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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

there's this big goofy lookin bird that comes by and fucks your wife

I didn't say she was crazy I said she was loving goofy

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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
parenting is like small shrunken grapes because its literally just raisin kids

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
once my kids were fighting over a bath mat..

so as a solution, I got from the cupboard a second, identical bathmat, and gave it to them so they could have one each.

I was shocked when both lost interest in having exclusive access to the bath mat

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Truman Peyote posted:

I don't understand how to interact with kids, am I destined to be a terrible father

well your kids wonít know how to interact with you but youíll both have years and years and years to get better at it

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Gentle Autist posted:

i have kids op

i parent them, in partnership with their mother, my wife

hth

same

except their mother, my wife, is more like an ex wife.

her last boyf was 16 years younger than her. it didnít work out lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
raising babies isnít hard. itís hard work but not hard. and some kids obv harder than others but pretty much anyone with the right attitude will be fine

itís when you need to really start being a role model, that itís a challenge, coz all the lessons in the world wonít change that your children largely learn from what you do more so than what you say, how you treat them and others. and this is the part where self sacrifice really kicks in, because itís one thing to sacrifice sleep etc, but that doesnít have to change who you are.. but if you see things in yourself you donít respect and donít want your kids to have, you have to actually do the hard work and change.

itís good tho.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

i dont know anything about raising kids, but it seems easy.

it is mate


billions done it not even that long ago

eskimoís did it in conditions none of us could survive in and they only had dead animals to live off

or the desert

or syria

or a million places more hostile than a modern insulated home

with less food etc


if anything we need to make it harder , get back to our roots

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Arcteryx Anarchist posted:

I mean tbh if my wifeís coworkers are a good sample than going off how easy/laid back the average dad seems may be a bit off-base/dysfunctional

idk what youíre trying to say here

but paranoid parents create a vibe where non paranoid parents are effectively bad parents for ďnot caringĒ.. I just donít like to live my life in fear lol. some people love it.

shoeberto posted:

I'm hoping that having an extra decade of life experience compared to when my parents had us will help with that. Because there is a lot of stuff I'm realizing I picked up from my parents that fuuuucked me up.

having the right attitude is the key, youíre never too young to change and grow, and having kids shines a light on yourself.

the problem is when people say ďthis is just who I amĒ, and basically carry on cycles of abuse or disseminating anxiety as if itís reasonable etc.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Arcteryx Anarchist posted:

someone talking about there not being that much to parenting because a friend that's a parent was super active in a group text might just mean more that they're kind of riding high on the old "second shift" horse

also relating to my wife's coworkers experiences of needing familiar/professional childcare support regularly because their spouses/partners can't really be bothered for providing more than like a couple hours of gap coverage -- dad's there for the fun times not for everything else

aah yep. those dads are lame. at least dads of yore were absent because they were earning coin not playing video games. some mumís are like that too itís just less common and much more acceptable.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
no matter how much you want to save your kids and have them learn from your mistakes, it really seems like theyíre desperate to make their own mistakes



hopefully just not involving fast motor vehicles or naughty drugs

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

AnimeIsTrash posted:

I'm spending my late 20s buying stupid poo poo I don't need much to the dismay of my partner/friends/family. Like the dude who used his stimulus check to buy a master chief suit.

material possessions - the little known one true source of contentment

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
do you guys constantly correct your kids bad use of english?

some people say that itís classism to judge people
poorly due to poor english skills, and perhaps thatís true, but that is a different issue, and is no reason not
to encourage high standards in your children english. at least imo.

also politeness. people often tell me my kids are polite, but itís nothing special, I just guess the overall standards out there are low? anyway I like to think other parents and teachers etc are more welcoming to kids that are politeness and show appreciation.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
slang isnít poor english itís just coping with the modern world

bad english is ďhow much apples can I have?Ē

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

hobbesmaster posted:

what age are they? because replying ďI donít know, can you?Ē to a teenager when they ask if they can do something versus correcting a toddlerís words into a complete sentence are very different.

yeah Iíve always thought that one was pedantic

sometimes people say stuff thatís aggressively wrong, used to work with a girl who would say ďI seen those people go into a shopĒ and it was horrible and she was also stubborn and hated change so nothing was gonna work there lol

rotor posted:

my kids dont really have a problem with bad grammar and idk if it's really a thing but i chalk this up to never babytalking at them when they were toddlers

my ex wife still talks to them like theyíre not peers, not so much sentence structure but just her tone. itís weird.

