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Arrgytehpirate
Oct 2, 2011

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!





I was talking in discord about how goon projects are the best ever and someone pasted this and then we talked about Grover haus. Please share other stories about goons being dumb.

quote:

"its really amazing how the actions of goons and mods are so freaking far beyond the pale that its actually impossible for a bystander to believe.

proposal: i am going to make an environmentally sustainable yoga retreat in hawaii

reality: a y2k survivalist paid goons a "food stipend" to help me clearcut a rainforest, dig a road by hand, torture and mutilate animals to death on camera, and bathe in/drink from an improperly filtered kiddy pool that wild hogs poo poo and pissed in

proposal: i am going to make a fun zipline for kids at camp

reality: a goon spent tens of thousands of dollars constructing a machine that kills children, entirely by accident

proposal: a fad diet thread in the exercise forum

reality: a mentally ill man resembling a melted candle, the pied piper of ham joints, told people that eating nothing but eggs and bacon and lard in paint buckets (they were literally buying and eating buckets full of lard in the name of good health) would not only make them lose weight, but was so healthy it would cure heart disease and cancer. an enormous fat powerlifter who cant run for 20 seconds probated and banned anyone who challenged this wisdom until it lead to a man barely in his 20s being prescribed statins.

proposal: a thread about animal husbandry in the pet forum

reality: a moderator unrepentantly killed animals with ac/dc hadoukens and probated people who asked questions

proposal: a forum for "responsible drug users" and "harm reduction"

reality: a man falls through the earth and into parisian catacombs. taking a torch from the wall he spies row upon row of skeletons. grasping the nearest by the shoulders, he shakes it madly, yelling "my nigga have u tried lsd"

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EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


A vintage gbs dunkfest about the OP going into code red locked-and-loaded-gun-in-hand-door-breaching-mode upon discovering poop on the roof

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

In the cheery brightness of the 41st millennium there is only CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!


My post history

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Proposal: help a hick from Alabama start a hot dog stand by providing funding.

Reality: a hick from Alabama used goon funds to start a full fast food restaurant and oil change business. It was sadly sold for pennies on the dollar when the evil landlord kicked him out so a funeral parlor could expand parking.

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.



Does the goon who overdosed on benzos and baked to death in a car count?

Rev. Bleech_
Oct 19, 2004

We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte - just delivered the BUMB, the Hiroshima bumb. Eleven hundred men went into the water.



Proposal: remodel a bathroom

Reality: a goon compromises the structural integrity of his house by sawing through I-beams without talking to a professional or even his DIY thread and discloses that he started the project to attract "females". In the end, the bathroom is finished, a Doom .WAD is made, is purchased and building inspectors' kids dare one another to ring the doorbell every halloween.

Some biologists suggest the mold that has taken root in his ridiculous sinks and his stone "bathmat" may have achieved sentience, but they're in the minority for now.

Rev. Bleech_
Oct 19, 2004

We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte - just delivered the BUMB, the Hiroshima bumb. Eleven hundred men went into the water.



Proposal: granos

Reality: call the police

Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Number_6
Jul 23, 2006

BAN ALL GAS GUZZLERS

(except for mine)


Pillbug

Proposal: goon buys (leases) new car

Reality: goon does not read fine print and leases a Nissan Altima for $40,000.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



Who What Now posted:

My post history

Revins
Nov 2, 2007

the stars are strange and this isn't home


honestly the whole MAGA crew slowly but surely outing themselves to be some combination of bigots and fascists was a good slow burn of a lol

GokuGoesSSJ3
Apr 15, 2017

And this is to go even further beyond!

Carrying a printer across town on foot.

my dog died im sad
Jun 29, 2015


Revins
Nov 2, 2007

the stars are strange and this isn't home



was this the office worker dude who decided to walk across the country with no kind of training whatsoever and barely made it out of the public park he started in

Jailbrekr
Apr 8, 2002
A TOWN LEVELED BY AN EXPLOSION? DOZENS LIKELY KILLED? OH GOD LET ME SEE THAT SWEET VIDEO OH MY GOD I'M CUMMING


Everything Bigpeeler posted.

...of SCIENCE!
Apr 26, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 10 days!


The guy who wrote a big how-to guide on succeeding in self-publishing where half of it was him talking about his fixation on having the cover artwork be a physical oil painting and ultimately having to commission a digital artist after the physical painting was damaged in shipping. Also that ultimately the only reason his book sold was because it was mis-filed as a childrens book so a bunch of dumb horny adolescents snapped it up because the cover had boobs.

Carlos Lantana
Oct 2, 2003

yiff me, senpai

Fun Shoe

fyad failson thanksgiving tales.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 9 days!


Chomp8645 posted:

Proposal: help a hick from Alabama start a hot dog stand by providing funding.

