|
Please just shoot me. If you've been keeping up with my Let's Plays, you know I LP'd "In the Lost Kingdom of the Banana Blood God". Bananas was a "quest", a game made in the Zelda Classic engine. Zelda Classic, or "ZC" henceforth, is a Zelda game maker, and games made in it are called "quests". There's over 600 of the things on PureZC (the dedicated ZC fansite), and more probably scattered elsewhere. I mentioned at the start of Bananas that standing out from the trash, there were amazing quests and quests that are amazingly bad. When I played Bananas, I specified that Bananas was the former. This unholy abomination is the latter. This is a raging dumpster fire written/designed by a certain CastChaos. And I'm going to play it Blind. But wait! I'm playing this near-completely blind. How would I know of the quality, after all? So instead of taking my word for it, let's see what the reviews to the quest on the site it's hosted on say? Yeah, it's not good. It has a weird ironic cult following nowadays, but that doesn't change the actual quality of the game. It got a lot of good reviews early on in it's lifespan because back in the day, it was one of the most technically impressive quests out there. Despite that, that didn't stop people from noticing some of the... problems... that the game has. Horrible fanfiction-level story. Nonsensical plot twists. Amazingly poor English. Asinine gameplay decisions. All that, plus overall hosed up poo poo that will both make you cringe in disgust and question your sanity! Content Warning For that last reason alone, I'm putting a general content warning right here. If you read this LP, do so at your own risk. This game is disgusting in many ways. If you can imagine something wrong this game does, chances are it does that. Spoiler Policy Eh, whatever. I doubt any of you've played this. Feel free to theorize, guess, whatever. Instead, I'm going to say don't spoil other people's enjoyment. Try to avoid spoilers that you know about, but feel free to guess where this trainwreck is heading. I'm going to try and be lax about this unless things get out of hand. Pester Policy Please feel free to pester me about when the next update is up (within reason, of course). Knowing that there's interest is seriously a huge motivator. On that same note, please don't be scared to post something, even if you feel like you have nothing to say. The more people I know who are actually reading the crap I write, the more I can motivate myself to keep working on this. Updates Prologuing my suffering Source of the oh no Steaming hot mess Gallery of questionable decisions Escape! from Reb- wait gently caress wrong fangame Necroposting Content drought lovely cities Also, check out SurrealCanine's LP of this game's remake if you haven't! He did a very informative LP of BoaB DX, and he was insanely helpful when I was playing, letting this LP be much more informative than it could've been. You can watch it here, just be wary of spoilers and try not to spoil everyone else in the thread if you watch ahead! DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 11:10 on Feb 25, 2021 |
# ¿ Nov 1, 2020 03:07 |
|
|
# ¿ Apr 17, 2024 20:45 |
|
"Fan" "Art" EvilKit reminds us that better games exist with this motivational poster we can all relate to. DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 18:54 on Nov 20, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 1, 2020 03:08 |
|
I spent like 30 minutes trying to load the version this quest is meant to be played in because I don't trust the backwards compatibility of 2.53. Alas, it's both unfindable and Windows 10 incompatible. The downsides are that I don't get to hear the obnoxious LttP GBA slashing screams whenever I slash the sword. Is that a fire medallion? Guess it stands for dumpster fire. OST - Intro The engrish begins. Also the entire soundtrack is midi, and some of it is custom compositions not based on an existing song, so those will be fun to handle. : People had nothing else to do than fishing, milking cows, smelling flowers, singing songs, playing with the elements and loving. Oh, loving! Can I join in? I want to loving punch someone : Only some parents were sad whose children left Hyrule in search of adventures, treasures, and big secrets. : Hyrule and another land. Almost every Hyrulean died at that ages. Nobody knew any cure for the disasters. The whole world began to be filled with weakness, stupidness, and cowardice. Game, I don't need you to describe 2020 for me. ...Stupidness? What? : and drove back the darkness into the other land. Somehow Link made the treasure chest in the bottom left fall asleep. : Once again everyone was happy and at love. However, people feared that the dark times would return. The King of Hyrule ordered the Hyruleans not to leave Hyrule, this way protecting the land from being attack by unknown beasts again. The only easy way out is protected by a seal only can be broken by that legendary sword. : Of course, there are some adventurous people whos are willing to seek the legendary sword and the powers whiches aided the two sides during the war... Two of them are the young Knil and his girlfriend, Myra. : This is their story. This is their ballad... OST - Title Janky intro, though it does well lining up with the music. OST - House : Will such a lazy boy escape from Hyrule? : Kniiiil! Waaaaaaaaaake uuuuuup! : Good morning my sweetie! I wish I could say that I was dreaming about you, but I had bad dreams again. How did you sleep? Oh boy. The protagonist isn't silent. : I had nightmares, too, my dear. Sure that the boredom does this. : We need to find some clue on how to leave Hyrule. Come on! I know that you are planning it for years! Look, I am 18 and you are 16. Guess? : Umm... we can marry now? Uhh, you're a little underage there buddy. : Uh, yes... but I thought about adventure. Come on, you want it, too! I know! Knil? : All right, I was really planning it. But it's too dangerous for you, my sweetie. Our roads sadly... Hey! Don't cry! I... Uh... Myra is good at getting what she wants. : That's why I want to give you a present. I found it west from here, near Lost Woods, at Kokiri Forest. Use it for good... : It will protect you from rocks and arrows but don't set it on fire! : Thank you! This is really beautiful and has some safe feeling to it. : I'm glad you like it! There's even more! I asked my father to smith a sword for you! It won't be just a stick though. You will use it in the upcoming dungeons So, let's head to my house north from here. : The Legendary Blade is held in the Sanctuary. But we can't get it now. It's locked up, and nobody can touch it anyway. : I found a good book in the library, but it's in the closed section. We need to find a way there and do some exploring, too. : Well said, my love! I hope it will be a happy adventure! 50 images in (that I trimmed into text) and we finally gain control. There's a potentially spoilery easter egg (my friends say it's a spoiler) if you wait in this house for 2 minutes. It involves some portal jank and a winged angel and was pretty incomprehensible, and leads immediately into an ending. I'm not showing it off because if it ends up being a spoiler I'd rather save the WTF factor for later. OST - Rain Oh hello there LttP opening. : Just a warning, us DarkNuts have clear orders against suspicious persons. Not like we had evil habits, though... What an oddly specific denial. We start off in Kakariko Town. People are still out and about despite it still being dark out, not to mention raining. : Do you love books, too? My favourite is the Book of Mudora... : Hey! That book is in the closed section! How did you get in?! : Uhm... Forget what I said! You will get a discount in my shop if you do! Come at the 'RIGHT' time, OK? Wow, I can't wait to buy some drugs from this not at all shady merchant. Nobody around here... We can head around the back of the house to get to the left. Oooh, Carpenters! ...What the hell are they doing, working out in the rain? Is there no worker rights here? : Covering gaps, fixing bridges, reapiring fences... If you see anything that wasn't there previously, know that it was our work! : Amazing! I always wanted to be a carpenter! Sadly, the carpenters haven't fixed that hole yet, so we need to come from the left to head north. Let's go left then! : ancestors were enemies of the ancient Hero... Wow, casual racism, in my Zelda? Nice. : I also seen them while doing evil things, like torturing animals, stealing from children and trashing flowers. The king really wants to block certain roads... Wait, what? : Why even are they here? Scary ones... : The king says that they powerful enough to prevent any to leave Hyrule. He also states that they need to block some areas for security reasons at night and in certain seasons. The Royal Family acts very strange nowadays... They are locked up in the castle. Nobody have seen Princess Zelda since she was born... : Odd! So something I haven't mentioned yet... This quest doesn't have an NPC script. NPCs aren't actually included in ZC by default. Because this was from 2009, they used some weird workarounds to have NPCs. It involves warping you to a screen with the text whenever you get close to the NPC with invisible warp tiles. ZC... is not a well oiled machine, as you can likely tell. : smelling flowers and watching the sun while while it moves around and around... But don't get me wrong, I could kill you any time if you planned to leave Hyrule. Just as I did with some people who got close. : How they got close? : They managed to gather the three... Oh! I almost talked too much : Why is your armour looks different? Much prettier than the rest. : I am on a higher rank. But this armour is not only for for showing off rank. This lightweighed gear makes me run extra fast and I can shoot a beam with my sword. : Bye!!! Oh boy, this is a death knight! Back in the day, the devs thought designing kaizo enemies to include in ZC was a good idea to let people use. The death knight moves faster than Link, homes in on Link, and shoots sword beams at Link that deal 16 hearts of damage. Yes, 16 hearts. They are not a good enemy. We're on the other side of the carpenters now. Nice! Stepping next to this darknut will cause him to look at us. Neat. Let's head inside. OST - Myra's House ...Calling your girlfriends dad fat isn't going to score you points, Knil. : Hi Knil! Who knew that after me really being ye' dad for, years ye' will be my lil' daughters husband soon, will ye'? I'm sorry, I don't know either : I will for sure! : Yes! By the way, Dad, please give Knil the sword you smithed! : This is the best sword ye' can use. Come back when ye' feel much stronger. As for now, try to stab the south door open. Ye' know, the swords not only for slashing bushes, torturing cuccos, teasing goriyas or or cuttin' down the skirts o' pretty girls. Good luck for both of you, but stay in Hyrule just yet... No, you read that right. ...What the gently caress BigDad. : Thank you, I will be stronger soon! : All right, Knil! Stab that door open! I am so excited! Whole Hyrule is ours! Bye, Dad! OST - Kakariko You sure do, Knil. We can head north... ... What the hell does adventure smell like? Let's not do that. Let's explore town first. Everyone is awake now that it's sunny out. Friendly guard just guarding stuff. : a business trip, yeah. : We didn't want to see him. : Well, his daughter is on... uhm... Vacation! Yeah. Why do I get the feeling you're not being honest? : We don't want her either. : Well then if... : Oh, calm down, woman! We are just looking around. Jesus christ Myra. : I know now! You are Impa! You nursed Princess Zelda! : That's true. But I was fired because taking her out to the nature! A baby needs fresh air! She had beautiful blonde hair and a yellow triangle on the back of her cute little hand... *sob* Let's leave Impa be, and see what else this town has to offer! UM. ...I think we've seen enough. Welcome to BoaB! COUNT OF ABSURDITY: Casual torture references: 2 Protagonist being awful: 1 Nudity: 1 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 10:37 on Feb 25, 2021 |
# ¿ Nov 1, 2020 03:08 |
|
No matter now many times we leave and come back, this lady will be eternally naked. Maybe this is a lesson about how revealing insecurities teaches a person to live with them and we've created a new nudist colon- pffft I'm sorry I can't do this anymore hahaha : 4 bombs, a meat increases hearts by 3, or a magic up potion. Other things aren't for kids. Sorry. They are too elite. Come back in 7 years. Wow, that sure is a trainwreck of a dialogue. I'll pick up some bombs because jesus christ you're gonna need a lot of these. Oh hey, the library is open now. Before we enter, since there's no other place to bring this up, lemme just bring up something from the previous update. Notice the different coloration between when we first leave the house? ZC doesn't support time of day shenanigans normally, and they have to be done with different map states. That means we were dumped into a "morning" version of the town when we , and leaving the town and re-entering it put us into a "day" version. The morning version is only accessible upon leaving Myra's house the first time. I only noticed this in post, but that means that if anything special happens during the morning, we can never do that. We're permanently locked out of it. I have a sneaking suspicious that the "discount" we were offered in the previous update is only available during this conveniently miss-able time. I have no way of testing this without replaying through the intro again (gently caress that), but just some food for thought, because permanent miss-able poo poo is gonna be a pattern throughout this game. Anyways library is open. : facility of whole Hyrule! .... Who am I Lying to...? The popularity of books are falling at an extreme rate! I don't what to do... I keep autocorrecting the awful english and have to put in a lot of effort to translate all this without my brain "correcting" it. : I would like to enter the closed section Is it possible by any means? : Well, only paid members can access it and only adults can paid members for 200 Rupee per month. Sorry. No wonder you're losing business, my dude. This whole time, Myra has been spinning in circles. In the lower left corner, a guy is hitting a little girl on the head with a book. Haha funny child abuse! Ignore the broken door. It's just working poo poo hours and getting poo poo pay and hasn't had it's coffee yet, so it's only putting in a half effort to stay closed. It's trying, guys! : course you do! They say that Master Smith keeps a rare item in his house This item is the replica of the Magical Lantern which can summon fire anytime! I wonder if the replica is also this good. Moreover I heard that the village girls wants to invent a 'tool' which makes us, boys, as stupid as they are! Wow, casual sexism, in my Zelda? I'd never! : Lie! Grrr... Of course Myra's in on it. : Farewell, partner! And don't forget, if life gives you a shutter give it a bomb! That's a hint for an upcoming obscure trigger that's required to progress. Of course, it ain't referring to this one, cause that'd be convenient. Two shops in this town. A bit redundant. : are really cheap! Well, mostly. Prices are rising, though. Don't buy that fish. That fish is a scam. Go just 1 screen south of this shop and buy the fish there for literally half the price. I fall for this scam later and it pissed me off so bad. Oh look! A fake wall. Of course. : Let's look for the book you mentioned earlier! : *Myra and Knil searches through the books.