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*standing in an operating theatre wearing one of those ghastly surgery smocks that make everyone look just TERRIBLE* Uh, I think I need to....uh...use the bathroom... *leaves the building trying to hide my face*
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Nov 16, 2020 19:30
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 00:02 |
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*at the operating table, holds up spork*
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Nov 16, 2020 19:32
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Nurse! Uh...pass me that metal thing. Um, no not that one. Okay, yeah you got it. OF COURSE I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!
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Nov 16, 2020 19:33
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I'm going to let the intern take the lead on this one, show us what you got mike
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Nov 16, 2020 19:36
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*Has 9+ in Luck* *Successfully performs brain surgery by winging it*
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Nov 16, 2020 19:43
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wow, so all I do is cut this thing, then stitch that thing with these cool tools? People actually go to school for this? Wow! I mean, uh... I work very very hard and I am very important to society so make sure to pay me a lot also i drive a bmw wait no Mercedes, someone hand me a scalpel
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Nov 16, 2020 19:44
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*wondering what my idol would do right now* *pretends to be on the phone with a rival hospital* "Yes I realize I'm the greatest surgeon in the world, but no I'm not interested in moving to your hospital, the people here need me!" "Sorry guys, where was I? Let's get st-- ohh poo poo I think I just pulled my taint muscle. Let the intern take over, I need to go lie down with an ice pack."
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Nov 16, 2020 19:45
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*makes first incision* OH GOD THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IN THERE!!!?? I was not prepared for this.
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Nov 16, 2020 19:46
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*covers up my lack of knowledge by being condescending and antagonistic to anyone and everyone around me*
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Nov 16, 2020 19:47
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No, no. I said I was a sturgeon. *Swims away*
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Nov 16, 2020 19:48
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Who needs a medical degree I have the healing power of laughter *begins putting on clown makeup*
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Nov 16, 2020 19:54
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*refers them to a psychiatrist to rule out this being all in their head that'll buy me some time
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Nov 16, 2020 20:04
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*listened to Crash Course in Brain Surgery and no longer nervous*
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Nov 16, 2020 20:06
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"Now listen, I did TOO go to medical school and they said that urine works GREAT as an antiseptic! Why are you all staring at me!?!?"
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Nov 16, 2020 20:06
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Haha that wasn't so bad! Does anyone remember if I was wearing a watch?
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Nov 16, 2020 20:06
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This is nothing like Scrubs. Nothing.
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Nov 16, 2020 20:08
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Everything in here except for the lying part I guess... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=notKtAgfwDA
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Nov 16, 2020 20:10
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*Eats medium well steak off stainless steel tray with scalpel and forceps* “Alright guys can someone wash off this meal tray? Now what should we use to open this guy up?” *finds grapefruit spoon in break room* 
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Nov 16, 2020 20:10
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Uhhhhhhh..... *makes a single incision, from which a jet of blood begins to spray* Hoooo boy.
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Nov 16, 2020 20:21
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Yes nurse I know which one of these lumpy things is the tumor, now if it would only stop moving for a second so I could get a hold of it we'd be out of here lickety split
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Nov 16, 2020 20:28
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https://twitter.com/VibeMagazine/status/949328390913277952?s=19
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Nov 16, 2020 20:30
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"...The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wristwatch." Simpsons, haha. Hmm... Hm... Time of death: 11:58
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Nov 16, 2020 20:32
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Is this real or viral marketing for a Doogie Howser reboot?
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Nov 16, 2020 20:32
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*peering inside hole in upper chest left by gunshot wound* “Whoa! Look at this dude’s spleen! It’s just... gigantic! I’ve never seen a spleen that big before. Jerry, you see the size of that spleen in there? Jerry? Hey why are you getting the security guard, I think this guy needs surgery not a talking to about walking on the grass, am I right? Hey anyone want to take over for me? I am famished.”
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Nov 16, 2020 20:33
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as long as the procedure is an emergency tracheotomy, i'm convinced i know what i'm doing. now get me a pen
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Nov 16, 2020 20:35
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"Alright, time to make the first incision. Nurse, Cow Tool"
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Nov 16, 2020 20:40
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"And...there goes the heart. That's okay, that's okay. Got to get worse before it gets better. Let's get the old Brillo Pad in on the action..."
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Nov 16, 2020 20:42
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Don't worry, kids, your Dad is gonna be perfectly fine. I just need to stop this purple thing from bleeding and remember if this red thing was connected to this pink part or this dangly stuff.
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Nov 16, 2020 20:43
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"Doctor, give it to me straight: what are my chances of surviving the surgery?" well either you make it or you don't so you've got a solid 50% survival rate
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Nov 16, 2020 20:53
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i got stung by a bee and i thought it would be fine but now it's starting to bother me, and i'm not comfortable proceeding, i don't want to endanger the patient in even the smallest way
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Nov 16, 2020 20:55
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*just wraps rubber bands around whatever needs to be removed*
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Nov 16, 2020 20:55
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It’s fine, pee isn’t stored in the balls or anything.
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Nov 16, 2020 20:58
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*pulls the cord 50 times but the chainsaw won't start* "Oh no!"
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Nov 16, 2020 20:59
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*I start to move away from the patient, one of the nurses tries to grab me and I cut her with the modified scales on the peduncle of my tail*
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Nov 16, 2020 21:14
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Not one of these idiot nurses even suspects that I'm a goat
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Nov 16, 2020 21:36
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"Doctor, what do we do? We're running out of time here!" Uh... well... try, try cutting the green one. That's usually the one. "What do you mean cut the green one? They're all the green one!!!" Oh god. Uhm... We'll cut... we'll cut this one. *puts hand over eyes and hesitantly moves down surgical scissors to perform the cut* 
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Nov 16, 2020 22:05
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I think this man needs surgery. Do you concur, doctor? Yes I concur. I think I should cut right here.... do you concur?
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Nov 16, 2020 22:08
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*drops pen into patient* Little help?
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Nov 16, 2020 22:42
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... this is not exactly how the game Operation led me to believe it would be.
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Nov 16, 2020 23:04
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 00:02 |
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Staying at the Holiday Inn Express last night did not prepare me for this at all
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Nov 16, 2020 23:17
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