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true and true
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Nov 13, 2020 07:39
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just a reminder its ok to be sad
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Dec 5, 2020 10:12
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2020 was goin... well, as okay as it could this morning got word that an old friend died young, in a "well, social media says they're dead, but details omitted" way that implies dyin in ways other than "welp, random car crash" or, as befits our current predicament, "welp, rona" fashion having been through a few suicides among friends and family, you get a sense of when people aren't stating a specific cause of death loudly in public for social reasons gently caress that poo poo. gently caress everything
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Dec 6, 2020 05:35
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:/ mate I feel for your loss
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Dec 6, 2020 05:56
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condolences, friend
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Dec 6, 2020 13:31
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not that I want to make this about me but thanks for sharing even tho it’s sad I’ve only known one person who has taken them life and they weren’t that close and I quite often glamourise my own suicide in my mind and it’s good when I can add things into the “cons” column coz when the cons are bigger than the pros i don’t think about it so much. when the pros seem bigger it’s on my mind often ya know i once worked out that i could make myself sad simply by thinking something sad like what if my kid died and so when i think of taking my own life what’s that’s do to my mind? LOL
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Dec 7, 2020 00:32
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my cousin killed himself when he was 23, after his girlfriend broke up with him. i'm sure he had a lot going on internally, but that was the catalyst. getting together with the family right after that happened was one of the saddest events of my life. his mom and dad were destroyed. i still don't think they've gotten over it. don't suicide. it breaks the people who care about you. and those people exist, even if you don't think they do.
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Dec 7, 2020 01:09
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don’t apologize for posting your feelings. to be honest we should all be more willing. it’s really easy to fixate on negative experiences and make yourself feel worse. this isn’t at all to say that it’s all in your head; of course it isn’t. but it’s still true that if you can manage to focus on the good in your life, as small as you might think it is sometimes, can do wonders for your mental health. lives aren’t just a list of pros and cons man; i guarantee any list you try to make will fail to capture the realities of the situation. still i get what you mean. i came very close a few times when i was younger; my parents weren’t...nice people. but i’m glad i’m here because otherwise none of you would experience the beauty of my posts. seriously though if anyone ever feels really bleak and just needs to chat they should message me.
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Dec 7, 2020 01:16
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Roosevelt posted:my cousin killed himself when he was 23, after his girlfriend broke up with him. i'm sure he had a lot going on internally, but that was the catalyst. getting together with the family right after that happened was one of the saddest events of my life. his mom and dad were destroyed. i still don't think they've gotten over it. thanks for sharing man. it’s good for me to read this mediaphage posted:don’t apologize for posting your feelings. to be honest we should all be more willing. thanks for the support. your encouragement to open up means a lot tbh I think the total risk is virtually nil. I love my kids too much and know about how much pain it would cause. what my problem is, is that I don’t want to be on my death bed looking back at how I spent huge swathes of my life/days wishing I was dead I could always do it once my parents are dead and my kids are all moved out. it’s an escape from hard feelings. thinking about consequences of debt? nah i’ll just kill myself if that happens. get caught making risky poor decision? just kill ya self you’ll be ok. why apply for a better job, you could just kill yourSelf instead. it’s such an unproductive state of mind. and you dig the grooves deeper and deeper the more time you spend wishing it was over. it doesn’t encourage you to get out of the spiral but just find things to push you over the edge. but I really do need to find a way so that when I wake up I’m glad to be awake and conscious. that ahedonia thing sucks. dopamine and your reward pathway are what makes a human get off its rear end and do anything, and when virtually nothing inspires that.. it’s hard
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Dec 7, 2020 03:06
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aw dude i feel you. have you ever considered seeing someone to talk about antidepressants? if you've never used them you might be a candidate (i don't have personal experience with them but many find them effective). i think one thing you could do to work on this is to stop entertaining it as a true possibility. you keep using words like might and could. it's one thing to consider what would happen if something impossible occurs; it's another thing to actively start thinking about all the situations in which it might happen. when you find your thoughts tending in those directions, you should make a concerted effort to start thinking about something else. i find hobbies help. i know you know this already, and already work on some, but it's helpful to keep hearing it. even when i'm not necessarily deriving pleasure from the activity it's useful as a tool for keeping my mind off of things. most days i hate my life, but even that is better than the alternatives. fwiw i super enjoyed all your blender posts.
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Dec 7, 2020 03:33
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echinopsis posted:tbh I think the total risk is virtually nil. I love my kids too much and know about how much pain it would cause. what my problem is, is that I don’t want to be on my death bed looking back at how I spent huge swathes of my life/days wishing I was dead dude, i could have written this lol. i am 100% still waking up every morning, only for those kids. i also know it would severely gently caress them up to off myself when they're young adults, too. we have to trudge it out. the fuckin way she goes.
