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Sid Vicious



Hello my good friends, I recently unearthed the only piece of short fiction I have ever written, and I would like to share it with you. I was really high when I wrote this and I honestly thought it was lost forever but I found a copy in an rmail draft to my dead friend, there is spots where it seems like something is missing and I honestly can't tell you if it is something I accidentally deleted or if it was because the character wasn't understood so I just lrft it blank. Anyways, I present to you Shirt Bot.


This is a tale about Shirt Bot, the shirt deploying robot. He was created specifically for the purpose of deploying shirts to people who didn't have a shirt of their own. Don't argue it's a much more common plight than you might believe. His creator suffered from brief lapses in memory and quite often forget his own shirt, which is really the only reason he even built it. After his creators death he found it more and more difficult to find people who needed shirts. He wandered from coast to coast distributing his shirts where needed as he went but he felt something was missing. While hanging around in San Francisco a young man suggested he try going to Mexico, as he had heard there was many more poor people there, so Shirt Bot packed up his belongings, which in this case was a photograph of his creator and a chocolate bar he had been carrying with him for a long time, trying to figure out what it was for.

As he began his journey south he met a young man with what appeared to be only half a shirt. Shirt Bot offered him a shirt but the young man just cursed at him and called him a homophobe. Unfortunately Shirt Bot didn't even understand the concept of sexuality let alone have any hatred for anyone based on it. He apologized profusely and carried on his merry way.

He finally reached the border between the Unites States and Mexico after about a week of walking. He began plodding through the checkpoint when he heard a man yell to stop. He turned and saw a border patrol guard aiming a semiautomatic rifle at him. He waved pleasantly and turned around again. The first shot whistles right past his head. He turned again looking absolutely horrified. He couldn't understand why this human would just fire at him for what he believed to be no reason. He ejected a shirt and attempted to hand it to the man, who looked utterly confused.

"You're gonna need to show me your passport and tell me why you're planning on crossing the border there son" the guard said to him gruffly.

"I'm not certain what a passport is my good man but I'm traveling to the country of Mexico to distribute my shirts to the poor of that land" Shirt Bot responded with cheer in his voice. He always had cheer in his voice.

"Well I'm afraid without a passport you won't be visiting anywhere anytime soon young man" the guard told him, with authority dripping from his words.

Shirt Bot was confused. He had never heard of a passport before, and he just wanted to help people. He decided to ask the man about the chocolate bar, since he had yet to find out what it was for.

"Well color me astounded young fella, is that a Dream Bar? I haven't eaten one of those in years, they stopped making them when I was still a boy. They had so many preservatives in em, I bet you that it'd still be fine to eat," the guard told him.

"You may have it if you like, I don't believe it can be perused by my own self" Shirt Bot told him. "You may also have one of my many shirts if you would like."

"We'll that's mighty generous of you son. I'll tell you what, you go on ahead to Mexico. I can't see you causing any trouble as polite and selfless as you seem to be," the guard said, his eyes glistening. He wasn't crying of course not. He just had something in his eye. Hope for the future.

Shirt Bot continued his journey south and came upon a village. He could see that the buildings here were ramshackle and in a condition that could only be described as "bad". He decided here was as a good a place as any to begin his shirt distribution. He wandered to the center of town where he found a crowd already gathered.

"Greetings fellows I have brought you all fine new shirts this day. Line up in an orderly fashion and I shall distribute them accordingly."

Unfortunately none of them spoke a word of English and they believed he was insulting them, maybe even their wives too. For the record many of their wives were not what might be considered conventionally beautiful. Or unconventionally for that matter. It seems Shirt Bot had gotten himself in another fine mess.

one of the men asked the rest, still convinced it had said something offensive about his wife.

another man replied, with an edge of nervousness in his voice.

"I don't understand what you are saying, I apologize I do not have a built in universal translator," Shirt Bot said to them in his usual cheerful fashion. He began taking shirts out for all of them, which they took as a sign of aggression. Luckily none of them were particularly brave and they just scattered like field mice. Shirt Bot stood where he was, confused by the actions of man yet again.

"Well I suppose I might as well move on, find somewhere I am more wanted than here," he sighed, less cheerfully than he'd ever spoken in all his years. He began walking towards the other end of the village, noticing that many people were staring out their windows at him.

a young boy came out of an alleyway and said to him.

