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fat bossy gerbil
Jul 1, 2007

I was absolutely shocked when my father told me last night that my most trusted source of information, Fox News Network, is in fact “full of loving liberals” now. I was so shocked that I projectile vomited my turkey and stuffing across the table and onto my poor mother, making her the latest casualty in the liberals war against Freedom.

My thoughts raced. I began wondering what liberal lies Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson had filled my unwitting head with. How long until their propaganda would make me recoil in horror at the vast assortment of firearms that I have strategically placed in couches and cupboards throughout my house? Would I turn into a homosexual now?

I began to weep in despair. Who could I trust? Was there a single source of fair and balanced news left or had the truth been completely stamped out by the same devils who infiltrated the polls and put in all those fake votes for Joe Biden? After all, if they could rig an election against the greatest president this nation has ever seen destroying the very concept of truth was certainly within their power.

It was at this moment that my father took me in his muscular arms and held me closely, stroking my hair and kissing my head as he cradled me much like he once had in my youth. He wiped the tears from my eyes and told me that all hope was not lost. He had found a shore of trustworthiness beyond the stormy sea of liberal lies and globalist propaganda. Newsmax TV, available for an extra five dollars a month when you add the news+ package to your SlingTV subscription, has taken up the fight for truth and impartiality. It’s real news for real people, and they won’t let pesky things like reality or journalistic integrity get in the way of the conservative truths that your very smart brain craves.

He also likes One America News Network which is apparently even better but you can only stream it on your phone or get it on Dish and when you have the dish you sometimes have to climb on the roof to get the snow off of it or it stops working and they charge you an arm and a leg for five hundred channels of garbage you never watch anyhow so make sure you download the app for when you want to watch on the toilet or whatever but if you just want real news and boner pill commercials on the TV in the background while you browse football news on your laptop you’ll have to add it to your SlingTV package for only $5 extra per month.


Intl Cron
Dec 5, 2005

I'm just an olde-fashioned cowboy...

*takes huge diarrhea dump on keyboard*

Here's some new content for your dad's favorite news source

May 3, 2016

More like Spewsmax

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.


hey op you don't seem very smart sorry to say this

May 12, 2001

Can I have his Dish network passwrd?

World War Mammories
Aug 25, 2006

"Every minute you're angry about race is a minute you're not thinking about class, which is, of course, the real divide in this country. Working-class people of all colors have a lot more in common - infinitely more in common - with each other than they do with some overpaid MSNBC anchor. But if you're allowed to think about that for long enough, you might start to get unauthorized ideas about economics. And that would be disruptive to a very lucrative status quo. So they whip you into a frenzy of racial fear so that it never enters your mind. It's a diversion! Everyone else hates each other, and they get to keep their money. Pretty tricky." - tucker carlson, who is simultaneously a piece of poo poo rich-as-hell fascist who deserves only scorn and literally further left than the democratic party

Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

im gay

(for news)

Intl Cron
Dec 5, 2005

I'm just an olde-fashioned cowboy...

Chinatown posted:

im gay

(for news)


Drive-Thru Salad Bar
May 15, 2009


Did anybody say POOsmax yet?

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006


Newsmax sounds like a TV channel in idiocracy, but it's real and somehow more idiotic.

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal

Plaster Town Cop

Son of Rodney posted:

Newsmax sounds like a TV channel in idiocracy, but it's real and somehow more idiotic.

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.

newsmax means maximum news and if you can't handle that you're a coward

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012

Dec 30, 2012


Sorry op, you've been infected. Its ok tho, we still love and support you. 🥰🥰🥰

Aug 26, 2019

It is the maximum amount of news

The Atomic Man-Boy
Jul 23, 2007

Fear not, you've already infected your dearest father with the plague, and he will soon shuffle off his mortal coil.

But before he does, he will ask that you watch OAN and do an OANANISM to Rion Chanel in his honor. Which you will tearfully perform.

At which point you will post in this thread, we will laugh, and all will be right with the world once again.

The circle of life.

Jan 26, 2019

Never get out
Hoard beans

i like to dial down the news difficulty so i only take one quarter damage and deal quad damage to my enemies

Apr 24, 2008

how can i listen to my pirated albums? oh wait.

Maximo Roboto
Feb 4, 2012

Speaking the occasional truth to power does not make one leftist


Apr 24, 2008

how can i listen to my pirated albums? oh wait.

im still using oldsmax :(

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