Reality: a hick from Alabama used goon funds to start a full fast food restaurant and oil change business. It was sadly sold for pennies on the dollar when the evil landlord kicked him out so a funeral parlor could expand parking.

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002



There was a goon who committed suicide by jumping off the roof of a parking structure


Goon 1: I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head as he was falling?
Goon 2: A parking cone

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 9 days!


Proposal : poo poo on a game cube

Result : loss of fingat

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 9 days!


Proposal : troll guy on Wikipedia

Result : guy punch a cop writes hilarious suicide note and jumps off a bridge

GokuGoesSSJ3
Apr 15, 2017

And this is to go even further beyond!

How Dans was the only funny fyad poster ever because they posted pictures in gbs threads.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007



the story from that one fyad sig about getting a girl with autism to jack him off on a pumpkin patch tractor ride

Tip
Mar 21, 2006

Your move, creep.



Proposal: smash mouth eat 24 eggs
Result: Goons raise $10,000 and smash mouth eats a single bite of egg

MOOBS!
Dec 10, 2013



the one dude whos neighbors were stealing his cable so he hooked the line to a 110 outlet or something and i think there was smoke? lots of night photos of black cablein the woods. a+ content

Diorama
Apr 17, 2006

i remember when all this was fields

Was Texarakkis a goon project, or were they just known by a goon?

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Continuing to wake up each day is a good one

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019


Cait Sith's ufo pants

Muk Dumpster
Jun 27, 2020


Text Here


In a restaurant many years ago...

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




One day I'll find proof that the entire 2016 Trump presidential campaign was a forums hoax that got out of hand.
Not the dumpsterfire that the presidency was, that is entirely on the Don.

Archer666
Dec 27, 2008



Either the Goon that was too arrogant to listen to other bike goons and got himself a bike he couldn't handle, crashed, and had several limbs amputated.

Or the dude that barbequed a beehive in his backyard.

Frank Frank
Jun 13, 2001

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of "meh"

Archer666 posted:

Either the Goon that was too arrogant to listen to other bike goons and got himself a bike he couldn't handle, crashed, and had several limbs amputated.

Or the dude that barbequed a beehive in his backyard.

Didnít that guy then take his insurance money to buy some ridiculous sportscar (lambo or some such) that he absolutely couldnít drive because it was a manual and he was missing limbs?

Archer666
Dec 27, 2008



Frank Frank posted:

Didnít that guy then take his insurance money to buy some ridiculous sportscar (lambo or some such) that he absolutely couldnít drive because it was a manual and he was missing limbs?

I don't know about that, but it wouldn't surprise me. That guy was an absolute dipshit lol

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


Doctor Rope

Obviously nothing beats groverhaus, but I like the Muerte story where he tried and failed, miserably to hike across the entire US while subsisting on trail mix & dragging a small flimsy cart behind him.

Runners-up include Blue Story (wasting money on Star Wars figurines while trying to budget), zaurg (wasting money, period), Caro, and the events leading up to and including the TLO Roll Call song.

edit:

Archer666 posted:

Either the Goon that was too arrogant to listen to other bike goons and got himself a bike he couldn't handle, crashed, and had several limbs amputated.

Are you talking about abackofpanthers/abunchofnumbers? I thought that was staged, it panned out so...expectedly. He only ("only") had an arm amputated though, iirc.

quote:

Or the dude that barbequed a beehive in his backyard.

What?

YeahTubaMike has a new favorite as of 13:04 on Dec 2, 2020

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004
Im gonna put cupcakes on your mind


Goon who died drinking imodium for a high

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


There was a great take that came out recently and told in great detail about how in the days leading up to a holiday an elf broke into the goons home, got into their bedroom and forced them to jack the elf off, op.


It was me. That was my story.
An elf broke into my room and made me jack him off, op.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Big Beef City posted:

There was a great take that came out recently and told in great detail about how in the days leading up to a holiday an elf broke into the goons home, got into their bedroom and forced them to jack the elf off, op.


It was me. That was my story.
An elf broke into my room and made me jack him off, op.

What's his username?

shelley
Nov 7, 2010



Oh dear lord! Bees!

The pics are gone now but you can see them in the front page article.

Laopooh
Jul 15, 2000



kntfkr posted:

Cait Sith's ufo pants

drat, that takes me back. Not that I'd go back but it was fun when we were all 20yo weirdos in like 2002.

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DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.


I liked the giant mod challenge thread Abe made in E/N like...10? 11? years ago.

Resulting in a goon nearly donating a kidney just to avoid a permaban, until Abe said the prelim. work he did in just looking into what it would take was good enough (especially since the goon in question was trying to join the military and that would DQ him.) and I think maybe some money was donated instead?

Another goon got a tattoo that said " Chumbawumba" (misspelled on purpose,) and another goon who started to create a concept album dedicated to the then recently deceased Billy Mays.

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