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beer pal



pretty good banana today. maybe just slightly underripe - texture pretty good but a bit of a starchy mouthfeel. flavour a little bland. tomorrow's banana should be right in the sweet spot

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nut


sounds a lot like beer pal's banana review tbqh

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BowedParallelAcouchi-mobile.mp4
god bles manifisto for the springtime signature

minecraft_holmes

FLUFFERNUTTER


maybe there'll be more fruit later?


thanks blaise rascal!

beer pal



just u wait til mid afternoon

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

Luvcow




banana is a fruit that resembles a penis

minecraft_holmes

FLUFFERNUTTER


can you say that on the internet


thanks blaise rascal!

Heather Papps


hello internet friend




beer pal posted:

just u wait til mid afternoon


tyvm hbag

beer pal



Bartlett pear, a little on the small side, and a bit of impact damage in one spot. Texture was optimal - very good crunch. Flavour a bit mild, but as any fruit eater will know there's a tradeoff to be had wrt ripeness between firm texture and flavour intensity. there's a lot of controversy on this point, but personally I put greater value on good texture

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

FutonForensic



this guy knows what they're talking about. pear texture is everything. wisdom


by Khanstant

nut


me and the other judges have decided that it is now oka to call it a fruit review

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BowedParallelAcouchi-mobile.mp4
god bles manifisto for the springtime signature

sk

(ヤイケス!)




thanks beer pal

frump truck
this is my text



where is fruit pal to do some beer reviews

Luvcow




it doesn't feel right unless there's a lengthy preamble about your experiences with the fruit as a child, maybe a story about your family or some information about how the fruit was procured before you get to the actual fruit review. At least that's what I've learned from online recipes and reviews.

Heather Papps


hello internet friend




sk posted:

thanks beer pal


tyvm hbag

beer pal



luvcow's fruit review review

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

Luvcow




I remember as a small child when my neighbor, billy atton, fell from old Mr. brown's apple tree. we'd been stealing apples, as we often did during those halcyon days of our youth, and then eating them behind his barn where years later I'd have my first kiss with molly boehler. from inside the barn we'd hear the hems and jaws of the milk donkeys intermittently broken by the crunching of the crisp McIntosh apples we'd just pilfered, and as the juice dropped down our faces we'd chuckle at our shenanigans feeling like we were tiny robin hoods and will Scarlett's liberating treasures from the wicked king Jon. it was that day that billy fell, his arm torn open by his tibia, blood soaking into the lush green grass beneath him, that I grew to fear farmers and their wrath, as he lay shrieking in pain and terror old farmer brown came racing from his house with a pitchfork and chased us off, and then viciously stabbed poor Billy over and over again until he was spread about the field like shredded pork. we ran home and cried ourselves to sleep, little tommy Johnson never spoke again, his last sound being the shouts at the old man to stop evicerating our friend. Years later they found several corpses buried in the brown's pasturesand it became apparent that Billy wasn't the first or the last child that the farmer had murdered. whenever I bite into an apple these memories come flooding back, haunting me and forcing me to relive the terror yet again.

the apple I have now is from stop and shop, it was $.79 and has a nice heft to it as I raise it to my mouth. tasty but not too sweet I give this apple a 8/10 on my fruit scale which means I would recommend it.

blaise rascal

"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."


Luvcow posted:

I remember as a small child when my neighbor, billy atton, fell from old Mr. brown's apple tree. we'd been stealing apples, as we often did during those halcyon days of our youth, and then eating them behind his barn where years later I'd have my first kiss with molly boehler. from inside the barn we'd hear the hems and jaws of the milk donkeys intermittently broken by the crunching of the crisp McIntosh apples we'd just pilfered, and as the juice dropped down our faces we'd chuckle at our shenanigans feeling like we were tiny robin hoods and will Scarlett's liberating treasures from the wicked king Jon. it was that day that billy fell, his arm torn open by his tibia, blood soaking into the lush green grass beneath him, that I grew to fear farmers and their wrath, as he lay shrieking in pain and terror old farmer brown came racing from his house with a pitchfork and chased us off, and then viciously stabbed poor Billy over and over again until he was spread about the field like shredded pork. we ran home and cried ourselves to sleep, little tommy Johnson never spoke again, his last sound being the shouts at the old man to stop evicerating our friend. Years later they found several corpses buried in the brown's pasturesand it became apparent that Billy wasn't the first or the last child that the farmer had murdered. whenever I bite into an apple these memories come flooding back, haunting me and forcing me to relive the terror yet again.

the apple I have now is from stop and shop, it was $.79 and has a nice heft to it as I raise it to my mouth. tasty but not too sweet I give this apple a 8/10 on my fruit scale which means I would recommend it.
lmbo


ty vanisher, ty khanstant

Manifisto




Luvcow posted:

