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I was absolutely shocked when my father told me last night that my most trusted source of information, Fox News Network, is in fact “full of loving liberals” now. I was so shocked that I projectile vomited my turkey and stuffing across the table and onto my poor mother, making her the latest casualty in the liberals war against Freedom. My thoughts raced. I began wondering what liberal lies Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson had filled my unwitting head with. How long until their propaganda would make me recoil in horror at the vast assortment of firearms that I have strategically placed in couches and cupboards throughout my house? Would I turn into a homosexual now? I began to weep in despair. Who could I trust? Was there a single source of fair and balanced news left or had the truth been completely stamped out by the same devils who infiltrated the polls and put in all those fake votes for Joe Biden? After all, if they could rig an election against the greatest president this nation has ever seen destroying the very concept of truth was certainly within their power. It was at this moment that my father took me in his muscular arms and held me closely, stroking my hair and kissing my head as he cradled me much like he once had in my youth. He wiped the tears from my eyes and told me that all hope was not lost. He had found a shore of trustworthiness beyond the stormy sea of liberal lies and globalist propaganda. Newsmax TV, available for an extra five dollars a month when you add the news+ package to your SlingTV subscription, has taken up the fight for truth and impartiality. It’s real news for real people, and they won’t let pesky things like reality or journalistic integrity get in the way of the conservative truths that your very smart brain craves. He also likes One America News Network which is apparently even better but you can only stream it on your phone or get it on Dish and when you have the dish you sometimes have to climb on the roof to get the snow off of it or it stops working and they charge you an arm and a leg for five hundred channels of garbage you never watch anyhow so make sure you download the app for when you want to watch on the toilet or whatever but if you just want real news and boner pill commercials on the TV in the background while you browse football news on your laptop you’ll have to add it to your SlingTV package for only $5 extra per month.
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Nov 27, 2020 21:26
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| # ¿ Apr 19, 2024 21:53 |
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