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My first thought was FF Mystic Quest, which does that sort of thing, but that ended up being a bust. Maybe a SAGA game then?
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Nov 17, 2020 05:48
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It isn't one of the SaGa games, from what I can tell.
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Nov 17, 2020 16:33
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Oh, wait, I found it. https://www.purezc.net/index.php?page=tiles&id=54 It's a loose tile on PureZC. I'm not sure if these are original sprites though or if they're just ripped/recolored.
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Nov 17, 2020 17:42
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okay here's the original source, the dragon is ripped from RPG Maker 2 lol https://www.spriters-resource.com/snes/rpgtsukuru2rpgmaker2jpn/sheet/129820/ 
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Nov 17, 2020 19:39
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Even more generic than we thought.
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Nov 17, 2020 19:57
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 Welp, we have the first dungeon item. Time to go explore with it.  You thought I was joking about this tree being a hookshot trigger.  I wasn't. Let's see where this takes us!   ... Wow, thanks game. Not like I wanted to explore Lake Hylia or anything! Welp, I can't put it off any longer.  I said a few updates back I'd gift an avatar to whoever guessed how to enter the hole; admittedly it wasn't very fair since it involves this screen but I showed it off later so they might've thought it didn't count, but let's be honest I wasn't expecting anyone to guess even knowing this screen existed when I made that bet.  To my surprise, one person was actually decently close, even if their answer was extremely generalized! Close enough that I'm going to give them the W on this.  Ignatius M. Meen posted:There's somebody blocking the vine entrance at the top of the screen and you either assault them with the first dungeon's item somehow or ugh undress them with your sword, driving them away. Congratulations I. M. Meen, you win an avatar. Enjoy your eternal confusion.  "Wow Dimi, that wasn't very offensive. I was expecting you to push a woman in or kick a dog! This is really tame by the standards we've seen!" You might be saying, but there's a reason I pointed out this specific hole in question, cause we're gonna find out what's inside it and this is gonna commit so many loving game design sins I'm probably going to game design hell by proxy just having this game on my PC.  OST - Underworld We're dumped at the bottom of the well.  Heading up, down, and right lead right back here. Heading left, however...  We see somewhere different. Remember what the windmill guy said? Go Around, "Left, Up, Right, Down"?   We go Up, Right, and finally Down to reach...  This screen! We need to kill these 2 heart damage dealing tanks. We can stun them, but still not the best design choice. So, fun fact: I finally figured out what Myra's Pendant does. If you don't have it, the enemies both in this area and in the graveyard turn 99% invisible and can't be seen, but they'll still murder you. Remember, that's a missable item. However, here's the bigger sin:  This thing.   This is the Lens of Truth. It is the most important item in this entire loving game. So what does it do, besides obscuring your vision and draining your magic when held?  It reveals secrets. It shows the future state of any screen in the game after secrets are triggered (ignoring overhead layers), as well as whatever item needs to be used to trigger those secrets. For example, here, we see a tree I pointed out back in update 3. We see that it requires the Level 2 Boomerang be used on the bottom left of this tree, and we see that it turns the tree into a big rock. This item is how I loving know all these obscure secrets I keep pointing out. The entire loving game is designed around you practically having this item when it is an obscure optional item. Remember, we hookshot some loving mushrooms to get this item! But see, all this isn't the worst part. The worst part is that it's permanently loving missable. You know, this item behind an obscure trigger that you'd only know how to trigger with said item catch 22 logic. I only knew about this because people kept saying "make sure you don't miss the lens, make sure you hookshot the mushrooms at the windmill, cause you're hosed if you don't get them". THIS is why I made a big deal about the hole. Because this loving hole with the most inane trigger imaginable holds an item this important, that's only obtainable between now and 2 dungeons from now when it gets lost forever. gently caress this game.  Also it uses magic at an absurd rate without the half magic upgrade, and a decent rate with. I'm not loving dealing with that later, so assume I just use the refill magic hotkey cheat to refill it.  