Arcteryx Anarchist posted:

i swear a lot explicitly because my parents punished me for it as a child

I told my kids theyíre allowed to swear once a day 😂 in reality, being able to control your language depending on the company is extremely important, when youíve got literal blue collar workers swearing constantly in the line at the pharmacy around all sorts of people including older ladies* you know they lack the ability to hold back when it matters


*not that I have some kind of illusion, old ladies probably saw the end of the war and probably put up with a lot of domestic abuse etc, I doubt swearing is going to shock them, but thereís something to be said about respect I am sure.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

President Beep posted:

iíve mentioned before, possibly in this very thread, that we donít make a big deal out of it when our seven year old swears. consequently, he hardly ever does it.

my 9 year old hates swearing and tells me off lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Achmed Jones posted:

ahh yes, in the line at the pharmacy. truly the one place one should never utter a cuss

:rolleyes: itís just a good example of a general public place where acting in a manner thatís respectful of everyone around them is considered polite. weird that you kind of made it seem like it was unreasonable or something.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
what I find interesting about my kids socialising is that the demise of the family phone has meant kids barely ever call up each other, even now they have their own private phones

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
young mother i work with is a paranoid and she argues that itís coz everyone keeps their kids indoors that less kidnapping happens


she loves to live in fear tho

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
old people love to bemoan how the world has changed since their day but also basque in the freedom today gives them to be a massive pain in the rear end


all of the people who left messages on the pharmacy message machine over xmas were old people who back in their day wouldnít have had access to anything. itís plain hipocrisy

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
im probably more liberal with my kids than most parents. I just don't embrace paranoia. if you've taken reasonable precautions, then what's the problem? sometimes hosed up poo poo happens in the world, but most of the time it doesn't, and yolo

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
iím watching spider man 3 with my kids and thereís a pork roasting in the oven

since iím worthless I have not organised anything else for dinner.. well we started with garlic bread but nothing else

garlic bread and roast pork for dinner

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Stringent posted:

you don't have any kind of vegetable in the fridge? even just an onion or a carrot will give you some options.

eh the meat was taking ages* to cook so they ate a carrot waiting around lol

i donít normally let my pathetic nature leave the meal
so mono coloured

*the meat thermometer let me down.. it ended up over cooked and a bit dry! fucker

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
good poo poo


one thing i wish i had done more and still wish i would do is even just a small touch of journaling.

a couple of times i did, and i look back and itís like wow we did some cool things that day? but most other days? probably cool but also forgot

photos and videos and stuff are precious

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

BangersInMyKnickers posted:

miscarried over the weekend so I guess we're back to trying. what a kick in the teeth

mate .. sorry to hear it . 😔

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
nah itís your own kids you donít treat them like a coworker you want a good relationship with, youíre not subtly guiding them down a path.

leading by example is paramount, but not sufficient.

for example, I donít just correct them, I inform them of the importance (classism exists whether they like it or not), but also tell them not to judge other people at the same time.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
Iíve worked with a few people who would say ďI seen this personĒ, and yeah it immediately makes people think their education was worse than someone elseís.

itís like table manners or manners in general, politeness etc.

itís basically about having standards and trying to keep them high. not much is lost by keeping them high but a lot may not be gained if they werenít there
in the first place 🤷‍♂️

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

President Beep posted:


itís like people flipping out over something like a little boy wearing a dress. what does it really matter?

i don disagree necessarily, out of all the things itís very low down the list, but whatís worth considering is how others will view that kind of thing. whether or not itís right.

so I take somewhat of a pragmatic point of view, that itís such a small thing thatís easy to change, but a future employer or something may judge it if it was wrong etc

plus I also asked the boys yesterday and they told me it wasnít a big deal to be corrected and that it helped them understand subtle differences if pointed out and that theyíd rather be correct. lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

President Beep posted:

if either of my kids come out as gay or trans, etc. it wonít make any difference to me wrt our relationship. what I truly worry about is how the world would treat them.

yeah for sure

part of raising kids is awareness of the lovely world and itís unfair rules, and helping them navigate it all hopefully ethically but not naively

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
i thought it was gender non-specific lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

mostly what you can't really do as a parent anymore is drugs

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
also, parenting toddlers is very different from 9+

my son asked me who pablo escobar is lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Stringent posted:

my little one is about to turn 6 and i keep telling myself, just one more year, just one more year.

at least until teenage years i reckon it just keeps getting better. conversations are more interesting, watching them get their own personalities and tastes. also more independence and can do more things for themselves. itís good



the one universal recommendation is get your kids doing chores early. they wonít begrudge it so much if itís just normal and sets them up for adult life. me? iím loving useless

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

rotor posted:

my wife fights me on this so hard and i will go to my grave never understanding it

what side are you on?


the reason I value it, is because I am the direct result of the opposite of it, and when I see people who did chores, I am jealous. people who aren't lazy pieces of poo poo who get poo poo done

me? a lazy piece of poo poo who only gets the minimum done. its simply quite difficult to change a person who likes being lazy into a person who gets poo poo done, and raising kids to be people that get poo poo done, you protect them from this curse



I spend half my life being lazy and the other half hating myself for never getting anything done. I hope for more for my kids tbh

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

if you don't teach your kids how to properly load a dishwasher or correctly operate a washing machine you are for sure loving up

good habits like this can only really be adopted via repetition, but my understanding is that doing so isn't exactly a labor-saving endeavor for the parents

its almost like tho what you're trying to teach them is the habit of doing things that aren't just what they feel like doing.

kids will naturally just thoughtlessly do what they want. you have to teach them, for example, to look around the room they are in, identify rubbish, and then pick it up and put it away.

the lesson isnt the rubbish. the lesson is getting them to simply stop, observe, and think about what might need to be done.





Stringent posted:

teaching the kids to help with stuff is at least three times the work of doing it yourself, and once they learn how to do it they get bored with it and getting them up to do it is about twice the work of just doing it yourself.

it's still worth doing, but i definitely can't stick to having them do stuff all the time.
its more work for sure but idk about the whole effort making them do it thing.

honestly I think theres a thing where kids copy what they see, for sure. and some parents talk to their kids in a respectful tone always (me), and sometimes parents talk to their kids in disrespectful ways (my gf), and you'll never guess which one of us has kids that dont talk back, and generally do what is asked of them.



Gentle Autist posted:

my wife is massively the product of never having done chores growing up

I've had to teach her how to do things like cook, hitch a trailer, check oil, clean an oven, mow a lawn etc

she is annoyed that she has to learn this poo poo too. but we still, after 15 years, still have moments where I can't believe she has never done some random life-thing

intersting. see I know how to do most things, and in an ironic turn of events, when I got married, my wife said "im not going to be your mother", so I had to learn how to cook and clean and other things that traditionalyl women would have done. of course, as attempts at correcting for sexism often go, my wife never had any problem leaving me to be the only one who knew how to do traditionally man things, so when we separated I left with the full toolkit of skills, whereas she didn't.

but that is still different from being raised with a kind of mentality that life requires effort. when it was the weekend my mum was like "just do whatever you want", and so the most important skill I never got was getting poo poo done. my gf on the other hand is a hard worker and even when she has time off she struggles to slow down. no side is perfect, but I would trade in my ability to relax for the skill to get anything done.

i hate my job so much.. so why the gently caress dont i spend any time looking for a new one? piece of poo poo thats why

I am mega in debt and have countless things around the house to sell so why dont I? piece of poo poo
I pay $400 a month in credit card interest and yet still havent transferred the debt to a no interest card with a different bank.. why? you guessed it I am human dogshit of a person.

my gf says "dont be so hard on yourself", but she cant see inside my brain to see why i am so deserved of self ridicule

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
lol

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
thatís mega self ownage


itís meant to go like this

first gen : has to do loads of chores as kids. hated it so wants to save child from chores so does chores for child

next gen : doesnít do chores as kid, but works out this was bad, so makes kids do loads of chores so they donít end up the same


rinse repeat

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
another widely employed approach.. do the job yourself, but making it absolutely clear to the child that theyíre ungrateful shits and that you already work two jobs and have to clean up after them, and that itís a massive burden etc etc

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Perplx posted:

i did chores as a kid and im still lazy as poo poo

i had to pick 1000 eggs and mow the 1 acre lawn with a push mower, the amount of chores my kid would have to do seems trivial now that that i'm fully urban

itís not strictly the chores and also everyone learns a bit different

the problem is allowing the kids to not be concerned at all with what needs to happen. i mean even if they only had to direct a maid to do things, at least theyíd get an idea what what needs to be done. similarly having to do the things with no idea for why

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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
lol sheís embracing the hygiene hypothesis

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