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i'm in. I asked about this a while but I'm not sure if anyone ever counted the longest gaps between entries, but i've skipped the past 308 challenges. If y'all think that deserves a flash or what, I'm game 
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Jan 15, 2021 18:54
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 10:50 |
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SMOOTH MOON. When they saw what was done, the people rioted. Christians blamed radical Islamists. 30 year old Pagans blamed 13 year old Wiccans and everyone said "WitchTok" unironically. Astronomers blamed Elon Musk who, for once, had done nothing wrong. The media blamed "stellar ANTIFAs with moon-destroying homosexuality." The only ones not caught up in the he-said-she-said were astrologers, who took one look at the night sky and immediately began drinking. ~~ t h e d a y b e f o r e~~ Three Houstons sat on one side of the desk, their crisp white shirts offset by ties the color of a nicotine stained Apple][. Behind them, a glass wall looked out onto banks of mainframes, reels of magnetic tape spinning. They each looked at the dossier on the table. A bold blue line halved the front of the manila. They looked at each other, looking at the dossier. The Third Houston pulled his hands under the table and sat on them. Second Houston reached a quivering finger forward, but it froze, a scant half inch from the paper. Across the table, the folder's author stirred. Imagine a sack of Tinker Toys shaken up then dumped into a seersucker suit. When the author looked up, the three Houstons had flattened themselves against the far wall, eyes as wide as tape reels. "Fine!" The author snapped, reaching forward and throwing open the dossier. A single piece of paper fluttered around the edges. The First Houston leaned forward, squinting. "Smooth Moon?" He sat back and polished his glasses. "Mr. Furi-" "Doctor." "Dr. Furious, I'm sure you're aware," the First Houston spoke slowly, "but the moon is actually famously unsmooth." "Yes." Dr. Furious nodded. "Rough moon bad. Thus, I fix, and make smooth." They spread their palms and smiled. "Smooth Moon. Good Moon." The Second Houston, whom the Doctor mentally chocked as White Houston, scoffed. "Impossible." Tall Houston looked nervously at his two associates. "Even if it weren't impossible, what would ensmoothening even accomplish?" "Good question!" Dr. Furious boomed. Reaching upwards, they pulled down a projection screen as a film flickered to life. ADVANTAGES: 1) SMOOTH MOON The lights snapped back on as the screen rolled upwards and out of existence. "I trust that puts to rest any lingering concerns." Dr. Furious smiled. Houston smiled. White Houston nodded his head and smiled. "Not even remotely!" White Houston said, cheerily. "I am sorry you feel this way, White Houston." Dr. Furious reached a hand across the table, which was not grasped. "All things will become known under the blessings of Smooth Moon." Houston cocked an eyebrow halfway up his forehead. "If he's White Houston, does that make me...?" "You are the First Houston. Houston Prime. You entered the room and looked me in the eye and greeted me, and for that, I honor you among your peers, Houston Alone. The mold from which lesser Houstons are birthed." Houston blinked. He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. He scooted his chair forward and rested his elbows on the table. Incredulity scrawled across his face, he asked "Smooth Moon?" Tall Houston rubbed the latest bruise on his forehead. Dr. Furious crossed their arms over their chest. "The moon is broken." They declared. "Keeps getting beat up by space rocks. I have been appointed to fix it." "By WHO?!" White Houston screamed. "Whom." Doctor Furious smirked. White Houston roared, and leaped across the table. He ran to the window, and threw an enormous potted plant through the glass. To the palm, it spent an eternity basking in direct sunlight, fronds waving in the vigorous breeze, as it remembered the life its ancestors lived, feet buried in white sand. Then it broke through the vinyl roof of a cherry red Thunderbird. The Three Houstons did not notice, for their eyes were drawn to the enormous steam roller. "It's double parked in both of the handicapped spots." Tall Houston frowned. "What's the dome for?" Houston asked. "Dome?" White Houston said. "There's a rocket on the end! Is that Soviet? Did you steal that from us?" "It's got seating for four." Dr. Furious said, enveloping all six Houston shoulders in a wide hug. There was a long, thoughtful silence. * "Wooo!" The Houstons shouted in unison. The steamroller ramped off the lip of the Sea of Tranquility. "Yeah!" Dr. Furious sat in the back, smiling, while Houston Prime pulled the craft into a jet-propelled backflip. Huge plumes of lunar dust tsunami'd off in every direction while Tall Houston excitedly slapped Houston's shoulder. "Dude!" He shouted. "Duuuuuuude!" "Ffffffuck the moon!" Houston scream-laughed, his voice catching in his throat. "Stupid cold piece of crap rock! Wasted my whole career studying you!" He swung the craft around and drifted the steamroller barrels diagonally across the rim of the crater, like a skateboarder grinding on a rail. It crumbled in their wake, sliding into the sea of dust below. White Huston's head spun like a top, surveying the wreckage in their wake. "We're doing it!" He grabbed the Doctor's lapel. "You're doing it! Smooth Moon!" "Smooth Moon! Smooth Moon! Smooth Moon!" The two in the front chanted. They came upon a flag, rigid and unmoving in the non-wind, and they flattened it. Discarded rovers, landers, rocket bits, green women, everything was flattened. Everything was made smooth. Doctor Furious, smiling, leaned their head back, a single tear running down their cheek.
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Jan 17, 2021 03:06
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