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Dec 7, 2020 06:23
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i don't have any kids, but i can look forward to the next day's bonghit this is an honest serious post, not a joke, not meant to be offensive
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Dec 7, 2020 06:52
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polyester concept posted:dude, i could have written this lol. I do believe it's utterly possible however, to be happy to simply be alive. we need to solve it lol. I'm finding some solace in buddhist concepts, like unattachment. I don't live an angry bitter life, at least, and I absolutely want the best for everyone around me, and generally do what I can to be a good person and to grow in those ways. like when I get called out here for saying something untoward.. weird but I am like, maybe I shouldn't. maybe I should learn from it How much of it do you reckon is your job? or like, what you actually have to get up to do? DELETE CASCADE posted:i don't have any kids, but i can look forward to the next day's bonghit I think this is what brad from sublime meant when he said "and I can still get high" in what i got echinopsis fucked around with this message at 07:50 on Dec 7, 2020 |
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Dec 7, 2020 07:46
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mediaphage posted:aw dude i feel you. have you ever considered seeing someone to talk about antidepressants? if you've never used them you might be a candidate (i don't have personal experience with them but many find them effective). thanks man. I've looked at antidepresents and even tried a few. honestly, side effect of not horny aint worth it. if suicidal thoughts are the cost of boning well thats simply the hand god wanted me to play. I think you're right. I often go thru a cycle of a) wanted to kill self b) accepting that I can't c) so I gotta keep living d) well if I gotta keep living, might as well find a way to enjoy it and sometimes i can linger on D for longer but other times I kind of "forget" about it and get stuck on A maybe I just gotta exercise. I hear it does wonders. but have huge resistance to that idk why. I want to spend more of my life doing what brings me joy, which is anything with my kids, and exploring creativity. currently, working fulltime murders those opportunities, but I should be thankful I earn what I do. like sometimes, I actually feel downright inspired by all the potential cool things I could be doing in life. just a shame going to work cuts that off at the base of the shaft annual review today. things pretty good. theres no money in pharmacy so no more money is coming my way but maybe more annual leave. which is more time for me and my kids 
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Dec 7, 2020 07:54
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It's been probably the best year of my life so far but it's all hindered by how much my current job sucks. I was only able to get it after half a year of sending countless resumes only for them to respond, now I am constantly tired and stressed out, got no energy to do anything after work that would get me out of this hellhole, I work over weekends so I can't even spend time with my partner as much as we would want, every day I send new work applications and every day I get a rejection from about 1/3 of them, rest is just dead silent
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Dec 7, 2020 10:41
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RustyKnight posted:It's been probably the best year of my life so far but it's all hindered by how much my current job sucks. I was only able to get it after half a year of sending countless resumes only for them to respond, now I am constantly tired and stressed out, got no energy to do anything after work that would get me out of this hellhole, I work over weekends so I can't even spend time with my partner as much as we would want, every day I send new work applications and every day I get a rejection from about 1/3 of them, rest is just dead silent you can pm me a redacted resume and I’ll help you go over it, if you like
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Dec 7, 2020 17:33
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Captain Foo posted:you can pm me a redacted resume and I’ll help you go over it, if you like I already consulted my partner about it who's senior designer and her friends who are mid and senior webdevs so I am covered when it comes to resume, it's more about me not having any experience in market that became over saturated. Recently it was getting better and companies started to employ junior people again so I am hoping that somebody will give me a chance, unfortunately most of them want to save on trainings and give this lovely one year of work requirement and reject me automatically without even interviewing me. Right now I have 2 positions that gave me some tests and told me to await further response after they finish interviewing other candidates with guaranteed response, so at least that's good.
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Dec 7, 2020 22:54
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echinopsis posted:thanks man. I've looked at antidepresents and even tried a few. honestly, side effect of not horny aint worth it. if suicidal thoughts are the cost of boning well thats simply the hand god wanted me to play. in the words of philosopher kings blink-182, work sucks; i know. regular exercise really does make me feel better, not even including like high intensity stuff....just like getting out for daily walks is nice. i get what you mean, though, i'm probably right at the halfway point in my life, and i get frustrated sometimes at how much i missed out on when i was younger because of various circumstances. but everything i do from this point is of course my decision and i try and give more weight to all of those sorts of things.
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Dec 7, 2020 23:04
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pity bump    :[  🥲
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Dec 19, 2020 04:43
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echinopsis posted:pity bump she'll be right, mate
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Dec 19, 2020 13:02
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 thanks
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Dec 19, 2020 20:50
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two days a week I have another pharmacist at the place so I can actually go out for lunch and today I all punishing myself with mcdonald’s there’s a split second the moment your meal arrives when things are “ok”: the regret later is just part of the rebirth cycle
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Dec 21, 2020 23:53
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echinopsis posted:two days a week I have another pharmacist at the place so I can actually go out for lunch and today I all punishing myself with mcdonald’s i love mcdonalds, no shame, refuse to feel bad about it like for my funeral party i hope they serve giant towers of mcnuggets with a hot mustard fountain
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Dec 22, 2020 03:02
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oh the regret is from my overconsumption it’s good tho
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Dec 22, 2020 03:14
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what is it about mcdonalds fries that makes them so good the moment you get them, and utterly inedible less than two minutes later
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Dec 22, 2020 03:39
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i think that's an overstatement really but they're slim fries and if you leave them grouped together you can steam and soften them but i don't mind that also as potatoes cool starches and pectins will recrystallize which changes the texture
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Dec 22, 2020 04:07
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Jabor posted:what is it about mcdonalds fries that makes them so good the moment you get them, and utterly inedible less than two minutes later you are actually describing in n out fries. i dont even bother with them anymore
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Dec 22, 2020 06:12
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mcdonald’s fries are great except you have to add extra salt and you can’t order salt on the kiosk thing so you have to order your meal and then go to the counter and ask for salt but I think all the staff are asked to ignore anyone at the counter except for the one designated server who always has a huge amount to do
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Dec 22, 2020 06:43
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at the beginning of covid I met a woman, fell flat on my face in love with her. eventually things got a little rocky, turned out she was suffering from a dissociative disorder, which we both discovered after she tried to kill herself and was sent to a mental hospital. she's since left the country. i hope she is getting the help she needs, but i dont expect to hear from her ever again. she has left a terrible hole in my world, but it is really nice to know that she is still out there somewhere. please don't take your own life. it's not your fault that you feel this way. go get the help you need.
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Dec 22, 2020 07:12
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im sorry for that hole in your world
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Dec 22, 2020 07:25
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there isnt even a ring, man
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Dec 22, 2020 07:26
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i feel bad for chortling but i did
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Dec 22, 2020 07:29
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