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Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


HO HO HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIT, it’s the 12TH ANNUAL SOMETHING AWFUL CHRISTMAS MUSIC THREAD!









How do you do, fellow goons? 2020. What a year, amirite? Like… goddamn



I know. Everything sucks. But now it’s your chance (yes, YOU! YOUR chance!) to make it suck a liiiiiittle bit less. It is time for yet another Awful Xmas Music compilation! I think this year, of all years, can and will be the absolute best Awful Xmas years. This is one for the books, ladies and gents. This is the year we can do something really, REALLY special.

But that all depends on you.

Can you sing? Play an instrument? Draw? Photoshop? Write lyrics, either original or parody?

Did you literally answer any of these questions at all? It doesn’t matter whether you said yes or no, WE NEED YOU to participate in this year’s Awful Xmas celebration.





Q: What’s this all about?
A: Back in 2009, a goon named Schweinhund started a thread, all about (making) awful or awesome xmas music. It didn’t have to be good, it didn’t have to be bad, it just had to be Made By Goons. My Jolly-and-she-knows-it wife, goon jennyinstereo helmed the subsequent annual threads for many years after that, give or take a few of the last ones. We’ve been busy! We had kids and stuff! This year is different, though. I mean, we STILL have kids, but they go to bed early, and we work from home now, so we can get up to all sorts of shenanigans. Plus, this year is very important. I mean, aside from needing to push away all of that negativity that 2020 has brought upon us, this is technically the 10th anniversary of the first year…. so…… while it’s the 11th time we’re doing this, it’s actually the 10 year mark since we all started.

Q: What happens if I know nothing about recording?
A: Don’t worry! We have a bevy of resources (actually, probably about 2.5 bevies’ worth) at your fingertips! Don’t have any instruments? Team up with other people who might not want to sing! I don’t know, maybe even record a video of you conducting, and then other people can watch that and play along to something you wrote. I forgot the question. Round up some helpful folks from the Musician’s Lounge to help out. Or don’t and go it alone! Either way, it’ll be fine, and it’ll be loved.

Q: I don’t think my stuff will be good/I don’t have confidence/Oh my heavens, I could NEVER record a song!
A: It will be, and you should. Whether it’s awful or it’s great, or it’s anywhere in between, in the words of Indiana Jones’ son, JUST DO IT! We will have nothing but appreciation for your efforts, and it will help bring us all together to celebrate this joyous season. These albums wouldn’t be what they are if it was all Pro Musician poo poo all the time. Sure, some stuff sounds better than others, but do you know what I listened to the other night and laughed my rear end of to? Jingle Butts. Yes. Jingle Butts. Y’all remember that one, don’t you? Silly and simple idea, very hastily recorded… still funny!

C’mon and join in!

Q: Ok, so I wrote a thing, how do I submit it?
A: Simple! Put it up on Soundbutt (and make it downloadable) or another hosting site of your choice ( Tindeck), post the link in here, and include the text: HERE’S A GIFT. This is to ensure that when I’m trawling through the thread, I’m able to easily keep tabs on what tracks have been uploaded.

Q: What’s the deadline?
A: I’m thinking first day of winter, so Dec 21st 2020. That’s not a hard and fast rule, and if something you REALLY want gets in like the day after, that’s fine, I’ll add it in. I love doing track ordering, so I’ll be also taking care of that. I want to format these albums like CDs would have been, back in the day. My first involvement with any of these Awful Xmas albums was 2012’s (in my opinion, PERFECT) 4-disc set, Merry Christmas and the Infinite Santa. I slaved away at making sure the track listing was juuuuuuuust right, and I am to do that again this year.

Q: Can I get the older albums anywhere?
A: YES, my dear goon, oh my yes. You can get almost all of the previous albums from my site OR you can check them out on Bandcamp here. Also, I’m gonna need some help getting the last few albums up onto my site, so if anyone can help me with that, PM me, or at least coordinate it in this thread.

Q: Do I have to pay for any of this?
A: Only with your time and sanity. If you want to put money towards it, just put money towards the forums. Now that they’re under new and seemingly excellent management and not run by some dick, buy an upgrade for your favourite artist! Or the funniest song! Or just to donate, I don’t know, I am, once again, not your dad.