We never went in this house, because I didn't notice that the tuft of grass below me was walkable to get down to this lower ledge.   : and my cuccos are escaping! I thought that this place will make them stay, but acidual monsters are getting in and my cuccos are doing everything to escape! Maybe some even escaped from the village! My poor cuccos really fear the fire...This is a hint that in order to get past cuccos we have to make fried chicken.  Oh, yeah, this girl's still naked. I guess she developed exhibitionist tendencies.  We're doing overworld cleanup with the lens this time, so we'll start by going up this hill by the dead bird roadkill. Just a warning, there's gonna be a lot of jumpcuts this update.  We can hookshot past this now...  And there's a suspicious patch of ground that needs to be bombed.  : only get a bigger one, but I fill it up with bombs! 4 more bombs! And don't forget, you can carry quarter as much super bombs as normal ones! Interested?I thought so!  This is also permanently missable, as is nearly every other bomb upgrade in the game, remember.    Left of roadkill, we find this heart piece.   100 rupees.   Remember this chicken? Turns out we could burn it to make it move this whole time.   You can also burn this mushroom to get a fish.  We can hookshot across for this piece of heart.   Lastly, we can raft across to pick up our first magic container of the game. Remember, every single one is perma missable, and missing enough locks you out of game completion.  I was restrained in going this way because I assumed that this was the way to progress.  I mean, after all, it kinda looks like a death mountain area?  Spoiler alert though: It's not the way to progress.  OST - Happy Mask Salesman  : Masks! You can buy any of them, but beware! They are magical   : Most of them are quite crappy... But I like the Redead, Zora, and Wizzrobe ones. : The Redead is very scary!Go with the other.: That will be just 2249 rupees, very cheap! : We can't afford even one! We need a bigger wallet...: Then you should go and get one. It will be easy for you. Happy Mask Salesman is a weirdo.  You can just hookshot up here from the middle. Exploits!    Here we see the lens in action again. More secrets, by burning a normal looking tree.  I told you this would require a better candle.   Killing all these peahats is a pain, but I do it because I hate myself. ZC is a 60 FPS game, and Peahats have a 1/1028 or something like that chance of stopping every frame, which is the only time they're vulnerable. I'll let you guys figure out the math, but these things are a pain. Anyways, the one in the center stops rotating when we do that, and...  It reveals a cave.   Wow, that's very... not helpful.  So this stump, right? You just gotta hammer it, right?  Wrong. Level 2 boomerang it.   Back in the graveyard...  Okay, this is a really neat touch that I like. Using the lens on the graves shows the person who the grave belongs to.  Of course, it's inconsistent, like all things in this game.  Um... okay.  I wonder why it shows Knil and some other girl belonging to the royal bloodline. That makes no sense, right?... Using the lens on Master Smith's grave will show Master Smith, but I don't have a screenshot of this handy.  I... I see dead people.  Yummy graveyard meat.   I pointed this out earlier, but you can super bomb this. I actually go for it now.  More bombs. Nice.  Oh hey, remember this screen? We bombed the north wall on this screen. Well, as it turns out...  There's a second secret on this screen that only shows up after you bomb the wall. Boomerang the loving cliff   Goddamn.  Oh hey, we have this cave over here too as well.  : If you want to find more secreties, you have to pay........ attention! First of all, if you see a skull statue, the know that something hidden is there. Odd items are also clues, like a shell in a desert. A very detailed or very empty screen is also suspicious. Moreover if you passed some areas without finding secrets, then know that you missed something. Of course, you can't find all secrets just yet... You need items! Also don't fear to use these items on just about everything! You surely know that you can burn some bushes and blow up some mountain walls... But how about blowing away bushes, melting rocks? You won't always find a clue on what to do! Good luck!AKA go gently caress yourself if you don't have the lens. Also handwaving away the need to be consistent I see.   : to death! This isn't my hideout, I just wandered in and the damned cave entrance collapsed. Here, have a rupee for reward!: Well, this isn't much. You probably weren't too hungry...Jesus christ Knil. He's clearly poor you gently caress. : Hey, at least I give something, not like those fairies at east! They usually just chat about secrets. That fella south from Hyrule Castle even TAKES money for information. Ridiculous!: Not as much as taking rupees just as, Mr. Thief! Myra. Jesus christ stop being a moral busybody; can you blame the poor for doing what they need to survive?: Hey, thieving is serious business! It isn't as easy as you think! Once we had a king, but he killed almost all of us to get a treasure just for himself! At that time, thieves were women! *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if I talk to much....... One whole rupee! Don't spend it all in one place!   