Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Dip Viscous
Sep 17, 2019



It took me four tries to read that.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

sharkytm
Oct 9, 2003

Gimme Gimme Swedish Fish...



Fallen Rib

Captain Log posted:

“Great Reset.”

Ah yes, right up there with the globalists.

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

Proč bychom se netěšili když nám Pán Bůh zdraví dá?


quote:

The Death of Normal Sex: To help “save the planet” they plan to control reproduction and stifle humanity at the biological level.

They want to limit procreation which will destroy sex because what other reason would someone have to have sex? Doesn’t make sense.

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Scratch Monkey posted:

They want to limit procreation which will destroy sex because what other reason would someone have to have sex? Doesn’t make sense.

Also, I thought the vaccine was supposed to make everyone gay, which would lower reproduction but not stop sex. At all.

In related news, the Firearms Policy Coalition sends out hyperbolic emails any time gun control legislation is introduced anywhere. I subscribed because it's useful to see what's going on out there (once you adjust for their panicky tone), and they do have handy links for contacting your representatives.

However...

This time they seem to be going off the rails a bit.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




I want this quote emblazoned upon a denim jacket. Or maybe haphazardly painted on the windows of a 2001 Dodge Stratus.

"Things like how they plan to introduce...Bugs In Your Body: Their plans are to literally force you to put bugs in your body. See what kind of bugs and why they need you to be filled with them!"

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Grandpa Emails have leveled up. Now, you have COMPLETELY REAL and NOT TOTALLY MADE UP screen grabs of HUMAN PEOPLE praising the awesome product!

Today, we are talking about something called the Nova Knife. What is it? I have no idea! The email doesn't say anything about it.

-----------------------------





infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

Some of those names. I'm half expecting to see Bobson Dugnutt show up to lend his opinion.

Dip Viscous
Sep 17, 2019



50 Dipcoins says it's going to be a rebrand of that knife from a few years back with a built in "tobacco pipe".

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

I've been getting spam selling this particular book, with increasingly alarmist tones. Let's play Grandpa Email Bingo:



quote:

Something recently happened at FOX News that should terrify conservative Americans.

No, it had nothing to with the elections.

Nor did it have anything to do with Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, the Five, or anything like that.

Instead, this has to do with how FOX leadership betrayed Americans.

The details of this scheme involve some of the most powerful people in America... people Trump called the Deep State...

...secretly taking control of FOX so they can quietly change the direction of the company to turn America into a left-wing cesspool.

Sadly, what happened to FOX is a small sample of what’s going on behind closed doors in politics AND in major companies.

And that’s why best-selling author Damian Campbell is giving away Free copies of his new book “Rulers of Darkness” to the next 77 people who click here.

Campbell’s disturbing tell-all provides you with the frightening details about what the Deep State is doing behind closed doors.

Make no mistake about it, the information shared in this book will seem too shocking to believe.

It’s so controversial that Campbell fears Amazon wouldn’t even sell it!

But once you know what’s happening then you can prepare to resist it.

This is why he is actually going to give you a FREE copy of his book today.

With it, you can get a jump on the deep state and prepare yourself so they can’t become your master.

Like we said, Campbell has 77 copies to give away, and we convinced him to give us a few copies to hand out to our readers for Free.

Once you get this book into your hands, you’ll need to review it ASAP.

Campbell shows you… now that Biden is in power…

Some of their plans could affect you in the next few weeks.

Get your Free copy of this book before they’re gone... and before it’s too late.


- Thank you.

P.S. While it’s impossible to make this book illegal, the left is doing the best they can to make sure it never sees the light of day. Fight them by getting this book - it holds enough truth to take down the liberal left for good.

Get yours Free while you still can.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




FIGHT THE DEMONCRATS AND CHINA JOE BY GIVING ME MONEY!!!

infrared35
Jan 12, 2005

border patrol qt


Plaster Town Cop

I just want to know how to get a jump on the Deep State so they won't become my master. Is that too much to ask?

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




First step - Take your keys
Second step - art arch Budweiser lanyard
Third step - Key flail

How many pages would the book take to go full Mask Off anti-Semitic blood libel talk?

I bet it kicks in around twenty-five pages.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.


Smellrose

That "book" those emails are trying to shill is 64 pages long and has zero reviews or readers on Goodreads, something I've never encountered before.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Vincent Van Goatse posted:

That "book" those emails are trying to shill is 64 pages long and has zero reviews or readers on Goodreads, something I've never encountered before.

Would opening those link in a private window make them safe to scope out? I could probably dredge up more comedy, but I don't want to give my computer conserva-cancer.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.


Smellrose

Captain Log posted:

Would opening those link in a private window make them safe to scope out? I could probably dredge up more comedy, but I don't want to give my computer conserva-cancer.

No idea. I just searched the name of the book.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




I've been getting six or seven emails a day about THE SUPER SECRET LIFE ALTERING SURVIVAL TOOL THAT WILL SELL OUT RIGHT NOW!!!

They finally posted a picture of it -



It's a loving cheap rear end flashlight with a knife on it. For reasons. Survival reasons.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




The Nova Knife is the knife is the way is the survival of the tool to make a win for 9/11 the never forget seal team six the outdoor knife the knife.

URGHARGH!!!

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




We talking about the Nova again? Lou of Lonesurvivalist dot com is still paying Gunbroker to spam my inbox with promotions for that thing, often multiple times a day. 99% of it is still just one template with a couple of lines swapped out and I'm pretty sure they're auto-generated because some of them don't even make sense.

The template:

quote:

This New [Thing] is [something].

[Something about the Thing.]

You can win $Money to buy this [Thing] by entering below.

