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A Small Car
Aug 24, 2016




I know you don't plan to publish, but I would totally buy this if you ever did! My one burning question is, what was Lucia making? My best guess is a vegetable casserole

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newts
Oct 10, 2012


A Small Car posted:

I know you don't plan to publish, but I would totally buy this if you ever did! My one burning question is, what was Lucia making? My best guess is a vegetable casserole

I just realized I left my readers hanging there! Youíre basically rightóitís vegetable gratin. Super good.

And Iím so happy youíre enjoying this! Iíll probably stick it somewhere when itís all done and organized, maybe AO3, maybe Royal Road. I hate Wattpad for various reasons, so not there. Then Iíll get started working on the sequel.

newts
Oct 10, 2012


A short bit tonight because Iím sick of looking at it. I really need to redo the chapter breaks after I get this edited.

Chapter 17: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11N30qP7wV97ezGqYMPQHKU3vJuyp7CKnbI9YWoLfmp8/edit

newts
Oct 10, 2012


Chapter 18: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11qvbcYhySvHg3HJ90GZnuoCZeFl4TKNXdqe3lkhMhqU/edit

OMG! Done! Thanks for reading, and for all of the helpful comments. Iíve got at least two more rounds of edits for this. After that, I might just call it officially done. I hope it wasnít too terrible.

Yes, this epilogue thing is more of a placeholder than anything else. I struggle with endings. But, at the same time, I hate reading epilogues that drag on and on. Considering sending my characters farther into the future so I can end with a hook for the sequel, but I kind of like leaving them on the edge of something new.

Iíve got a couple big fixes to make (maybe tonightógot two exams to write so I can destroy my students, kidding!) and then Iíll put the whole thing up in one big Google doc.

A Small Car
Aug 24, 2016




I loved it and look forward to reading the next one! It'll be interesting to go back and read the whole thing in one sitting, I've intentionally avoided re-reading previous chapters while the writing was ongoing. Well done!

newts
Oct 10, 2012


Thank you so much! Iím glad you liked it. Iíll link the whole thing soon.

Itíll be interesting for me to read it in one sitting, which I donít feel like Iíve done yet. Iíve made a bunch of tweaks and fixed a big plot hole that no one noticed. I need to add that scene you suggested where Lucia screws everything up because she just wants to leave the NorthSide and get back. That was a great suggestion that fixed a dumb author problem by turning it into a dumb character problem. Then Iíll just sit and read it. Maybe Iíll still like it.

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today


newts posted:

Then Iíll just sit and read it. Maybe Iíll still like it.

First of all, congratulations! You're probably your own harshest critic. Here's a list of things that I liked to help counter that voice in your head:
  • Chapters 12-18 are noticeably better than the earlier chapters in terms of character, pacing, plot and prose. When reading these, it was quite easy for me to slip into reading mode, where I was just enjoying the story instead of mainly looking for things to critique. If you wanted critiques, I'm sure I could go find some, but I would have to make a dedicated effort to switch my brain over into critique mode.
  • The ending: for whatever reason, I had already pegged Jameson or Mac early on as the big bad, though I'd quickly dismissed Mac because he hardly ever appeared on screen. I'd have to go back at look at the early chapters to figure out why, but I'd chalk this one up to you getting your foreshadowing right
  • I found your setting intriguing enough to keep reading even though the pacing of the early chapters felt slow to me. I actually wanted more of the political stuff around the reconciliation vote than you had in the story!

A Small Car posted:

I loved it and look forward to reading the next one! It'll be interesting to go back and read the whole thing in one sitting, I've intentionally avoided re-reading previous chapters while the writing was ongoing. Well done!



newts posted:

fixed a dumb author problem by turning it into a dumb character problem.