* : I am frustrated! This closed section isn't a big deal at all! Only naughty magazines, rumour books and weird philosophies... : There is it!!! The Book of Mudora! Look! It not only tells the story of the legendary sword, but we will be able to translate old inscriptions! : Let's read! : 'Long, long ago, when the world were on the verge of swallowed by darkness, the people of Hyrule forged the MASTER SWORD and defeated evil. Then they placed the MASTER SWORD in the...' : Unfortunately the text breaks here, but luckily continues later: : '...of Time used the MASTER SWORD to seal the Evil King into the Golden Land. However, this way the Evil King and his defeated allies could reach the...' Another bre- wait. Excuse me. "Klin"!? What the gently caress game. Can you not even remember your own character's name!? Unacceptable. Also yes, we've been reading this expo dump the whole time without even a change in scenery. : 'of Light gathered the three Ancient Artifacts and so became able to wield the MASTER SWORD. He travelled through the worlds and defeated the King of Thieves. The Dark World now supposed to vanish. The Hero wished for many things, but he forgot...' : That is all. : So, the Hero of Hyrule defeated the Evil King and the King of Thieves? It's so hazy... But at least we know that in order to pull the legendary sword (which is surely the Master Sword) we need the three Artifacts. I happen to know them! One is at south at Lake Hylia, one is at the north at Death Mountain and the final is at the west deep in the Lost Woods. After exploring Hyrule field, maybe we should go to Lake Hylia... OUCH! I stepped on this stupid broken glass! How much rubbish are there! ...Hey, a boomerang! Let's take it! If you leave this screen without grabbing the rang, you need to listen to that entire expo dump over again. Yes, the boomerang is require to progress by the way, so I hope you saw that hidden wall. God. This loving quest. The house on the left isn't a "house" you can enter; instead, going inside just gets you money. Let's head back to Knil's house. There's a chest that wasn't there before. : gave it to you as a present long ago, it brings great luck! Later it will be harder to get items than simply picking them up from your own treasure chest! Oh hey, this item? Another permanent miss-able. Given how a hint NPC goes "get it, it's important", I wouldn't be surprised if it's possible to screw yourself later by not getting it now. Heading right from Knil's house, we have these girls gossiping about stuff. : Have you heard that Bano guy? Something is fishy in his shop! Males are so lame, they make shutters thin nowadays. Heard that the zora king messed some thing up in the water source and the dungeon guardian went berserk? Go south and see it! Also there's something suspicious above Mt. Death! And the Kokiri's Deku Tree has withered. I wish this town were technically more evolved with big metal houses! Um, okay. Well, since houses we've been in before have new things, let's check out Myra's house. Both of the side doors are open now. This room seems empty, but... There's a pack of bombs behind the bookshelf. There's been a few hints to this. Guess what you need to do. If you guessed "bomb a shutter", you're absolutely right! This is the only time the game gives you the courtesy to hint an arbitrary secret. I loving hate this game. : It will brighten your life once per area! ...We have a long way to go itemwise. Heading west just has a bed that heals you and a chest containing a magic refill. Lamp uses magic here, and that's on top of the 1 use per screen thing Z1 had with it's level 1 candle. Last point of interest in town is this hole. We won't be heading in that hole until after the first dungeon, but I want you to guess what's in the hole, or, more importantly, what you need to do to get in that hole. I'll donate a forum avatar to the first person who can guess the latter without spoiling themselves, because I'm that confident nobody is going to get it (Don't cheat by looking it up, or I will shame you ) With that done... Time to explore this godawful field. DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 14:26 on Nov 16, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 1, 2020 23:57 |
|
OST - Hyrule Field You can commit sign vandalism if you want. It'll be back if you leave the screen and come back, so there's no point in doing so. Then again, you can't even read the sign, so there's no point in not doing so. This update, we're going to explore a good chunk of Hyrule Field. Hey, I wonder if we can get past that bombable-looking rock! Nope. Jokes on you for thinking that'd be sensible. At least each screen is kinda memorable and serves as a landmark. Better than what I can say later this update. Nothing down here, it seems. Weird statue. There's a trigger on this screen that opens a hole in the ground. Will you be able to tell what it is? Spoiler: We need to shoot the flower with a later dungeon item. Totally signposted! Pretty sure this clearing is a reference to LttP. Killing all the enemies gives us a heart piece. This quest has a surplus of them, so I'm not counting every one we get. Past a certain point, finding them won't reward you since the health bar only goes up so much. There's something hidden here. Can you spot it? Money! Crossroads! We head right first. Come one, come all, welcome all to the next round of "Guess! That! Trigger!" Can you guess what seems like the obvious trigger on this screen? This screen has one, and you have until next screenshot to make your guess! If you guessed to stab the rock with the sword sign above it... You'd be wrong! You need to boomerang a random tree with the upgraded boomerang to turn it into a rock. "Need", cause it does absolutely nothing for you. Keep that grass patch in mind. We'll be reaching there shortly. And we're back in familiar territory. Let's head left instead. We're back in town now. Specifically, east of Myra's house. Let's explore north of the town this time. I don't get what these sword signs are trying to say Screenshot tool glitched out here and made it look like some stuff has an afterimage. I guess even the software thought this empty corridor was boring. This is the hallway that never ends... yes it goes on and on my friends... Nevermind, it's only 3 screens of nothing. All for a dead end. Seems we have to go around the outskirts. I should mention that these thieves are resprites of the Zelda 1 moblins. This quest has a lot of weird resprites; I approve of this one though. Here's the grass patch we saw earlier. There's a cave under it! Level 2 octorocks are resprited to be deku scrubs. Killing them all gives me a heart piece. Neat. I backtrack (read: I died to the octorocks and broke sequence to show that heart piece ) back to the crossroads north of town and head north. Oh, there's the sanctuary! Let's go steal the Master Sword. : story of the Legendary Sword! : We already know it : I would like to hear it! : All right, sweety. : Long, long ago when people searched adventure, they angered a great evil at an other land. War broke out and many have fallen... But then the Hero came, forged the legendary sword and defeated evil! : It wasn't quite like this way. : Psst! And so, the Maste... I mean, the 'legendary' sword is here? : Yes, my children. Indeed. You can see it, but musn't touch it. After all, this is the only item that let's you break the Death Mountain Seal and take the leap to other lands. Which is, forbidden. : Is there a way we could touch it? : Is there a secret entrance? : There isn't any secret entrance ..... Oh! It's so terrifying to lie! I admit that a chamber leads from Hyrule Castle to here, but fierce Darknuts are watching! Some are reborn upon dying, and some are hold the power of a god! So, you can't touch the Sword, but you can see it if you give me something to eat... We don't have a fish to give this guy. We'll come back later. East of the sanctuary now. I almost missed this cave cause I wasn't paying attention. I'm not smart. : the need of finding secrets. There may be more in one area. : See Knil? Lets search secrets! Please! Another cave... We can't access this. Here's your chance to guess how to get this! I'll wait!... ... It arbitrarily opens after the second dungeon. An octo blocks our way up above, but we can take the lower path. ...Which takes us back here, right above the deku shrub cave. Let's head right. Evil tree shoot fireball. oOoOoOooh, spoooooooky. Further east we find this weird outcropping. I make the mistake of stepping near this butterfly trying to get up it, and... OST - Ambush! "Random" encounter! :o These things exist throughout the world for no reason. Here we have a fight against 4 red darknuts with only 3 hearts and a wood sword. They take 4 hits, deal 1 heart of damage, and can only be hit from the sides and back with the sword. Beating them all gives us a meat restores 3 hearts. ...That's what the shop said they were called, right? It's literally just a full heal for the effort. Lame. After the ambush, we're now on the outcropping. Stepping next to the rock lets us get off this, and also removes the "random" encounter (it's just an invisible warp that you might accidentally step on) Finally, all the way east we have this hut. If you played Zelda 1, this is the old woman you'd give the letter too. We don't have a letter (which is resprited to be a bottle) yet. To the south, we finally find Hyrule Castle. It big. And we can't access it yet anyways. Seriously, this castle is big. 3x3 screens is no joke. To the west, we're again back in familiar territory, only on the other side of the greenery. Free money! Not sure what the heck is up with this statue though. South of Hyrule Castle, we see... a boring, plain open plain. Yay. Let's head left. And hey, I remember this screen! We're back near where we started the update. I head back into town and buy a 100 rupee fish. Keep that in mind. Fish is the bait/meat from Zelda 1 reskinned. We never went down south of the shop in town, darknuts were blocking down here at night and I never bothered to check it. [internalized screaming] I wasted 50 more rupees than I needed to on a fish gently caress my life. : buying them will make them legal. I was a lawyer once, so I know. Lawyers exist in this universe apparently. : The first is a Magical Tile which lets you pass gaps. It's the Z1 ladder. : The second is a Magical Bottle. You can't buy potions without it! It's the Z1 letter. : The third is a fresh fish, you can bribe people with it. Better than the meat. It's the Z1 bait. Buy the bottle if possible. It's permanently miss-able and you can screw yourself out of potions for the entire game if you don't pick it up while it's available. The tile is required for the first dungeon, as is a fish. Heading east and south out of the village now. East we find a bunch of thieves. Killing them all spawns a 200 rupee! We need that! Goddamnit! They all respawn if you leave the screen. You need a ranged weapon to get this. Let's head west instead. We're now south of town. South of here leads to the first dungeon. However... Soldiers exist. They exist everywhere and will warp you all the way back to town if they see you. Lovely. I stupidly think we can't get past this soldier yet. Right from the soldier, we have cramped spaces. Whole bunch of nothing down here, let's head u- Oh. There's a stealth segment up here and I failed it just by scrolling up from below like that. Lovely. They turn regularly, and I don't think to put two and two together to realize I can head south to Lake Hylia. I still gently caress this up though. Time to backtrack all the way here! Getting past the stealth segment takes us back to big open nothing field. All these motherfucking snakes, on my goddamn plain! Killing them all gives me meat. Oh look, a raised hammer peg! That clearly needs to be hammered, right? Past that, we have a building! Sexy... little... girl? For sale... as a slave? What the gently caress!? What the absolute christ. That's hosed up. For the record, this shop tells you about the pearl, the lamp, and the boomerang we already got. We never do anything about this shop. This shop will forevermore continue to sell "sexy" little girls as slaves, and the only thing we can do is support this local slavery business with our patronage. It only gets worse from here, this is far from the last time the creator will sexualize little girls in this game. Ballad of a Bloodline, everyone! COUNT OF ABSURDITY: Casual torture references: 2 Protagonist being awful: 2 Yikes: 2 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Nov 15, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 4, 2020 01:45 |
|
Watermelon Daiquiri posted:Is the 'sex slave' necessary for that hole? Nope. You can't do anything with the sex slave; you're justt a bystander who tolerates the act of selling little girls for sexual acts Our protagonists are not nice people despite how much the game tries to convince you that they're the heroes. For what it's worth though, one person in this thread has guessed the answer close enough that I'm probably going to gift them the avatar unless someone else manages to guess a closer answer before I show it off.