Enter Here Now

[Thing] Sweepstakes

BIG BONUS UPON ENTRY: Speaking of Protection and Survival, I set out last year to make 1 single unit survival tool that did more for you in a crisis than anything else.

Over 70,000 are now in the hands of survival-minded Americans, and after you enter today's sweepstakes here you’ll have a chance to own the same SINGLE UNIT SURVIVAL TOOL AT A MASSIVE DISCOUNT.

So after you enter this sweepstakes, watch the video and read the next page in detail because...

The survival tool you’ll see has sold out 6 times already, and in today’s environment, and with the deal you’ll see, it will MOVE FAST!

Enter Here Now

[Thing] Sweepstakes

Stay safe, always be ready,

Lou.

Owner of Lonesurvivalist dot com

Some items offered in these sweepstakes

quote:

This New Heckler & Koch Rifle is Ready to Fire.

With a 16 Inch Steel Barrel.

You can win $1,499 to buy this Heckler & Koch USC 45 ACP Rifle by entering below.

The USC is the civilian flipper baby version of the UMP submachine gun. That it has a steel barrel is noteworthy only in that the rest of the gun is largely plastic.

quote:

This New Walther Colt Government 1911 is a Perfect Home Defense Tool.

No Attachments Needed.

You can enter for a chance to win $349 to buy this Walther Colt Government 1911 A1|12 RD by clicking below.

As you might have guessed from the price tag, this "1911" is a .22LR with a zinc frame. I assume it's actually made by Umarex, not Walther proper.

quote:

This New Walther Q5 is Loaded.

A Steel Masterpiece.

You can enter for a chance to win $1499 to buy this Walther Q5 Match Steel Frame by clicking below.

I looked this one up and the trigger on it is blue. Why is it blue?

quote:

This New POF USA AR-15 is a Power Packed AR-15.

Built by Patriots for Patriots.

You can enter for a chance to win $1936 to buy this POF USA Renegade AR-15 by clicking below.

Specifically for Patriots who LARP as Assassin's Creed characters.

quote:

This New Mossberg Shotgun is heavy duty.

Mag-Fed ammo with shotgun power.

You can enter for a chance to win $659.99 to buy this Mossberg 590M by clicking below.

The magazines for this thing appear to be subcontracted to Kel-Tec.

quote:

This New Remington is wilderness ready.

A master hunter’s choice.

You can enter for a chance to win $2,895 to buy this Remington Bushmaster ACR by clicking below.

Yes, Freedom Group's failed M4 killer is definitely a big hit with the hunting crowd.

quote:

This New Sig Sauer P320 is Gorgeous.

The Grip of Freedom.

You can enter for a chance to win $899 to buy this Sig Sauer P320 XFIVE LEGION by clicking below.

I got a pretty good grip of freedom myself, if you know what I mean.

quote:

This New Springfield is A Shooter's Dream.

Pinpoint Accurate.

You can enter for a chance to win $1,499 to buy this Springfield M1A by clicking below.

M1A, pinpoint accurate, pick one.

quote:

This New Colt Python is a Show Stopper.

Pure Power.

You can enter for a chance to win $1,499 to buy this Colt Python .357 Revolver by clicking below.

A show stopper in that the show stops when it starts malfunctioning, I guess?

quote:

This New Smith & Wesson is a Shooters Dream.

An Intruder's Nightmare.

You can enter for a chance to win $1369 to buy this Smith & Wesson Model S&W500 by clicking below.

j_k_simmons_laughing.gif

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




Everything has been pretty boilerplate lately, but this is a new one.

Nothing special, until the end. I bolding the sad part.

Just...be careful...your family....will...scorn...you...for this...book...

------------------------------

Log - as much as it breaks my heart to say this...

Civil War is upon us.

The riots at the Capitol Building were just the beginning...and whatever comes next will likely be much, much worse.

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT say this to endorse or encourage any acts of violence.

I say it because now is the time to prepare yourself before violence inevitably strikes again.

And when will that happen?

This ex-Military cop believes the answer is very soon.

That’s why he’s issuing a dire warning to all Americans in his new book, "Escaping Anarchy.”

Inside, he explains why 2 key events from recent months point to a violent eruption that will endanger every single person in this country.

He also explains what you must do TODAY to ensure you’re ready when this collapse arrives.

Because of the time-sensitive nature of this information...

He has agreed to temporarily waive the $39.95 retail price of this shocking new book…

And he’s giving away the few copies he currently has on-hand for Free.

HOWEVER...

There aren’t many copies available.

And once they’re gone, he’s unsure when he’ll be able to print and distribute more -- even at full price.

(especially if a wave of civil unrest disrupts his printing supply chain)

That said, he can only guarantee a Free copy to the next 137 people who request one.

After that, this information may become unavailable… which is why I urge you to get it in your hands now, before it’s too late.

Click here to see if there’s a Free copy left for you.

God bless you and stay safe,
Jordon Perkins

DISCLAIMER: Many of your friends and family will find the information in this book highly offensive. Sadly, if they refuse to heed this warning, there’s little you can do to help them. Be warned, they may scorn you… or call you a fool. But the real fools are those who choose to ignore this while there’s still time to prepare.

P.S. And join the two Giveaways below if you haven't already!

tarlibone
Aug 1, 2014

Am I a... bad person?
AM I??





Fun Shoe

I mean... do they ever actually sell any of these books? As in, for money? Because while I don't slavishly follow this thread's every post, I do read a bunch of them, and it feels like every time they're talking about a book, they're waiving the price to give it to you for free.

Seriously, we need a PO box just for all the free crap. Hell, we need a bunch of them so we can see just how many are truly available for free.

I just hope nobody is scorned for this.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"




I refuse to click the links, but I loving promise you there is a "Shipping and Handling" fee that is suspiciously close to the cost of a book.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply