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Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


I'm doing parenting with cheat mode on because my wife is doing like all the night feeding while I sleep with earplugs in. babby is pretty chill though so far.

otoh she is on maternity leave and I'm working posting full time and doing all the shopping and cooking so maybe we're even somehow

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Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


I can already easily see myself going from pre-child "it's terrible how kids these days have tablets and are just on them all the time" to "oh my god here's a screen just go watch whatever daddy's tired"

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Poopernickel posted:


I just wish I hadn't waited until I was in my mid thirties to do it

what's up mid 30s dad? actually it's good because my friends had them a couple of years in advance so a) we got to extend our 20s into our 30s with respect to irresponsible levels of drinking and b) we've been given poo poo loads of baby clothes and useful stuff, like who knew babies need a special bath? Not this guy!

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


President Beep posted:

unironically love being a dad but hoo boy do i enjoy the quiet times.

I said to my wife yesterday "now I know why people have those" home office" buildings at the end of the garden, it's so they can go there and conveniently pretend they cant hear their name being called to help"

a friend has 2 boys (ages uhhhh idk 5 and 3 maybe?) and has just had twin boys on top of that. can you even imagine?

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


it is astonishing how much these things poop jfc

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


H.P. Hovercraft posted:

when they're really little the force of their poops can explode out of the diaper in what's commonly called a "blowout"

in my experience it usually rockets up their back

this happened twice in a day over the weekend, I kind of want to say "what have you been eating???" but I know what she's been eating and it still doesn't make sense

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


CyberPingu posted:

That doesn't exist in the UK afaik, we just washed them ourselves

It does but the coverage is quite low even in London and gently caress storing a load of poopy cloth and then putting it in the washing machine. we got some 100% bamboo nappies which are quite good and assuage some of the guilt about the rubbish produced.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


I'm not sure I remember my 20s,early or late, probably because a lot of stuff was just the same so there's not much of a range of stuff to remember

also I was drunk a lot of the time. Or more than I am now anyway, because I was getting paid pretty well, had very little in the way of actual responsibility and had friends in a similar situation

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


I grew up in the countryside in a tiny village so past the age of maybe 8 was allowed to just do whatever and roam around the place on my bike, not that there was really anywhere to go. I am kind of surprised I didn't get run over given then combination of twisty roads, erratic cycling and poor understanding of my own limitations but I survived.

anyway, I can already see it would be difficult for babby to have the same freedom and feel bad about it, but otoh she'll have more contact with other kids and more of a family support network just by virtue of population density so its all a trade off. Also gently caress living in the middle of nowhere again.

Then she can grow up and go "I hate the city I want to move to the country" and the wheel turns again.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


my stepdads beer posted:

is anyone thinking of 'apprenticing' their kids into touching computer

I'm definitely going to try and prevent them doing any poo poo under their real name and try and educate on how stuff you do online is around forever etc.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


rugrats was a trip and those twins were and are creepy

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


President Beep posted:

turn your dual monitors on

a fuckin' double kill

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Well the good news for me is I can't do any of that stuff right now anyway because of covid, but I 100% can drink once everyone else is in bed and I will eventually finish Cyberpunk (I've actually been at the end for like a month but just pissing around "solving" crimes)

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


mini two hander has hit the "no sleep, only screaming" phase and it loving suucccckks and i am absolutely not set up for this.

BangersInMyKnickers posted:

eyyyy we got implantation this month, hopefully it sticks this time

good luck!

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


that's really hard. My wife was saying that in talking to friends a few had similar stories that they'd never really spoken about before because it just wasn't something you did, but that is now changing I think.

President Beep posted:

let alone the conception part!

lol, savage beep

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


mini two hander has learned to roll, now we're hosed lol

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


babby status is currently "no sleep for more than an hour at a time thanks" and also "father is dead to me, if he holds me I will only scream as he reminds me of my own mortality"

so that's not great

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


yeah seriously that's insane how the hell did you manage to keep it together? I'd have had a breakdown

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


they better fuckin sedate you if you're left after that happens christ

I know someone that had the "said she could still feel after the epi" and was told "nah you're fine" by a junior and then had a c section and nope, she was right and she could feel it

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


got woken up with a cry of "ohhh nooooo" and mini two hander had fired a shotgun blast of poop at the very instant her nappy was undone and it was splattered up the wall, on the carpet, everywhere


happy easter?

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Solus M.D. posted:

we are currently experiencing baby creep, the only places in the house without baby toys/play area right now are the office and kitchen

it’s only the beginning

same except there's a chair thing in the kitchen

she looks like she's working at a desk when she's in it it's hilarious.

also rolling is so last week, this week is all about grabbing your own feet.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


babby is going swimming at the weekend so gently caress knows what sort of disgusting disease I'm gonna get from taking her to that

actually poo poo I just realised I might not be able to take her because the bottom of my big toe literally cracked open on Sunday and that's probably not the sort of thing you're supposed to get in a pool with.. Hmmm.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


I mean I had to sing hymns every day at school and go on trips to church like 5 times a year because that's what you did and because there was zero reinforcement of that from my parents it was never more than "that thing you have to do".

Then when I was older I was like "hey, what was all that poo poo do people actually believe this lol?"