|
# ¿ Nov 4, 2020 14:07 |
|
Yeah, it's just a hint shop. This is the 10 rupee advice. The other two are stuff along the lines of "bomb the shutter in BigDad's house" and "there is a hidden wall in Bago's shop", each for 50 rupees
|
# ¿ Nov 5, 2020 01:51 |
|
I'm still in awe at how disgusting the creator is. At least... at least it only happens here, this one time, and not multiple times, right? Anyways, you can burn this tree and head east. OST - Graveyard Yeah, I think the creator's shenanigans have gotten a few people watching him by now. : Calm down, we don't even know what are you talking about... : You don't know anything! Stop questing or you will suffer! The truth is confusing here! The spirits are savage! If the night comes before you leave, you will die... DIE! He always watches... : I have a very bad feeling about this whole place! Wow, you don't saaaaaay... Some of these gravestones are "talkable" to. : Wha... Ho... But... My father... is still... still living! And I don't have any brother! What is it?! O_O : Very odd... Very strange, indeed... : I hear whispering! : Me too! It says... "Don't waste the blood! See through the deceit of the wind mage!" Ghosts! Wow, an enemy that isn't trying to kill me? That's a first! Breaking sequence a bit to show what's to the right... : Off limits, kiddos, off limits! Go back nursing your dead, the northeast part is in very bad shape, hehe! Hokay then, totally not suspicious at all... Hidden magic refill under the grass. This screen seems suspicious. Let's look around for secrets. Oh. Never mind then! Turns out waiting on this specific screen for 30 or more seconds makes it turn night. OST - Monster Dance Jesus christ! Blue wizzrobes first showed up in Level 6 (a level known for it's huge difficulty spike) of the first Zelda, and returned later for level 9 they were that strong. They do 2 hearts of damage. Stalfos and Z1 Gibdos (basically stalfos with fuckton of HP) resprited to be stalfos heads. Cause that makes sense. Darknuts are still here... Oh christ. That's a Fire Wizzrobe. Fire Wizzrobes are an entirely new enemy to ZC, and they're worse than Blue Wizzrobes in every sense. They fire randomly instead of when you're in line of sight, firing long lasting, short range, high damage flames in all 8 directions. Even one is enough to spam the screen full of fire and make things claustrophobic. They also take 12 hits to kill with wood sword as opposed to Blue Wizzrobe's 8. Nasty things and we can't handle them at this point. These ghosts at night now damage you when you touch them. I was low and didn't know this, so I died. Dying respawns you in the night version on the screen with blue wizzrobes That's gonna be a yikes from me. Red bubbles permanently disable either sword or items depending on the type, and only blue bubbles (resprited to be fairies), a potion (if sword jinxed and not item jinxed), or a health refill/fair tile will cure you. What the actual gently caress. That's a Mirrorrobe. Mirrorrobes are yet another new enemy type added to ZC. They only take damage from their own shots reflected from the Mirror shield. They do 8 hearts of damage. Why the gently caress are they appearing this early!? They're bad for other reasons too, but we can't actually hurt them at this point so we'll bring up those other reasons at a later point. Lastly, we have Red Wizzrobes. They're the most tame of all the wizzrobes, cause they just have a simple teleport pattern where they teleport aligned to you, and they only take 4 wood sword hits to kill. They also deal 4 hearts of damage with their magic. They will instakill us at this point if we get hit. Needless to say, this graveyard is 20 pounds of nope in a 5 pound handbag. We're out of here. Leaving the graveyard is the only way to make it day. We're going back in cause we're crazy. See, turns out you can slash these specific rocks like bushes and get down here. There's nothing here in the daytime, but... You guessed it. The mirrorrobe spooked me here. Yeah, this is a problem. 10 tries of leaving and re-entering the screen later, we get an enemy spawn placement that doesn't put a wizzrobe down here with us. We get ourselves a super bomb! They're better than bombs in every way; they deal more damage, have a bigger blast radius, and can blow up stuff regular bombs can't. Questmakers like to use these as glorified keys, and I don't trust CastChaos at this point to not screw me over if I waste this one. There's nothing over on the left side, but if you push this specific grave... We get the half magic upgrade! Now our magic costs half as much to use. This is also permanently miss able, as is every single magic expansion in the game! Not only that, but if you reach the entrance to the final dungeon with less than 4 total magic containers (3 + starting amount), or 2 if you picked this half magic up, you're locked out of beating the game entirely, cause you don't have enough magic to cast the spell that opens up the final dungeon gently caress the graveyard. If we had a better candle, we could melt that ice and have access to a free heal here. If you're willing to use a super bomb here, you can blow up that rock to the right and have access to a bomb upgrade expansion (that we have to pay for), upgrading our capacity to 12 instead of 8. This also upgrades super bomb capacity, as we can hold 1/4th our bomb capacity in super bombs (though it's bugged for most of the game and gives me a much higher capacity). Bomb expansion upgrades are also all permanently miss able. If we had a better candle, we could melt that fence and have access to a free heal container divided by 4. Peahats! These things have a 1/1024 or something chance of stopping each frame, and they are entirely invincible unless they've stopped. If you kill them all on this screen you can slash the center one for a reward. They're a pain in the rear end to kill and I don't even bother trying to find out until much later. Wow, it's nothing. We can't do this yet. I think that's all of the east side of hyrule we can explore right now explored. By the way, that thing in the topleft is our map. Where we are on the map is a solid green square that's barely visible at all. Game design! Also, our sword can't slash. It can only stab. It only just occurred to me now to point this out. Also dying anywhere in Hyrule Field respawns you at this windmill. It's directly north of the pit. OST - Windmill : See the truth: left, up, right, down, left, up, right, down! Around and around... I think I will compose a song about it... Around and around... Around and around... GO AROUND!!! No, this guy isn't a hint to the pit. He's a hint to what you have to do inside the pit. We haven't explored over here yet, so let's do so. Bridge is blocked. Nothing sticking out immediately... Though if you cut these bushes, they regrow into green bushes Another guard. Remember, if he sees us, we get sent all the way back to town. I start to go down here, but then... One of my friends links me the level 1 cheat code, and I don't respect the creator enough to not share it with you guys. I checked, the level 2 cheat isn't "consent". Level 1 cheats are the "refill" cheats. They allow us to refill our health, magic, rupees and bombs with the press of hotkeys. And since this quest made me waste 50 rupees on a fish I didn't need, and my rupee count is still only around the 50 range... Gimme all of those. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: Protagonist being awful: 2 Yikes: 2 Permanently miss-able: 3 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Nov 15, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 6, 2020 13:28 |
|
Black Robe posted:The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > I will be a kill you when the no sun time comes! If any mod reads this thread, they have my blessing to change the title whenever we find quotes like this
|
# ¿ Nov 6, 2020 14:07 |
|
Blaze Dragon posted:I sure love when I can miss stuff and that makes the game completely unwinnable. goatface posted:If people can't permanently miss things, how else would you ensure they come back to replay your masterpiece? "Nobody replays good games. Super Metroid? A Link to the Past? Both of those games only got played once back when they came out and never again despite people still talking about it, and that's because you can't miss anything, unlike my masterpiece. You plebeians can't understand my amazing game design! You will die... DIE!"
|
# ¿ Nov 6, 2020 15:35 |
|
Might be a day or so until I get the next update up. Been feeling tired and sleepy lately. Thanks for your patience!
|
# ¿ Nov 9, 2020 04:17 |
|
I now have a letter and a ladder and a fish for later. OST - Hyrule Field We're gonna explore the rest of Hyrule Field. Here's a map. ...eh? wha okay Let's forget that happened. We can cross this bridge now with our new floor tile. Handy map of this subarea. I'll do it every time we enter a new subarea this update; it'll help with getting a scope of how everything fits together. I'll post the entire map with everything fit together once we finish exploring. Spooky spiderwebs here. You can slash them like you would grass. Um This bush comes alive and becomes an armos. This looks similar, but you see that weird tuft of grass off the lower mountain? You can climb onto the mountain on that. There's nothing of interest up here from what I can tell, though. If I had foresight, I could bomb open one of these spires for a secret, or boomerang that skull to create a ladder shortcut. Nothing here, even if you kill the darknut. Neat little subarea. Too bad nothing interesting happens here. Little warning, we're gonna be jumping around a bit this update. We can't get either the magic container nor the heart piece in this area yet without items I don't have. However, if I had magical foresight, I could burn this chicken to Technically there's a hint in town for this that I missed, in the house next to the pregnant cow. I don't go in that house until much later cause you have to notice that grass sticking out over the cliff is different cause it obviously indicates a slope going down into that lower area. God this loving game. We can go down this ladder though. We reach a big lake area. No, this isn't Lake Hylia. I thought it was, though, so I waste far to much time trying to explore this area for little to no gains. The only gameplay purpose this hole serves is to prevent you from exploring the above area without the ladder in case we reached this area via a far less intuitive method. As for why the creator didn't want you up there without the ladder? Hell if I know. The ladder never comes up in that area, at all. New enemy: blue leevers! These guys showed up in Z1. They're annoying pests that burrow underground occasionally and become invulnerable. Unlike peahats, they do so at set time intervals, and unlike red leevers, they just wander aimlessly instead of aiming for you. Fun fact: there is basically no difference between a blue and red tektite. They both have the same amount of health and deal the same amount of damage. Killing all the ones at this dead end will give you a good chunk of money. Staircase here! : To fill out the form for this time, you need to pay 15 rupees. : So, we need to pay toll for a simple tresspassing? : Psst... Don't start trouble, Love! We need to pay this anytime we use this teleport. The teleport leads us here. This is the topright corner of the entire overworld, while where we came from was the bottomleft corner of the overworld. There's another chicken you need to burn blocking our return back, and since I don't know that then I'm stuck here. There's... a free fish under this guy's pot. Come on game, don't rub salt in the loving wound Gently caress my life. Over here we have a- Oh, cute. Anyways, one screen to the left of that guy is the big octo we saw earlier. Spoiler alert: you bomb them to get rid of them. I didn't know that at the time, and I didn't bother coming back here to experiment. I decide to check down here to see if there's a quicker way to the lake area instead of going the whole way around, when I find another bush that becomes an armos Spoiler alert, there isn't a shortcut to the lake area. Most of this area is nothing, but there is this house we can check out! Oh, it's a hospital. Neat. : shortage for hundreds of years! Milk is healthy but not advised in the case of most illnesses. Use some potions instead. Sheik's just chilling down there. I guess they're meant to be an injured person? : fast, but in fact they die fast. Avoiding is better than curing! I mean, she's not wrong, but still. Anyways, big surprise, injured people have nothing but exposition for us. There is not, and will never be, a point to the hospital in this game. The most it exists for is that walking onto the beds heals you. Dark world Zora from LTTP just popping out to say hi. All Zora enemies in the game look like this btw. Dead bird on the ground? Yep, that's roadkill. On this screen we have some weird loo- Nobody expects the Darknut Inquisition! Blue darknuts deal 2 hearts of damage and take 8 wood sword hits. Needless to say, I don't win this fight, and I respawn all the way back at the windmill. Lastly, in case you're wondering what's up here... Wow, it's nothing! That hole is just so a rabbit can pop up every few seconds to act as decoration. The secret on this screen is so dumb and irrelevant I almost thought it actually had no secret. If you boomerang the rock with an upgraded boomerang, it turns into a cut bush. Yes, that's it. We're back in Not-Lake-Hylia. Reposting the map cause it's been a minute. Totally not a suspicious waterfall at all. That rock has water coming out of it. I guess this awful overworld made it burst into tears. Another obligatory "this secret is dumb". If you guessed that we burn this weird color tree, you'd be wrong. This dead end is pointless. It only opens up after the second dungeon, and there's no reason for it to exist beyond making the overworld more disjointed. Let's head up instead. A house! If we shoot the box with an arrow it breaks. Once again, this serves no purpose. There's a bomb refill behind the bookshelf. I didn't find it and only found out about it far too late for it to matter. : 'Guard Toro reports to Prime Guard Vaati. I confirm that the only way to leave Hyrule is through the DeathMt portal. It's sealed and only the Master Sword can break way. Holding the master sword is possible only with the three artifacts used by the Hero of Time.' : 'The first one is in the possession of the Zora King. He would give it to anyone who kills the monster deep in the Zora dungeon. We have to make sure that everyone dies who enters the dungeon. The second artifact is at DeathMt. The gorons are secretive about it. The third artifact is suspected to be in the Lost Woods or in Kokiri Forest. The kokiris are secretive about it.' : 'Thereare two adventurers (Knil and Myra) whos trying to make progress in obtaining the Master Sword. I have set up traps against them at significant places. There aren't any news about treasure hunter Zeia. She probably died in the Zora dungeon.' : Interesting... I'm starting to fear... : You are always safe behind me. Jesus christ that was an expo dump. Anyways, important things: the guard reports to a guy named Vaati, and there's a treasure hunter named Zeia. I'm sure neither of these will be important... Also, this is our dungeon order. It's reverse OoT. Haha so clever. To the west is Kokiri Forest. Through that cave is Death Mountain. These are just a screen apart, and (spoiler alert) there's no detour you have to take after leaving Death Mountain. Game design! Anyways, we can use our ladder to reach these vines on the suspicious waterfall screen. You can go behind the waterfall, and there's a cave here you can bomb. Your reward is a piece of heart. Remember these stairs? I didn't bother going north at first. There's a detour here that goes away from the fence dead-end. It leads to a house! : things are happening. For example, the heavy rain of DeathMt made the water to flood this area. My granddaughter went on an adventure but never returned. The thieves are very active nowadays, but those DarkNuts are even worse! They stole almost all of my belongings while I was sleeping! Even the precious items of my granddaughter are missing! : *crying* : Did this touch you so much? : Yes, so sad. *cry* : Yes! *crying* Ah, yes, cause there's nothing Women like to do more than cry. Sexism, everyone! There's money to the north. Not much else. Anyways, we explored pretty much the entire overworld. There's 3 screens in the northwest we haven't touched yet behind that burnable chicken, but they aren't important, at all. So, have the entire map to put all this into perspective. At this point I'm lost for what to do, so I give this guy his fish. He has a unique fish eating animation. Neat! It's pointless to give the guy the fish. All you can do is see the Master Sword; you need to find the hidden passage in Hyrule Castle to actually reach it. In my frustration, I accidentally use the candle on a pile of rocks, and... ... Did that seriously just trigger a secret? What the gently caress. If I had foresight, I'd bomb the pile of rocks after they turned orange and gotten a magic container (permanently miss-able, remember!), but I don't have foresight (read: magical knowledge of arbitrary secrets), so I don't do it until later. This is the point where I realize this guard turns around and looks the other way if you wait long enough. And now we've finally found progress. loving hell. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: Protagonist being awful: 2 Yikes: 3 Permanently miss-able: 3 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Nov 15, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 9, 2020 22:34 |
|
Nevermind the farm just casually chilling in the town with all those chickens and the fat cow. Did they never just consider to milk the drat thing?
|
# ¿ Nov 10, 2020 00:02 |
|
DimiPZC posted:There's... a free fish under this guy's pot. Come on game, don't rub salt in the loving wound I said it right before that
|
# ¿ Nov 10, 2020 00:26 |
|
If there's anything you guys want to see in this game, feel free to mention it. I, uh, may have cracked open the quest and now have complete edit access, so if there's anything you guys want to see, let me know.
|
# ¿ Nov 11, 2020 00:05 |
|
Carpator Diei posted:Every time a character says something icky and/or bigoted, have them add "...because this quest's creator is a huge creep." (image removed) Like so? DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Nov 15, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 11, 2020 01:23 |
|
OST - Lake Hylia I don't blame you if you can't make out much of the map with how dark it is and with rain covering everything on it. Map design is really mediocre at best if you haven't figured it out yet. Wind Waker deserved better than this We can't do anything with these docks yet. Oh look, a Zora! : I see humans! Do you have burner, boomerang and some kind of ladder, like all humans do? I hear hill humans have fire shield and blue cloth, too! : We aren't that resourceful yet... Hint. HINT. You can nab a blue tunic and magic shield around the death mountain area. The hint is because both of these are missable. Also, this is telling you that you need the 3 items found in Kakariko to proceed in this area. Hope you grinded up those 150 rupees There's a boat down here, which if stepped on... Takes us here! South is a dead end. What do we do, then? If you guessed "Boomerang the sleeping goriya", congratulations on your newfound psychic abilities, cause that is correct! This island is decently big, being a 3x3. Topright corner of it has a magic refill an- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bSEfx6D8mA ...I don't survive this encounter. On the topleft corner of the island, there's this area, where if you step on the brown patch: We get a glimpse into Knil and Myra's relation. The center of the island is where we want to be. See that blue tree? Burn it. This is Z1 burn logic btw, where you need to have the flame linger on the bush for it to burn. OST - Zora Hideout Under the not-signposted blue tree is plot relevance. : Where are you? : We came with peace! : You don't see me? Wow, rock'n'roll, baby! No, this does not ever have plot relevance, or any relevance at all for the entire game. I don't know why the gently caress this is here. Ah, yes, casual racism in my zelda! : So sad... : Oh, be quiet... : She won't be! Ah, yes, women never shut up, you see. Casual sexism as well here. gently caress you too buddy. Crossroad up here. : I love humans so much! They are so interesting! The only problem that they can't breathe underwater. This is also the reason for why can't you pass here! Did you know that we built this place out of a small cave for a hideout? When the human king closed down some areas, Zora's Domain froze for good. We needed to escape the goriyas somehow... I hope appreciate you that I translate trainwreck that this is. I appreciate that the minimap icon is actually readable in this cave. Now I can actually tell where the gently caress I am, in a simple hard to get lost in cave Treasure! Oh, nevermind. It's fake. Thanks but no thanks. That hole requires the ladder to pass. We've boomeranged a goriya, burned a tree, and laddered over a pit. Now the game knows that we have all 3 items. : No! Why do the Zoras need to die? : You should know it, little human. Your king did these horrible things with Hyrule. But I don't blame you, you are just a little human. : What did our king do? You mean closing down some areas? : So, you really don't know... Can the human king be such evil? He not only swarms the land with monster, but won't even tell his subjects about it. I'd give anything to the brave person who eliminates the monsters from beneath the lake... : Anything? I don't want to seem disrespectful, but if I do some monster killing, I get the Ancient Artifact? : !!! Oh... I said 'anything' didn't I? Then I need to keep my word... A Zora always keeps his word. Altough, you need a Hookshot to reach the deep. I gave the only one to another adventurer.Nevertheless, take this raft. It's also very useful... Spoiler alert: I despise Myra for many reasons, and we're starting to see hints as to why. She's easily my second least favorite character in the game. As for my first... we'll cover him far later. : Go bravely! You know you done when you are teleported out from the dungeon. Good luck! We have a raft. This lets us raft down predetermined paths. In the original Zelda, you could only sail north and south from exactly 2 locations in the game. In ZC, the path can be drawn out with raft flags, and if a raft branch flag is placed down on an intersection, you can hold a direction to go down that branch (provided there's a raft path flagged in that direction from where you are and you're on a raft branch flag). Oh, and you can only start rafting from a designated "dock" tile, and only if it has a raft flag on it. Does that sound convoluted? It is, and like all good kaizo makers, ZC questmakers love to use these in the most asinine way possible. Nothing to the west of the king. We have to sit through this useless dialogue every time we enter *and* every time we leave. Game design! We never checked out what's north. Wow it's loving loving nothing If we come back here with the first dungeon item, we can use it on that tree to open a staircase. No, in case you're wondering, the first dungeon item has nothing to do with flames or burning trees or anything that'd make logical sense, come on now. I think you all already know what the first dungeon item is. After all, it was just mentioned. I'll let you ponder just how much loving sense it makes to use it on this tree. We can raft off any of these docks now. Casual whirlpool here to trap you until you branch out of it by holding left. Oh hello there! How are you doi- Okay then, see ya! We can raft onto this patch of land. One of the edges here is an invisible dock combo cause that makes sense. The left wall is bombable, but it turns out your own bombs hurt you and they do a shitton of damage. CastChaos thought that was good design. There's a piece of heart in here! Finally, we have 4 hearts instead of 3 to work with. You know, cause that matters when the creator is already throwing 2 heart damage darknuts at you There's another dock point on the east side of the island that we need to take. It takes us to this more barren looking island. North end of the island has this weird outcropping that never comes into play. No really, it's useless. The island has nothing else of importance besides the entrance to the first dungeon, so let's just get this over with. 6 updates in and we finally are in level 1. Yay. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: Protagonist being awful: 3 (I count Myra being an awful character for this as well) Yikes: 4 Permanently miss-able: 4 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Nov 15, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 13, 2020 06:11 |
|
OST - Death Bell's Toll This dungeon is the first time we'll be seeing this game's custom made soundtrack. This particular track was a generic midi made by Nuvo early on, and CastChaos took such a liking to it that Nuvo proceeded to make him unique tracks for other stuff in the game. Nuvo gave this track a remake earlier this year under the name of, well, the name of this dungeon. Dimipicks (totally not a ripoff of OFSelects I swear) - Source of the Flow IMO the remake sounds much more calming and dungeonlike and doesn't have the blaring base the original has, though it comes at the cost of it lacking the energy the original has, so pick your poison Anyways, we have 3 paths here. It seems that I chose poorly. Free key! That was early. The path to the left leads to this area. Let's read the tablet! : They are swimming very fast and are little Please stay out of the water! : I will try, Honey The water hurts you, but only in specific arbitrary locations. Oh, wow! Look at all that money I can't have! If you tank to it you still can't get any of them cause they're just fake tiles. Oh wow, it's a lategame item that I won't get until the final macguffin dungeon. Haha game your so fuuuuunnyyyyyyy You'd think the item you can get is the middle one cause green statue but it's actually this key cause why not. Heading up and left from the start on the lower segment takes us here, to water that doesn't hurt you at all. Way to be consistent, game! That block is a boss lock. We need a boss key to unlock it. Oh, there's a barrier blocking our path. Slashing the blue flame lowers it. This clueless wizzrobe keeps teleporting in and out in place. It doesn't do anything besides that though. There's a readme included in the game and I think this might be the enemy it refers to as a "halfwitrobe". You can read the readme here: https://pastebin.com/8VbVfpjN It's just a cycling damage combo. Nice flopping shark. Nice heart piece we can't get yet. Up here is more water that doesn't hurt us. Spoiler alert: that was just a one time gimmick that the quest got bored with immediately after and tossed it. Taking the upper route here... And this... is to go further beyond! I mean higher. Wait, it's empty? What the gently caress. Oh wait, no, you just have to step on it. Of course. Anyways the compass here is actually a reskinned map that replaces the map (that you start with) with a more detailed, informative map. Of all the dumb poo poo this quest does, this is one of the few things that I think is kinda clever. The compass inengine just reveals the designated boss location, and that's it. Killing all the enemies down here gives us a pack of bombs. Lock block here... And I get to this room before the teleporting halfwit gibs me. I have a low attention span so I put this path off until later, but even if we proceed we'd just be met with more and more locks. Let's explore to the right then. There's a goriya invisible under the statue to snipe you with boomerangs. Killing it via hitbox abuse does nothing. More rafting... Pay attention to this room cause this room is dumb and we'll learn why later. Door's shut. We have to aim our candle carefully to light this torch. Remember, one use per screen, so if we fail we have to raft all the way back down 2 screens and then raft all the way back up here. This happened to me twice Lots of slime in here. Killing them all nets us another key. I decide to be noncommital and go through this door instead of committing to the other key gauntlet. Traps we need to dodge... More bombs for killing all enemies. And another locked door. Time to play, "GUESS! THAT! TRIGGER!" Boomerang the loving tongue guy, cause why not Room gets darker for no reason again. We need to bomb this cracked wall, and... Wow, it's loving nothing! If we could cross this pit, we could go to the boss by stepping on the boss tile. For now though, it's a wasted key. Last path we have yet to explore that isn't the key gauntlet. Long corridor... Long dark corridor... It's the end... of the long dark corridor! Killing the skeleton spawns two chests. One has a key... And the other has pain. drat mimics. Let's go back to the key gauntlet... One of the floor combos lowers the barriers here. It's the suspicious looking one on the ground. Neat looking dam. Another locked door... And hopefully the final locked door in this key gauntlet! gently caress! Killing all the enemies at the suspicious dam only gives us magic cause why not. Okay, want to take a guess where the last key is? Remember this room? You hold loving right And this takes you down these loving stairs And now we have progress! And I used my last bomb on the center of the room before realizing this wall is cracked Time to backtrack to town and buy some more! I also pick up another fish while I'm here... Just in case, y'know? Lastly, I buy a 2 use potion for later using my bottle. Using the bottle permanently activates these shops. Myra It's around this time that my jewish buddy in the call pointed out that these goriyas look a lot like certain hook-nosed caricatures. I'm inclined to think she has a point. Anti-Semitism! Vires! They split into bats, and depending on the type of Vire they may reform into more Vires over time! I accidentally trigger the boomerang secret while trying to deal with these bats. And now we're up here! Oh boy! There's a key in the center, but it's blocked. Take your guesses now people, what do we do here? Dingdingdingding! Slash the blue flame! With the hopefully final key under our belt, we can unlock this door to... There's another loving floor!? COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 4 Yikes: 4 Permanently miss-able: 4 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 21:36 on Nov 15, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 14, 2020 07:50 |
|
Quackles posted:What was the point with all the treasure chests? There was no point. The point was to obscure the screen so you don't notice the music tile that clearly indicates you go right.
|
# ¿ Nov 14, 2020 09:31 |
|
Not just the bubbles, but the pulsing dungeon colors as well!
|
# ¿ Nov 14, 2020 23:56 |
|
OST - Death Bell's Toll Dimipicks - Source of the Flow Hoo boy second floor time. Again, pick your soundtrack "poison", though I won't fault the admittedly skilled composer for having their work be used by a lovely game. We have a choice of where to go! Only it's not a choice because one path is a dead end. We can't cross that pit yet, so left it is. We have an upper and lower path we can take. Let's take the upper route first. Oh dang, there's a shutter in the way. Guess we can't pass. Haha no you just bomb the statue. We're on the other side of the pit we saw earlier. Another boss lock here as well. drat, a deadend. This isn't an actual armos, it won't wake up. Lower path it is then! This water gets electrified every few seconds, dealing half a heart of damage. Surprisingly lenient, except that it stays on long enough that you get hit multiple times and take knockback, so it can take out over half your life if you stay in it. Treasure! Nevermind, just the boss key. We can open boss doors and locks now though! All the water here is electrified. Damnit, can't cross this pit. This door is also blocked. Wow, we've hit a complete dead end. You have the next few images to guess what we need to do. I run out of bombs bombing random walls, so back to town to pick up more bombs. We can unlock this lock on our way back, though. It's a handy shortcut back to the upper floor. Have you guessed what we need to do yet? Maybe we missed a bombable wall? Haha no you just bomb the statue. These floating skulls are resprited gibdos, I think I've already said. They deal a lotta damage and take a lotta damage. Well, that door sure seems important. This chest has a key for us that we'll be using soon. Damnit, we can't cross this gap without... a gap crossing item! Wow I have no idea what it could be! This is a really long corridor for little to no reason other than to make backtracking a pain. Most of the rooms in this corridor looks like this. Deadend! South of where we came in. Like I said, boring hallway. Weird blocks. You can block the one on the left up! Sadly, we can't push the one on the right. Heading up the right side... And boss door! Treasure. Woo. : into many things! You can also stun most enemies with it! Even more! You can grab items from far away! Just extend and...BOING! We found the hookshot. Woo. I realized that I haven't shown off the subscreen in dungeons yet, so I pause. There's a more detailed map here. It also tells us how many keys are on each floor and what the dungeon item is, but only after collecting the "compass". We can just hookshot across this gap to get back. Finally, south of the other boss lock we have this room. This room gates off the rooms to the left, so it tempts me, but I don't figure it out until later. I'd say it's super dumb but really it's just the same standard of dumb that's been this dungeon. Welp, we have no hookshot point to reach the topmiddle platform. Guess what we need to do here? If you guessed hookshot the bubbles, you're right and also more big brained than me. Pols Voice! These guys die in one hit to the arrow, but 9 hits to the wood sword. They also deal 2 hearts of damage. Killing it removes the block in front of the door, but we're out of keys. Roundup time! I pick up this Piece of Heart back on floor 1. Even with the hookshot, I can't cross this. There needs to be a hookshot point on the other side. Back on floor 2, one of the keys is here. This chest is empty, but thankfully not a mimic. This one has our key. We can also hookshot to this empty chest down here. And that's all 3 keys on this floor! Let's use the remaining 2 keys. : Turn back or you will be destroyed! : But we are here to make things good! The King of Zoras asked us to kill the monsters here! We are on your side! : Monsters? My side? You are a follower of Vaati? : Ummm... Yes...? : Then you must know what is my favorite food. Bring it to me and you can pass. Oh gently caress off. We need to give him the fish. Good thing I bought one just in case! Hmm... Stepping behind this block removes it. Ah. Sure enough, we can cross over to the boss tile now. Stepping on it triggers the boss. OST - Aladdin Prince Reprise Holy sprite rip, batman! ...Is that loving aladdin music? Aquaria hey, know them you may But not that it matters Wait for tektites And come to grips with futility Yes wait for these little craps Whos movements are randomization traps Say hello to your precious secret triggers! So the secret requires one to use a hookshot Another one spawns, need I go on? Take it from me These undesirable pests Make everything a mess They send me packing on a one way trip My prospects take a terminal dip My movement frozen My future is chosen To be stuck in this stupid ladder softlock, whoopee! So looooong Ex-boss attempt....! EhehehehehehahaHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! *cough* This boss is really dumb. I'm sure you all want to see some exciting gameplay footage of this boss, right? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb3SlOjfADU Back to where we were before the softlock. We don't need to kill all the things this time, we just need to hookshot over to the topright. OST - Boss Clear That boss was somehow both something and nothing at the same time. Schrodinger's nothing. We want to step in the portal that appeared. : It's over, my beauty! Let's claim the Artifact! And we're teleported out of the dungeon. We still have to sit through this dialogue every time we enter Zora's Hideout. : Aquaria! You saved all of the Zoras! We can't thank you enough! : been given the Sapphire of the Zoras... the Artifact which proves that you two are the best friend of Zoras! Stand near me to receive this gift. Whenever you stand near me, you can hold the Artifact up! Grab the Heart Container, walk up to him, and... uwu : The Goron Artifact is the next, up on MtDeath! It starts playing cave music for a second and you have to hold down or right to proceed. This is to cause a carryover secret to let you go and explore Death Mountain, cause older versions had to do it in a dumb workaround way. We still have to sit through this dialogue every time we leave as well.
|
# ¿ Nov 15, 2020 21:25 |
|
Quackles posted:Wait, so all you had to do to defeat the boss was hookshot across the platforms and hit the switch once? In order: Kill all the tektites, who are this point can only be damaged with the sword as we don't have ranged weapons, they block the hookshot with a very huge hitbox, have completely random movement, and if they get hit by the hookshot they freeze in place and continue to block the hookshot. Afterwards, hit 2 blocks that appear with the hookshot. Finally, hookshot to the platform and win. All while the boss fires extremely nonthreatening fireballs at you.
|
# ¿ Nov 16, 2020 13:10 |
|
My first thought was FF Mystic Quest, which does that sort of thing, but that ended up being a bust. Maybe a SAGA game then?
|
# ¿ Nov 17, 2020 05:48 |
|
Oh, wait, I found it. https://www.purezc.net/index.php?page=tiles&id=54 It's a loose tile on PureZC. I'm not sure if these are original sprites though or if they're just ripped/recolored.
