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this thread is for posting about Shitbrick Assfuck, a hapless little lad from the Midwest who grew up to change the world. born on an unforgiving planet where the deck was stacked against him, he rose above and achieved more than we ever thought possible. please post in this thread about how Shitbrick Assfuck changed ur life. whether it was through his neomendelian mysticism, high scores in golden tee, quotes on Famous Quotes dot com, deconstructivist essays on Star Wars themed Lego sets, or incisive movie reviews on redbox. “I built it. They came.” -Shitbrick assfuck |
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Dec 13, 2020 14:37
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 02:05 |
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“I knew it wasn’t butter, but I thought you should learn it for yourself.” “the world isn’t a vampire. it’s a big orb of dirt with mountains and some water on it” “a clapper device where the clapping flushes your toilet is a device of the future. and yet, we continue to live in the past” -all quotes by Shitbrick assfuck (Shark tank, S05E56)
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Dec 13, 2020 14:40
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when shitbrick assfuck occupied times square suspended in a giant Orbeez for 3 months
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Dec 13, 2020 16:26
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Thinking about that time Shitbrick Assfuck saved those kids from that orphanage fire that he started
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Dec 13, 2020 16:35
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Look, we love the script but we can't use the James Bond brand for this. We do however have another character this fits. |
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Dec 13, 2020 16:53
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No no, you want two more doors down. I'm Shitfuck Assbrick. No worries, it happens a lot |
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Dec 13, 2020 17:36
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Shitbrick Assfuck and I went to the same high school. He was a couple of years older than me, and he was one of the cool kids who did things like go to parties and drink cans of warm beer in his truck after school. One day in the hallway I was getting my books out of my locker and in a hurry because the warning bell ringing. He came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go smoke instead of going to geology so I said yes. I'd never smoked before but I wanted to play it cool, because you know, it's Shitbrick Assfuck. You can't tell a guy that cool no. So he said okay and told me to meet him behind the ag shop in ten minutes. So I went and hid in the bathroom until the final bell rang, and then tried to causally make my way to the ag shop out back of the school, but I got stopped by the assistant principal, Mr. Bates. Mr. Bates knew I was supposed to be in geology and asked me where I was going so I told him I was going to my car to get my homework I had forgotten. He let me go. Anyway I got there and Shitbrick Assfuck had already lit up a fatty with three of his friends and they were passing it around in a circle. Shitbrick Assfuck said "hey Kief, hit this bitch" and handed me this behemoth joint. So I hit it like it it owed me money, I didn't know what I was doing, and immediately had to fight the urge to vomit. I coughed so hard I pissed my pants, and Shitbrick Assfuck and his friends laughed at me. They called me Lil Baby Pisspants for the rest of high school. It was humiliating. Anyway, Shitbrick Assfuck is a major investor in my cannabis company now. Makes u think. |
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Dec 13, 2020 17:44
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he knows how to be safe in times like these. even before the rona he was in the habit of covering his face, only revealing it to speak into a porcelain bowl or to show his younger sister “the moon”
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Dec 13, 2020 18:30
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VANISHER
HEATHER PAPPS|
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ive heard that if u say his name into the mirror three times u'll get kicked out of whatever hair salon ur in
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Dec 13, 2020 18:42
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Supreme Court Justice Shitbrick Assfuck. I remember when he was the captain of the debate team. |
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Dec 13, 2020 18:47
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nut posted:ive heard that if u say his name into the mirror three times u'll get kicked out of whatever hair salon ur in |
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Dec 13, 2020 18:58
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Every week, when I was on my third beer playing Buffalo Wild Wings(R) Buzztime(TM) Trivia, I would confidently mark that the largest city in the State of Washington was Seattle, smugly sipping my $8 Blue Moon as I waited to see who my thunder thumbs had bested. Every time, without fail, Shitbrick Assfuck had barely managed to get the answer before me. Here's to a real one |
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Dec 13, 2020 18:59
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I remember the time he rescued an entire busload of people from an accident that he caused by lane splitting on the 405. What a loving hero. |
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Dec 13, 2020 19:01
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i was sitting outside the Publix, curled up in the fetal position because the deli didn't get my online sub order, when shitbrick assfuck came to me. he put a hand on my shoulder and asked "do you want to see a dead body." I said "no." he said "ok good i really didn't want to make one." i looked around for an adult and when I looked back at him [blows in hand like im holding invisible dust] he was gone |
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Dec 13, 2020 20:04
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FutonForensic posted:i was sitting outside the Publix, curled up in the fetal position because the deli didn't get my online sub order, when shitbrick assfuck came to me. he put a hand on my shoulder and asked "do you want to see a dead body." I said "no." he said "ok good i really didn't want to make one." i looked around for an adult and when I looked back at him [blows in hand like im holding invisible dust] he was gone |
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Dec 13, 2020 20:19
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FutonForensic posted:i was sitting outside the Publix, curled up in the fetal position because the deli didn't get my online sub order, when shitbrick assfuck came to me. he put a hand on my shoulder and asked "do you want to see a dead body." I said "no." he said "ok good i really didn't want to make one." i looked around for an adult and when I looked back at him [blows in hand like im holding invisible dust] he was gone
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Dec 13, 2020 20:39
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i had heard all the stories, of course, everyone had. "shitbrick assfuck will snort anything you can get in powder form", "shitbrick assfuck once smoked an ant", but you know how kids are. but that Thursday after i watched him do a rail of crushed-up flamin' hot cheetos, he tipped a porta-potty at the top of the hill and started falling down. when he reached the bottom he didn't have a scratch on him except two puncture wounds in his palms. i'll tell you as sure as i'm standing here, shitbrick assfuck had the stigmata.