Q: Other than music, how can I contribute to this thread/album?
A: A number of ways, actually! Like I mentioned, you can write lyrics. If you have an excellent idea for a parody song, but you only want to write the words, that’s fine, post ‘em if ya got ‘em, and it’s very likely that some other musically inclined goon will take the helm and record it. Another way to contribute is through album art and/or videos! 2012 gave us a very special promo video, featuring Carol of the Bombs by Farmer Hank.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sHWCzM6W3Q

Oddly enough, another way to take part is to just discuss past years. Eventually, I’ll have all of the proper links up ITT. Like I said, I’m just making this kind of basic OP for now, so it’s HERE, and so that we all get an extra little jump on things.








You’re all beautiful, you’re all wonderful, and you’re all expected to take part in this. In all seriousness, every year, without fail, at least one goon on here writes that this thread and the music is either the only thing, or one of the few things that help get them through the holidays. And we all need this. We really, really do, some more than others. So c’mon in and let’s celebrate the ever-loving gently caress out of this holiday!!

Edit:

Previous thread links!


Rupert Buttermilk fucked around with this message at 02:19 on Dec 2, 2020

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ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


Why ainít there any thanksgiving music huh?

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Why ainít there any thanksgiving music huh?

MAKE SOME!

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.



Dinosaur Gum

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Why ainít there any thanksgiving music huh?

Be the change you want

my dog died im sad
Jun 29, 2015


This sounds fun.

The General
Mar 4, 2007

So gentlemen, we meet again.




My favourite thread of the year

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puTsbvGEK68

jennyinstereo
Jan 17, 2007

[rocking faces since the 80s]


ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Why ain’t there any thanksgiving music huh?

Now's your chance to write some! Here, I'll help out:

Now get your fork and your plate
For this hot rear end turkey
Bring a napkin and a date
For this hot rear end turkey
Pay my rent just to taste it
All this hot rear end turkey
Don't you dare make me waste it
Eat this hot rear end turkey

You're welcome

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


jennyinstereo posted:

Now's your chance to write some! Here, I'll help out:

Now get your fork and your plate
For this hot rear end turkey
Bring a napkin and a date
For this hot rear end turkey
Pay my rent just to taste it
All this hot rear end turkey
Don't you dare make me waste it
Eat this hot rear end turkey

You're welcome

Goddamn.

I'm so hungry right now.

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship


There are actually several Thanksgiving songs on previous albums! Off the top of my head there's the one about frying a turkey to the tune of The Beatles' "Blackbird", and I know there are some others.

I'm very excited for this year; I've had some stupid ideas for years now that I haven't quite been able to get over the finish line but I think I can do it this year.

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.



Dinosaur Gum

Every album on YouTube in playlist form- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy...Xaysg/playlists

"Manger Danger" 2019 download- https://www.dropbox.com/sh/q4r5db7n...OF_AudvS7a?dl=0

"X" 2018 download- https://www.dropbox.com/s/ff5an6g6u...as%20X.zip?dl=0

"Ho Ho Ho It's Christmas Nine" 2017 download- https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-G...ew?usp=drivesdk

Haschel Cedricson
Jan 4, 2006

Brinkmanship


Oh a few weeks ago I walked by my daughter while she was doing remote learning in her music class. This is all her on her own, with nobody else mentioning this song to her since last December:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1322703455190802434

jennyinstereo
Jan 17, 2007

[rocking faces since the 80s]


Haschel Cedricson posted:

Oh a few weeks ago I walked by my daughter while she was doing remote learning in her music class. This is all her on her own, with nobody else mentioning this song to her since last December:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1322703455190802434

That's amazing! It's such a classic

im_sorry
Jan 15, 2006

(9999)

Ultra Carp

MY PRESENT IS UNDER THE TREE.

I mean, HERE'S A GIFT.

https://alonetone.com/spacehoers/tr...-christmas-past - I was thinking about Christmas when I was a kid in the 80s, and this came out.

Fredrik1
Jan 22, 2005

Gopherslayer


Fallen Rib

As always I'm musically incompetent, but I love these threads, looking forward to get into the Christmas feel.

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

I'm not an album designer. Or any sort of creatively gifted person, really. But as is the case with Christmas, it''s not about the presents, but the spirit in which we give.

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

My lyrics are under the tree

I don't have a microphone, so if anyone feels like recording this to a backing track of Chris Rhea's Driving home for Christmas, feel free.

