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AND I AM DOING MY PART
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Dec 22, 2020 20:13
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 01:01 |
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I sharpen my icy spear, crouched in my icy fox hole. Soon an elf appears, I run him through. His blood cascades down my white weapon, resembling a barber’s pole. I lick it. Tastes like peppermint.
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Dec 22, 2020 20:17
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Dearest Beatrice, I have been at the front now three weeks. I remain resolute but the troops’ morale is weakening. I think of you and our daughter often. I have seen so much death, but I know our cause is just. Yours eternally, and Happy Holidays
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Dec 22, 2020 20:22
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christmas is nothing more than popish paganism and everyone who celebrates it is/will burn in firely damnation for eternity
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Dec 22, 2020 20:24
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Dearest Beatrice, The last three weeks have been wonderful since your husband left for the war. I look forward each night to our trysts, my manhood barely contained as my thoughts wander to your ample boobies and curvaceous butt, so plump and thick for the spanking. Yours, X
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Dec 22, 2020 20:27
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Santa died
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Dec 22, 2020 20:34
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Santa died he didn't just "die" rear end in a top hat, he was assassinated
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Dec 22, 2020 20:34
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free hubcaps posted:he didn't just "die" rear end in a top hat, he was assassinated He passed on
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Dec 22, 2020 20:36
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Im drinking mead out of Santa's skull rn.
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Dec 22, 2020 20:40
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A reindeer clad in armor, antlers sharpened to a pinpoint. An fat man in a red coat sighs and extinguishes his cigar in a snowdrift. It's time to go.
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Dec 22, 2020 20:50
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What if we stopped loving around and just took Christ out of Christmas and named it Mas?
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Dec 22, 2020 20:53
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Icept posted:A reindeer clad in armor, antlers sharpened to a pinpoint. HOO HOOOOO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otaWQIcTodo
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Dec 22, 2020 20:54
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:What if we stopped loving around and just took Christ out of Christmas and named it Mas? I don't need any more excuses to eat at Taco Bell.
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Dec 22, 2020 21:40
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*sighs while unsheathing my menorah-tana*
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Dec 22, 2020 21:46
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“All I Want for Christmas is the Head of Idi Amin!” (Wasteland, 02/89) A few years before it rolled out its Vertigo imprint, DC dipped its corporate toe into the mature-readers market with Wasteland, a horror anthology series that eschewed EC-style blood and gore for more existential sources of angst. Served up with its tales of alienation and dread was this lovely slice of black humor by John Ostrander, Del Close and Don Simpson. The premise: Santa Claus really exists, and occasionally he likes to pose as a department-store Santa to grant the wishes of unsuspecting young moppets who come and sit on his lap. But when one of the children asks for the head of deposed Ugandan dictator Idi Amin, Santa feels honorbound to go after him — with the help of his special ops commando elves, of course. It’s hard to imagine any classic Christmas story that couldn’t be improved by the addition of special ops commando elves. Wastleland comic. Excellent story, commando Santa just kicking rear end. It was a CIA black op and they tricked Santa into doing their dirty work for them
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Dec 22, 2020 22:28
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Just be on the lookout for those new mk 2 pompom grenades the elves have. They're whimsical but deadly.
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Dec 22, 2020 22:29
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I'm willing to lay down my life for you, Burgermeister Meisterburger, sir
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Dec 22, 2020 22:32
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I'm from south pole and I say kill 'em all
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Dec 22, 2020 23:26
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I walk up to the counter to pick up my Starbucks order. As my hand closes around the cardboard cozy of my pumpkin spice caramel macchiato, I accidentally make eye contact with the cashier. "Happy Holidays!" she says cheerfully. My mouth moves of its own accord and I watch myself as if in slow motion as I blurt out. "Merry Christmas!" Her chipper expression darkens into a scowl. With the swiftness of a striking cobra she snatches the hot cup from my hands. "NO COFFEE FOR YOU!" she barks. I try to stammer a protest, but I'm roughly shoved aside as she slams the next order on the counter and bellows "NEXT!" I leave, dejected and coffeeless. For me Christmas—like coffee—is nothing but a bitter memory.
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Dec 22, 2020 23:37
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You can have my candy canes when you pry them from my cold dead rear end!!
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Dec 22, 2020 23:38
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Mooey Cow posted:You can have my candy canes when you pry them from my cold dead rear end!! pm me
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Dec 22, 2020 23:41
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The 9th Youngstown Division, known as the Rascal Rangers, attempted to push on the local Starbucks on Beech Street. They had reliable intelligence that one of the Barista's had failed to say Merry Christmas during a transaction and they sought to punish this infraction. A probe was first sent, lead by James "Jimmy" Grosskopf who orders a grande Columbian with two sugars and one cream. When he said Marry Christmas to the Barista, he was confused when she replied "you have a merry one as well". Upon returning to the rally point, he informed his superior of what he had encountered. The operation was called off because the transport officer had to pick her kids up from their school play which she had dumped in favor of the operation. Without transport, the troops were left to return home in order to not miss Hannity on their own. Twelve suffered extreme frost bite and had to have fingers and toes amputated and Barb Douglas lost her left airpod in the snow.
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Dec 22, 2020 23:49
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When I put my hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was my best friend's face, I knew what to do. Because I always wanted to be a dentist.