I'd be more worried about them being an edgelord atheist tbh

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


President Beep posted:

oldest son just fell out of his bed (he’s fine) so after a mad dash into his room to investigate the loud thump
and subsequent crying i’m all :sludgepal:

when i was 6 ish I rolled out of the top bunk when staying at a family friends house and fell down into the gap between a dresser and the metal bed.

didn't even wake up and my parents were like "wtf" when they came into the room later

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


bobbilljim posted:

i forgot what cardinality means. i have an engineering degree

oh my god same

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


the worst for me was statistics and anything involving Taylor series. I wasn't the only one either, I remember sitting in engineering maths lectures and the Prof would go "so how do we solve this? It must be a series expansion" and this big groan would go up.

i guess I have at least 10 years until mini two hander is gonna start doing calculus so by then I'll be totally brain dead I'm sure. Then again neither of my parents were any use with it either.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


echinopsis posted:

I live a life of regret that I didn’t do engineering

tbf I didn’t even know what engineering was when I was that age .


I will never regret studying engineering but I will tell any child (mine or otherwise) that actually studying engineering is nothing like what you think engineering will be and they literally lure you in with "look at this cool stuff we do!" and then lol pranked it's actually 4 years of "maths with better examples"

I remember my younger sister had a friend that wanted to study mecheng at iirc Cambridge (which had a famously brutally hard course) and asked me about it as I was at one of the top "not Cambridge or Oxford" uni's and I said "whatever you do, do not study engineering there, you will hate it because this poo poo is bad enough as it is and they are way more intense on maths maths maths" and she ignored me and dropped out after the first year as she was sick of 24/5 maths with nothing else and no free time. At least I got to spend a minimum of 4/7 days drunk.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


echinopsis posted:

I don't doubt any of this and I know jobs aren't like they seem.


but I like science and maths and getting paid well.

oh and solving puzzles.

my job is often not puzzle solving but instead just executing best practices. lame

I get you on this completely and honestly that's why I went from initially "yeah I guess I might as well get a job touching computers" to "I am actually good at touching computers and want to touch them more" because of the puzzle solving type aspect. I think I even said something like that in my first computer touching interview.

The problem is the other 75% of the job that's boring bullshit so looks like I was pranked again.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


rotor posted:

more wine for you imo

hell yes it is

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


just lol if you don't have 1000+ hex keys at this point from all the flat pack furniture you've put together. pretty sure it's prep work for parenting.

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Gentle Autist posted:

you gotta be careful with that tho cos ikea furniture is literally made of cardboard and if you over torque poo poo can get crumbly

yeah and sometimes it's mixed between parts. the cotbed (another thing I didn't know existed) was actually pretty solid except for the drawer under it which was clearly a part used in their super budget range and was v. Cheap.

even the main parts of it that were more sturdy had dire warning about not over torquing the bolts

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


shoeberto posted:

Wife was pausing BC due to some obgyn stuff she had been dealing with, then a condom broke (literally this has never happened to me), and then the morning after pill apparently did not take.

That's all quite the coincidence, congrats on your incipient "father of the antichrist" title


congrats for real though

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


H.P. Hovercraft posted:

third trimester they can show with video ultrasound that if you play sounds against the abdomen you can scare a fetus and make them cry

but since they're immersed in fluid and all it's just silent screaming

we went to the cinema to see tenet at maybe 5 months and like 1 min in when the explosions started the baby was like "woah what in the gently caress?" and started leaping around so yep, left that one.

actually I stayed because my wife said there was no point wasting two tickets but I got fined twice for driving through a low traffic zone that had been added since I last went that way so that probably averaged out karmicly

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


H.P. Hovercraft posted:

i'm somewhat dreading the "why" phase

when my niece was deep in it recently, my mom was over there facetiming with us, and my niece asked what time it was

my mom turns away and says "11:15" or whatever. before she's even done speaking, i hear "WHY"

I've been prepping my wife for this by asking stupid "why questions" myself. like we'll be driving along and I'll go "why are some road signs blue and others green?"

she ignores me

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


H.P. Hovercraft posted:

green are directional guidance road signs like street names while blue are simple guide signs like "hospital ahead"

thanks dad

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


abigserve posted:

We gotta move these, refrigerators
We gotta move these color TVs

*Nodding head while sipping long neck*

That little f...oh whoops can't say that anymore hey. Back before you popped out it was normal to say. Great song though, even though this part isn't exactly "PC"


lol my dad did this exact thing like a month ago

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


MrQueasy posted:

Congratz! Welcome to the [awesome/terrible] club!

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


there's no joining fee but the monthly fee is punishing

Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


shoeberto posted:

Admission fee is really more of a deposit.

spermjacked again

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Powerful Two-Hander
Mar 10, 2004

Mods please change my name to "Tooter Skeleton" TIA.


Man that poo poo is terrifying. We just had a little bit of jaundice (as a treat) and that was bad enough. A friend had a full on "suddenly chokes and stops breathing in the middle of the night" on like day 2 because the airways weren't properly clear on account of being born super quickly and I would probably just panic and freeze.

anyway the cat has just managed to divide and rule us and get twice the number of treats which bodes poorly for future "present a united front" parenting

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