|
# ¿ Nov 17, 2020 17:42 |
|
Welp, we have the first dungeon item. Time to go explore with it. You thought I was joking about this tree being a hookshot trigger. I wasn't. Let's see where this takes us! ... Wow, thanks game. Not like I wanted to explore Lake Hylia or anything! Welp, I can't put it off any longer. I said a few updates back I'd gift an avatar to whoever guessed how to enter the hole; admittedly it wasn't very fair since it involves this screen but I showed it off later so they might've thought it didn't count, but let's be honest I wasn't expecting anyone to guess even knowing this screen existed when I made that bet. To my surprise, one person was actually decently close, even if their answer was extremely generalized! Close enough that I'm going to give them the W on this. Ignatius M. Meen posted:There's somebody blocking the vine entrance at the top of the screen and you either assault them with the first dungeon's item somehow or ugh undress them with your sword, driving them away. Congratulations I. M. Meen, you win an avatar. Enjoy your eternal confusion. "Wow Dimi, that wasn't very offensive. I was expecting you to push a woman in or kick a dog! This is really tame by the standards we've seen!" You might be saying, but there's a reason I pointed out this specific hole in question, cause we're gonna find out what's inside it and this is gonna commit so many loving game design sins I'm probably going to game design hell by proxy just having this game on my PC. OST - Underworld We're dumped at the bottom of the well. Heading up, down, and right lead right back here. Heading left, however... We see somewhere different. Remember what the windmill guy said? Go Around, "Left, Up, Right, Down"? We go Up, Right, and finally Down to reach... This screen! We need to kill these 2 heart damage dealing tanks. We can stun them, but still not the best design choice. So, fun fact: I finally figured out what Myra's Pendant does. If you don't have it, the enemies both in this area and in the graveyard turn 99% invisible and can't be seen, but they'll still murder you. Remember, that's a missable item. However, here's the bigger sin: This thing. This is the Lens of Truth. It is the most important item in this entire loving game. So what does it do, besides obscuring your vision and draining your magic when held? It reveals secrets. It shows the future state of any screen in the game after secrets are triggered (ignoring overhead layers), as well as whatever item needs to be used to trigger those secrets. For example, here, we see a tree I pointed out back in update 3. We see that it requires the Level 2 Boomerang be used on the bottom left of this tree, and we see that it turns the tree into a big rock. This item is how I loving know all these obscure secrets I keep pointing out. The entire loving game is designed around you practically having this item when it is an obscure optional item. Remember, we hookshot some loving mushrooms to get this item! But see, all this isn't the worst part. The worst part is that it's permanently loving missable. You know, this item behind an obscure trigger that you'd only know how to trigger with said item catch 22 logic. I only knew about this because people kept saying "make sure you don't miss the lens, make sure you hookshot the mushrooms at the windmill, cause you're hosed if you don't get them". THIS is why I made a big deal about the hole. Because this loving hole with the most inane trigger imaginable holds an item this important, that's only obtainable between now and 2 dungeons from now when it gets lost forever. gently caress this game. Also it uses magic at an absurd rate without the half magic upgrade, and a decent rate with. I'm not loving dealing with that later, so assume I just use the refill magic hotkey cheat to refill it. We never went in this house, because I didn't notice that the tuft of grass below me was walkable to get down to this lower ledge. : and my cuccos are escaping! I thought that this place will make them stay, but acidual monsters are getting in and my cuccos are doing everything to escape! Maybe some even escaped from the village! My poor cuccos really fear the fire... This is a hint that in order to get past cuccos we have to make fried chicken. Oh, yeah, this girl's still naked. I guess she developed exhibitionist tendencies. We're doing overworld cleanup with the lens this time, so we'll start by going up this hill by the dead bird roadkill. Just a warning, there's gonna be a lot of jumpcuts this update. We can hookshot past this now... And there's a suspicious patch of ground that needs to be bombed. : only get a bigger one, but I fill it up with bombs! 4 more bombs! And don't forget, you can carry quarter as much super bombs as normal ones! Interested?I thought so! This is also permanently missable, as is nearly every other bomb upgrade in the game, remember. Left of roadkill, we find this heart piece. 100 rupees. Remember this chicken? Turns out we could burn it to make it move this whole time. You can also burn this mushroom to get a fish. We can hookshot across for this piece of heart. Lastly, we can raft across to pick up our first magic container of the game. Remember, every single one is perma missable, and missing enough locks you out of game completion. I was restrained in going this way because I assumed that this was the way to progress. I mean, after all, it kinda looks like a death mountain area? Spoiler alert though: It's not the way to progress. OST - Happy Mask Salesman : Masks! You can buy any of them, but beware! They are magical : Most of them are quite crappy... But I like the Redead, Zora, and Wizzrobe ones. : The Redead is very scary!Go with the other. : That will be just 2249 rupees, very cheap! : We can't afford even one! We need a bigger wallet... : Then you should go and get one. It will be easy for you. Happy Mask Salesman is a weirdo. You can just hookshot up here from the middle. Exploits! Here we see the lens in action again. More secrets, by burning a normal looking tree. I told you this would require a better candle. Killing all these peahats is a pain, but I do it because I hate myself. ZC is a 60 FPS game, and Peahats have a 1/1028 or something like that chance of stopping every frame, which is the only time they're vulnerable. I'll let you guys figure out the math, but these things are a pain. Anyways, the one in the center stops rotating when we do that, and... It reveals a cave. Wow, that's very... not helpful. So this stump, right? You just gotta hammer it, right? Wrong. Level 2 boomerang it. Back in the graveyard... Okay, this is a really neat touch that I like. Using the lens on the graves shows the person who the grave belongs to. Of course, it's inconsistent, like all things in this game. Um... okay. I wonder why it shows Knil and some other girl belonging to the royal bloodline. That makes no sense, right?... Using the lens on Master Smith's grave will show Master Smith, but I don't have a screenshot of this handy. I... I see dead people. Yummy graveyard meat. I pointed this out earlier, but you can super bomb this. I actually go for it now. More bombs. Nice. Oh hey, remember this screen? We bombed the north wall on this screen. Well, as it turns out... There's a second secret on this screen that only shows up after you bomb the wall. Boomerang the loving cliff Goddamn. Oh hey, we have this cave over here too as well. : If you want to find more secreties, you have to pay........ attention! First of all, if you see a skull statue, the know that something hidden is there. Odd items are also clues, like a shell in a desert. A very detailed or very empty screen is also suspicious. Moreover if you passed some areas without finding secrets, then know that you missed something. Of course, you can't find all secrets just yet... You need items! Also don't fear to use these items on just about everything! You surely know that you can burn some bushes and blow up some mountain walls... But how about blowing away bushes, melting rocks? You won't always find a clue on what to do! Good luck! AKA go gently caress yourself if you don't have the lens. Also handwaving away the need to be consistent I see. : to death! This isn't my hideout, I just wandered in and the damned cave entrance collapsed. Here, have a rupee for reward! : Well, this isn't much. You probably weren't too hungry... Jesus christ Knil. He's clearly poor you gently caress. : Hey, at least I give something, not like those fairies at east! They usually just chat about secrets. That fella south from Hyrule Castle even TAKES money for information. Ridiculous! : Not as much as taking rupees just as, Mr. Thief! Myra. Jesus christ stop being a moral busybody; can you blame the poor for doing what they need to survive? : Hey, thieving is serious business! It isn't as easy as you think! Once we had a king, but he killed almost all of us to get a treasure just for himself! At that time, thieves were women! *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if I talk to much....... One whole rupee! Don't spend it all in one place! You can boomerang this random skull to make a shortcut. This chicken can also be burned away to access the shortcut portal to the bottom left. If we had the master sword, we could shoot sword beams to kill these guards. We can also bomb this octorock to make it go away. Oh yeah, this cave. These spikes arbitrarily lower after you beat level 2. Nothing signifies that this is the case. Back in town, we can burn the bush behind the bard. : to tell the Others about the hiding place of the Hermit. The Me bribes the You with this item. Collect 4 to make the You's life strong! Here's another stump we can magic boomerang. It occurs to me that I never went south of the Happy Mask Shop area. You burn... this loving rock right here... to reveal a cave Another heart piece for me... I already said this, but here's my proof: you can arrow the crate to make it break and do nothing else. You can hookshot this tree right here to reveal a generic cave with a heart piece in it. We can make a shortcut here. Don't know where here is or why this shortcut is important? Me neither. This entire loving overworld is forgettable as gently caress. Burn another generic big tree... Swiftblade is apparently a darknut. We have to light the torch before he'll train us. : Yes, train me please! : Great! Now... First! Face north! Second! Stab to the east while still facing north! Third! Move your sword to the north! There! You mastered the slash attack! There is no more I can teach you! So we can slash now. No more of that crappy stabby stab we had before. Don't worry friends! This isn't permanently missable! It's only temporarily missable, as in if you don't burn this random rear end tree now, you won't get slash until much later! Game design! Remember the rocks I burned like a long rear end time ago? Turns out you can bomb them after burning them. Oh look, a Lanmola! An enemy you didn't see until level 9 of the original Zelda. Granted, asides from the 2 hearts of damage they aren't that tough. Another magic container. Another magic container. : too. Maybe he wants to take me back to reality! I won't allow that! I bribe the fella and watch as he... cough... wheeze... We just murdered an old man for his magic. Nice! Jesus. It seems like Myra's bed is being haunted by the fae. We might have bigger problems than whatever Vaati or whoever is doing. (Fairies indicate a healing tile) Random heart piece behind this big tree. Way back in Lake Hylia, we never hookshot across here. A watermill. Nice. : you and we got it from the Zora dungeon! : Then where is that girl I lend the hookshot to? I need to give it back to the Zora King! Here are 100 rupees and you didn't hear anything. Now, go around! :> : O... K... A healing tile? Here? Why? Oh, that's why. Don't trust the loving fae! I have no idea how I survived that. There's an alternate path we can take from this raft spot that leads to free money. Back in level 1, turns out you bomb these barriers. I have no idea how the gently caress you figure that out. Some coffin meat here... This conveyor is too fast for us, but it turns out you can... burn it? What the gently caress. And that's literally it. No, there's no reward for doing this. We're just dumped out unceremoniously here. This perplexed me so much that I cracked open the quest to figure out what the hell is the point. Apparently you actually can bomb the shutter, only you don't actually bomb the shutter, you bomb the floor in front of it. This entire thing just serves as an alternate, more confusing path to take. So I spent this entire update looking for progress until I remembered this screen. This screen is progress. Finally. loving hell. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 6 Yikes: 4 Permanently miss-able: 5 (I'd love to count the lens as 10 because the lens is just that loving important).
|
# ¿ Nov 18, 2020 12:10 |
|
Black Robe posted:Too long for a thread title, booo. The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > BoaB: Ohi hohi! The You found the Me!
|
# ¿ Nov 18, 2020 13:41 |
|
PurpleXVI posted:The lens is like giving someone a bandaid after sawing their hand off, rather than simply not sawing the hand off in the first place. A bandaid that the game will happily not give you if you miss it :3 LiefKatano posted:I like the Lens of Truth conceptually but holy poo poo does it just reveal how inconsistent all of the "puzzles" are. Just want to point out that the Lens is a built in item in ZC, and this quest makes a big deal advertising how it "uses every item in ZC", so chances are it wasn't even meant to be a bandaid, it was only included to make the sales pitch better.
|
# ¿ Nov 18, 2020 19:38 |
|
Sum Gai posted:So, I guess asking out of morbid curiosity, do naked people say something different? For that matter, do the random NPCs you're ignoring have anything to say in the first place? This version of ZC only allows one tile warp per screen, which is what the quest uses to fake npcs (by warping to a dungeon map (as dungeons back then were the only place to allow dialogue) with a screen with the dialogue printed out). As a result, there can only be 1 NPC per screen at most, assuming there's no house entrances or etc. Since the naked lady is on a screen with a shop entrance, she can't have dialogue, and if she did there'd be no good way for the dialogue to change after she gets slashed without black magic. The quest came out about a year after the release of the current mainstream version of ZC, though, which allows 4 warps per screen as well as scripts to create NPCs, but I'm sure that would've require on the developer's part. Granted, this quest does have a DX version that does use an npc script, but it only gives dialogue to the same NPCs that had dialogue in the original. We'll be covering the DX version at some point, but spoiler alert: my opinions on it are even less good than my opinions of the original.
|
# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 14:11 |
|
Carpator Diei posted:I'm very intrigued to find out how this game can be made even worse. It's mostly that once you remove all the most questionable poo poo, you're left with boring mediocrity at best. I'd rather be offended by a game than be bored by it, in my opinion, cause boredom is the worst feeling one can have. The DX version doesn't top the original as a trainwreck, sadly
|
# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 14:37 |
|
I needed to take a day off for my own mental health. Expect the next update probably in the next 12 hours or so?
|
# ¿ Nov 20, 2020 05:03 |
|
Evil Kit posted:Inspired by a comment on discord, have some "Fan" "Art". Gonna put that reserved post to good use now
|
# ¿ Nov 20, 2020 18:50 |
|
OST - Caves The LttP cave theme is too good for this area. Dimipicks - "Pretentious Cave Music" Thanks for TeeQueue for picking out this suitable alternative. We get blocked here if we didn't complete the Zora dungeon. In 2.10 (this quest's version) this had to be done with Boss Flag carryover jank where we get warped to an invisible screen with no enemies with the boss flag triggered on a map with the same level set as the map where we want the secret to carry over, and then on the screen with the secret, have an invisible invincible enemy with kill all enemy secrets and the boss flag set. This is because once the boss is dead for the level, it stays dead, so it gets marked in the level data, and when it goes to spawn enemies, it checks to see if the flag is checked if it's a boss flagged screen. If it's flagged and the boss is marked dead for the level, the enemy doesn't spawn, which means there's no enemies onscreen so the kill all enemies secret gets triggered. In 2.5 you can just carryover secrets to another screen via the menu. Moldorm! Not the fun Z3 moldorm though, but the miniboss Z1 version that can clip through walls, doesn't bounce you, and is very uninteresting. You might think to burn this unlit torch. You'd be wrong! You hookshot it. For reference, these lights we see on the ground are exits. They're meant to be 3D Zelda-styled cave exits. OST - DeathMt Another original composition by Nuvo. It sounded more pianoish ingame, but the midi converter turned it into a more mountainish theme and I can't argue with that. So, uh, +1 for good soundtrack. Look at this loving mess. This isn't fun to explore. ...Yet I still put in my best effort to explore this loving place to my fullest. So the Zora back in Lake Hylia talked about both a magic shield and blue tunic (1/2 damage) found here. We find the Magic Shield later this update, but I never actually got the blue tunic during my playthrough. While I can't afford another avatar giveaway, I will give insane props to anyone who manages to guess where the Blue Tunic is, because you aren't gonna guess it. It's absurdly loving dumb, and also temporarily missable to the point it might as well be perma missable (as in, by the time you get another chance to snag a blue tunic, the red tunic (1/4th damage) is both on the table and expected and you might as well get that). So I spend 2/3rds of the game running around in my base green tunic when I could've had half damage going forward. Yes, it's balanced around you having half damage from this point on. gently caress this game. Let's head up these stairs instead. I warned you about stairs dawg We exit two screens west of the other exit. Which didn't have "a lot of stairs". They just needed to waste your time on the more convenient exit. hmm yeah so bombing a crack in the ground caused a vine to appear, is that normal? mmhmm, okay, got it. You can just push rock to make ledge disappear. Is valid I swear! Want. We can just bomb the cracked block to make it crumble. Mmm, finally, some good loving consistency. That there's a hefty price fer info, pardner. 1. : The Goron dungeon is to the southwest. Superbomb the chunky hill and look for a steaming part of the wall. Don't go over the river. 2. : Northwest in these caves is a key. Use it to find a Goron child. The manhandla is to the east under a superbombable rock near a valley. 3. : Burn what you don't see in the shadow of the tree and enter it. I buy this so you don't have to! I'll be honest, I never get that rupee. Ever. North of here requires a superbomb and while I could cheat some in, I have yet to find a place where I can get them legit so I'd rather hold off. Skull statue means there's a secret on this screen. See if you can find it before I come back to it. weird rock hallway We're on the ledge above where we bombed a crack to make a vine. I'd say more about stuff, but there's really nothing to say. This mountain is overly complicated but otherwise unremarkable and boring. There is a cave up here, on like the bottom edge of the screen. Good screen design. This is where the goron child supposedly is. We need to find a key though, and I won't be finding that key for several updates. The reward is a bomb bag and a heart piece, which... yay, I guess? Knil see heart piece. Knil go to heart piece. Knil get heart piece. Back at the weird rock hallway, we need a bracelet for this. This I think is how you get the big rupee we saw but never get. And there's a rock wall that we need to superbomb. You know, very obvious if you didn't buy the hint or have the lens. Anyways times up did you guess right? If not I don't blame you. This big rock in the center is also super bombable. Super bombable things are gonna be a recurring theme this update! Not this one though! This one is regular bombable And we're back where we started! Normally I'd end the update here but if we did that we'd be in this bloody mountain forever so instead we're only 1/4th done with this update Time to explore over here. Despite there being a whistle market here, we can't whistle. That's cause we can't ever get the whistle here! Oh look a miner! Rude. Another heart piece. Can you see the blent-in arrow on the ground? Stepping on that will warp you back to the left side cause for some reason it was to just put a hookshot over on the left. Anyways burn this tree... To make a hookshot tree appear on the right. This bridge you can actually walk under! The game does that by warping you to another screen identical to it but with the bridge on a layer. This is cause real over/under layers in ZC is black magic wizardry, and I only know of one person who made a functional version in a quest with scripts without completely rewriting the game engine and that person was someone who just showed up out of the blue with a quest with a bunch of other stuff like Zelda 2 scrolling, level up systems, and a bunch of insane poo poo. By the way, if you want to play a good ZC quest, play Panoply of Calatia. It's real loving good and the creator is a really nice person who has done no wrong in her life. There's a magic refill under here for some reason. Meanwhile, across the bridge... We can head down this vine right here to reach... This little maze! We have to burn this tree to get to the ladder. Okay this is dumb. You see that red spot on the ground? You burn it to "light" it and turn it into an exit. And that takes us here. Over here might not seem like much, but remember that "ultimate secret"? Burn an obscured object under this big tree (looking in ZQuest, it's a skull but hell if you'd ever see it) and then walk upward into a cave. Nice. There's our magic shield hill humans supposedly have. I can't imagine there can be many hill humans considering what you have to do to get one of these. Here's the manhandla cave. The goal of the sidequest is easier to find than the sidequest giver >.< Let's go up here instead. Oh look, it's a ruined town. Reposting the map just so you don't have to scroll up just to see where the hell we are. The ruined town at the site of where poo poo went down is actually a really nice touch. It'd... be a better touch if it was actually where the portal was. We can superbomb this well. We can superbomb this crystal. Let's get out of here. More boomerang stakes. And here we just burn a hole in the ground. Two paths. Let's head right. We chose poorly. Oh, I guess we're blocked to the left too. ...No, wait, unless... Dimipicks - Clown music What the gently caress!?!?!?!?! This loving game? I don't...? Gah... "This thing's superbombable". Hey, you can probably sing that to the circus music! Ambush! ...Keep the circus music playing, it's more fitting for this loving game. Oh look, on top of the 2 heart of damage blue darknuts, we have a new enemy: Splitting darknuts! The old Zelda Classic devs can't just add freaking level 3 darknuts, no, they decide to always go above and beyond in terms of awful. These things deal 4 hearts of damage, take 16 wood sword hits to kill, and split into 2 blue darknuts once they die. Lovely! I don't survive this, but I will be back for revenge. Let's head left from the start now. This path is a lot more straightforward. We can regular bomb this instead of superbombing it. Falling down gives us a magic container. Meanwhile, heading further east, we have this suspicious looking cave. OST - Goron City ...Fine, I'll stop the clown music. Just for now! ...I will start up that loving music again game. : No, we just came to see the Artifact of Gorons. : Oh, then go and speak with the King! Oh, on second thought... don't mention him it. You'd only make our King upset. But look around! Someone in my call: "If the king finds out you aren't miners, you'll be permanently walking on slow walk tiles, if you know what I mean!" This is the poo poo I have to listen to when rewatching my backlog :V Anyways it's Goron City. What do you expect? There's a lot of side tunnels branching off a huge central room. These are push blocks. Not really much stopping us from pushing them. This takes us outside. We have to magic boomerang this rock to make it go away for a shortcut. Back inside, this place sure looks lively. Let's see what the ruckus is about. : to find the Goron Cave, but it's simply nowhere! I was looking every fiery spot around here. It'd be the great to loot it! There is an item that can change the attribute of objects! : And what is this place? : It's not goronish. : The gorons were kind enough to make a place for travellers. The guy near the boots is Talon. His family once had a farm until the new Hyrule Castle was built on it. That Zora escaped Lake Hylia because the Goriyas. I don't know who is that girl there, but she keeps asking if I want party. That Darknut... who pretends sleeping... is a spy! He reports adventurers, so the main army can kill them. That elephant like being claims he is from a place ruled by some 'Vaati'. Strange fella! Now, hold on... There's a bigger wallet there! I could get better stuff with it! ??? ...You cheeky fucker. We can't come from above, unfortunately... Free bombs though! Actually nothing of importance here. Might as well check out the main chamber. : Our majesty! My name is Knil, I am an adventurer. : My name is Myra, I'm the girlfriend of Knil... And I hate formality! Myra, don't you loving dare. : Have you anything to live up to your big mouth, little female human? : We cleansed the Source of the Flow at Lake Hylia. : Formidable task for a human, nothing in the eye of a Goron. I allow you to tell your quest. Myra, stop being a selfish mouthy brat we're dealing with loving royalty. : Your words are so meaningless. Your demand only clarifies that it wasn't you who stole the Goron's Ruby. It lies now in Steam Systems. Nobody can find that dungeons and even if you did, you couldn't bear the heat, couldn't roll fast enough and couldn't lift the heavy rocks. Go home. Now. : NO! I decided to collect the power to leave this prison world! My determination is absolute! No man can understand... My power is in my own hands! I will prove you wrong, because I am right! I am a girl who goes very far. Besides... Myra! God I loving hate you so much. : This was... this... was wonderful! I haven't seen this powerful determination since that other human girl came... I tell you what: If you Cleanse the Steaming Systems, you can keep our Artifact. Be sure to see me after it. Oh, you really lifted my soul. Yeeeeah, baby! ...Well, that was something. Anyways, free superbomb. We can also buy super bombs now. ...'Nice'. gently caress that I'm gonna cheat some in. Password is 'ageof', remember. Just press B to refill bombs. There's actually a bug with superbomb capacity; we're able to hold 1.5x the amount we should. It's normally 1/4 your current bomb capacity. Let's explore the rest of the city. : you wanting to turn Hyrule evil is just a rumour. Zoras are liars. But I believed that an old man suggested the royal family to close the borders of Hyrule. No sane king would make up such thing by himself. Oh, almost forgot... want to buy a bigger bomb shack? Speaking of bomb capacity! This path leads to a shortcut to Kokiri Forest. Reverse OoT order, gotta still do OoT things. ...Fair enough, a shortcut to the superbomb shop is welcome... : Like seeing the Goron Artifact? : Uhm, well... Not. Rather like exploring the mountain. There are some very tasty rocks there, but some humans mine them out... I bet they wouldn't like us to steal their lunch! A very interesting thing is the Goron Cave. Those whos want to find it never reach it, but some people whos never wanted to get in... well they found it! I wonder what that means... I think the secret treasure of Mt.Death is the most exciting! They say, only a very smart mage can find it! The treasure was used by those humans whos tried to live here, but all died because of monsters. : I want that item! I want to survive... I have no loving clue what she's on about either. Heart piece guarded by a very stupid puzzle. All of these blocks can be pushed only once, with one exception. This block can be pushed multiple times. Solved. Lastly, there's a goron sleeping over here. We steal his fish. And get the gently caress out of there. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 7 Yikes: 5 Permanently miss-able: 5 Good design: 2 (counting the compass thing in dungeons and the OST of level 1. Should each good OST count or should I only count good OST once? You guys can decide)
|
# ¿ Nov 22, 2020 18:45 |
|
goatface posted:What the gently caress is even... Remember the golden rule of BoaB: if you can imagine something, chances are it's more dumb than that
|
# ¿ Nov 22, 2020 20:21 |
|
Black Robe posted:Well. Everything in this update was a giant pile of what the loving gently caress. I started quoting bits to respond to and then realised I was quoting almost the entire thing and most of my responses were pretty similar. The real question though: The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > Ballad of a Bloodline: Random Junk. Be Happy. or The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > Ballad of a Bloodline: Wait, you aren't miners, are you?
|
# ¿ Nov 22, 2020 21:01 |
|
Quackles posted:OK, so two things jumped out at me. Oh yeah, ZC is not a well oiled machine in the slightest. I had it crash on me twice and revert all my progress while trying to play the NES demake of Ballad.
