Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012



But never about how to improve the experience of making GBS threads.

Studies have shown that we spend 1/3 of our lives on the toilet-- how can we best make use of that time?

A stool under your feet is important. That is what they teach you on day one: Increase the rectal canal angle, creating an easier pathway for fecal matter to travel.

Dim the lights, of course. Take off all your clothes and close your eyes. What else? What's missing? What's been missing for me is a bidet. I thought it was reserved for European royalty and the Japanese. But for 31 years of my life I've been missing out. I've been missing out and I'm ashamed of myself. I'm not going to spoil how it feels. If you don't have one, buy one, lean back, and take the


I'm open to even more suggestions

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Dear Watson
Jun 25, 2005




Hell Gem

1/3? I thought the average was 1/2. This is most unsettling

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.

Buglord

Just poo poo in the shower and waffle stomp it down the drain. Spray a heavy dose of axe after you dry off to cover the smell of moist poo poo in the air. More efficient use of your time.

The Wurst Poster
Apr 8, 2005

Literally the Wurst...

Seriously...

For REALSIES.

its all nice on rice posted:

Just poo poo in the shower and waffle stomp it down the drain. Spray a heavy dose of axe after you dry off to cover the smell of moist poo poo in the air. More efficient use of your time.

Take a lot of laxitives.
Save time and avoid the stomp.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



Be presidential and wear a diaper. Don't let making GBS threads slow you down!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



is the dial setting all the way on the right BUM NASH or SUM WASH
im usually a bum nash man myself. usually

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.

Buglord

The Wurst Poster posted:

Take a lot of laxitives.
Save time and avoid the stomp.

Laxatives are an unwanted expense. Just drink milk or eat cheese and let lactose intolerance do the rest.

Derpies
Mar 10, 2014





Just go on dirty keto, you will never poo poo again

Beefed Owl
Sep 13, 2007

Come at me scrub, I'm ripped!

But seriouslly install a bidet and laugh as you never have to experience swamp rear end again and lol at all the fools making a run for TP during the pandemic.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

People who dare wear white trousers are either on top of their making GBS threads game or full of hubris and i hate them all

Tankakern
Jul 25, 2007



Fun Shoe

lol what

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012




barnold
Dec 16, 2011

...but i didnt finish




op I'm takin a piss

Halloween Liker
Oct 31, 2020



Just get one of those "phone" shower heads and an extension hose.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


lmao if you aren't spending 2/3rds of your life pooping.

Just...loving...lol. Step your god drat game up you idiot. You child. You loving...poop baby.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


To be so innocent.
To wander the world as a babbling virgin minded blither-mouthed moron.
1/3rd of life spent pooping, only. How unkempt, unwoke, unworthy of even common sense or dignity.

Every SECOND not spent posting or twilling about your man/woman/or other parts should by all means be spent in the process of expending waste from your bowels!
This is what the universe has demanded of humankind from the beginning! It's only natural! And to think that one would limit themselves, in this manner, foul-ly is, frankly, obscene. And if I were so empowered I would have these words of yours retracted.

Giraffe
Dec 12, 2005



Soiled Meat


Hippos are magnificent shitters. They donít crouch furtively, shamefully dropping sad little poops as quickly as possible. No, they stand tall, using their tail to spray poop in all directions. Itís a celebration of making GBS threads, a glorious poop firework.

We could learn a lot from hippos.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



people talk about all this bidet's and making GBS threads stools or whatever. personally i only do old fashioned, western grip making GBS threads and i find the experience of standing on a stool to poo poo extremely emasculating and demeaning.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



when it comes to making GBS threads: we don't need to bring multiple products from amazon into this.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

My grandad was on safari when suddenly a cheetah ran right past him at full speed. A split second later a turd hit him and took his leg right off

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


I take a series of smaller but lightning fast poops in the morning. Maybe separated by 5-10 minutes or so.

SubnormalityStairs
Jan 13, 2006

Excalibur? More like "Needle"



Grimey Drawer

TurboFlamingChicken posted:

But seriouslly install a bidet and laugh as you never have to experience swamp rear end again and lol at all the fools making a run for TP during the pandemic.

This this so much this

I've had a bidet attachment for about three years and boy oh boy did I ever appreciate that investment at the start of the panicdemic. I mean I've appreciated it since the very first poo poo after installing it, but man not worrying about picking up toilet paper was a pretty big relief.

