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phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Seriously. All I need is a few minutes alone to get some things rolling, then you can come back in here, the kitchen, your favorite place to buzz around like a drunken bee. Stop telling me times. I know the times, I set the timers. You can tell because I'm the only one moving with any sense of purpose.

Put down the loving cup you're fiddling with. It's just making noise. You people wonder why the holidays are stressful when you can't sit still for a few measly minutes? Go outside. With the dog. Have a cigarette or two while you're out there. You don't smoke? Well, I figured you did with your appetite for that stank sludge you call coffee.

I have seasoned all the food liberally with arsenic. The antidote will be in the squash-based "pumpkin" pie that everyone agrees we have and nobody eats. I will become the Thanksgiving Killer. They will shush it up and pardon me so as not to affect sales on Black Friday. It is the perfect crime.

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EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


The one comic of the dude closing his curtains to browse helldump in bad lightning except instead of a window to the outside world its a door to a kitchen filled with turkey and potatoes shunned in favor of doritos

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


ngl if I could just eat doritos right now I'd be tempted.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


brb gotta bag the boid

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


I'm just in the kitchen yelling Gordan Ramsay lines at you.

"This turkey is RAW! you donkey!"

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Turkey Inspector General.

But I just took half an ativan and it dawned on me that it's a holiday. The heat from the stove mercifully abates as I withdraw, leaving someone else to make their portion. I have a quiet mind now. Never one to claim a holiday prematurely, we shall wait and see what happens...

Also I hadn't seen the macys parade since I was a kid and lol they had these gendarmes doing some sort of pinwheel dance. Good god people pay for this.

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Can one really 'own' a kitchen though OP?

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phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Not only can you own it, you can pay people to carry it around for you. Idk about owning the people who do that, ppl these days tend to frown on that (location depending).

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