You can boomerang this random skull to make a shortcut.  This chicken can also be burned away to access the shortcut portal to the bottom left.  If we had the master sword, we could shoot sword beams to kill these guards.   We can also bomb this octorock to make it go away.  Oh yeah, this cave. These spikes arbitrarily lower after you beat level 2. Nothing signifies that this is the case.  Back in town, we can burn the bush behind the bard.  : to tell the Others about the hiding place of the Hermit. The Me bribes the You with this item. Collect 4 to make the You's life strong! Here's another stump we can magic boomerang.  It occurs to me that I never went south of the Happy Mask Shop area.  You burn... this loving rock right here... to reveal a cave   Another heart piece for me...  I already said this, but here's my proof: you can arrow the crate to make it break and do nothing else.  You can hookshot this tree right here to reveal a generic cave with a heart piece in it.   We can make a shortcut here. Don't know where here is or why this shortcut is important? Me neither. This entire loving overworld is forgettable as gently caress.  Burn another generic big tree...   Swiftblade is apparently a darknut. We have to light the torch before he'll train us.  : Yes, train me please!: Great! Now... First! Face north! Second! Stab to the east while still facing north! Third! Move your sword to the north! There! You mastered the slash attack! There is no more I can teach you! So we can slash now. No more of that crappy stabby stab we had before. Don't worry friends! This isn't permanently missable! It's only temporarily missable, as in if you don't burn this random rear end tree now, you won't get slash until much later! Game design!  Remember the rocks I burned like a long rear end time ago? Turns out you can bomb them after burning them.  Oh look, a Lanmola! An enemy you didn't see until level 9 of the original Zelda. Granted, asides from the 2 hearts of damage they aren't that tough.  Another magic container.   Another magic container. : too. Maybe he wants to take me back to reality! I won't allow that! I bribe the fella and watch as he... cough... wheeze...We just murdered an old man for his magic. Nice!  Jesus. It seems like Myra's bed is being haunted by the fae. We might have bigger problems than whatever Vaati or whoever is doing. (Fairies indicate a healing tile)  Random heart piece behind this big tree.  Way back in Lake Hylia, we never hookshot across here.  A watermill. Nice.  : you and we got it from the Zora dungeon!: Then where is that girl I lend the hookshot to? I need to give it back to the Zora King! Here are 100 rupees and you didn't hear anything. Now, go around! :>: O... K... A healing tile? Here? Why?  Oh, that's why. Don't trust the loving fae!   I have no idea how I survived that.   There's an alternate path we can take from this raft spot that leads to free money.   Back in level 1, turns out you bomb these barriers. I have no idea how the gently caress you figure that out.   Some coffin meat here...   This conveyor is too fast for us, but it turns out you can... burn it? What the gently caress.  And that's literally it. No, there's no reward for doing this. We're just dumped out unceremoniously here. This perplexed me so much that I cracked open the quest to figure out what the hell is the point. Apparently you actually can bomb the shutter, only you don't actually bomb the shutter, you bomb the floor in front of it. This entire thing just serves as an alternate, more confusing path to take.  So I spent this entire update looking for progress until I remembered this screen. This screen is progress.  Finally. loving hell. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 6 Yikes: 4 Permanently miss-able: 5 (I'd love to count the lens as 10 because the lens is just that loving important).
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Nov 18, 2020 12:10
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It feels like you need a count of 'Why would I use that there?', but I think that'd be up to like 20 or so cause christ.
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Nov 18, 2020 12:22
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So on the one hand, you've got the inconsistency, which is bad. And then on top of that, you have different logic than the original game(i.e. where you'd use a hammer originally, now you arbitrarily use a boomerang instead????? poo poo like that), so the player has no hope in hell of figuring things out. The lens is like giving someone a bandaid after sawing their hand off, rather than simply not sawing the hand off in the first place.