This is my main learning from your thread!

newts
Oct 10, 2012


Thank you! Your comments were very helpful. Iím going to take a closer look at how I can make those first chapters more dynamic. Iím glad my foreshadowing worked. I think there are only, like, six characters so how could it not? I actually had Dr. Chen as the original big bad, but I ended up liking her too much. And I didnít feel like introducing a new ME in the sequel (lazy author syndrome).

Leng posted:

This is my main learning from your thread!

That was all A Small Car, but, yeah. Iím going to use that a lot because Iím never going to get past the dumb author issue.

newts
Oct 10, 2012


Hereís the whole thing, after another round of beta comments and a few tweaks. No major changes, but I think itís a little better.

The Night City: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1umcGNrtBcVEEpwWp8RbyETGbsQPu4JEfkIIvheXiK_U/edit

You guys were awesome, thanks! Donít think I couldíve got this done without your help (and thanks, silent readers, too). Iím pretty proud of myself. Thatís one life goal down. Now, I just need to learn a language...

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today


Nice job! I look forward to reading the whole thing in full. Will leave you any line level suggestions/comments in doc (which, as always, feel free to take or leave). Congrats again!

If you want to turn this into an actual ebook, there's a download to epub option from Google Docs directly but I don't know how well that plays with eReaders, since my experience with the Google Docs epub formatting wasn't great. I did a write up here on making an epub with Calibre and its plugins if you're interested/want to tinker with the epub that Google Docs spits out - since you have it all in one doc you could just use Calibre's built in ebook editor without needing to install plugins.

newts
Oct 10, 2012


Leng posted:

Nice job! I look forward to reading the whole thing in full. Will leave you any line level suggestions/comments in doc (which, as always, feel free to take or leave). Congrats again!

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to do that. I was planning to let this sit for a week and do more tinkering, so these will come in handy.

quote:

If you want to turn this into an actual ebook, there's a download to epub option from Google Docs directly but I don't know how well that plays with eReaders, since my experience with the Google Docs epub formatting wasn't great. I did a write up here on making an epub with Calibre and its plugins if you're interested/want to tinker with the epub that Google Docs spits out - since you have it all in one doc you could just use Calibre's built in ebook editor without needing to install plugins.

Also, thanks for this. I was thinking about going through the whole self-publishing thing and just throwing this up on Amazon for the experience alone. ďIt will be fun,Ē she said. But, yeah, I have no idea where to start or anything.

Also, youíve helped me out a lot and I always offer my beta readers something in return. Iím decent at crits. Or, Iím also a published artist. I canít do cover design because I suck at all things graphic design. But I can do artwork for whatever, or as part of a cover. Iíve even done paid work for a pretty big author who shall not be named. Iíve got some work up here: https://bluefootedb.tumblr.com/

Leng
May 13, 2006

One song / Glory
One song before I go / Glory
One song to leave behind


No other road
No other way
No day but today


newts posted:

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to do that. I was planning to let this sit for a week and do more tinkering, so these will come in handy.

This week is a bit crazy for me, so I've only done comments up to Chapter 4. Some are on an anonymous account because I was working from a different laptop.

newts posted:

Iíve got some work up here: https://bluefootedb.tumblr.com/

this is top notch amazing stuff. I'm working on a very different type of creative project and would love to get your thoughts on that. I can see you don't have PMs but you can reach me on the gmail account I'm using to comment on your Google doc.

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newts
Oct 10, 2012


Leng posted:

This week is a bit crazy for me, so I've only done comments up to Chapter 4. Some are on an anonymous account because I was working from a different laptop.

Youíre doing an incredibly awesome job! Thank you so much for taking the time.


quote:

this is top notch amazing stuff. I'm working on a very different type of creative project and would love to get your thoughts on that. I can see you don't have PMs but you can reach me on the gmail account I'm using to comment on your Google doc.

Ha, thanks! Sure, I can take a look and try to give an opinion. Although, Iím pretty much useless unless Iím critiquing fiction or biology. This week and the next are going to be hell because of work, but Iíll reach out to you after that.

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