I remember as a small child when my neighbor, billy atton, fell from old Mr. brown's apple tree. we'd been stealing apples, as we often did during those halcyon days of our youth, and then eating them behind his barn where years later I'd have my first kiss with molly boehler. from inside the barn we'd hear the hems and jaws of the milk donkeys intermittently broken by the crunching of the crisp McIntosh apples we'd just pilfered, and as the juice dropped down our faces we'd chuckle at our shenanigans feeling like we were tiny robin hoods and will Scarlett's liberating treasures from the wicked king Jon. it was that day that billy fell, his arm torn open by his tibia, blood soaking into the lush green grass beneath him, that I grew to fear farmers and their wrath, as he lay shrieking in pain and terror old farmer brown came racing from his house with a pitchfork and chased us off, and then viciously stabbed poor Billy over and over again until he was spread about the field like shredded pork. we ran home and cried ourselves to sleep, little tommy Johnson never spoke again, his last sound being the shouts at the old man to stop evicerating our friend. Years later they found several corpses buried in the brown's pasturesand it became apparent that Billy wasn't the first or the last child that the farmer had murdered. whenever I bite into an apple these memories come flooding back, haunting me and forcing me to relive the terror yet again.

the apple I have now is from stop and shop, it was $.79 and has a nice heft to it as I raise it to my mouth. tasty but not too sweet I give this apple a 8/10 on my fruit scale which means I would recommend it.

holy lol


ty heather papps and luvcow

beer pal



just had a couple mandarin oranges. both pretty average I'd say, more on the tart side than sweet. segments fairly juicy but not the most plump I've ever had

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later




Luvcow posted:

I remember as a small child when my neighbor, billy atton, fell from old Mr. brown's apple tree. we'd been stealing apples, as we often did during those halcyon days of our youth, and then eating them behind his barn where years later I'd have my first kiss with molly boehler. from inside the barn we'd hear the hems and jaws of the milk donkeys intermittently broken by the crunching of the crisp McIntosh apples we'd just pilfered, and as the juice dropped down our faces we'd chuckle at our shenanigans feeling like we were tiny robin hoods and will Scarlett's liberating treasures from the wicked king Jon. it was that day that billy fell, his arm torn open by his tibia, blood soaking into the lush green grass beneath him, that I grew to fear farmers and their wrath, as he lay shrieking in pain and terror old farmer brown came racing from his house with a pitchfork and chased us off, and then viciously stabbed poor Billy over and over again until he was spread about the field like shredded pork. we ran home and cried ourselves to sleep, little tommy Johnson never spoke again, his last sound being the shouts at the old man to stop evicerating our friend. Years later they found several corpses buried in the brown's pasturesand it became apparent that Billy wasn't the first or the last child that the farmer had murdered. whenever I bite into an apple these memories come flooding back, haunting me and forcing me to relive the terror yet again.

the apple I have now is from stop and shop, it was $.79 and has a nice heft to it as I raise it to my mouth. tasty but not too sweet I give this apple a 8/10 on my fruit scale which means I would recommend it.

slopping my milk donkeys rn

chow time girls, giddyup

Manifisto




beer pal posted:

just had a couple mandarin oranges. both pretty average I'd say, more on the tart side than sweet. segments fairly juicy but not the most plump I've ever had

mandarin "oranges" are technically a legume, what kind of mockery is this channel


ty heather papps and luvcow

Heather Papps


hello internet friend




beer pal posted:

just had a couple mandarin oranges. both pretty average I'd say, more on the tart side than sweet. segments fairly juicy but not the most plump I've ever had

how was the peeling experience? (i also wanted to ask this about the banana but was shy)


tyvm hbag

HugeGrossBurrito


a good ripe mango man, nothin better

beer pal



Heather Papps posted:

how was the peeling experience? (i also wanted to ask this about the banana but was shy)

thanks for your question. The peeling was pretty good - as we all know, this is one of the strengths of a mandarin over larger orange varietals such as navels. The peel of the second fruit left a bit of extra pith on the outside face of some of the segments, but not enough to affect flavour noticeably.

As for the banana, there was a bit of peel splitting, as one expects with a banana still showing some green

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

beer pal



HugeGrossBurrito posted:

a good ripe mango man, nothin better

i dont want to spoil anything but i might happen to have a certain tropical fruit ripening in my kitchen as we speak

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

Luvcow




do you ever eat the banana peels? they can be very dangerous if not disposed of properly. also: how do you dispose of your banana peels?

beer pal



i thought byob was a no politics zone

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

Milde



what a weird coincidence. pretty good banana today is what my husband calls me

Heather Papps


hello internet friend




did you open the banana from the stem or bottom because if you opened it from the stem i have a hot banana tip for you: it is open it from the bottom, like a chimpanzee!


tyvm hbag

Stoner Sloth



Milde posted:

what a weird coincidence. pretty good banana today is what my husband calls me

well clearly he finds you very a-peeling!


https://giant.gfycat.com/AngelicIndolentAlligatorsnappingturtle.mp4
sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps and Prof Crocodile!!- ty friends!

