beer pal's fruit review

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > beer pal's fruit review

cruft

RickRogers posted:

Please review kumquats, never personally had one, thanxs

Straight talk, if you're a fan of sour candy but wish it squirted when you bite it, you should def. try a kumquat.

Pro tip: don't peel it like a noob. Just toss it in your mouth and bite down. Keep chewing or you'll regret it.

# ¿ Jan 8, 2021 00:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 01:56

cruft

beer pal posted:

i've just had my second ever mango. The first one i ate (this would be at least a year ago) was severely underripe, not a great experience. This time, I let it ripen for several days on the counter, to the point it had a fair amount of give. as it turns out, this was still not ripe enough. it was fairly bland - hardly any sweetness - not much flavour at all aside from a bit of a floral note. It's also a fairly large fruit to eat in one sitting, and relatively labour-intensive. Maybe sometime soon I'll get another mango and let it ripen much further. it could be a problem of buying mangos in winter, far from the equator, maybe you just cant get good mangos here. more experimentation is needed before i can come down firmly on mangos.

You know what's in season right now?

Kumquats.

You heard it here first.

# ¿ Jan 9, 2021 23:39

cruft

RickRogers posted:

I think manhoes like to be put in a bag and left out with a banana to get really ripe.

What about womanhoes?

:rimshot:

# ¿ Jan 9, 2021 23:44

cruft

RickRogers posted:

Well,

oh my god they are so dull but look great and have a cool name, so the fruit platter has to have them I guess

It took me a couple reads before I understood you weren't talking about tangerines here.

I was getting ready to fight you.

# ¿ Jan 9, 2021 23:53

cruft

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

you gotta keep a mango in the fridge it gets soft on the outside slower and doesn�t go bad. I�ve found it takes like a month or so but they get perfect

Mangoes sound like a pretty needy fruit. We don't get them easily where I live, and this thread has convinced me that's okay.

# ¿ Jan 10, 2021 00:04

cruft

Heather Papps posted:

if you consider a cherry a fruit i'd love to hear your thoughts on them
e: directed to beer pal but you know what i'm going to open this question up to everyone

Cherries are pretty good, but if you eat too many of them it messes with your poopin'.

# ¿ Jan 10, 2021 00:05

cruft

Heather Papps posted:

i just hope this weeks bunch is as good as last weeks (bananas)

More banana jokes please

# ¿ Jan 11, 2021 21:39

cruft

RickRogers posted:

They are just so appealing

Keep them Kuming (quats)

# ¿ Jan 11, 2021 21:57

cruft

Kief Richards posted:

I prefer an Anjou or the Korean pears I grew up eating, but I can respect a Bartlett.

Please tell us about Korean pears

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 04:49

cruft

Kief Richards posted:

I'll light a candle and say an extra pear for it.

I don't want to quince words here, Kief Richards: there are clearly stated thread rules about puns. You don't want Beer Pal to get you banned over this lemon of a post, do you?

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 18:38

cruft

beer pal posted:

[after spending 45 minutes and $45 to separate 12 seeds from the 45 pounds of pith] mm tastes like watered down water this is good to me

*writing in BYOB dossier* Beer Pal prefers full-strength water

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 20:27

cruft

RickRogers posted:

Spank it with a spoon! Rough it up a little!

A little racy for the fruit thread IMO.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2021 21:48

cruft

Prof. Crocodile posted:

All the pear talk ITT reminds me of an episode from my youth.

An old man in my hometown had a pear tree in his yard. The rowdies with whom I associated took great joy in stealing his pears, even though they were coarse in the mouth and sour on the tongue. For you see, we stole the pears not to satisfy any need or hunger, but to throw them at local hogs. Our theft was borne of sin for sin's sake, a pure sin.

Eating pear: 1/5
Pure sin of stealing pear: 5/5

As an old man in training with a fruit tree in my yard, I'm here to tell you that if you'd asked, he would probably have laughed at you and encouraged you to have as many lovely pears as you wanted.

ALTERNATE REPLY:

As an old man in training with a fruit tree in my yard, I'm here to tell you that you god damned kids stealing my pears really chaps my rear end, and I'm going to write a letter to the editor about it and call your mothers.

PICK YOUR FAVORITE

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 00:01

cruft

hey mom its 420 posted:

thanks for your honest opinion. i disagree, but choice of fruit often boils down to a personal preference. havea good day

recommend not boiling fruit

# ¿ Jan 19, 2021 20:52

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 01:56

cruft

The last two bunches of bananas we've not finished, and then wind up with two bananas that start turning black. Then one day the bananas are gone and there's a new loaf of sweet bread in their place.

Beer pal, can you help me understand what's happening here? Is this a normal process for bananas? Are gnomes involved somehow?

# ¿ Jan 29, 2021 16:27

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > beer pal's fruit review