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Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011

So I was lying in bed several hours last night, just thinking about how life sucks and what I could do to make it better, so I realized if I was rich life would be so much better! Who's got any suggestions on some good grifts?


Aug 15, 2015

Melt down stray shopping carts for scrap.

Freelance auto repair but replace the car parts with lawnmower parts and sell the car parts.

Sell vegan beef jerky door to door for $20/oz but itís actually just regular beef jerky.

Gather up swimming buoys from a lake and make knockoff funko pops.

God Hole
Mar 2, 2016

level up quezacotl asap, get him/her to learn card mod, buy a hundred tents and mod them into mega potions. you'll be able to sell them at a significant profit!

Dec 27, 2012

The lights are on
but nobody's home

Buy a knife and rob people at knife point, then get a fake mustache and offer them robbery insurance after the fact.

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011

Write nice letters or emails to companies gushing about how much you enjoyed their products or maybe make up a fake story about how great the service was at one of their establishments and they'll usually send you coupons for free poo poo. You could maybe get a free McRib!!!

You could try complaining too but don't do it at the same time you're gushing it could blow the whole scam.

hell astro course
Dec 10, 2009

pizza sucks

I don't think you should devote your existence to cheating others, OP, even if you believe it may minorly and momentarily improve your material pleasure. Instead of scheming I think it would be better if you tried to improve yourself as a human being, thereby improving your life.

Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.

Honestly? Set up a MLM scam in subsaharan Africa.

You shouldnít really do this, but you could, and would probably not suffer any consequences for it.

Please donít do this.

Delicate Stranger
Nov 16, 2006

Buy something from a store. next day, go shopping there, grab a couple of other things you want + another one of the item you bought yesterday. go to the service counter and return the item you just got off the shelf with the receipt. tada, your purchased item is now free.

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011

A good grift I guess is checking out the local scrap yards, find the ones that don't check then fill up your pop and beer cans with dirt I guess, read it on the dark web.

bus hustler
Mar 14, 2019

hang out online and be quick with the latest HONOR HER WISH rbg $29 t-shirts

Jove Tone
Jan 12, 2006

Have you tried using crowd funding for an MMO you are "creating".

Nov 11, 2001

Sell butthole pics on Onlyfans.

Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.

Run a bad website where all value is produced by your users who like to give you money for running the bad website, then DON'T beat your wife.

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

Start a consultant business with a website with lots of japanes words on it and walk into a business and profoundly state that they have a problem with employee communication

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

Hmmm yes you must improve your gemba (that means go for a walk fat white idiot) and practice the lean art of henki jogenki which toyota totally does every morning

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

I would suggest making all your employees make their bed every morning

This is the business practice of youfukingsukka

Aug 3, 2013

be a comedian say some dumb poo poo get cancelled and then have netflix hire you for a stand up special

or if you arent funny. say some dumb poo poo get cancelled then grift the chuds.

just remember irony isnt real and doing this makes you a chud

Jove Tone posted:

Have you tried using crowd funding for an MMO you are "creating".

the best thread answer because its true and incrediably easy to do.

Feb 19, 2014

pretend to be a girl gamer on the internet and sell your bathwater

Oct 29, 2010


robbing people at gunpoint seems pretty cool, if you're white you can probably even kill folks and get away with it

Sep 1, 2006



numberoneposter posted:

pretend to be a girl gamer on the internet and sell your bathwater

Belle Delphine wasn't a real gamer????

Is there no fraud she won't commit!?

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013

This one won't really pay off for about 5 years but find a group of fairly gullible magical thinkers and say you're a prophet. Then just make up a whole bunch of random predictions that happen after about 5 years from now. Probably 10 to be safe. Among those predictions predict that the sky will turn purple.

Feb 19, 2014

max out all access to credit and open a bar in thailand

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

Here's a good classic grift: find 200 people and convince them to give you their email address saying you have an inside scoop on some stock or other (could be anything, McDonalds, Apple, IBM, Walmart, as long as you stick to one specific place for everybody) that you'll be letting them know about in the next week or so (however long it'll take for you to find the 200 people). Then, you tell 100 of them that the stock is going to go down, and 100 that it will go up tomorrow. The next day, you check the stock to figure out which half of your group got the right prediction, and then tell half of them that the stock will go down, and half of them that the stock will go up by tomorrow. Repeat this again the next day, and add in that you have an Indiegogo flexible funding campaign for a stock tips book with more inside scoops just as good as what you've given them on equally hot stocks. Day after that, you now have 25 likely new donors to that campaign or more if they managed to chat up equally gullible friends/family.

Aug 6, 2010

snergle posted:

or if you arent funny. say some dumb poo poo get cancelled then grift the chuds.

just remember irony isnt real and doing this makes you a chud

This is the real answer, but combine it with a religious spin to cast a greater net.

It really can't be overstated how loving stupid and gullible those types are.

Feb 22, 2003

Don't do anything violent. Rummage through people's trash and steal their information. You can sell that and you'll probably find a lot of cool stuff too.

May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Run for president.

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011

Ignatius M. Meen posted:

Here's a good classic grift: find 200 people...

This is a classic. I saw it in a movie once, they did it with sports betting!

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011


Suck that dick for money is a crazy scam

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009

Chomp8645 posted:

Belle Delphine wasn't a real gamer????

Is there no fraud she won't commit!?

She's also not a real elf.

May 9, 2007


Build a load of badly made buildings using loaned money then burn them down for the insurance money. Bonus if you do it with mob money and the buildings are insured for more than they were worth.

Edgar Allan Pwned
Apr 3, 2011

Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."

steal donated blood to use for your blood sacrifices.

Edgar Allan Pwned
Apr 3, 2011

Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."

have children to do labor for you

Dec 18, 2016

Create something that people will want to spend money for, like a funny podcast or book.

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011

Buy used cars then re-sell them. The grift is that when dealing with large amounts of cash you should be able to easily slip a few fake hundreds into your stack and the seller wouldn't even know! Also use a fake ID incase they do find out!


GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

You're all I think, this thing set troublin

Alcoholism works pretty great. Happiness on command, no downsides, no upfront costs to get into it, cheap hobby to maintain

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