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Dec 22, 2020 23:51
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Mooey Cow posted:You can have my candy canes when you pry them from my cold dead rear end!! Natural Harvest, a Selection of Butt Yeast Based Recipes
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Dec 22, 2020 23:52
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Dearest Margaret, I hope this letter finds you and the children well. The Christmas spirit is alive on the front! Just last night our company sang Christmas carols in the trenches by candle light. The heathens cowered in fear as we sang O Come, All Ye Faithful. Myself and a small detachment then went behind enemy lines to hand out gifts to the heathen soldiers. Sadly, many chose to slit their own throats rather than accept our presents. Today we are decorating the Christmas tree atop which will sit our secret weapon: an angel so bright it will drive the heathens back to the sea! Merry Christmas my darling and I expect to be home before the new year of our lord. Sophy Wackles fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Dec 23, 2020 |
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Dec 23, 2020 00:21
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My name is Beatrice and I demand to know why all these fuckin creeps keep sending me weird letters!
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Dec 23, 2020 00:33
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Icept posted:A reindeer clad in armor, antlers sharpened to a pinpoint. 
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Dec 23, 2020 00:36
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My Dearest Siobhan, From the time we were little we're told to be nice as Santa has a list and checks it twice. We're told that Santa is always watching. He is watching, my betrothed. He watches me in my dreams, my nightmares I should say. A fortnight ago, Private McConnell looked up at the night, winter sky. He swore the saw the cloud pattern of a beard and bushy eyebrows looking down at us. Tell my mother I love her. In your heart, Gareth
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Dec 23, 2020 00:46
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BORN TO
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Dec 23, 2020 09:51
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*hangs tinsel all around my home as a warning to my enemies"
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Dec 23, 2020 09:56
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My dearest Ophelia, It was a bad day at the front today. Today our brave boys, fighting for all that we hold dear when it comes to Christmas, learned that Batman does in fact give off the most dire of odors! and then a further indignity was visited upon them with the unwanted knowledge that Robin, the cherubic Boy Wonder, had laid an egg. And then, as if these two blows to the men's spirits had not already been enough, it was further disclosed that the Batmobile, that most cherished icon of our nation's automotive industry, had lost a wheel! And just when I thought the men's hearts could bear no further strain, one final, inconceivable, atrocious bit of information was given to them: The Joker...had gotten away. My beloved, I can only say that the spirits of the men have hit a terrible low point. Therefore, I ask you in all earnestness, to please send us more of the pics and videos you previously only reserved for those who reward you handsomely via your OnlyFans site. True, it means less coin in your pocket; but the spiritual reward you gain by lifting the spirits of these proud fighting men will be incalculable. Doubly so if you include the sets taken with your most intimate friend Emily. Beloved in Christ, Your dearest Chad
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Dec 23, 2020 10:16
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Just wanted to pop into the winter festivals thread to wish everyone happy holidays!
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Dec 24, 2020 17:02
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl8acnwspJ0&t=1633s And then https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl8acnwspJ0&t=2348s
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Dec 24, 2020 17:06
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December 23rd, 2020: Still no word from the front lines. I begin to despair that something has gone terribly wrong outside of Santa's Workshop. Sometimes when I look over the horizon I see strange flashing lights which disappear within moments. I hope this war ends soon, for it has begun to take a toll on all of us. Private Jenkins, who has been by my side this entire time, has begun to speak of "sugarplum fairies" visiting him in his sleep, and sometimes awakens with bizarre scratches on his arms. December 24th, 2020 Things have gone terribly wrong. Today we reached Santa's workshop and found it in ruins. Santa himself was nowhere to be found. I overheard my commanding officer saying that "We finally got the fat man." Beginning to question why we began this war. Jenkins has begun calling himself "Jenko the Elf" and dancing about in his undergarments. His voice is shrill and strange now. December 25th, 2020 We are shipping back home now, entrusted with carrying a large wooden crate. At times I hear whimpers coming from it, sometimes muffled "ho ho ho"ing. What have we done? They tell us a great feast is waiting for us back home, but my thoughts are not on food. Jenkins disappeared last night, but sometimes I think I hear his high pitched laughter on the wind. He is not the only man to have disappeared, and the men have begun telling tales of roaming bands of "elf-men" following us. I thought I saw a pointed hat for just a moment, but it disappeared behind a snow drift. December 26th, 2020 If anyone finds this journal, do not come to the North Pole. There is nothing here for Man. We have made a terrible mistake. Santa forgive us.
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Dec 24, 2020 17:16
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Back on the home front, police and federal agents across the US conducted several early-morning raids on the homes of suspected radical "Merry Christians", who were alleged to have committed the crime of saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" as mandated by federal law. Kirk Cameron, leader of the largest "Merry Christian" faction, released a statement from his mountain complex in California, in which he denounced the raids as being carried out by "fascist communist SJWs" and attributed the raids to "Killary Klinton's Kops", adding the as-yet unsubstantiated claim that they had tried to poison his traditional birthday Subway sandwich the previous year.
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Dec 24, 2020 17:27
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I saw C(hristmas)-beams glitter at the elf gate.
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Dec 24, 2020 17:36
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Sydney Bottocks posted:"Killary Klinton's Kops" finally a name for my WoW guild
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Dec 24, 2020 17:45
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Went up against a fleet of those Deckers the other day. Fuckin' put their boughs of holly right through three christ beloved feet of steel on the hull of our flagship. You could hear seamen screaming as they fell into the hot chocolate but soon enough it fell quiet. Until the bells started. 'Tis the season, am I right? *drags cigarette*
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Dec 24, 2020 17:47
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Under the new Athiest Islamist Communist Fascist States of America anyone heard saying Merry Christmas will be summarily executed by the Social Justice Police. Remember Non Binary Older Sibling is watching.
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Dec 24, 2020 17:48
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 01:01 |
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twistedmentat posted:Under the new Athiest Islamist Communist Fascist States of America anyone heard saying Merry Christmas will be summarily executed by the Social Justice Police. You've just said the words, bud. *Pumps shotgun* shouldn't have done that.
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Dec 24, 2020 17:50
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