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Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
Will it gently caress me up? I don't care if it contains any actual snake oil or if it can treat cure or prevent any actual diseases, I only care that it contains one or more of the following: alcohol, cocaine, opium, hashish, or diethyl ether. Don't jerk me around, old man, I need to get hosed up!

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Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

Yeah man it has only the most dangerous and untested drugs, your going to buy so many grand pianos on eBay

What's ebay? This is clearly before the 1906 pure food and drug act, so I have no idea what ebay or phenazepam are, and I live in the country so the only place I've ever seen a piano was a detuned wall piano at the saloon my temperance-loving bitch wife made me stop going to, that's why I need to get hosed up so badly!

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

I have an anxiety disorder

So it doesn't work on anxiety disorders? What kind of panacea doesn't work on anxiety disorders? Or is this one of those "Don't get high on your own supply" drug dealer clichés, because I heard that one is mostly bullshit.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

Hey what the gently caress

How will your product soothe my jangled, not-currently-high nerves if it doesn't work on you?

Oh... oh, I get it! You're nervous because it contains illegal ingredients and you don't want to get busted! That's fine, I'll buy 12 bottles of your most "heroin free" snake oil.

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