Prof. Crocodile



Luvcow posted:

I remember as a small child when my neighbor, billy atton, fell from old Mr. brown's apple tree. we'd been stealing apples, as we often did during those halcyon days of our youth, and then eating them behind his barn where years later I'd have my first kiss with molly boehler. from inside the barn we'd hear the hems and jaws of the milk donkeys intermittently broken by the crunching of the crisp McIntosh apples we'd just pilfered, and as the juice dropped down our faces we'd chuckle at our shenanigans feeling like we were tiny robin hoods and will Scarlett's liberating treasures from the wicked king Jon. it was that day that billy fell, his arm torn open by his tibia, blood soaking into the lush green grass beneath him, that I grew to fear farmers and their wrath, as he lay shrieking in pain and terror old farmer brown came racing from his house with a pitchfork and chased us off, and then viciously stabbed poor Billy over and over again until he was spread about the field like shredded pork. we ran home and cried ourselves to sleep, little tommy Johnson never spoke again, his last sound being the shouts at the old man to stop evicerating our friend. Years later they found several corpses buried in the brown's pasturesand it became apparent that Billy wasn't the first or the last child that the farmer had murdered. whenever I bite into an apple these memories come flooding back, haunting me and forcing me to relive the terror yet again.

the apple I have now is from stop and shop, it was $.79 and has a nice heft to it as I raise it to my mouth. tasty but not too sweet I give this apple a 8/10 on my fruit scale which means I would recommend it.


thank you heather papps for this historically great sig!
thank you deep dish peat moss for preparing me for The War with dope rhymes!

Prof. Crocodile



fun fruit fact: bananas be berries.


thank you heather papps for this historically great sig!
thank you deep dish peat moss for preparing me for The War with dope rhymes!

Milde



oh look it’s the “alliteration” “alligator”

Teddy Thunders

PHANTOM QUEEN



Luvcow posted:

I remember as a small child when my neighbor, billy atton, fell from old Mr. brown's apple tree. we'd been stealing apples, as we often did during those halcyon days of our youth, and then eating them behind his barn where years later I'd have my first kiss with molly boehler. from inside the barn we'd hear the hems and jaws of the milk donkeys intermittently broken by the crunching of the crisp McIntosh apples we'd just pilfered, and as the juice dropped down our faces we'd chuckle at our shenanigans feeling like we were tiny robin hoods and will Scarlett's liberating treasures from the wicked king Jon. it was that day that billy fell, his arm torn open by his tibia, blood soaking into the lush green grass beneath him, that I grew to fear farmers and their wrath, as he lay shrieking in pain and terror old farmer brown came racing from his house with a pitchfork and chased us off, and then viciously stabbed poor Billy over and over again until he was spread about the field like shredded pork. we ran home and cried ourselves to sleep, little tommy Johnson never spoke again, his last sound being the shouts at the old man to stop evicerating our friend. Years later they found several corpses buried in the brown's pasturesand it became apparent that Billy wasn't the first or the last child that the farmer had murdered. whenever I bite into an apple these memories come flooding back, haunting me and forcing me to relive the terror yet again.

the apple I have now is from stop and shop, it was $.79 and has a nice heft to it as I raise it to my mouth. tasty but not too sweet I give this apple a 8/10 on my fruit scale which means I would recommend it.

beer pal



if you recall, reader, my banana review of yesterday, jan. 5, you'll know i predicted today's banana would be of optimal ripeness. I'm glad to day my prediction was accurate. The texture was still quite firm and the flavour heightened. an early contender for banana of the year.

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

Teddy Thunders

PHANTOM QUEEN



beer pal posted:

if you recall, reader, my banana review of yesterday, jan. 5, you'll know i predicted today's banana would be of optimal ripeness. I'm glad to day my prediction was accurate. The texture was still quite firm and the flavour heightened. an early contender for banana of the year.

Holy frick, can you describe the experience of biting into the banana please

beer pal



ok I'll do my best. Imagine, if you will, that you're biting into an optimally ripe banana. it was very much like that.

https://i.imgur.com/xQxnooW.png

Heather Papps


hello internet friend




beer pal posted:

ok I'll do my best. Imagine, if you will, that you're biting into an optimally ripe banana. it was very much like that.

i can taste it


tyvm hbag

Prof. Crocodile



beer pal posted:

ok I'll do my best. Imagine, if you will, that you're biting into an optimally ripe banana. it was very much like that.


thank you heather papps for this historically great sig!
thank you deep dish peat moss for preparing me for The War with dope rhymes!

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RickRogers

Woh, is that a thing I like??


Please review kumquats, never personally had one, thanxs

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