"I'm sorry young man I don't know what you're saying to me. At least you don't seem to be afraid, I shall come with you I believe," Shirt Bot exclaimed, the regular cheer returning to his voice. Shirt Bot followed the boy down the alleyway, and was soon gone. Here's hoping he had a good life and was able to fulfill his destiny.

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pecan



JP Morgan stole the blueprints for shirt bot and replaced him with the t-shirt cannon. Next time ur in the stands, screaming for a knicks christmas themed jersey, remember that u are supporting intellectual theft. Also gently caress u dog the knicks suck.

biosterous






i hope shirt bot gets to have a good day



thank you heather papps for this sig!!!

Displeased Moo Cow

The Journey BeginsTM


well done on your writing.

the echi

https://giant.gfycat.com/Wellgroome...ectHaddock.webm the vanisher

Horrible Butts


A Concordance to Shirt Bot:
A 31
ABLE 1
ABOUT 4
ABSOLUTELY 1
ACCORDINGLY 1
ACTIONS 1
AFRAID 2
AFTER 2
AGAIN 3
AGGRESSION 1
AHEAD 1
AIMING 1
ALL 3
ALLEYWAY 2
ALONE 1
ALREADY 1
ALSO 1
ALWAYS 1
AM 5
AN 3
AND 20
ANOTHER 2
ANY 3
ANYONE 1
ANYTIME 1
ANYWHERE 1
APOLOGIZE 1
APOLOGIZED 1
APPEARED 1
ARE 4
ARGUE 1
AROUND 2
AS 10
ASK 1
ASKED 1
ASTOUNDED 1
AT 5
ATTEMPTED 1
AUTHORITY 1
BAD 1
BAR 3
BASED 1
BE 9
BEAUTIFUL 1
BEEN 1
BEFORE 1
BEGAN 4
BEGIN 1
BELIEVE 3
BELIEVED 2
BELONGINGS 1
BET 1
BETWEEN 1
BORDER 3
BOT 13
BOY 3
BRAVE 1
BRIEF 1
BROUGHT 1
BUILDINGS 1
BUILT 2
BUT 3
BY 2
CALLED 1
CAME 2
CAN 2
CARRIED 1
CARRYING 1
CASE 1
CAUSING 1
CENTER 1
CERTAIN 1
CHECKPOINT 1
CHEER 3
CHEERFUL 1
CHEERFULLY 1
CHOCOLATE 2
COAST 2
COLOR 1
COME 1
COMMON 1
CONCEPT 1
CONDITION 1
CONFUSED 3
CONSIDERED 1
CONTINUED 1
CONVENTIONALLY 1
CONVINCED 1
COULD 3
COUNTRY 1
COURSE 1
CREATED 1
CREATOR 2
CREATORS 1
CROSSING 1
CROWD 1
CRYING 1
CURSED 1
D 2 (short for would, as in "he'd")
DAY 1
DEATH 1
DECIDED 2
DEPLOYING 2
DESCRIBED 1
DESTINY 1
DID 2
DIFFICULT 1
DISTRIBUTE 2
DISTRIBUTING 1
DISTRIBUTION 1
DO 6
DOWN 1
DREAM 1
DRIPPING 1
EAT 1
EATEN 1
EDGE 1
EJECTED 1
EM 1
END 1
ENGLISH 1
EVEN 3
EVER 1
EXCLAIMED 1
EYE 1
EYES 1
FASHION 2
FELLA 1
FELLOWS 1
FELT 1
FIELD 1
FIGURE 1
FINALLY 1
FIND 3
FINE 3
FIRE 1
FIRST 1
FOLLOWED 1
FOR 10
FORGET 1
FOUND 2
FRANCISCO 1
FROM 3
FULFILL 1
FUTURE 1
GATHERED 1
GENEROUS 1
GLISTENING 1
GO 1
GOING 1
GONE 1
GONNA 1
GOOD 3
GOTTEN 1
GREETINGS 1
GRUFFLY 1
GUARD 5
HAD 10
HALF 1
HAND 1
HANGING 1
HATRED 1
HAVE 7
HE 39
HEAD 1
HEARD 3
HELP 1
HERE 4
HIM 12
HIMSELF 1
HIS 22
HOMOPHOBE 1
HOPE 1
HOPING 1
HORRIFIED 1
HUMAN 1
I 21
IF 2
IN 15
INSULTING 1
IS 5
IT 12
JOURNEY 2
JUST 5
KNOW 1
LAND 1
LAPSES 1
LEAST 1
LESS 1
LET 1
LIFE 1
LIKE 3
LINE 1
LL 2 (short for will, as in he'll)
LONG 1
LOOKED 1
LOOKING 1
LUCKILY 1
MAKING 1
MAN 11
MANY 5
MATTER 1
MAY 2
MAYBE 1
ME 4
MEMORY 1
MEN 1
MERRY 1
MESS 1
MET 1
MEXICO 4
MICE 1
MIGHT 3
MIGHTY 1
MISSING 1
MORE 5
MOVE 1
MUCH 1
MY 4
NEED 1
NEEDED 2
NERVOUSNESS 1
NEVER 1
NEW 1
NO 1
NONE 2
NOT 16
NOTICING 1
OF 24
OFFENSIVE 1
OFFERED 1
OFTEN 1
ON 5
ONE 3
ONLY 3
OR 1
ORDERLY 1
OTHER 1
OUT 5
OWN 3
PACKED 1
PARTICULARLY 1
PASSPORT 4
PAST 1
PATROL 1
PEOPLE 5
PERUSED 1
PHOTOGRAPH 1
PLACE 1
PLANNING 1
PLEASANTLY 1
PLIGHT 1
PLODDING 1
POLITE 1
POOR 2
PRESERVATIVES 1
PROFUSELY 1
PURPOSE 1
QUITE 1
RAMSHACKLE 1
REACHED 1
REALLY 1
REASON 2
RECORD 1
REGULAR 1
REPLIED 1
RESPONDED 1
REST 1
RETURNING 1
RIFLE 1
RIGHT 1
ROBOT 1
SAID 5
SAN 1
SAW 1
SAYING 2
SCATTERED 1
SEE 2
SEEM 2
SEEMS 1
SELF 1
SELFLESS 1
SEMIAUTOMATIC 1
SEXUALITY 1
SHALL 2
SHIRT 20
SHIRTS 7
SHOT 1
SHOW 1
SIGHED 1
SIGN 1
SINCE 1
SO 2
SOMETHING 3
SOMEWHERE 1
SON 2
SOON 2
SORRY 1
SOUTH 2
SPECIFICALLY 1
SPOKE 1
SPOKEN 1
STARING 1
STATES 1
STILL 3
STOOD 1
STOP 1
STOPPED 1
SUFFERED 1
SUGGESTED 1
SUPPOSE 1
TAKING 1
TALE 1
TELL 2
THAN 3
THAT 8
THE 31
THEIR 4
THEM 7
THERE 3
THEY 5
THIS 4
THOSE 1
THROUGH 1
TIME 1
TO 29
TOLD 3
TOO 1
TOOK 1
TOWARDS 1
TOWN 1
TRANSLATOR 1
TRAVELING 1
TROUBLE 1
TRY 1
TRYING 1
TURNED 3
UNCONVENTIONALLY 1
UNDERSTAND 3
UNFORTUNATELY 2
UNITES 1
UNIVERSAL 1
UP 2
UPON 1
USUAL 1
UTTERLY 1
VILLAGE 2
VISITING 1
VOICE 4
WALKING 2
WANDERED 2
WANTED 2
WAS 14
WAVED 1
WAY 1
WE 1
WEEK 1
WELL 4
WENT 1
WERE 4
WHAT 9
WHEN 2
WHERE 3
WHICH 3
WHILE 1
WHISTLES 1
WHO 3
WHY 2
WIFE 1
WILL 1
WINDOWS 1
WITH 6
WITHOUT 1
WIVES 2
WORD 1
WORDS 1
WOULD 2
YEARS 2
YELL 1
YET 2
YOU 19
YOUNG 7
YOUR 1

Analyzing the concordance, some intriguing realities of the text become evident.
For example, shirt is said nearly twice as often as Bot (20 to 13) and yet absent from the text are words like "T-shirt" "Sleeve" or "Button," leaving the style of Shirt Bot's many shirts completely up to the reader.

https://giant.gfycat.com/sillyremorsefuldipper.webm
Thank you Prof. Crocodile for the fun festive winter sig!
Arcane gob born of Khanstant's goblin gumball machine!

Robot Made of Meat



I stand in solidarity with Shirt Bot.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

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Macnult


im out and about right now but ive bookmarked and d so i can read this later

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