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Nov 18, 2020 12:51
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DimiPZC posted:
Too long for a thread title, booo. Happy Mask Salesman is the most realistic thing I've seen all game. Fed up retail worker no longer even pretending to smile at the eleven millionth customer to claim they can't afford something and just flatly telling them to gently caress off and get more money. As for the rest of this clusterfuck, I think it's actually a rare moment of self awareness on the part of the creator. By this point clearly anyone playing wants to set fire to the entire game, so why not gate various rewards behind indiscriminate arson?
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Nov 18, 2020 13:37
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Black Robe posted:Too long for a thread title, booo. The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > BoaB: Ohi hohi! The You found the Me!
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Nov 18, 2020 13:41
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So many game design decisions that were never made.
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Nov 18, 2020 13:52
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I love that the writer with a middling grasp of the English language attempted to write a character with a middling grasp of the English language. It's fascinating.
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Nov 18, 2020 15:49
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I like the Lens of Truth conceptually but holy poo poo does it just reveal how inconsistent all of the "puzzles" are.
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Nov 18, 2020 18:25
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I'm gonna guess the Link sprite in the grave is a reference to some earlier incarnation of Link marrying some incarnation of princess Zelda.
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Nov 18, 2020 18:47
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PurpleXVI posted:The lens is like giving someone a bandaid after sawing their hand off, rather than simply not sawing the hand off in the first place. A bandaid that the game will happily not give you if you miss it :3 LiefKatano posted:I like the Lens of Truth conceptually but holy poo poo does it just reveal how inconsistent all of the "puzzles" are. Just want to point out that the Lens is a built in item in ZC, and this quest makes a big deal advertising how it "uses every item in ZC", so chances are it wasn't even meant to be a bandaid, it was only included to make the sales pitch better.
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Nov 18, 2020 19:38
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Oh, it's like sandbox syndrome. Throwing every feature you can think of into the pot until the pot shatters and spills everything into the fire and causes a general conflagration that burns down the whole loving metaphor.
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Nov 18, 2020 19:45
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lol I was just about to call it Kitchen Sink Syndrome, but yeah same idea. There really seems to be no regard for how to actually utilize all the features included. It's impressive in its incompetence.
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Nov 18, 2020 19:53
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DimiPZC posted:Just want to point out that the Lens is a built in item in ZC, and this quest makes a big deal advertising how it "uses every item in ZC", so chances are it wasn't even meant to be a bandaid, it was only included to make the sales pitch better. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...  That explains it being in a out-of-the-way place, I suppose...?
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Nov 18, 2020 19:57
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What the poo poo? The Lens being missable is a loving travesty, but having it is almost worse. Seeing all these batshit moon logic "puzzles" is physically painful, there's no way in hell most of these are solvable without this "cheat" to see their solutions. The design of this quest is horrifying.
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Nov 18, 2020 20:29
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This just makes me wonder what the gently caress happens to the world to make all these things missable.
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Nov 18, 2020 21:33
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Alxprit posted:This just makes me wonder what the gently caress happens to the world to make all these things missable. I have a feeling we end up in a different over world after the first three dungeons.
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Nov 18, 2020 21:57
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Maigius posted:I have a feeling we end up in a different over world after the first three dungeons. Or maybe you only have one chance to pick up some of the necessary upgrades, like the dungeon they're in closes off after you complete it or something.
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Nov 18, 2020 23:08
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time travel, but one way after all, these first three dungeons corresponds to the first three oot dungeons
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Nov 18, 2020 23:22
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Carbon dioxide posted:I'm gonna guess the Link sprite in the grave is a reference to some earlier incarnation of Link marrying some incarnation of princess Zelda. I'm gonna go a step further and assume it means we have an incest reveal ahead of us.
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Nov 18, 2020 23:56
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StrangeAeon posted:I'm gonna go a step further and assume it means we have an incest reveal ahead of us. Yeah I wouldn't put it past this game to do a "I'm my own grandpa" thing
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Nov 19, 2020 00:03
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So, I guess asking out of morbid curiosity, do naked people say something different? For that matter, do the random NPCs you're ignoring have anything to say in the first place?
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Nov 19, 2020 01:53
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Love my new av.  Also jesus, using the lens as an excuse to just plop insane triggers everywhere and sticking it behind an insane trigger of its own (even if it's less difficult to randomly guess than the others) is something else. Forced mind reading is probably the #1 worst game design sin by a long shot but this joker looks like he read a list of those and thought they all sounded like good ideas. On that note, if we're going to add anything worth counting, it's got to be Things That Are Actually Well Done (so so far the music track for the first dungeon and the 'compass'). I expect we won't make it to two digits before the journey ends.
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Nov 19, 2020 02:33
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Sum Gai posted:So, I guess asking out of morbid curiosity, do naked people say something different? For that matter, do the random NPCs you're ignoring have anything to say in the first place? This version of ZC only allows one tile warp per screen, which is what the quest uses to fake npcs (by warping to a dungeon map (as dungeons back then were the only place to allow dialogue) with a screen with the dialogue printed out). As a result, there can only be 1 NPC per screen at most, assuming there's no house entrances or etc. Since the naked lady is on a screen with a shop entrance, she can't have dialogue, and if she did there'd be no good way for the dialogue to change after she gets slashed without black magic. The quest came out about a year after the release of the current mainstream version of ZC, though, which allows 4 warps per screen as well as scripts to create NPCs, but I'm sure that would've require  on the developer's part. Granted, this quest does have a DX version that does use an npc script, but it only gives dialogue to the same NPCs that had dialogue in the original. We'll be covering the DX version at some point, but spoiler alert: my opinions on it are even less good than my opinions of the original.
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Nov 19, 2020 14:11
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DimiPZC posted:We'll be covering the DX version at some point, but spoiler alert: my opinions on it are even less good than my opinions of the original.
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Nov 19, 2020 14:28
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Carpator Diei posted:I'm very intrigued to find out how this game can be made even worse. It's mostly that once you remove all the most questionable poo poo, you're left with boring mediocrity at best. I'd rather be offended by a game than be bored by it, in my opinion, cause boredom is the worst feeling one can have. The DX version doesn't top the original as a trainwreck, sadly 
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Nov 19, 2020 14:37
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DimiPZC posted:It's mostly that once you remove all the most questionable poo poo, you're left with boring mediocrity at best. I'd rather be offended by a game than be bored by it, in my opinion, cause boredom is the worst feeling one can have. The DX version doesn't top the original as a trainwreck, sadly That's what we all used to think before Pokemon Reborn. Turns out there is very definitely an upper limit that's much, much worse than being bored. This mess calling itself a game can only dream of reaching those lofty heights.
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Nov 19, 2020 14:43
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I needed to take a day off for my own mental health. Expect the next update probably in the next 12 hours or so?
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Nov 20, 2020 05:03
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DimiPZC posted:I needed to take a day off for my own mental health. Expect the next update probably in the next 12 hours or so? Sure. Take all the time you need.
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Nov 20, 2020 07:31
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Inspired by a comment on discord, have some "Fan" "Art". 
