Why does my mattress look like this?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Why does my mattress look like this?

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Curling up against the wall is my favorite place to sleep. This mattress is only 5 years old.
I can guarantee you and swear on my life I've never wet the bed, lost control of my bowels, had period blood spillage, or excessively masturbated on my bed. That is a FACT!
Anyway it smells like pure death.

Is this normal? Is it time to get a new mattress?

# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 19:47

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:26

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Dear Watson posted:

Maybe you have bed bugs and they feast on you al night and poo poo there while sucking your blood

Maybe thats why I struggle to stay awake during the day.

thunderspanks posted:

you sweat a lot at night and need to shower more.

I shower twice a day!

RepeatingMeme posted:

You sweat when your sleeping, and it seeps down into your mattress. After a while it will yellow the spots where its seeping into your mattress and leaves stains like that.

Wow that makes sense.. Years of sweat and salt. Wonder if I could mine it or something.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 20:00

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Supreme Allah posted:

whats it smell like? shove your nose in and give it a deep sniff. then report your results

I do this every time I change the sheets to monitor it's progress.
It smells like.....stale death and the abattoir in the next town over.
I can almost taste it.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 20:06

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Wall Balls posted:

i ran your image through a series of highly advanced analysis software and... my god!

Holy moly

I should get one of those CSI blue lights.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 20:08

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

LabyaMynora posted:

Seriously, do you not use a mattress pad, OP?

I did once but I was like...hey...if I use a mattress cover then I can't fully enjoy the feeling of this expensive mattress I bought. I want to feel the comfy mattress god damnit not some cheap mattress cover :argh:

Oh and I do not have bed bugs.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 23:40

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Lying on my brown mattress puddle rn (right now!).

# ¿ Nov 19, 2020 23:42

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

LabyaMynora posted:

So, uhhh... there's your problem.

Enjoy your dirty-rear end mattress.

I will thank you.

gary oldmans diary posted:

pffft bullshit. if i was currently living a sex-haver lifestyle maybe. i could see washing the sheets once a month and the blankets once every 2 months

I'm a very hygienic person so I do it once every 6-7 days.

gary oldmans diary posted:

i spilled some coca cola on a bed and you wouldnt guess it but if you just leave it like that it forms a stain that is noticeable

I spilled a bowl of cereal on my bed a few years back but it was on the other side where there are no stains.

Zil posted:

Before I got my sleep apnea under control I used to pretty much soak my pillow in sweat. Overtime the sweat turned my pillow brown. Not saying 100%, that's what's going on with your mattress but I know it is possible for bedding material to turn that color due to sweat.

I actually woke up last night feeling p sweaty. I think we're on to something.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:

lets stop talking about your disgusting mattress and start talking about how youve wasted your life

Frankenstyle posted:

At least the person you share the bed with has really good hygiene! Ahaha.
I'm sorry. It's mean to make fun of loneliness.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2020 07:47

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Pawn 17 posted:

I don't think sleeping in a pool of foul smelling goop every night counts as hygienic.

Alright then smarty pants show me your mattress.

Infact, I want to see all of your mattresses for comparison.

Cowards! :colbert:

# ¿ Nov 20, 2020 10:25

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

TurboFlamingChicken posted:

Plump pillow
Good lumbar support
Curved to support slight coiling
Additional tail support
Trusses designed by a rollercoaster engineer.
Snake/10

# ¿ Nov 20, 2020 10:56

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

HAmbONE posted:

Have you ever seen a medical professional for Anemia? You may have hyperhydrosis and anemia from sweating out your iron. It's the same reason some people can't wear white because it yellows.

I have only recently, not for anemia but I had a full blood planel done and all my bloods are A-okay.
I'm also 99% sure I do not have sleep apnoea.

Maybe I'll record myself sleeping to find out.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2020 21:00

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:26

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Lossy Compression posted:

We should all be sleeping on yoga mats wrapped in plastic, with a healthy sheen of Vaseline to keep it airtight. Pool noodles for pillows and tarps for blankets, then nothing can get stained.

I'm with OP here, I buy a nice mattress because I want to feel the nice mattress, not layers of crinkly/crunchy bullshit. What are these "mattress protectors" people speak of?

I know of only two: the waterproof things that feel and sound like sleeping on bag of chips, and these memory foam pad abominations that obscure the properties of the mattress I'm trying to enjoy.

Are there others?

OP, maybe flip the mattress again and, if you can tolerate it, put a big towel under the sheet. Check the towel over time and see if it's taking the damage instead of the mattress.

You know what.. maybe I like sleeping on my mound of filth. I like my mattress texture!
Besides I can't even see it with a sheet on.

Death to mattress protectors.

I can't flip it however as it's a one sided mattress.

# ¿ Nov 23, 2020 10:52

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Why does my mattress look like this?