Eating beans for Christmas

We're eating beans for Christmas
Oh, I'm sad to see your tear-y faces
We're eating beans for Christmas, yeah
I forgot the turkey at the check-out line

And it feels so wrong
All to my depair
I sing this song
To wash the guilt away

Driving in my car

It's gonna take some time but I'll get there
Top to toe in tailbacks
Oh, I got red lights all around
But soon there'll be a Costco, yeah
Hope it has yet to shut down

It hurts, but it's true
Please don't divorce me
We might be through
But I'll make amends, you'll see

Driving in my car
I'm driving home for Christmas
With a thousand apologies

I take a look at the mirror 'n front of me
I feel my shame
Feel my shame

Top to toe in tailbacks
Oh, I got red lights all around
I'm driving home for Christmas, yeah
You're gonna put me in the ground

It hurts, but it's true
Please don't divorce me
We might be through
But I'll make amends, you'll see

frontyardninja
Nov 5, 2005



ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Why ainít there any thanksgiving music huh?

uzworm made a Thanksgiving Carol in 2012

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.



Dinosaur Gum

Zybourne Clock posted:

I'm not an album designer. Or any sort of creatively gifted person, really

Best to wait till there's a title before trying cover designs

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

I'm going to put down some lyrics that have been in my head for 2 years but I have a voice for the newspapers.

Backing track would be "Thank you, my twilight" by The Pillows:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEVTw66txkE

Thank you, my magi

Life, life is beautiful
It's Christmas in New York
I'm rushing home to see my wife.
She, she is wonderful
with long and lovely hair
she takes care of it every night
And for her hair I bought the perfect gift to give to her

She saw these combs that complement her hair so perfectly
But cash is so tight, I had to sacrifice
Selling my grandfather's watch

Life, life is beautiful
I hurry up the stairs
to dinner in our tiny flat
She, she is wonderful
and standing anxiously
with short brown hair above her ears
I stand there and just have no idea what I should say

"I cut my hair, and sold it just to buy
the perfect gift to give to you, a gold chain for your watch
Baby my hair will grow again!"

Life, life is beautiful
I give the combs to her
she startles and begins to cry
She, she is wonderful
I take her in my arms
the one I love most in the world
And tell her just why I was dumbfounded when I saw her

"I sold my watch, to buy those combs for you
but it's ok, and now I think we should go have dinner"
GIFT OF THE MAGI
GIFT OF THE MAGI (repeat until end)

CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Nov 1, 2020

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


Turkey turkey turkey,
Gobble my nuts,
Pukkin spice latte,
Stir that poo poo up.
Dressed like a pilgrim,
Donít give a gently caress,
Free cranberry salad,
Fell off of a truck

Now you suck suck suck,
Suck that gravy
Suck suck suck,
Suck that gravy
Get it all over your face
This is the time,
This is the place
For graaaavyyyyyy

Pilgrims like it sloppy,
Indians like it neat,
But everyone agrees on,
Hot juicy meat
Put down your forks,
Get out your seat,
You know itís time,
To wiggle your feet

(Chorus)

And thatís it, just a demo.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!


Yay! I hope to have something up very soon. Nothing on the level of This Postman Can!, though.

e: Also note, Rupert Buttermilk, that the 2018 album is not organized in any way.

Edward Mass fucked around with this message at 01:14 on Nov 2, 2020

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


Edward Mass posted:

Yay! I hope to have something up very soon. Nothing on the level of This Postman Can!, though.

e: Also note, Rupert Buttermilk, that the 2018 album is not organized in any way.

If no one objects, I'd like to put it in some sort of official order when I tackle it sometime this month.

Doc Fission
Sep 10, 2011





Absolutely my favorite time of the year. Can't wait to hear this year's exquisitely crafted hellsounds.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

The Timeless Child is THE DOCTOR? Oh, for God's sake!


Woke up in a cold sweat after I realized this is actually year 12, not 11.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


Edward Mass posted:

Woke up in a cold sweat after I realized this is actually year 12, not 11.



Aaaaauuggghhhh, you're right.

Jfc....

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler


God yes, gently caress yes, way back in like 2012 I made a song for this ("WHAT TIME? CHRISTMAS TIME") with my college buddies and it's still one of my favorite memories. God bless ye merry goontlemen

My favorite one has always been that goon Carol of the Bells where the one guy chimes in with DOOOOONG DOOOONG DOOONG DOOONG

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


Lieutenant Dan posted:

God yes, gently caress yes, way back in like 2012 I made a song for this ("WHAT TIME? CHRISTMAS TIME") with my college buddies and it's still one of my favorite memories. God bless ye merry goontlemen

My favorite one has always been that goon Carol of the Bells where the one guy chimes in with DOOOOONG DOOOONG DOOONG DOOONG

Wait, wait... Are you the "I'll tell you the Christmastime" goon?!