Evil Kit fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Nov 20, 2020 |
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Nov 20, 2020 18:42
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Evil Kit posted:Inspired by a comment on discord, have some "Fan" "Art".  Gonna put that reserved post to good use now
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Nov 20, 2020 18:50
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 OST - Caves The LttP cave theme is too good for this area. Dimipicks - "Pretentious Cave Music" Thanks for TeeQueue for picking out this suitable alternative.  We get blocked here if we didn't complete the Zora dungeon. In 2.10 (this quest's version) this had to be done with Boss Flag carryover jank where we get warped to an invisible screen with no enemies with the boss flag triggered on a map with the same level set as the map where we want the secret to carry over, and then on the screen with the secret, have an invisible invincible enemy with kill all enemy secrets and the boss flag set. This is because once the boss is dead for the level, it stays dead, so it gets marked in the level data, and when it goes to spawn enemies, it checks to see if the flag is checked if it's a boss flagged screen. If it's flagged and the boss is marked dead for the level, the enemy doesn't spawn, which means there's no enemies onscreen so the kill all enemies secret gets triggered. In 2.5 you can just carryover secrets to another screen via the menu.  Moldorm! Not the fun Z3 moldorm though, but the miniboss Z1 version that can clip through walls, doesn't bounce you, and is very uninteresting.  You might think to burn this unlit torch. You'd be wrong!  You hookshot it.  For reference, these lights we see on the ground are exits. They're meant to be 3D Zelda-styled cave exits.  OST - DeathMt Another original composition by Nuvo. It sounded more pianoish ingame, but the midi converter turned it into a more mountainish theme and I can't argue with that. So, uh, +1 for good soundtrack.  Look at this loving mess. This isn't fun to explore. ...Yet I still put in my best effort to explore this loving place to my fullest. So the Zora back in Lake Hylia talked about both a magic shield and blue tunic (1/2 damage) found here. We find the Magic Shield later this update, but I never actually got the blue tunic during my playthrough. While I can't afford another avatar giveaway, I will give insane props to anyone who manages to guess where the Blue Tunic is, because you aren't gonna guess it. It's absurdly loving dumb, and also temporarily missable to the point it might as well be perma missable (as in, by the time you get another chance to snag a blue tunic, the red tunic (1/4th damage) is both on the table and expected and you might as well get that). So I spend 2/3rds of the game running around in my base green tunic when I could've had half damage going forward. Yes, it's balanced around you having half damage from this point on. gently caress this game.  Let's head up these stairs instead.  I warned you about stairs dawg   We exit two screens west of the other exit. Which didn't have "a lot of stairs". They just needed to waste your time on the more convenient exit.   hmm yeah so bombing a crack in the ground caused a vine to appear, is that normal? mmhmm, okay, got it.   You can just push rock to make ledge disappear. Is valid I swear!  Want.  We can just bomb the cracked block to make it crumble. Mmm, finally, some good loving consistency.   That there's a hefty price fer info, pardner. 1. : The Goron dungeon is to the southwest. Superbomb the chunky hill and look for a steaming part of the wall. Don't go over the river.2. : Northwest in these caves is a key. Use it to find a Goron child. The manhandla is to the east under a superbombable rock near a valley.3. : Burn what you don't see in the shadow of the tree and enter it.I buy this so you don't have to!   I'll be honest, I never get that rupee. Ever.  North of here requires a superbomb and while I could cheat some in, I have yet to find a place where I can get them legit so I'd rather hold off.   Skull statue means there's a secret on this screen. See if you can find it before I come back to it.  weird rock hallway  We're on the ledge above where we bombed a crack to make a vine. I'd say more about stuff, but there's really nothing to say. This mountain is overly complicated but otherwise unremarkable and boring.   There is a cave up here, on like the bottom edge of the screen. Good screen design.  This is where the goron child supposedly is. We need to find a key though, and I won't be finding that key for several updates. The reward is a bomb bag and a heart piece, which... yay, I guess?  Knil see heart piece.  Knil go to heart piece.  Knil get heart piece.  Back at the weird rock hallway, we need a bracelet for this. This I think is how you get the big rupee we saw but never get.  And there's a rock wall that we need to superbomb. You know, very obvious if you didn't buy the hint or have the lens.  Anyways times up did you guess right?  If not I don't blame you.   This big rock in the center is also super bombable. Super bombable things are gonna be a recurring theme this update!    