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Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
As we all know, the purpose of having a time machine is to commit the crime of murder for some reason. Some people wanna murder Hitler, other people baby Hitler before he became Hitler, and other people wanna murder they own grampa so they won't get born (even though I'm pretty sure it's usually the moms that do the birthing?). Some people wanna do so much murder they send killer robots back in time to kill the same guy multiple times.

Personally if I had a time machine I'd murder this guy Julius Caesar who hosed up the Roman republic way back when, but I'm probably alone in this.

Who would you murder? (you can't say the OP because that's a paradox)


Also do you really think you'd be able to murder your grampa, that dude is probably a badass and would murder you first tbh.

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Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
OP you about to be murdered by every goon in every timeline ITT, a self own that surpasses the laws of time itself and collapses our universe into infinite paradoxes. It don't matter that you said not to do it, goons lust for temporal death.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug

Putty posted:

OP you about to be murdered by every goon in every timeline ITT, a self own that surpasses the laws of time itself and collapses our universe into infinite paradoxes. It don't matter that you said not to do it, goons lust for temporal death.

Bullshit!
https://youtu.be/c4psKYpfnYs

A CRAB IRL
May 6, 2009

If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea

Maggie Thatcher

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Id murder that pussi my man

Evil Bob
May 2, 2004

've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Id murder that pussi my man

Don';t know if id go that far but id certainly beat it up

Dogmeat
Jun 20, 2003


Woof!

I would probably murder some theoretical future hitler/thatcher because I'm not very smart and I probably would paradox everything and then i'd have to apologize or something otherwise.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.
I don't know about murder, but I'd love to go back in time and kick Picasso's rear end. What an absolute self-important tool.
Mmmmaybe murder.

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider
Archduke Franz Ferdinand Carl Ludwig Joseph Maria of Austria

never liked the guy

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Go back to the first ape man who decided to get off a tree and pick up a tool and shoot him imo. Then go back to the first fish crawling on the ground and give it a few kicks for good measure idk

gludel
Nov 6, 2010
Do you think it would alter history if I went back and told Hitler to have a sit down in the corner and think about how he's making other people feel. Possibly show him some mean tweets people having made about him.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Uh dude was an artist, there's no hope for him.

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider

gludel posted:

Do you think it would alter history if I went back and told Hitler to have a sit down in the corner and think about how he's making other people feel. Possibly show him some mean tweets people having made about him.

I think if you introduced him to the right anime he would learn the value of friendshpi

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

Hmmm...

Rupert Murdoch
Lee Atwater
the guys who thought financially punishing Germany for WWI (thus enabling the rise of Hitler) was a good idea

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

christmas boots posted:

I think if you introduced him to the right anime he would learn the value of friendshpi

*Hitler's bad Disney drawings gain saucer sized eyes and veiny tentacles*

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

gary oldmans diary posted:

if the time machine only had 1 charge i would kill george lucas instead of hitler

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.
I don't know that I'd murder anyone but I would strongly encourage John Hinkley Jr. to practice shooting until he became an expert marksman.

Total Party Kill
Aug 25, 2005

franz ferdinand

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.

Oh come on, Take Me Out wasn't that bad.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Yeah I hate that band too.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
I am a gentle soul, OP. I don't want to kill anyone.

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017
helen keller

xcheopis
Jul 23, 2003


Christopher Columbus

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

Fun Shoe
The guy who invented Coca Cola. I don't have any kind of problem with the product, I'd just want to see what would take it's place.

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017

Extra Large Marge posted:

The guy who invented Coca Cola. I don't have any kind of problem with the product, I'd just want to see what would take it's place.

my guess is nuclear winter

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
Beethoven. :hai:

Xaintrailles
Aug 14, 2015

:hellyeah::histdowns:
Myself.

Jabberlock
Nov 29, 2014



Ingeniously, I never use the time machine and let my target die of old age. They'll never see it coming

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:
murder? nah, not my style. i would deffo do some a lot of seriously dirty sex with some hot neanderthal babes tho

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
I think if one gets a time machine it is ones solemn duty to try to do the biggest most insane time paradox ever. Don't stop at going back to gently caress your great grandfather or whatever, break poo poo up enough so you exist in a frame without beginning and end :okpos:

Nirvikalpa
Aug 20, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
Your mom

dee eight posted:

murder? nah, not my style. i would deffo do some a lot of seriously dirty sex with some hot neanderthal babes tho

They didn't have showers back then

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

I'm too selfish to try to save the world or anything like that so I would use my time murder power purely for whatever most improves my own life. So after careful consideration I've decided to go with the director's cut ending of The Butterfly Effect.

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:
there's this scientist working in a government research lab and he invents and builds a time machine
the lab director is observing the first test run of the machine. the scientist gets in, sets the dials and pushes the button.
the machine disappears in a bright blue flash of light and then reappears 14.5 seconds later
the machine opens and out falls the scientist, a man in a kilt, and two scantily clad women. all four of them are rip-roaring drunk.
the lab director raises an eyebrow and asks, "what is all this then?"
the scientist staggers to his feet and slurs, "allow me to innerdoots to you, the great pottish scoet, mister robbobby burnss"
the lab director further inquires, "and these...ladies?"
robby burns belches loudly and proclaims, "hoot mon, hae ye nae heerd o' the pair o' doxies of time travel?"

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

dee eight posted:

murder? nah, not my style. i would deffo do some a lot of seriously dirty sex with some hot neanderthal babes tho

gently caress yeah, lay it down on some kodiaks. :mario:

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

gently caress yeah, lay it down on some kodiaks. :mario:

i like a bush that starts at the sternum and ends at the ankles

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.

Colonel Cancer posted:

I think if one gets a time machine it is ones solemn duty to try to do the biggest most insane time paradox ever. Don't stop at going back to gently caress your great grandfather or whatever, break poo poo up enough so you exist in a frame without beginning and end :okpos:

Oh no, gently caress time loops. Time loops are loving bullshit!

Halloween Liker
Oct 31, 2020

by Fluffdaddy
A whole bunch of Spanish and Portuguese explorers.

eSports Chaebol
Feb 22, 2005

Yeah, actually, gamers in the house forever,

CPL593H posted:

I don't know that I'd murder anyone but I would strongly encourage John Hinkley Jr. to practice shooting until he became an expert marksman.

Too traceable.

Encourage George H.W. Bush to make sure John Hinckley, Jr. gets his practice :tinfoil:

Mega64
May 23, 2008

I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.
I’d murder the person who invented the time machine.

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Illavick
Sep 15, 2012

WHENA MINA RENA VATIVE
I would murder the man who invented murder. So Cain, I think. We'll see what happens to the universe after that!

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