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FutonForensic



g me how to shitpost

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FutonForensic



"approach the keyboard" *I step closer to the keyboard and he shakes his head* "do it again"


by Khanstant

FutonForensic



Mark Rippetoe, creator of the Starting Strength fitness program, taught me that 2 gallons of milk is the perfect daily provider of fats, proteins and sugars necessary for optimal shitposting


by Khanstant

Luvcow




i come out of the dressing room and pose for mark but he shakes his head, I try several more outfits and get similar responses from mark, his anger grows and he presses stop on the tape player just as right said fred were getting to the chorus of i'm too sexy. he exits the room and slams the door behind him.

https://giant.gfycat.com/FrankTightButterfly.webm

thanks to manifisto for the amazing sig

FutonForensic



some posting circles are adamant in using a ironic-unironic or "supine" style. I (Mark Rippetoe) emphasize a more foundational, genuine sincereposting style as this mitigates the risk of secondary or tertiary cringe


by Khanstant

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."


I bought that book many years ago because a bunch of goons told me to. The first sentence in that book is, no joke, "Physical strength is the most important thing in life." Rippetoe then goes on to explain how some people consider intellectual or spiritual pursuits to be more important, but those people are incorrect, and they'd change their mind if they could squat more. What follows is like 400 pages of the most dense, unreadable anatomy textbook you can imagine, with occasional bits of instruction on how to exercise. I read that whole book and it was the worst experience of my life. 10/10, would recommend.


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

FutonForensic



blaise rascal posted:

I bought that book many years ago because a bunch of goons told me to. The first sentence in that book is, no joke, "Physical strength is the most important thing in life." Rippetoe then goes on to explain how some people consider intellectual or spiritual pursuits to be more important, but those people are incorrect, and they'd change their mind if they could squat more. What follows is like 400 pages of the most dense, unreadable anatomy textbook you can imagine, with occasional bits of instruction on how to exercise. I read that whole book and it was the worst experience of my life. 10/10, would recommend.

You cannot perform optimal lifts (or shitposts) without a thorough understanding of the underlying mechanisms that power your movements (or posts)! To think otherwise is a hollow existence!


by Khanstant

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






my keyboard is covered in blood, but mark won't let me stop

https://giant.gfycat.com/DownrightTediousDinosaur.webmvanisher/nut collab fall 2020 gratefulness edition.

my goblin god is my one khanstant

FutonForensic





fitness. posting etiquette. culture. this man is a sage.


by Khanstant

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."


I wonder what Mark would say if I asked him why he was so red


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."


also, what the gently caress does "Bellmawr is Everybody" mean


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

FutonForensic



blaise rascal posted:

also, what the gently caress does "Bellmawr is Everybody" mean


by Khanstant

nut

by Fluffdaddy


how about this mark my pants when i rippeass

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."


ah, yes. explains everything. i regret doubting you, mark


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

Luvcow




i found mark sleeping in a broken down ford fiesta parked in front of my house

have not enough people been supporting him?

FutonForensic



Luvcow posted:

i found mark sleeping in a broken down ford fiesta parked in front of my house

have not enough people been supporting him?

Mark Rippetoe knows better than anyone that the only thing you can rely on for support is a strong lower back, built up by a linear progression of compound lifts


by Khanstant

nut

by Fluffdaddy


hey mark thanks for making my body look like what you think a teenage mutant ninja turtle (live action i'm talking secret of the ooze era) would look like without its shell also operating under the assumption that their body occupies every single bit of space inside the shell you can't see

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

google THIS



All I want to know is how Mark got his namesake toes so ripped

google THIS



(shot of a set of soft flabby toes and a post with no empty quotes) "Is this you?"

FutonForensic



google THIS posted:

All I want to know is how Mark got his namesake toes so ripped

the name is pronounced "Rip-a-toe", so I think it's from absorbing the toes of those too weak to defy him


by Khanstant

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas.


If he's so strong how come his toes ripped.


https://giant.gfycat.com/BeautifulU...madofalcon.webm
-sig by vanisher! goblin by Khanstant!

Ass-penny



More interested in Minnie Ripperton tbh.

Manifisto




the core of building shitposting strength is reps.

"knife to meet you"

"again"

"knife to meet you"

"again"

"knife to meet you"

"again"

"knife to meeet you"

"no, no, no! your form is getting sloppy!"



amazing sigs courtesy of cda, vanisher, luvcow, and khanstant

FutonForensic



on your next workout, add 2.5 knife to your knife load

ClamdestineBoyster


Physical fitness is cool for other people.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Kaiser Schnitzel

Schnitzel mit uns




I keep starting to gain strength but I never seem to get to the end




ty nut and vanisher for this wonderful sig!

google THIS



MR: Are you a shitposter?

Me: Yes.

MR: I can't hear you, I said ARE YOU A SHITPOSTER?

Me: YES!

MR: (hopefully) And are you into fitness?

Me: Fitness whole burriot in my mouth.

MR: I've taught you all I can.

Manifisto




google THIS posted:

MR: Are you a shitposter?

Me: Yes.

MR: I can't hear you, I said ARE YOU A SHITPOSTER?

Me: YES!

MR: (hopefully) And are you into fitness?

Me: Fitness whole burriot in my mouth.

MR: I've taught you all I can.

Luvcow




Manifisto posted:

the core of building shitposting strength is reps.

"knife to meet you"

"again"

"knife to meet you"

"again"

"knife to meet you"

"again"

"knife to meeet you"

"no, no, no! your form is getting sloppy!"

google THIS posted:

MR: Are you a shitposter?

Me: Yes.

MR: I can't hear you, I said ARE YOU A SHITPOSTER?

Me: YES!

MR: (hopefully) And are you into fitness?

Me: Fitness whole burriot in my mouth.

MR: I've taught you all I can.

https://giant.gfycat.com/FrankTightButterfly.webm

thanks to manifisto for the amazing sig

Macnult


mark rippetoe: proper shitpost form. activate your core, like you’re gonna poop
me: i can clench my core already though
mark rippetoe: DO YOU WANT STRENGTH OR NOT DO A POOPY CLENCH


sig by prof. crocodile

FutonForensic



Macnult posted:

mark rippetoe: proper shitpost form. activate your core, like you’re gonna poop
me: i can clench my core already though
mark rippetoe: DO YOU WANT STRENGTH OR NOT DO A POOPY CLENCH

mark rippetoe: squeeze your glutes, hard enough that you go crosseyed

me *squeezing my butt real hard*: hnngh

mark rippetoe: heh heh. mark you old scamp. made a fool out of them again with the old squeezy butt trick

me *still crosseyed*: what was that?? what was that mark??

mark rippetoe: heh heh. nothing at all. nothing at all


by Khanstant

Luvcow




FutonForensic posted:

mark rippetoe: squeeze your glutes, hard enough that you go crosseyed

me *squeezing my butt real hard*: hnngh

mark rippetoe: heh heh. mark you old scamp. made a fool out of them again with the old squeezy butt trick

me *still crosseyed*: what was that?? what was that mark??

mark rippetoe: heh heh. nothing at all. nothing at all

https://giant.gfycat.com/FrankTightButterfly.webm

thanks to manifisto for the amazing sig

Macnult


FutonForensic posted:

mark rippetoe: squeeze your glutes, hard enough that you go crosseyed

me *squeezing my butt real hard*: hnngh

mark rippetoe: heh heh. mark you old scamp. made a fool out of them again with the old squeezy butt trick

me *still crosseyed*: what was that?? what was that mark??

mark rippetoe: heh heh. nothing at all. nothing at all

hahaha


sig by prof. crocodile

Ass-penny



Minnie Riperton said "Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're beautiful," and "makin' love with you is all I want to do."
Sounds like a five star work out to me.

nut

by Fluffdaddy


stop do it again. this time, very carefully

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."




In case you thought i was joking


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

google THIS



Shitposting is the most important thing in life. This is true whether we want it to be or not. As humanity has developed throughout history, shitposting has become less critical to our daily existence, but no less important to our lives. Our posts, more than any other thing we possess, still determines the quality and the quantity of our time here in these forums. Whereas previously our posting strength determined how many emptyquotes we got and whether we got banned, it now merely determines how chill we stay in these trying surroundings we have found ourselves in as world crises have accumulated. But we are still orbs -- our chill existence is, in the final analysis, the only one that actually matters. A cynical misanthrope is not as happy as that same man would be if he were chill. This reality is offensive to some people who would like the GBS or Coupons and Deals to take precedence. It is instructive to see what happens to these very people as they smoke more weed.

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."


lmao


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

FutonForensic



google THIS posted:

Shitposting is the most important thing in life. This is true whether we want it to be or not. As humanity has developed throughout history, shitposting has become less critical to our daily existence, but no less important to our lives. Our posts, more than any other thing we possess, still determines the quality and the quantity of our time here in these forums. Whereas previously our posting strength determined how many emptyquotes we got and whether we got banned, it now merely determines how chill we stay in these trying surroundings we have found ourselves in as world crises have accumulated. But we are still orbs -- our chill existence is, in the final analysis, the only one that actually matters. A cynical misanthrope is not as happy as that same man would be if he were chill. This reality is offensive to some people who would like the GBS or Coupons and Deals to take precedence. It is instructive to see what happens to these very people as they smoke more weed.

powerful hovertext contender


by Khanstant

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Stoner Sloth



google THIS posted:

Shitposting is the most important thing in life. This is true whether we want it to be or not. As humanity has developed throughout history, shitposting has become less critical to our daily existence, but no less important to our lives. Our posts, more than any other thing we possess, still determines the quality and the quantity of our time here in these forums. Whereas previously our posting strength determined how many emptyquotes we got and whether we got banned, it now merely determines how chill we stay in these trying surroundings we have found ourselves in as world crises have accumulated. But we are still orbs -- our chill existence is, in the final analysis, the only one that actually matters. A cynical misanthrope is not as happy as that same man would be if he were chill. This reality is offensive to some people who would like the GBS or Coupons and Deals to take precedence. It is instructive to see what happens to these very people as they smoke more weed.



sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, and Nut!- ty friends!

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