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler


Rupert Buttermilk posted:

Wait, wait... Are you the "I'll tell you the Christmastime" goon?!

Possibly?? The chorus was primarily about Santa's balls if that's helpful!

Edit: Wait wait oh you mean SNATTER CLAUS, I wish I was that funny

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


Lieutenant Dan posted:

Possibly?? The chorus was primarily about Santa's balls if that's helpful!

Edit: Wait wait oh you mean SNATTER CLAUS, I wish I was that funny

I don't mean Snatter Claus. I literally mean, from disc 1, track 4, of the 2012 album, the song "(I'll tell you the) Christmas time".

https://saxmas.robotcousin.com/2012...infinite-santa/

It was by "Morning Bell", but I know how goons change their usernames whenever.

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler


Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I don't mean Snatter Claus. I literally mean, from disc 1, track 4, of the 2012 album, the song "(I'll tell you the) Christmas time".

https://saxmas.robotcousin.com/2012...infinite-santa/

It was by "Morning Bell", but I know how goons change their usernames whenever.

Ah, sadly that's not me either, I hunted down the song and it's the 2011 "What Time, Christmas Time": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSaCgIvrA_Q

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.



Dinosaur Gum

Lieutenant Dan posted:

Edit: Wait wait oh you mean SNATTER CLAUS, I wish I was that funny

Snatter threads ended in 2013 when dude hosted the pics on the same deviantart account as his erotic furry porn
It was the best xmas gift the forums gave us besides these albums

Mycroft Holmes
Mar 26, 2010

To the Moon! For Queen and Country!


Scudworth posted:

Snatter threads ended in 2013 when dude hosted the pics on the same deviantart account as his erotic furry porn
It was the best xmas gift the forums gave us besides these albums


I still miss it. Snatter threads were good.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


im_sorry posted:

MY PRESENT IS UNDER THE TREE.

I mean, HERE'S A GIFT.

https://alonetone.com/spacehoers/tr...-christmas-past - I was thinking about Christmas when I was a kid in the 80s, and this came out.

Thank you for this submission! Here's hoping that we get more as the week progresses!

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




If there's one thing this year lends itself to it's ever more black comedy. Something about grandma dying of corona on christmas.

Rupert Buttermilk
Apr 15, 2007

RowboatMan: Freezing time is an old P.I. trick...


Ghost Leviathan posted:

If there's one thing this year lends itself to it's ever more black comedy. Something about grandma dying of corona on christmas.

A dark take on "Grandma got run over by a reindeer."

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013



YES! Finally some good news. Thanks for doing this again. Should have my submission ready later today.

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013



HERE'S A GIFT

Take Flight With Danger
https://soundcloud.com/genghis-don/...ght-with-danger

im_sorry
Jan 15, 2006

(9999)

Ultra Carp


I used to live in Fort McMurray, and had to gain access to several oil sands sites, where we had to watch videos like this to get the authorization needed to gain access, so I found this extra funny.

Grammarchist
Jan 28, 2013



im_sorry posted:

I used to live in Fort McMurray, and had to gain access to several oil sands sites, where we had to watch videos like this to get the authorization needed to gain access, so I found this extra funny.

Glad someone did! Incidentally, I just realized I forgot to enable downloads on Soundcloud via "Permissions." That's been fixed now. For some reason that always trips me up when uploading, so just a note for others using it for their much-appreciated content.

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Flipperwaldt
Nov 11, 2011

Won't somebody think of the starving hamsters in China?



Previous threads:

1st (2009): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3224294 (archived)
2nd: (2010): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3366726 (archived)
3rd: (2011): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3451851 (archived)
4th: (2012): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3516742 (goldmined)
5th: (2013): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3585618 (archived)
6th: (2014): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3681788 (goldmined)
7th: (2015): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3749494 (goldmined)
8th: (2016): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3797981 (goldmined)
9th: (2017): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3839261 (active forums)
10th: (2018): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3873186 (active forums)
11th: (2019): https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3903086 (active forums)

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