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Dec 13, 2020 21:47
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more falafel please posted:i had heard all the stories, of course, everyone had. "shitbrick assfuck will snort anything you can get in powder form", "shitbrick assfuck once smoked an ant", but you know how kids are. but that Thursday after i watched him do a rail of crushed-up flamin' hot cheetos, he tipped a porta-potty at the top of the hill and started falling down. when he reached the bottom he didn't have a scratch on him except two puncture wounds in his palms. i'll tell you as sure as i'm standing here, shitbrick assfuck had the stigmata.
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Dec 14, 2020 00:20
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Alone on the prairie and down on his luck, There was an hombre named Shitbrick Assfuck. He rode on a horse with a second hand saddle, When he got off and walked he looked like he had been paddled. His horse had fleas and looked kinda gimp, His horseshoes didn't fit right so that poor horse limped He was flatulent from colic and had a bad overbite He farted so bad he'd buck his rider from the fright Shitbrick Assfuck would land on his feet Chase down his horse and get back in his seat There really weren't much 'ol Assfuck couldn't do So he'd ride off on that horse he'd named "Glue" Shitbrick Assfuck, you're all of us here We all live through you our virtual peer Shitbrick Assfuck thanks for your time Without your humble presence I'd have nothing to rhyme- Without your humble presence there'd be nothing to rhyme. https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Dec 14, 2020 00:44
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sorry and exactly how are you related to spongebob squarepants again
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Dec 14, 2020 00:49
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The name of A S might sound odd to modern ears, but he was born in a time where your last name was your family's occupation. The first name was just an odd whim. |
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Dec 14, 2020 01:12
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I spotted him in Chicago a few years back. Seconds later a red Ferrari screeches to a halt and rolls down its window. Kanye West sticks his head out. "Oh SNAP! It's Shitbrick Assfuck." |
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Dec 14, 2020 01:23
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lovely assfuck? he saved my daughters life, then hosed my wife. not really sure how i'm supposed to feel about it.
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Dec 14, 2020 01:26
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Bright Bart posted:The name of A S might sound odd to modern ears, but he was born in a time where your last name was your family's occupation. The first name was just an odd whim.
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Dec 14, 2020 01:30
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Heather Papps posted:lovely assfuck? he saved my daughters life, then hosed my wife. not really sure how i'm supposed to feel about it.
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Dec 14, 2020 01:30
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float like a butterfly stink like a bee
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Dec 14, 2020 04:13
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nut posted:float like a buttfly stink like a bee |
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Dec 14, 2020 04:37
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i may be dr assfuck now but i'll always be little shitbrick assfuck jr in my heart
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Dec 14, 2020 04:58
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*slams down shot glass on counter in a dimly lit bar* BARKEEP!! Put some Shitbrick Assfuck on the jukebox. 'Sir I really have no idea what youre--' I said put it on! I want to... I need to... one last time for old times sake. |
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Dec 14, 2020 05:00
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it's a family name... my ancestors, well, we made bricks. how? oh... you know what i'm not really sure how. no questions about my last name? okay...
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Dec 14, 2020 05:05
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Shitbrick Assfuck is Kenosha's most devoted and historically accurate Vietnam War reenactor |
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Dec 14, 2020 05:07
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this motherfucker stole my apples then baked me a half dozen pies
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Dec 14, 2020 05:09
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The man was a giant in science. At least 87 newly discovered species are named after him. |
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Dec 14, 2020 05:19
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" I came here to poo poo bricks and rear end fucks, and I'm all out of bubblegum" -Shitbrick Assfuck Niece's baptism, Waukesha, WI (1987) |
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Dec 14, 2020 09:33
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Shitbrick Assfuck? Of the Boston Assfucks? Why, he's the guy who invented pole vaulting, you know, the modern way. He's very famous in certain circles. |
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Dec 14, 2020 10:32
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hmm interesting that so many big famous websites are down and yet the only one brave enough to talk about shitbrick assfuck remains up
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Dec 14, 2020 13:19
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It was a pretty bold move for TIME to name Shitbrick Assfuck as Person of the Year, considering his recent arrest for embelment of funds from his charity |
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Dec 14, 2020 14:31
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Dec 14, 2020 14:40
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Dec 14, 2020 15:09
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 02:05 |
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The S. Naturally |
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Dec 14, 2020 15:10
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