|
# ¿ Nov 23, 2020 03:09 |
|
Let's finish off this godawful mountain. Lots of jumping around possibly incoming. Heading to the right is a dead end. We can bomb this to make a slope. Bomb this to remove the fence gate. Burn a green rock to remove it. Oh look, more moldorms. Another one of these... Blocked going this way it seems. Reminder that this is Z1 candle logic. The candle shoots out 2 tiles in front of you before stopping, and it has to linger on the burn trigger like that to trigger it. We end up behind this tree. Lotsa thieves here. There's a secret on this screen that leads to the heart piece we just saw. The lens won't help us here, so try and guess what needs to be done. If you guessed "push this specific boulder down", you'd be right. We can push that block to remove the big pile of rubble to leave. Two items we don't yet have are needed to deal with this circle of rocks. This is a dead end... While this leads to familiar territory, though we weren't able to access this side before. Another one of those light holes. At least they're consistent about what triggers them. We emerge in visual clutter land. Some of these crystals are slashable with your sword. Others are hookshot-able. yeah its kinda obnoxious to navigate. Burn this green rock btw. That cave is actually one way. We have to go back the long way around if we enter it. If you don't have superbombs, you're trapped down here and have to f6 (shortcut to trigger the death screen) out. Let's look over to the left! We chose poorly. Anyways, we've already been in this cave, so we can just exit out back in this area. We have superbombs legitimately now, so... Boom. This valley area is probably the least offensive part of death mountain. Huh, what are docks doing here? ...Well, gently caress you too game. Anyways, that valley leads to the next dungeon. So one long walk back to death mountain later, I try exploring another path. Let's see what's south of this ravine! Well, gently caress you too game! Another long rear end walk back later and- Oh fuuuuck right off game! One! Two! Two darknut splitters, o ho ho! We can cheese this fight entirely by standing under this rock. They can't ever hurt us here. Once they split, we have this in the bag thanks to our terrain advantage. ...What is this, a fire emblem game? I mean, we get an elixir as reward, so it might as well be :V We have super bombs now, so let's check out the manhandla cave. Man, I like having barely any room to dodge the instakill superbomb explosion we need to make. Wow, much threaten. So scare. Well timed bomb placements will demolish these pests. So this corridor is the "trigger" to the sidequest. By stepping in this corridor, we've "solved" the sidequest and we can claim our reward as soon as we find the questgiver. It's yet more boss flag carryover poo poo. This portal will take us out. Well, we can bomb this well as well. That gives us this magic container. Pushing this block up will remove the barrier out. Convenient exit, another superbomb location! It takes us to this cliff area. Oh look, megaman bats. ...They've been there for a while throughout this mountain, I only just noticed them Bush meat! Bush bomb! To the south leads us to this vine maze. I guess you can shoot an arrow here to make more vines appear. Great. You can go through this neat overlay pseudocave to reach the other side. This time the overlay incorporates diagonals that you have to navigate through blindly. Oh gently caress me that's a lot of crystals. God these are annoying to navigate. We can head south blindly here though. Free superbomb! You can also bomb the campfire to make a ladder for a shortcut Oh boy, a firerobe. Nice. This campfire you can hookshot though! Leads us to this cave here. A beam of light is blocking our way and will just make us exit the cave if we try to pass it. The solution is to bomb it of course. That makes this heart piece ours. Having conquered one darknut ambush already this update, I decide I want revenge on the one from last update. We have a large surplus of bombs, and they're really effective at taking out darknut pests. We clear them out and get a potion for our efforts! Wow. Taking the portal back softlocks us in here. There's supposed to be a step trigger below us to remove the blocks, but warping onto a trigger doesn't trigger it until we step off, and we have no room to step off it. So our reward for clearing the darknuts is a softlock and the inability to actually clear them out permanently! Time to f6 out then. Time to head to the next dungeon then. That steaming cave wall is the entrance. There's a chest on a cliff we can't get yet. Maneuver over to the steaming wall and bomb it... Next dungeon! Let's hold off for a sec and explore what little rest of the valley we can though. Nothing much over here... And there's clearly something here but our lens don't (and will never) have enough range to see what's required to make vines appear and the bomb wall open. Spoiler alert, we need to hookshot the bomb wall all the way up there. Alright, clearly the dungeon will give us better results with triggers. How do we open this door, now? Boomerang a fan... yeah, that seems about right. I think that's enough BoaB for now. COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 7 Yikes: 5 Permanently miss-able: 5 Good design: 2
|
# ¿ Nov 23, 2020 20:17 |
|
Carpator Diei posted:And this already looks even more headache-inducing than the first dungeon. Does this one at least not have constant multicoloured strobe lights? No, it instead has steam that covers the entire screen to the point where it's headache inducing trying to actually see anything. EDIT: Here, have a sneak peak! DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 22:54 on Nov 23, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 23, 2020 22:24 |
|
Carbon dioxide posted:Wait. So if the engine has a candle flame shoot two places, I'm assuming only in cardinal directions, and it can only trigger something if the flame stops on it, could you annoy the player by doing something like this: No, you understand it perfectly. Some rear end in a top hat designers can do (and have done!) poo poo to this degree, and it's pretty loving cheeky. Also, sneak peak of what we're looking at in this upcoming dungeon in the post above
|
# ¿ Nov 23, 2020 22:56 |
|
OST - Steam gently caress me this is not gonna be fun. Original track at least. The theme of this dungeon is going to be clutter. Level 1 had strobing lights in the palette, this place has noise everywhere. This entire first floor isn't too hard to navigate, so I'm going to be jumping around a bit. Here's a map for your convenience. Oh, looks like we're blocked. ... yeah, this is the gimmick of this place. At least they're consistent with it... Hopefully. Dead end? ... We. We aren't even 10 images into the update. Not even 10 images into the update and you're already pulling this loving poo poo on me. Burn a loving block, is what you want me to do. Mmmkay. North is the boss, but we can't cross this yet. We need to trigger a carryover secret first. If we kill all enemies to the east here, we get a key. Told you Big hallway here. This first floor has a lot of keys, and a lot of locks. Let's see what's past this lock. Basement floor! ...Oh christ almighty what is this!? Welcome to the theme of this dungeon! Steam. The entire lower floor is filled with this obnoxious awful steam that makes playing headache-inducing. Anyways we have to bomb this tile to remove the boulder in our way. We use a key to remove a roadblock from a future path. That's basically how all the key usage on the upper floor goes. Anyways, the bottom of the hallway is directly east from the start, so we made a little loop around the dungeon. We need to bomb this loving shutter open Oh, christ, a stalfos 3. These things deal... 4 hearts of damage with their sword beams, and they shoot sword beams in all 4 directions when they fire. Lovely seeing these this early! Anyways, the lens in this room tells us that the block turns into a chest, but not what does it. That's because you need to hookshot into this hole in the wall to hit the trigger, which was hidden under an overlay which prevents the lens from saying "hit this with hookshot". Good game design. Really early boss key. We need it to access the basement, which is the real meat of the dungeon. You can bomb this wall open... As well as this wall. They both have locked doors behind them. We'll need some keys. South of the block we burned is this upper area. Okay, so this is dumb. The lens doesn't tell you anything about this screen. I just assumed that meant there was no way to cross this pit. See, the reason it didn't tell us anything was cause the boomerang trigger was out of reach, and the secret it triggered was the first frame of a bridge extending, which has no visible change from the previous tile. gently caress you game. That's a key down. We can boomerang a fan to get back to the hallway. Oh, I wonder what triggers this? Must be another boomerang fan, right? gently caress off. Another locked door behind it. I don't blame you if you can't see what the gently caress to do here. Fan to the right. Boomerang it. Back upstairs, this door... is dumb. We'll open it in a bit. There's a key down here we'll be picking up shortly. Boomerang this fan. We're now west of start. We need to come back here with the item from level 3 for a heart piece. We could go back to level 1 with our bracelet and nab a heart piece there too, but I'm a dummy who doesn't remember stuff. Oh gently caress off. This is a handy shortcut to the basement for when we unlock it. Over here near the bottom left, we have spikes blocking our path. We bomb the machine. Killing the wizards gives us a key. Anyways, to open this stupid door, we need to stand here specifically. It's really precise too, and I missed this on my first pass through this room because Link's hitbox is only the bottom 8 pixels of his sprite, so I was walking too high up to trigger this. Crossroads here. North is... I think a hint for something? There's a puzzle later that sort of resembles this but limitations mean it's a nothing puzzle. We can bomb this statue btw. South leads us here. gently caress off. Compass is over here. Bomb another loving shutter. Of course. This doesn't work. You need to specifically bomb the right side of the door. Let's hold off on going through that shutter we bombed open. Uh... Oh gently caress off. North is the main way into the basement. Before we do that though... Stepping on this lowers these barriers... Grab the key we missed up here... Guess what we need to do here? Step on another precise floor tile. Let's head back now. Jesus christ it's hard to see down here. We need the magic boomerang for this block. We can unlock this shortcut as well to cut back on backtracking. I can't wait to bombs some dodongos! Can you? We need magic boomerang for this shutter... And for this big block right here. Most of this is just going through the screens we used our keys to remove blockades from. This waterfall screen is the last check in the line. Anyways, this lower floor is obnoxious to navigate. I mean, seriously, look at this. Headache inducing. We get a key down here for killing all the enemies. So this might look like a normal hallway, but it isn't. Can you spot the thing? There's red tiles that blend in with the lava down here that we can use the ladder to hopscotch over. Fun and exciting puzzle design. Free healing tile. Due to how the ladder works, you can only go straight across from where you enter, because the ladder is only a 2 way street. We need to bomb this... whatever the hell this is I can barely loving see down here We can also bomb up here to do... something I don't loving know I can't bloody see anything! We can also hookshot a block to remove it, as one does. Sadly we don't have enough keys, so we need to go find some in this steaming mess. We can access the other part of the 2 way street from here. Oh look, it's the non-puzzle I mentioned earlier. Step here specifically to remove the gate blocking the key. We're below the dodongo room now. Is this fun for you all to read? Cause it sure was a blast having to play it. gently caress Boab. gently caress Boab. gently caress Boab. We can hookshot over here. More hookshots... All that to get another key. We can unlock this now. Finally, a loving reprieve from that garbage. Who's ready for the dumbest loving trigger in this dungeon? Ladder in this specific spot. This reveals a walkable tile that allows you to continue across the rest of the lava. gently caress Boab. gently caress Boab. Kill the stalfos 3 down here to get another key. Hookshot across here... Crossroads. We want to head north first. Okay, so remember the Lost Hills from Zelda 1? The place where you need to go north 4 times in a row to reach level 5? This is the exact same poo poo. You arbitrarily need to head north 4 times on this screen for no other reason than to waste your time. We get the final key of the dungeon for doing so. Another reprieve. Thank god. There we go, that's all the keys used. Bombing all the dodongos reveals a door to the south. OST - Rain This theme again... : It stuns living beings and morphs objects into something new! Use it on things that block your way! Nice. We got the arbitrary trigger key. Also, this outdoors area resets our continue point so we need to backtrack all the way through the basement instead of just dying and respawning in the upper floor. The crystal boomerang: "It just works." We need to boomerang this shutter to open it. This activates a carryover secret that lets us access the boss. No reason to hold off on it, let's just go for it. OST - Mechanical Anthem Is that... a reploid insignia? What the gently caress. Also, another original composition, and we're going to be hearing this one a lot. Anyways this boss consists of a series of rooms with arbitrary triggers. Boomerang the lever on the bottom. Slash this machine. Burn this block. Todd howard this switch. Okay, what do we do here? Oh gently caress right off. We're almost at the end. Port Skyrim to that red button up there. Last, but not least, bomb this random rear end block. ...Is that a naked girl hooked up to a machine? : So, that is the reason we are here! : Is it ethical to kill a kind of human being to advance? : I need to decide quick, this place is really unstable... A moral choice, in my Zelda? Before Undertale was even a kickstarter project!? It's more likely than you think. Let's spare her. Here's a moral choice, but we're going to kill you for picking the right one and make you feel like poo poo for picking the wrong one when it's the only way to progress. Yes, you have to go through the entire boss fight again to get another shot. Let's kill her this time. : You have been given the Ruby of Gorons! Now you are just one step away from being able to wield the Legendary Sword! Don't give up just now! You already feel the power of the artifact flowing throughs your muscles... Let's go! Escape sequence time. Also, heart container for beating the boss. So the creator made a glaring oversight in this segment, because this segment is copypasted from the original segment. Secret flags are still placed, with no secret combo set. This means you can trigger black squares to appear where secrets were originally! I'm not surprised that this oversight slipped through. Just the perfect capstone to this. : her sad eyes? : There was no other way. She was responsible for the monsters and the harsh environment. : No... Uhm... Well, go and tell the Goron King about our 'success' After we beat the boss, we're warped to a night version of Death Mountain. Once again, one time only thing, wears off when we leave and re-enter a building or leave the area. Man, 2 dungeons down! Enemies are getting tougher, I'm sure the game will throw me a defense-boosting bone any second now! I sure hope I didn't permanently miss it by beating that dungeon COUNT OF ABSURDITY: gently caress off Myra/Knil: 8 Yikes: 6 Permanently miss-able: 6 Good design: 2 DimiPZC fucked around with this message at 03:43 on Nov 26, 2020 |
# ¿ Nov 26, 2020 02:09 |
|
|
# ¿ Apr 17, 2024 20:45 |
|
Procrastine posted:So, uh, will it ever be explained why there's a human hooked up to the sauna control system or are we just going to throw that in out of nowhere and never bring it up again? It wouldn't be a forced moral choice if the game didn't constantly hammer and bludgeon you in the face with it every 5 minutes 15 hours from now, would it? As for why; I'm sure it's brought up somewhere but this game's english is so awful I can't make heads or tails of it.
|
# ¿ Nov 26, 2020 04:05 |