$45, ten minutes to install, never look back my friends

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Crap and poop

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



water in my butt sounds great.

promising carl
Sep 9, 2002



I enjoy a good poo poo. Did it twice today in fact.

bossy lady
Jul 5, 2006



I hope one day to be able to poop in VR. Possibly with some sort of vtuber avatar.

Wall Balls
Jun 3, 2007

Spanish Castle Magic



sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012



Hell Yeah posted:

water in my butt sounds great.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



I have a true recent making GBS threads story

Again, yikes

For months now I've been daintily passing odorless symmetrical rabbit pellets. Since I eat astoundingly healthily including a gently caress ton of fresh vegetables daily I know this ain't right.

I ask Doc in telehealth call and she says no harm in trying Miralax powder.
It's not a stimulant and can't hurt you; it draws more water into intestines or smth, the normal dose is a little in a glass of water daily. So I buy some at Costco and LIKE MAGIC 3 days later normal big poops. I figure that's better for me right?



After about a week I think hey maybe I'm back on track and stop taking it, nbd.

Spinz fucked around with this message at 21:33 on Nov 28, 2020

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


I don't want to install a bidet system because the idea of work terrifies me so I bought a large quantity of high volume syringes from amazon and filled them warm water and shoot them straight into my butt after pooping and boy I gotta tell you this really does make all the difference in the world.

Just imagine you're done pooping but instead of wiping you get up, stand over a towel and fire 6 or 8 huge cattle syringes of hot water directly into your poopy nethers and then use a dish cloth to dry off while crying. Man you've NEVER felt so clean.

neato burrito
Aug 25, 2002

bitch better have my chex mix

Hell Yeah posted:

water in my butt sounds great.

Or a toothbrush, whatevs.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



I didn't think anything of it until maybe 3 days later suddenly I feel like I need to go to the bathroom but nothing happens.

An hour later I'm recalling notorious Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown rumors, and 2 hours later doing Asian crouches in the middle of my bathroom over a plastic bag on my floor.

I was in a cold sweat and starting to panic. I hosed UP and am so stupid what didI think was going to happen? Now I'm going to have to go to the ER, catch Covid, and die.

The worst part is it was right there like a breech birth, but I can't get a hold of it. [I've obviously given up on finding a husband on SA.]

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Spinz posted:

I didn't think anything of it until maybe 3 days later suddenly I feel like I need to go to the bathroom but nothing happens.

An hour later I'm recalling notorious Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown rumors, and 2 hours later doing Asian crouches in the middle of my bathroom over a plastic bag on my floor.

I was in a cold sweat and starting to panic. I hosed UP and am so stupid what didI think was going to happen? Now I'm going to have to go to the ER, catch Covid, and die.

The worst part is it was right there like a breech birth, but I can't get a hold of it. [I've obviously given up on finding a husband on SA.]

Frankly spinz you probably just STARTED getting a husband with a post like that. God bless ya

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



I can honestly say since I'm childless nothing close to this has happened to me before. I don't know what finally made it go but suddenly it did. It was hilariously massive. I hand to God thought of GBS. I felt it leaving my diaphragm area as it traveled out.

I was ok, no blood, and was fine to my pleasant surprise. I take a tiny bit of the powder every few days, that's it, and it's all I need, but I'd be scared to cold turkey it again.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008





Nap Ghost

So like does a bidet feature high pressure? I have my doubts that one could deal with the aftermath of a beer and pizza binge where the poop has the texture and integrity of industrial drywall spackle and the smell of soul rot.

AlphariusOmegon
May 11, 2020





How does a bidet dry you off? Or do you just walk around with a wet butthole all day?

3 A.M. Radio
Nov 4, 2003

Workin' too hard can give me
A heart attACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK!
You oughtta' know by now...


AlphariusOmegon posted:

How does a bidet dry you off? Or do you just walk around with a wet butthole all day?

There's a little fan. I wondered the same thing, then just earlier this week I found out a friend of mine had one installed a few months ago. He loves it and said it was amazing.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Old fashioned bidets do not dry your rear end. They leave that up to you. This also is not difficult.

AlphariusOmegon
May 11, 2020





Icochet posted:

Old fashioned bidets do not dry your rear end. They leave that up to you. This also is not difficult.

Ok but how do I do that? Presumably with toilet paper, but there are people in this very thread claiming that no TP is needed.

Please, I am very confused.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012



AlphariusOmegon posted:

Ok but how do I do that? Presumably with toilet paper, but there are people in this very thread claiming that no TP is needed.

Please, I am very confused.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply