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SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


I have recently been "trying to put myself out there' again. By recently I mean like ever since I got dumped last year. I guess I may know a few things but I'm looking for some BYOB Wisdom on The Dating Game, Presented by Jim Lange, Elaine Joyce, Jeff MacGregor, Brad Sherwood, and Chuck Woolery.

RickRogers (who is clearly a "dating guru" you might say) posted this advice in the chat thread

RickRogers posted:

Let them pay for everything, it will show you are not tied down to material possessions

I thought it was good and told them they should post a thread about it to impart their wisdom. But they are clearly too shy to do so, so I am! So here we go! Hit me with your best advice! Lets crowd source a date!

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Ass-penny



I don't date, I hope that helps.


Thank you Khanstant for the excellent gobbo
(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻ #YesNutNovember - add this to your sig if you love and support BYOB's own nut

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas.


Here's a girl's tip-- on a date I am always scoping out to see if my prospective beau is keeping their flank undefended. And if they are you know I'm spending the entire time (meal, movie, etc.) sizing them up for the perfect moment to strike. I need to know that if a bunch of guys come rushing out with spears and stuff my date will not be cut down effortlessly. As it happens I have been married for several years and my wife is undefeated on the battlefield. I would consider her mighty. Easily. I have never seen a single attack get past her tower shield.

Another free little slice of girl's wisdom: there's nothing sexier on an intimate date than leaning forward when the move is right, whipping out a new, unopened toothbrush and a tube of Crest from your pocket, breaking the seal, and then just gently brushing your lover's teeth to completion ("reverse mama-birding"). If you're really feeling cheeky all you need to complete the mood is a modest length of floss and a raised eyebrow. Make sure to do this in public so that everybody can see! They deserve a little "night treat" (do not do this during day time).



-sigs by Heather Papps and vanisher! goblin by Khanstant!

Gross Dude

Gross Dude

Show your date that you are frugal by telling them grocery shopping tips.

"You are not going to eat the peel, and you pay for bananas by the pound, so get rid of that stuff before the cashier weighs them"

Displeased Moo Cow

The Journey BeginsTM


make sure you always carry a small tin of tuna [or plant based alternative tuna] with you at all times in case your date gets hungry during the romantic socially distant walk along the suburban street

the echi

https://giant.gfycat.com/Wellgroome...ectHaddock.webm the vanisher

Jaguars!


You should listen to this guy, he's got chicks eating out of the palm of his hand.

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



Jaguars! posted:

You should listen to this guy, he's got chicks eating out of the palm of his hand.

I mean that's a very very specific fetish and it's not for everyone, maybe we should listen to some different guys too.

biosterous








maybe ask vaccine man and/or drug makers out?



thank you heather papps for this sig!!!

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



OP have you tried asking Rosy out? Or maybe her five sisters? I hear the Palm girls are very talented and entertaining.

Sid Vicious



women and men both love scuba diving, take someone scuba diving, and if you wanna make it really exciting pretend like your oxygen tube has gotten tangled oh my god im drowning help me oh my god no, sometimes they will abandon you, these are the smart ones, ask them out again

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






Kief Richards posted:

OP have you tried asking Rosy out? Or maybe her five sisters? I hear the Palm girls are very talented and entertaining.

if none of these work i have palmela handersons number


for real though the main way i've attracted a date is by being utterly uninterested in achieving a date? getting very involved in work or hobbies or really anything will make you more appealing to potential dates. also sing the song of love.

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThre...canwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

alexandriao

"What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."


How Wonderful! posted:

Another free little slice of girl's wisdom: there's nothing sexier on an intimate date than leaning forward when the move is right, whipping out a new, unopened toothbrush and a tube of Crest from your pocket, breaking the seal, and then just gently brushing your lover's teeth to completion ("reverse mama-birding"). If you're really feeling cheeky all you need to complete the mood is a modest length of floss and a raised eyebrow. Make sure to do this in public so that everybody can see! They deserve a little "night treat" (do not do this during day time).

i want to actually do this but it only works as a joke unannounced and im afraid the girl im dating would just break up with me lmao

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



alexandriao posted:

i want to actually do this but it only works as a joke unannounced and im afraid the girl im dating would just break up with me lmao

Real talk if my SO brushed my teeth unexpectedly I'd propose.

alexandriao

"What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."


Sid Vicious posted:

women and men both love scuba diving, take someone scuba diving, and if you wanna make it really exciting pretend like your oxygen tube has gotten tangled oh my god im drowning help me oh my god no, sometimes they will abandon you, these are the smart ones, ask them out again

id want to but ive hears bad things about sccubbas stealing the souls of men and women alike

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



OP have you tried dating other men who are looking for dates? Two birds, one stone.

alexandriao

"What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."


the main strategy with getting a date is twofold:

first you have to pick a day. to do this you roll one d20 plus a d6 and one d12. the first dice means that not only are you picking a random day, but also that it can never be on the first day of the month or the last day. this is important because the aim here is to have a nice rest week where you can take off your skin and worship Our Holy Reptilian Overlords. All Hail.

second you have to pick a girl. i used to do this by offering them something out of my lunchbox but recently this strategy has failed as ive come out of school. girls no longer crave the chew of strawberry laces like they did, unfortunately. for the longest decade i could not figure out why my previously successful plot worked

ill post another post about what to do next

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






dogs and nieces/nephews are really good date finding wingfolk btw

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThre...canwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas.


alexandriao posted:

i want to actually do this but it only works as a joke unannounced and im afraid the girl im dating would just break up with me lmao

Every time I brush my dog's teeth he treats it like an unannounced joke but he still likes me.



-sigs by Heather Papps and vanisher! goblin by Khanstant!

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Sorry I got held up in snow! Now please, before you date, ask yourself one question:

Do I have pants on?

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Also, ähem, I have exactly one date under my belt and one wife, (drunken fondling is apparently not date) With these odds of one to one, I think I know what I am talking about.
Date is also a fruit and can be written as d8. Facts are power in dating!

Macnult


coffee dates are overrated. you both have first date jitters and caffeine is going to make things worse. instead, suggest visiting a coffee farm. get your hands dirty together, do some back-breaking labor (maybe you’ll get a massage later if you’re lucky)

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Heather Papps posted:

also sing the song of love.

The birdie song?

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



RickRogers posted:

Also, ähem, I have exactly one date under my belt and one wife, (drunken fondling is apparently not date) With these odds of one to one, I think I know what I am talking about.
Date is also a fruit and can be written as d8. Facts are power in dating!

I'll have you know that some of my best best dates were just drunken fondling. One time I even touched a bob and I saw vagen.

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Kief Richards posted:

I'll have you know that some of my best best dates were just drunken fondling. One time I even touched a bob and I saw vagen.

What the hoock, did you remember to take your pants of first????

Real talk:. You never forget your first drunken bob

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas.


Sister I see vegan every drat day. On my drat cookbook shelf. Hope you all liked this one, feel free to use it while seducing.



-sigs by Heather Papps and vanisher! goblin by Khanstant!

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



RickRogers posted:

What the hoock, did you remember to take your pants of first????

Real talk:. You never forget your first drunken bob

Jokes on you, I was wearing a skirt.

I still, from time to time, touch bob n vagen. You might say, I'm popular with the ladies.

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



How Wonderful! posted:

Sister I see vegan every drat day. On my drat cookbook shelf. Hope you all liked this one, feel free to use it while seducing.

LISSEN one time I was even a vegan myself!!!!!!

alexandriao

"What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."


How Wonderful! posted:

Sister I see vegan every drat day. On my drat cookbook shelf. Hope you all liked this one, feel free to use it while seducing.

using this irl.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




Look, here's how it works: at a party, say, "hey, wanna make out?" Sometimes you will then make out. Eventually, one of the people you make out with will marry you. I have married twice and even successfully raised offspring using only this method. No idea how this would work nowadays, but good luck.

Effective-Disorder


If they say they want to go 'dutch', you should remember to always buy the next biggest size of wooden clogs if it will rain. The wood swells up when it gets wet and you will hurt your feet.

Kief Richards

PHANTOM QUEEN



GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Look, here's how it works: at a party, say, "hey, wanna make out?" Sometimes you will then make out. Eventually, one of the people you make out with will marry you. I have married twice and even successfully raised offspring using only this method. No idea how this would work nowadays, but good luck.

This to the letter, I highly recommend just asking people of they'd like to get a pizza and gently caress

Stoner Sloth



serious advice - it's important to know the age range you're looking at dating

carbon dating will only get you to a meaningful answer about to about 50-60 thousand years, longer than that and you're going to have to use a different radioisotope with a longer half life

also try to go off known ages of things like trees and other surrounding stuff from roughly the same time period - in the end it'll be an estimate but using these pointers you should be able to get a roughly accurate date



sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut and Heather Papps!!- ty friends!

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




Kief Richards posted:

This to the letter, I highly recommend just asking people of they'd like to get a pizza and gently caress

Nothing goes together better than pizza and gently caress

Stoner Sloth



Kief Richards posted:

This to the letter, I highly recommend just asking people of they'd like to get a pizza and gently caress

man waking up from a coma since the 80's discovering on his first date since recovery that both the Pizza Hut AND the gently caress Hut are closed



sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut and Heather Papps!!- ty friends!

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThre...canwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

biosterous






Stoner Sloth posted:

serious advice - it's important to know the age range you're looking at dating

carbon dating will only get you to a meaningful answer about to about 50-60 thousand years, longer than that and you're going to have to use a different radioisotope with a longer half life

also try to go off known ages of things like trees and other surrounding stuff from roughly the same time period - in the end it'll be an estimate but using these pointers you should be able to get a roughly accurate date



thank you heather papps for this sig!!!

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later




rear end-penny posted:

I don't date, I hope that helps.

Stoner Sloth





sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut and Heather Papps!!- ty friends!

RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Ok, now for some serious advice that is also highly !!!!

When she suggests it is time to "toss the salad", you should follow the following:

tomato, cucumber, lettuce hearts, orange bell peppers (colour variation attracts mates), feta cubes, olives

This combo has never failed me!
(Lubrication is really optional, something oily with a little spice is my go to)

It will drive her wild!!!

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RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??

Also, wow, I am sharing with you now the following video:

https://youtu.be/VQr8xDk_UaY

Powerful fish stuff here: probably just do what the fish does and report back when you have scored.

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