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Lodin
Jul 31, 2003

Your friendly neighborhood bop



Ah yes, that whimsical magical creature that many of you have gotten the gifts of and later in life have been blessed to become!

First of all, did you ever as a young person encounter one of the wonderful gifts of a porn elf? Now let's keep it clean, nobody here wants to hear about your first woodland wank. Is there anything else that happened about it or was amusing? And again, not the wankery.

More interesting topic for the thread, were you ever the porn elf? That person who's leaving their parents home, has just got a proper internet connection or had an angry girl/boy/otherfriend? What exactly made you decide to not just toss out the magazines but instead put them in a bag and hide it in the woods?

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sharknado slashfic
Jun 24, 2011






My friends dad had giant stacks of playboys so we didn't need the woods. Maybe my friends dad was the porn elf.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



i have extremely specialist tastes due to childhood trauma involving a pet python, and was instead visited by the Vore Centaur op

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



my uncle used to have a stack of vintage Playboy's in every bathroom in his house and he had the biggest collection of porn I've ever seen hidden away in a closet. don't worry he also has the biggest video game collection I've ever seen do he's not a pervert just serious about collecting

Lodin
Jul 31, 2003

Your friendly neighborhood bop



Sorry to tell you this but your uncle is a hoarder. Distribute the means!

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



oh no that's even worse than a pervert

Ralph Hurley
Aug 3, 2009





I wanted to get rid of a big stack of mags one time and I didn’t want to throw them out in my own trash for some reason so I bundled them up in my car with the intent of finding a dumpster or something. I parked at a shopping center and suddenly felt weird about walking around looking for a place to dump a porn pile, so I did the honorable thing and put all of them in the open bed of the pickup truck parked next to me and I drove off. I guess I was a porn elf.

Tom Gorman
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts




i saw a titty in National Geographic in the library in like 3rd grade and I told this other kid jeremy and he fuckin told the teacher and they got rid of the magazine

like what the gently caress is wrong with you jeremy come on

Speleothing
May 6, 2008

Spare batteries are pretty key.

I left some porno mags under the mattress at the family cottage during my teens. I think they got found and thrown out before any of my younger cousins got a chance with them

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



Jeremy you piece of poo poo

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


That looks more like one of those cardboard signs at amusement parks, the “you must be this tall to ride” guys.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012




Jeremy’s a drat narc wtf

Antifa Spacemarine
Jan 11, 2011

Tzeentch can suck it.

I like Elf Porn

Hardawn
Mar 15, 2004


College Slice

I blame the Puritans

e: FOR BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.



Sid Vicious posted:

my uncle used to have a stack of vintage Playboy's in every bathroom in his house and he had the biggest collection of porn I've ever seen hidden away in a closet. don't worry he also has the biggest video game collection I've ever seen do he's not a pervert just serious about collecting

sounds like he was collecting shithead nephews

Sir Not Appearing
Apr 26, 2004



https://i.imgur.com/Hr811A1.mp4

Snowy
Oct 6, 2010

A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense





I found a huge stack of porn mags on the sidewalk while walking home from school. There was some normal magazine on top but my spidey sense went off and hoo boy, jackpot. I brought a bunch to Boy Scout camp and sold them.

Chomp8645
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!



Legit thought the thread was gonna be more along these lines. I was expecting like a camgirl whose gimmick was dressing up like an elf or something.

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
i like nice words


I thought this was going to be another thread about the elf dildo

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


Surprised that this wasn't about 20 year old russian pornstar Eva Elfie

Chomp8645
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Seems like this was a real missed opportunity to make a thread about lewd elves, OP.

500excf type r
Mar 7, 2013



https://www.teamdan69.com


Tom Gorman posted:

i saw a titty in National Geographic in the library in like 3rd grade and I told this other kid jeremy and he fuckin told the teacher and they got rid of the magazine

like what the gently caress is wrong with you jeremy come on

Probably at a similar age, pre 5th grade at least since I moved before that, I would steal my dad's playboys and hide them in the woods in the fort the neighborhood boys and I made behind my house. Once, my year older cousin was visiting and I let him in on the magic. He ran off and told my mother and she destroyed the stash =(

Sgt. Politeness
Sep 29, 2003

I've seen shit you people wouldn't believe. Cop cars on fire off the shoulder of I-94. I watched search lights glitter in the dark near the Ambassador Bridge. All those moments will be lost in time, like piss in the drain. Time to retch.

Like I was an uptight goodie-two-shoes as a kid and even I wouldn't have snitched on some porno.
My thing was just the fear of getting caught with the contraband like don't bring that poo poo to my house or my mom will think I'm a disgusting freak and I'll die of embarrassment.

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001



Once I found a garbage can full of porno mags at a state park, it was one of those garbage cans made out of an old oil drum and there was enough porn to fill it like 2/3 of the way up. But it was the mid-2000's so I was already all set with much better internet porn. I suspect that's why someone was getting rid of them.

Chomp8645 posted:

Legit thought the thread was gonna be more along these lines. I was expecting like a camgirl whose gimmick was dressing up like an elf or something.
There are a lot of those. D&D elves, not like Santa elves, but I suspect that'll be changing over the next month or so.

Floodixor
Aug 22, 2003

Forums Electronic MusiciaBRRRIIINGYIPYIPYIPYIP

Tom Gorman posted:

i saw a titty in National Geographic in the library in like 3rd grade and I told this other kid jeremy and he fuckin told the teacher and they got rid of the magazine

like what the gently caress is wrong with you jeremy come on

gently caress you Jeremy!!!!

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



Nefarious 2.0 posted:

sounds like he was collecting shithead nephews

lmao

incoherent light
Aug 15, 2014


let's talk about THE porn - "Elf"

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



I am automatically assumed it was that elven chick harshing on the bonghit lol

corgski
Feb 6, 2007



what is this, a thread for gen Xers?

who didn't at least use kazaa?

Chomp8645
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


incoherent light posted:

let's talk about THE porn - "Elf"

Look, it was a long time ago and she needed the money for Elf College.

Sgt. Politeness
Sep 29, 2003

I've seen shit you people wouldn't believe. Cop cars on fire off the shoulder of I-94. I watched search lights glitter in the dark near the Ambassador Bridge. All those moments will be lost in time, like piss in the drain. Time to retch.

corgski posted:

what is this, a thread for gen Xers?

who didn't at least use kazaa?

Hey, only one of my roommates had a computer and it was in the livingroom ok? I made due by nabbing his old Maxims out of the trash.

Klyith
Aug 3, 2007

GBS Pledge Week


corgski posted:

what is this, a thread for gen Xers?

yes, but some of us had early internet

hands up if you wrapped the modem in a towel to try to quiet down the DEEEE-DEEEE-DEEEE-WYEORNG-WYEORNG-VUZZZZZZZSH late at night

pop punk
Jun 26, 2018



Some friends and I found a bunch of porn and gun magazines in a shack in the woods in Arkansas. Describing it as an adult I remembered how weird it was that the shack had food and a bed in it. We straight up stole some mountain mans porn.

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Chrs
Sep 21, 2015



Stand By Me except instead of a dead body they’re off to look at a massive porn stash that the older kids dumped in the woods

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