The dentist told me to get a night guard

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vanisher

Luckily I have a guard dog already so I'm pretty well protected.

# ? Nov 16, 2020 18:27

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:30

vanisher

Ah you're here about the night guard position? Yeah I need someone to help keep me from grinding my teeth in my sleep. Maybe jam your finger in between my teeth or something? What do you mean what's it pay.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 16, 2020 18:32

vanisher

I see on your resume you have some experience as a night guard

"well, with a night guard."

So you were in training?

"what? No they only post in Imp Zone I think."

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 16, 2020 18:34

vanisher

(vaudeville hook yanks me out of the thread)

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 16, 2020 18:37

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

The room full of monitors and the guards salary are expensive, but dental health is priceless.

# ? Nov 16, 2020 18:46

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I could do without the hourly patrols of my mouth, however

# ? Nov 16, 2020 18:46

alnilam

extremely committed night guard spends the day removing all sources of stress from my life, so that i no longer clench/grind at night

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Nov 16, 2020 19:32

Macnult

[dentist hands me an apple]
me: oh no worries, i already have one
dentist: ...i know

# ? Nov 16, 2020 19:43

Jinh

vanisher posted:

I see on your resume you have some experience as a night guard

"well, with a night guard."

So you were in training?

"what? No they only post in Imp Zone I think."

# ? Nov 16, 2020 20:13

Queen-Of-Hearts: "I want to break your heart💔 and give you mine🫀"

My dentist wrote the prescription all fucky so now i have to chomp down on a pumpkin until dawn.

:h: sig by Prof. Crocodile :h:
:byodame: BYOB spells: Mutually Assured Kindness

# ? Nov 16, 2020 20:17

StupidSexyMothman

*glances over to see night guard dozing at his desk, with a small black and white TV airing Nick at Nite reruns*

not sure how this is supposed to help my teeth but hey, what do i know, i'm not the dentist here

# ? Nov 16, 2020 20:32

google THIS

I already have guards pacing my roof every night like I'm living in a freaking castle, and now my orthodontist thinks I need a retainer. What am I, a feudal lord?

# ? Nov 16, 2020 21:17

google THIS

Periodontist (measuring my gum pockets): Hmm, your gingivitis is getting worse. You're going to need a jester.

Me: I call bullshit

# ? Nov 16, 2020 21:18

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

google THIS posted:

I already have guards pacing my roof every night like I'm living in a freaking castle, and now my orthodontist thinks I need a retainer. What am I, a feudal lord?

"See this buildup? This is because you don't ost."

# ? Nov 16, 2020 22:09

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

swallowing wood and oil before bed in case I have to light the beacon of Gondor

# ? Nov 16, 2020 22:24

google THIS

All this work to defend my mouth and it turns out the enemy had a molar in my ranks all along. I never expected an incisor threat.

# ? Nov 16, 2020 22:36

vanisher

apparently now they need to run drills on my canines which I'm assuming means trained attack dogs

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 16, 2020 23:33

vanisher

google THIS posted:

I already have guards pacing my roof every night like I'm living in a freaking castle, and now my orthodontist thinks I need a retainer. What am I, a feudal lord?

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 16, 2020 23:34

StupidSexyMothman

*i start grinding my teeth in my sleep*

*night guard wakes me by shining his mag-lite in my face, shaking his head disappointedly*

# ? Nov 17, 2020 00:00

wearing a lampshade

vanisher posted:

I see on your resume you have some experience as a night guard

"well, with a night guard."

So you were in training?

"what? No they only post in Imp Zone I think."

# ? Nov 17, 2020 00:01

wearing a lampshade

i know you paid me to guard your teeth against grinding, but i was up all night last night, and yeah your teeth got grinded. they were grinding. you know why? listen... *sighs* its you. you're grinding your teeth. you're doing this, to you. you're self destructive. you need help, so i'll do my best, but you're the only person who can protect you from yourself... you know, maybe you dont need me at all. i'm only a night guard. if somebody came in here and grinded your teeth, then i'd be useful; i could stop them, gently caress them up, we could have fun together bashing their brains in. but that's not what's happening here. you'd probably be happier with a night counsellor.

# ? Nov 17, 2020 00:07

Manifisto

MARCELLUS: Peace, break thee off; look, where it comes again!
BERNARDO: In the same figure, like the king that's dead.
MARCELLUS: Thou art a scholar; speak to it, Horatio.
GHOST: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend trident for those patients who chew gum

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Nov 17, 2020 00:47

Stoner Sloth

night guard on watch against the tooth fairy, ready to gently caress her up if she comes after my teeth again!

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Nov 17, 2020 07:40

Escape From Noise

Me to a bunch of burley construction workers with lumber, bolts, steel, and tools: What do you mean you don't do "that kind of bridgework"?

# ? Nov 17, 2020 08:15

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

google THIS posted:

Periodontist (measuring my gum pockets): Hmm, your gingivitis is getting worse. You're going to need a jester.

Me: I call bullshit

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Nov 17, 2020 09:55

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

suddenly sirens blare and floodlights turn on. cavity creeps have been spotted entering the grounds. ive got 50 men patrolling who would lay down their life to keep me from having tooth decay

# ? Nov 17, 2020 17:37

biosterous

wish i had a night guard to watch me grind my teeth 1x/night

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Nov 18, 2020 02:13

Heather Papps: hello friend

first he wants to guard me at night, now he's concerned about my "cavity"?!? i need a lawyer!

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Nov 18, 2020 02:16

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Six-Of-Hearts posted:

My dentist wrote the prescription all fucky so now i have to chomp down on a pumpkin until dawn.

lol

# ? Nov 18, 2020 02:42

How Wonderful!: I only have excellent ideas

vanisher posted:

(vaudeville hook yanks me out of the thread)

secondary vaudeville hook yanks you back in

-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

# ? Nov 18, 2020 05:02

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

biosterous posted:

wish i had a night guard to watch me grind my teeth 1x/night

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Nov 18, 2020 05:07

vanisher

Heather Papps posted:

first he wants to guard me at night, now he's concerned about my "cavity"?!? i need a lawyer!

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 18, 2020 07:20

vanisher

Dentist: "based on the wear pattern you'll need to have a night guard that fits on the bottom"

Me: "So like my butt"

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 18, 2020 07:28

google THIS

Et tooth, decay?

# ? Nov 19, 2020 03:01

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

google THIS posted:

Et tooth, decay?

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Nov 19, 2020 03:09

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

google THIS posted:

Et tooth, decay?

Now that's what I call a pun

# ? Nov 19, 2020 04:34

Riotgrrill

Two night guards are standing before two doors. One leads to approval from the dentist, the other to hosed up teeth.

Guard one says "One of us speaks only truth".

Guard two says "One of us speaks only lies".

Guard one says "The grind is real".

You nod and continue through their door.

# ? Nov 19, 2020 05:49

Stoner Sloth

google THIS posted:

Et tooth, decay?

# ? Nov 19, 2020 07:45

pecan

thanks doc, i was skeptical at first, but the way he kisses my forehead before i go to sleep is very comforting, albeit wholly unprofessional

# ? Nov 19, 2020 10:38

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:30

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

[1:30 AM, tiptoeing to the kitchen to serve myself a slice of chocolate cake when i hear the cocking of a gun]
night guard: you plannin' on brushing after that pal?

# ? Nov 24, 2020 04:34

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > The dentist told me to get a night guard

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