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H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
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AnimeIsTrash posted:

where do babies come from?

there's this big goofy lookin bird that comes by and fucks your wife

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H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:

I can already easily see myself going from pre-child "it's terrible how kids these days have tablets and are just on them all the time" to "oh my god here's a screen just go watch whatever daddy's tired"

the tablets thing is whatever, the real problem is the tv

when you punish them by turning off the tv what you are actually doing is punishing yourself

when you turn on the tv to watch despicable me 3 for the 999th time you are also punishing yourself, but in a different way

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

President Beep posted:

-donít bother getting a diaper genie

yeah those proprietary bag liners are the scam there

really you just want something that takes regularass kitchen trash bags like this one

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
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Poopernickel posted:

The pregnancy was harder on my wife, and we're having trouble getting a second one to stick. The risk of birth defects is statistically higher.

this is p overblown, really it's still quite a small difference

the larger concern is diminishing fertility and complications with the pregnancy itself (like pre-eclampsia), but even still it's a sliding scale and the language and definitions around "advanced maternal age" ie giving birth after 35 is p outdated

unless you're like pushing 50 or diabetic i wouldn't worry about it too much

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
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shoeberto posted:

Oh I guess there's one thing. How much does it suck to have a young kid when you don't have much of a local support network? We live far from family and our friend group is pretty small atm.

we live on the opposite side of the country from both of our families and it would've been p rough without paid maternity and paternity leave (thanks california). between that and her shockingly permissive residency program hoverwife was able to take off 14 weeks paid, while i got 6

also my mother in law flew over for those first two weeks, which are p rough because babby isn't on a day-night schedule yet and whatnot. but after that we v specifically didn't have the grandmas start staying over until hoverwife went back to work, then they did alternating shifts of like two weeks or so - this allowed us to not start (paying for) daycare until nearly 6 months old. and buddy, newborn daycare is not cheap


still, this was nothing compared to childe #2 away from family - you can't exactly have a toddler in the delivery room, for starters

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
when they're really little the force of their poops can explode out of the diaper in what's commonly called a "blowout"

in my experience it usually rockets up their back

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

i dont know anything about raising kids, but it seems easy.

the main thing to remember is that according to the internet having a daughter makes you a cuck

sorry, i don't make the rules

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

President Beep posted:

he will appear and change three diapers of your choosing

the blackface and turban with a big jewel in it is really offputting tho

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

CyberPingu posted:

We actually ended up buying reusable cloth nappies.

We still need to use disposables over night as we couldn't find any cloth ones that didn't either leak or hurt him.

did y'all also do a diaper service where they come and swap them out on your doorstep? i'm told that's a popular pairing

then again i also have heard that from people who suggest getting a night nurse for that first month or three

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
well the diaper service, at least here in freedomland, is typically aimed at people who rent and don't have in-unit washing machines. it's like a weekly thing, they drop off fresh ones and you bag up the dirties for them. can actually make sense compared to disposables in that situation, particularly for the time/labor savings - not expensive at all after the initial commitment from what i understand

definitely not exclusively a rich person thing. otoh a night nurse is someone who isn't strictly a live-in nanny, just someone who comes in and takes over whenever you need to sleep. that poo poo's like $400/night lol, lotta hoverwife's coworkers recommended it for those first two weeks but that's solidly a rich person thing

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
definitely be careful with tea tree oil, newborns have p sensitive skin and that stuff is tough on them

like even if you're all minimalist about baths and whatnot you've still gotta be real careful if you don't wanna induce eczema and other allergic reactions, they have weirdly sensitive skin for that first year. daily lotion is the standard really - it's funny, we started referring to it as "buttering the baby" and apparently that's a super common term haha

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
just greasing that babby up like it's a big ball of dough slapping between my hands

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

evil_bunnY posted:

This is not why most people shouldn't have kids in their 20s tho

i could barely afford to keep just myself alive in my 20s lol

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
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Arcteryx Anarchist posted:

i swear a lot explicitly because my parents punished me for it as a child

the high comedy my 3 year old came home with the other day is waving your rear end at someone and saying "myyyyyyy boooooootyyyyyyyyy"

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

Arcteryx Anarchist posted:

I wasn't even allowed to say "shut up" as a child

lol i would've had my rear end slapped clean off if i dared to say that to my mom

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

rotor posted:

enjoy your visit from CPS

we live a block from an elementary school and have enough elderly people around here that i wonder how often CPS gets called for unaccompanied small children walking to school or playing in the parks

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
you just find a lady and squeeze your eggs out into her it's not really expensive

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
all my ancestors who would be mad about me diluting our bloodline with japaneseness are dead lol

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
i done seent it, paw

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde


my 1 year old babby absolutely loves rugrats

my 3 year old hates it "does not like it, a lot-ly"

H.P. Hovercraft fucked around with this message at 10:00 on Feb 13, 2021

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

KOTEX GOD OF BLOOD posted:

as my friends start having kids ive been increasingly appreciating how certain things in my life would straight up not be happening with kids around

quiet glass of scotch with partner at 6pm? nope
decide to take day off, sleep till 11? lol
sunset run in the forest? no you're supposed to pick up jimmy from soccer!!!

drink scotch after the kids' bedtime

take turns with your partner for getting up the kids on your days off. also that's what having the grandparents stay over is for

go run during naptime instead. or have your partner cover for you if that's your job, if childcare-related errands require both parents to accomplish simultaneously, you're probably loving up

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
mostly what you can't really do as a parent anymore is play video games that require large blocks of undivided attention or have a multiplayer component

or like go out with your partner to the movies or barhopping or to parties or whatever


but really you'll be too tired to do any of that stuff anyway lol

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
my 3 year old simply does not understand why she can't feed the dog whenever she wants, multiple times a day

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
if you don't teach your kids how to properly load a dishwasher or correctly operate a washing machine you are for sure loving up

good habits like this can only really be adopted via repetition, but my understanding is that doing so isn't exactly a labor-saving endeavor for the parents

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

Gentle Autist posted:

my wife is massively the product of never having done chores growing up

I've had to teach her how to do things like cook, hitch a trailer, check oil, clean an oven, mow a lawn etc

she is annoyed that she has to learn this poo poo too. but we still, after 15 years, still have moments where I can't believe she has never done some random life-thing

i used to live with a couple friends in a duplex shotgun house that didn't have laundry, so everyone in our household had to hit up a nearby laundromat

as the only person with an office job, i had a different schedule than the other two who were waitresses

one weekend we were all off and went and all did our laundry together, and i learned how these two women, one of which i'd known since highschool, had never actually learned how to use laundry detergent or like really do laundry in general. they'd just been winging it

all dumping an entire, up to the rim, capful of detergent into the machine after indiscriminately cramming as many clothes and towels into the thing as it would fit


when we got back i ended up winning a bet because i was able to make a pair of jeans washed in this way suds up by running it under the sink and rubbing at it lol

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

TimWinter posted:

My first "getting taken to task by your kids" story was when we were forcing coats on my daughter to go outside in some brisk new england autumn weather, and she went from "I don't want to" to "let's try it without a coat".

gently caress you little girl, you're absolutely mature enough at three years old to experience the consequences of 55-60 degree weather for 5 minutes, that doesn't mean I'm ok with you haggling me down to a reasonable position over putting your coat on to go get the mail.

my 3 year old has started matter-of-factly telling us that she doesn't need to do certain things, like wiping or washing her hands

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

rotor posted:

when my kids forget to do something I told them to do i say "that wasn't very cash money of you" and they hate it

lol

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

shoeberto posted:

Really looking forward to more cum stories being exchanged itt. Cum swap thread!!!!

filling women up with cum, but in a wholesome way, itt

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

bicycle posted:

where do you put the dick

like snaking a drain

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
a few months ago we got a toddler kitchen stool, like this



for the 3 year old since she wants to "help" me cook food and prep meals and generally wants to be up at the counter

well the 1 year old is getting into being envious of her sister doing things and wants to copy her and stuff and has now newly taught herself to climb up into this thing, so countdown until her ridiculously top-heavy body falls out of it i guess


so far i've been able to trick her into thinking she can't climb up into it by draping a towel over the front lol

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
we got this kidwerks stool because the platform is adjustable

note that for the top round "removable safety rod" you'll want to screw that into place so it doesn't spin and move around or pop out (or just take it off entirely)

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

Bloody posted:

horrifying to imagine people in this forums reproducing

i was posting from the delivery room both times lol

had to induce both times so it was a multi-day process

first time i fainted when things started to kick off

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

rotor posted:

my boss has a 3 year old and a 6 year old and i literally cannot imagine how hard that has been over the last year

if i tell my boss, who has a stay at home wife, that our daycare is closed for the day he makes me miss work

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

rotor posted:

iirc the daycare i sent my kids to was $1400 a month and it wasn't even particularly nice

we were paying $2k for an infant in a completely middle of the road place in west san jose a couple years ago

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
the best sign language to teach your preverbal toddler are the signs for "more" and "done"

i used to be down on it but it's actually come in handy for mealtimes esp after coming home from daycare for the day

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

Fart Sandwiches posted:

I'm always amazed at how smart these lil people are. The other day i dropped somthing and said "oh gently caress" and I swear i heard a real mumbled unarticulated "oh gently caress" from behind me

my 1 year old is juuuuuust about to come up on the "language explosion" but she's been mimicking sounds for awhile now, the funniest is when she'll grab her little coat and just start murmuring "shoosh shoosh shoosh" (shoes) because she wants to go outside

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
so it's like streaming?

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
we do around an hour or so of tv after daycare, which is highly, highly contingent on no tantrums, esp tantrums arising from bathtime/turning the tv off


i was disturbed the other day when i had just wrestled the 1 year old into the high chair for her dinner and the 3 year old requested "some tee bee dee" and when it was switched on the 1 year old started clapping and got all excited about it

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H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
my now 1 year old was almost exclusively changed and dressed and bathed and brought outside and basically everything beyond holding and nursing by me for her first 4ish months of life because my wife broke both her legs at work when she was 7 months pregnant, and at the time we lived in a place with stairs (all the tubs and bedrooms were upstairs there)

but now that she can walk again and still feed her directly from her body guess who is the favored parent


otoh thanks to that time her older sister still rates me as the Master of Bedtime whose unquestioned authority is spake unto her from the lord. somehow i occupy both this position and the "fun parent" slot, so idk, kid brains are weird

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