Not this one though! This one is regular bombable   And we're back where we started! Normally I'd end the update here but if we did that we'd be in this bloody mountain forever so instead we're only 1/4th done with this update    Time to explore over here.   Despite there being a whistle market here, we can't whistle. That's cause we can't ever get the whistle here!  Oh look a miner!  Rude.    Another heart piece.   Can you see the blent-in arrow on the ground? Stepping on that will warp you back to the left side cause for some reason it was to just put a hookshot over on the left. Anyways burn this tree...  To make a hookshot tree appear on the right.  This bridge you can actually walk under! The game does that by warping you to another screen identical to it but with the bridge on a layer. This is cause real over/under layers in ZC is black magic wizardry, and I only know of one person who made a functional version in a quest with scripts without completely rewriting the game engine and that person was someone who just showed up out of the blue with a quest with a bunch of other stuff like Zelda 2 scrolling, level up systems, and a bunch of insane poo poo. By the way, if you want to play a good ZC quest, play Panoply of Calatia. It's real loving good and the creator is a really nice person who has done no wrong in her life.   There's a magic refill under here for some reason.  Meanwhile, across the bridge...  We can head down this vine right here to reach...  This little maze!  We have to burn this tree to get to the ladder.   Okay this is dumb. You see that red spot on the ground?  You burn it to "light" it and turn it into an exit.  And that takes us here.  Over here might not seem like much, but remember that "ultimate secret"?   Burn an obscured object under this big tree (looking in ZQuest, it's a skull but hell if you'd ever see it) and then walk upward into a cave. Nice.  There's our magic shield hill humans supposedly have. I can't imagine there can be many hill humans considering what you have to do to get one of these.  Here's the manhandla cave. The goal of the sidequest is easier to find than the sidequest giver >.<   Let's go up here instead.  Oh look, it's a ruined town. Reposting the map just so you don't have to scroll up just to see where the hell we are.  The ruined town at the site of where poo poo went down is actually a really nice touch. It'd... be a better touch if it was actually where the portal was.  We can superbomb this well.  We can superbomb this crystal.  Let's get out of here.  More boomerang stakes.   And here we just burn a hole in the ground.  Two paths. Let's head right.  We chose poorly.  Oh, I guess we're blocked to the left too. ...No, wait, unless...  Dimipicks - Clown music What the gently caress!?!?!?!?! This loving game? I don't...? Gah...   "This thing's superbombable". Hey, you can probably sing that to the circus music!   Ambush! ...Keep the circus music playing, it's more fitting for this loving game.  Oh look, on top of the 2 heart of damage blue darknuts, we have a new enemy: Splitting darknuts! The old Zelda Classic devs can't just add freaking level 3 darknuts, no, they decide to always go above and beyond in terms of awful. These things deal 4 hearts of damage, take 16 wood sword hits to kill, and split into 2 blue darknuts once they die. Lovely!  I don't survive this, but I will be back for revenge.  Let's head left from the start now.   This path is a lot more straightforward.   We can regular bomb this instead of superbombing it.  Falling down gives us a magic container.  Meanwhile, heading further east, we have this suspicious looking cave.  OST - Goron City ...Fine, I'll stop the clown music. Just for now!   ...I will start up that loving music again game. : No, we just came to see the Artifact of Gorons.: Oh, then go and speak with the King! Oh, on second thought... don't mention him it. You'd only make our King upset. But look around!Someone in my call: "If the king finds out you aren't miners, you'll be permanently walking on slow walk tiles, if you know what I mean!" This is the poo poo I have to listen to when rewatching my backlog :V  Anyways it's Goron City. What do you expect?  There's a lot of side tunnels branching off a huge central room.  These are push blocks. Not really much stopping us from pushing them.   This takes us outside.  We have to magic boomerang this rock to make it go away for a shortcut.   Back inside, this place sure looks lively.   Let's see what the ruckus is about.  : to find the Goron Cave, but it's simply nowhere! I was looking every fiery spot around here. It'd be the great to loot it! There is an item that can change the attribute of objects!: And what is this place?: It's not goronish.: The gorons were kind enough to make a place for travellers. The guy near the boots is Talon. His family once had a farm until the new Hyrule Castle was built on it. That Zora escaped Lake Hylia because the Goriyas. I don't know who is that girl there, but she keeps asking if I want party. That Darknut... who pretends sleeping... is a spy! He reports adventurers, so the main army can kill them. That elephant like being claims he is from a place ruled by some 'Vaati'. Strange fella!Now, hold on... There's a bigger wallet there! I could get better stuff with it!  ???  ...You cheeky fucker.   We can't come from above, unfortunately...  Free bombs though!  Actually nothing of importance here.  Might as well check out the main chamber.  : Our majesty! My name is Knil, I am an adventurer.: My name is Myra, I'm the girlfriend of Knil... And I hate formality!Myra, don't you loving dare. : Have you anything to live up to your big mouth, little female human?: We cleansed the Source of the Flow at Lake Hylia.: Formidable task for a human, nothing in the eye of a Goron. I allow you to tell your quest. Myra, stop being a selfish mouthy brat we're dealing with loving royalty. : Your words are so meaningless. Your demand only clarifies that it wasn't you who stole the Goron's Ruby. It lies now in Steam Systems. Nobody can find that dungeons and even if you did, you couldn't bear the heat, couldn't roll fast enough and couldn't lift the heavy rocks. Go home. Now.: NO! I decided to collect the power to leave this prison world! My determination is absolute! No man can understand... My power is in my own hands! I will prove you wrong, because I am right! I am a girl who goes very far. Besides... Myra! God I loving hate you so much.: This was... this... was wonderful! I haven't seen this powerful determination since that other human girl came... I tell you what: If you Cleanse the Steaming Systems, you can keep our Artifact. Be sure to see me after it. Oh, you really lifted my soul. Yeeeeah, baby!  ...Well, that was something. Anyways, free superbomb.  We can also buy super bombs now. ...'Nice'. gently caress that I'm gonna cheat some in. Password is 'ageof', remember. Just press B to refill bombs.  There's actually a bug with superbomb capacity; we're able to hold 1.5x the amount we should. It's normally 1/4 your current bomb capacity.   Let's explore the rest of the city.  : you wanting to turn Hyrule evil is just a rumour. Zoras are liars. But I believed that an old man suggested the royal family to close the borders of Hyrule. No sane king would make up such thing by himself. Oh, almost forgot... want to buy a bigger bomb shack?Speaking of bomb capacity!   This path leads to a shortcut to Kokiri Forest. Reverse OoT order, gotta still do OoT things. ...Fair enough, a shortcut to the superbomb shop is welcome...  : Like seeing the Goron Artifact?: Uhm, well... Not. Rather like exploring the mountain. There are some very tasty rocks there, but some humans mine them out... I bet they wouldn't like us to steal their lunch! A very interesting thing is the Goron Cave. Those whos want to find it never reach it, but some people whos never wanted to get in... well they found it! I wonder what that means... I think the secret treasure of Mt.Death is the most exciting! They say, only a very smart mage can find it! The treasure was used by those humans whos tried to live here, but all died because of monsters.: I want that item! I want to survive... I have no loving clue what she's on about either.  Heart piece guarded by a very stupid puzzle.  All of these blocks can be pushed only once, with one exception.  This block can be pushed multiple times.   Solved.      Lastly, there's a goron sleeping over here.  We steal his fish.  And get the gently caress out of there. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 7 Yikes: 5 Permanently miss-able: 5 Good design: 2 (counting the compass thing in dungeons and the OST of level 1. Should each good OST count or should I only count good OST once? You guys can decide)
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Nov 22, 2020 18:45
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What the gently caress is even... Is the girlfriend/fiancée/mpdg actually Ganon? In disguise to
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Nov 22, 2020 19:28
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goatface posted:What the gently caress is even... Remember the golden rule of BoaB: if you can imagine something, chances are it's more dumb than that
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Nov 22, 2020 20:21
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Well. Everything in this update was a giant pile of what the loving gently caress. I started quoting bits to respond to and then realised I was quoting almost the entire thing and most of my responses were pretty similar. I have a headache just reading this, I can't even begin to imagine playing it. You poor, poor soul.
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Nov 22, 2020 20:58
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Black Robe posted:Well. Everything in this update was a giant pile of what the loving gently caress. I started quoting bits to respond to and then realised I was quoting almost the entire thing and most of my responses were pretty similar. The real question though: The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > Ballad of a Bloodline: Random Junk. Be Happy. or The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > Ballad of a Bloodline: Wait, you aren't miners, are you?
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Nov 22, 2020 21:01
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