I'm gonna guess the dog whistles start immediately, and I'll put the line for actual slurs at 15 minutes. I'm taking the under.

I'd be willing to bet the slurs would be dressed up into, "Judaic Global Banker Elite."

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Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Boy howdy, look at this IRATE CRAZY WOMAN!!!

Now let me tell you about why you need to put a sliced onion in your shirt sleeve.

Problematic Soup
Feb 18, 2007

My soup has malfunctioned?





Captain Log posted:

Boy howdy, look at this IRATE CRAZY WOMAN!!!

Now let me tell you about why you need to put a sliced onion in your shirt sleeve.



That’s obviously an onion in a sock.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.


Smellrose

SMH at people wearing onions on something besides their belts.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




HILLARY CLINTON IS IN MY YARD TEARIN' UP ALL MY ROOT VEGETABLES!!! HOW DO I REMOVE?!?!

ALSO EVERY TIME I EAT A SWEET POTATO I GET SOMETHING I CALL "EXPLOSIVE AGENT ORANGE" CLEARLY A LIB PLOT!!!

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

Proč bychom se netěšili když nám Pán Bůh zdraví dá?


These guys have been using the same headlines and press pool photos from the late 2000s for over a decade now.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Scratch Monkey posted:

These guys have been using the same headlines and press pool photos from the late 2000s for over a decade now.

Speaking of that, they seem to be updating their insults to "Homophobic Sixth Grader from 2003."

I'm only posting the first few lines of this email, because the rest of it is normal "Blah blah blah CHINA blah blah."

----------------------------

You already know about Biden’s corrupt business dealings around the world...

But what you probably DON’T know is:

Biden is also “butt buddies” with America’s worst international enemy.

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Butt buddies?

I feel like I'm in the 6th grade again.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




The quotations make it all the more, "Grandpa is saying racist poo poo again but thinks it's OK because he keeps doing air quotes."

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

Captain Log posted:

The quotations make it all the more, "Grandpa is saying racist poo poo again but thinks it's OK because he keeps doing air quotes."

Yeah, I'll tell you what, I know for a FACT that Biden and America's worst international enemy? They're "rump rangers"!

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Biden campaign missed out on a chance for a "Biden's Butt Buddies" fundraiser in the gay community. Everyone loves alliteration.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Honey, start calling the Militia Phone Tree! BLM is about to attack us right here in Pikeville, Kentucky! I'm going to the roof recliner to keep watch overwatch on the holler!

-----------------------------
Log - you may not know this, but ANTIFA and BLM are present in all 50 states and over 35 different countries.

Recently, there’s been online chatter suggesting the two groups might start attacking small towns and neighborhoods in all 50 states.

It doesn’t matter if you live in a million dollar mansion or a mobile home...

If you don’t take the simple steps you’ll see on the next page...

Rioters will likely breach your home faster than an ice cube melts on a hot summer day.

Thankfully, my friend and ex-Cop Frank Mitchell wants to show you a cheap and easy way to make your home IMPENETRABLE.

It has nothing to do with alarm systems like Brinks or ADT... which actually do nothing to stop bad guys from getting in your home.

Instead, this simple method lets you lock your house down tighter than Fort Knox -- with just a cheap Lowes trip and a couple hours.

Frank explains everything in his new book Bulletproof Home Security -- which is available FREE today.

Inside, you’ll discover:

>> 5 Simple Ways To Make Your Front Door A Hardened Barricade - 85% of home invasions happen through your front door.

>> How to Turn Your Windows Into “Transparent Steel” - Without this, crooks are one tap away from being inside your home.

>> Every Home’s BIGGEST Weak Spot - Every house has this, and it’s begging to be broken into.

>> Common Mistakes That Mark You As A Prime Target - You might as well be waving a big red flag that says “rob me” if you’re doing these 4 things.

Like I said, today you have the chance to get a copy of this priceless security manual for Free.

With the constant risk of more rioting and social unrest, Frank is handing these out Free to ensure as many Americans as possible are prepared for the worst.

But unfortunately, he doesn’t have many copies to give away.

There are currently enough Free copies for the next 11 readers.

After that, we can’t make any promises.

Grab your Free copy NOW while they’re still available.

Talk soon and God bless,
Jordon Perkins

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

I swear, we need a PO box so we can get some of this stuff. I'm 99% sure most of it is there to mine for address data for junk mail, so a PO box is a must. Seriously, I need to Fort Knox my house against the Armenian Antifa!

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Is this security expert going to tell me how to fireproof my home? Because honestly that’s the biggest thing I worry about if there’s a riot overrunning my neighborhood.

Also, a forest fire is the biggest natural disaster I worry about. So fireproofing would be awesome. Thx.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




As we all know, when people are trying to conquer a place they start with the tiny irrelevant towns.

The thing I love is how I've been getting "Sweepstakes Entries" with each email for "One of a Kind" prizes that haven't changed in five years.

EasilyConfused
Nov 21, 2009


one strong toad

Captain Log posted:

85% of home invasions happen through your front door.

Wow, my front door sure gets around!

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




EasilyConfused posted:

Wow, my front door sure gets around!

The back door is a lot harder to get into the first time. But once it's open...it's open.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




Captain Log posted:

You might as well be waving a big red flag that says “rob me” if you’re doing these 4 things.

Does putting gun stickers on your car make the list?

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Somebody Awful posted:

Does putting gun stickers on your car make the list?

Serious answer? I'm a "No."

But for me, keeping your car from getting robbed is more about where you park than how your car looks.

I also think stickers on a car say, "This car is old and I'm not worried about the resale", which doesn't really say the same as a 2021 Lexus SUV with a MAGA sticker.

charliebravo77
Jun 11, 2003



infrared35 posted:

Is this security expert going to tell me how to fireproof my home? Because honestly that’s the biggest thing I worry about if there’s a riot overrunning my neighborhood.

Also, a forest fire is the biggest natural disaster I worry about. So fireproofing would be awesome. Thx.

Constantly piss on your house so that rioters know it's yours and it's too damp to be overcome by a forest fire.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




charliebravo77 posted:

Constantly piss on your house so that rioters know it's yours and it's too damp to be overcome by a forest fire.

We’re gonna need more piss.

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


Captain Log posted:

The back door is a lot harder to get into the first time. But once it's open...it's open.
This...is not true.

Also, should I get a red flag to let antifa know I'm on their side when they overrun my small town?

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infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

charliebravo77 posted:

Constantly piss on your house so that rioters know it's yours and it's too damp to be overcome by a forest fire.

I like where your head's at.

BRB, stocking up on diuretics.

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