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Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

working from home


Nap Ghost

850 million -- next drawing tuesday 1/19 go go

https://www.megamillions.com/


how to spend your winnings

https://www.jamesedition.com

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Outpost22
Oct 11, 2012


Someone post the gif with the odds that you will win, you know the one

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

https://www.jamesedition.com/extraordinaire/ak47chair-gold-22k-number1-10429028

oh baby

Salt Fish
Sep 11, 2003



Cybernetic Crumb

A megamillion should be 1 million million but this prize is only 1 part in 100,000 of a mega million.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



So do they just let the jackpot ride until enough people have bought tickets to fulfill it?

STABASS
Apr 18, 2009

I'll be the rollinbout


Fun Shoe

just imagine, all those banner ads...

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


You think that's enough for me to make anime real?

fubolicious
Dec 31, 2020


Maybe the winner can go make a real MMO to play?

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002



fubolicious posted:

Maybe the winner can go make a real MMO to play?

How quickly we forget

https://www.kicktraq.com/projects/120873716/your-world/

zaepg
Dec 25, 2008



I don't want money I just want vodka

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Money can be exchanged for vodka

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

It's bulbasaur!


Thanks for the reminder

interwhat
Jul 23, 2005

it's kickin in dude

I fuckin hate that website but i cant stop clicking

Muscle Wizard
Jul 28, 2011
DONT MIND ME IF I DECIDE TO POST IN ONE OF THE THREADS I OBSESSIVELY HATE READ

sure would be nice to win all them millions. i tell you what.

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-Lwz2kniko

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







Winning such a big jackpot would probably be one of the worst things that could happen to you.

naem
May 29, 2011



Pawn 17 posted:

Winning such a big jackpot would probably be one of the worst things that could happen to you.

I mean you could live a comfortable lifestyle but all your interactions with people would be weird and fucky forever

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008

GREAT RACK



If a goon wins please send me some money.

Thanks and God bless.

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.



Buglord

I'd try to stay as anonymous as possible and move to a place where no one knew me.

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002



its all nice on rice posted:

I'd try to stay as anonymous as possible and move to a place where no one knew me.

Wrong

What you do is at the press conference announce that you, like all previous lottery winners before you, are from the far future where earth is a utopian paradise and you are being sent back in time to the present day as punishment for a crime.

Halloween Liker
Oct 31, 2020



quote:

Lottery Winners

Strangely enough, winning millions in the lottery can be the worst thing that ever happened to you. The money can strain relationships with your spouse and relatives. It can turn your friends and neighbors into leeches. It can ruin your privacy. It can cause security problems, threaten your physical safety. Paradoxically, it can lead you down the road to bankruptcy.

And, of course, it can also turn you into a raging rear end in a top hat.


Tips for the Latest Instant Millionaire

[Bear in mind that none of us is a lawyer or a lottery millionaire, so these recommendations are anything but authoritative. Caveat emptor, you rich bastard.]

It's great to be rich, but fame is a bitch. So your primary mission is to claim the money without divulging your identity or having a mental breakdown. Here's how to do it:

Don't tell anyone. The single most important rule for maintaining sanity after winning the lottery is: Do everything you can to keep your precious anonymity intact. Of course that means keeping your goddamned mouth shut. Don't share the news with your friends, neighbors, coworkers, or family. Resist even the urge to tell your spouse or significant other, at least for the time being. Otherwise you will have forever blown your one chance at being anonymous. You can always spill the beans later, after all the excitement has died down.

Don't sign the ticket. After you write your name on that ticket, you might as well call up and announce the news to your local TV stations and newspapers. Remember that the state lottery commission will publicize the identity of every claimant. Toss the ticket into a clean Ziploc bag (to avoid spills, etc.) and temporarily stash it someplace away from excessive heat, sunlight, pets, children, roommates, coworkers, etc. Make sure it's someplace safe that you won't forget.

Act casual. Maintain your normal routine. Continue to attend work, school, church, social functions, etc. Whatever's typical for you. When people ask you what's up, refer to rule number one.

Make a few photocopies. At your earliest opportunity, take a trip to a 24-hour Kinko's around 2am when nobody's around and make six copies of the ticket, both front and back. Use one of the self-serve machines and take any and all bad copies with you (i.e. leave none in the trash). And before you leave, doublecheck to make sure you didn't leave the original in the machine.

Rent a safe-deposit box. Contact your bank and see if they have any vacant safe deposit boxes, tell them you're going on a trip and need to store some documents for a few months. Make a point of asking them how much it costs, even though you couldn't care less. You're trying to keep up appearances. When you go down to the bank in person to open your box, you will probably need some ID and your bank card. Bring the ticket, along with some other (fake) papers. Don't show them the ticket, obviously. Loose lips sink ships. Stash the ticket in the box and put the box key on your keyring. Don't lose the key.

Open a blind trust. Hire a tax attorney. Once you're a client, the lawyer is legally bound to maintain your confidentiality. Tell them you want to open a blind trust in order to claim the lottery prize as an anonymous trustee. Provide three photocopies of your ticket. All contact with the lottery commission will be made through your lawyer.

Contact a financial planner. Rich people don't tend to stay that way without a little planning. If you have the choice between annual payments and a single large payout, you should consider the big jackpot. It's less money total, but it's probably about the same as the annuity if you take the lump sum and invest it in interest-bearing savings bonds. However, the single large payout may incur a higher tax rate. Ask your tax experts.

Tie up any financial loose ends. No reason to procrastinate now. Pay all those traffic fines and parking tickets. Catch up on alimony or child support payments. Settle any debts. Instruct your financial planner to scrub those black marks off your credit score, but don't cancel your credit cards -- that'll screw up your rating. And don't think it won't matter anymore. It matters.

Draft or update your last will and testament. If there were ever a time for estate planning, it's now. Be sure to remember us by including The Rotten Codicil in your will.

Move away. And not just out of town. We're talking out of state, possibly out of the country. You can't expect to keep a lid on your secret forever; information wants to be free. Maybe buy a modest house with a good alarm system in a gated community with a private security force. That ought to minimize the solicitors at your door. Also be sure to get an unlisted phone number.

Now you can finally enjoy all that wealth in peace. Go ahead and splurge. Get yourself a P.O. Box and order one of everything from the Rotten Store. (Aren't you glad you kept those credit cards?) Anyway, that's what all the hip millionaires do. Seriously.


Timeline

28 Apr 1997 Lottery millionaire Michael Allen is bludgeoned to death in a Lewiston, Maine motel room.

22 May 1999 Billie Bob Harrell, Jr. commits suicide. In June 1997, Harrell won $31 million in the Texas state lottery.

4 Sep 2001 Patrick Collier randomly wins $1 million at a McDonald's in Holly Hill, Florida. "I'm getting a Harley and a couple of houses." Two weeks later, Collier is arrested for allegedly choking and punching his fiancee in the face.

19 Dec 2001 British lottery millionaire Phil Kitchen is found dead on his couch. Kitchen had apparently drunk himself to death (whiskey).

11 Jul 2002 British lottery winner Dennis Elwell dies at work, shortly after telling a coworker that he had drunk cyanide.

21 Apr 2003 $25 million lottery winner Richard Krenzer is stabbed six times by Randall Hillyard and his son at the Swillburg Stop Bar & Grill outside Rochester, NY.

29 Jun 2003 Lottery millionaire Jody Lee Taylor is arrested in Collinsville, Virginia for attempting to run over a sheriff's deputy. On the night of his arrest, Taylor was driving naked down the wrong side of U.S. Route 58 with his headlights off.

5 Aug 2003 After lottery millionaire Jack Whittaker passes out in a West Virginia strip bar, a burglar steals his briefcase containing $545,000 in negotiable bonds. The money is located in a trash dumpster the next morning.

13 Sep 2003 The London Telegraph reports that 16-year-old British lottery millionaire Callie Rogers has lost her boyfriend, fought with her father, been mugged, and been accused of stealing someone's man. "Some days I don't even want to leave my house because people just scream abuse at me. Two months ago I thought I was the luckiest teenager in Britain. But today I can say I have never felt so miserable."

15 Sep 2003 In his Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey home, lottery millionaire Oscar Cordoba repeatedly stabs his wife and her mother with a kitchen knife, killing the mother-in-law.

17 Oct 2003 In a program entitled Living with the Lottery Lout, ITV1 reports that British lottery millionaire Michael Carroll has completely alienated his neighbors in Swaffham, Norfolk by periodically staging loud, impromptu demolition derbies on his property.

18 Nov 2003 An English court issues a bench warrant for lottery millionaire Satish Patel, charged with defrauding the government for three years' worth of unemployment claims.

6 Jan 2004 After getting banned from Billy Sundays Bar and Grill in St Albans, West Virginia, lottery winner Jack Whittaker reportedly threatens to have the manager and his family killed.

20 Jan 2004 Lottery winner Jack Whittaker reports that shortly after dawn, somebody broke into his SUV in Scott Depot, West Virginia and stole a bag containing $100,000 cash.

25 Jan 2004 Lottery winner Jack Whittaker is arrested for drunk driving in Nitro, West Virginia. Police allege the millionaire blew a .190 blood alcohol on the breathalyzer.

Apr 2004 A judge rules that broke Virginia lottery millionaire Suzanne Mullins owes $154,146.50 to the People's Lottery Foundation, a Florida lending institution specializing in loans to lottery winners.

26 Jun 2004 At his Longmont, Colorado home, state lottery millionaire Kevin Lee Sutton allegedly shoots Cristobal Lopez in the head with a .22 caliber pistol. Lopez survives and Sutton is later charged with attempted murder.

20 Jul 2004 In Minneapolis, MN, lottery millionaire Victoria A. Zell reportedly crashes her SUV into a truck on the way home from a bar, killing passenger Joshua Schmidt and paralyzing Amity Dimock from the waist down.

7 Aug 2004 Incarcerated serial rapist Iorworth Hoare wins $12.9 million in the British lottery.

13 Aug 2004 The nonprofit group Equine Protection of North America files suit against New Hampshire lottery millionaire Mary Ellen Sanderson for failure to deliver on an alleged $70,000 annual donation pledge.

24 Aug 2004 An Arizona bird refuge, The Oasis Sanctuary, files suit against New Hampshire lottery millionaires Mary Ellen Sanderson and former husband Jason Sanderson for failure to deliver on an alleged $100,000 annual donation pledge.

Sep 2004 Minnesota lottery millionaire Victoria A. Zell is arrested for having allegedly violated the terms of her bail and possessing 0.7 grams of methamphetamine. Zell had also reportedly wired $500,000 to a Canadian bank.

10 Oct 2004 Seattle police officers shoot California lottery millionaire Rick Camat to death in a parking lot near Qwest Field. Officers claim that Camat refused to drop his pistol, but Camat's brother claims the cops give him no instructions to do so.

2 Oct 2005 Having spent his $10 million prize in just seven years, Winnipeg lottery winner Gerald Muswagon hangs himself. Notable events in his monied spree include a high-speed chase in 2000 and a sexual assault arrest in 2002.

28 Oct 2005 Million dollar jackpot winner Christina Goodenow is arrested after Oregon police discover that she had purchased the winning ticket with a credit card stolen from her dead mother-in-law. Police searching her home discover her stash of methamphetamine, but find no trace of her first $33,500 installment.

15 Jan 2006 Bankrupt ex-lottery millionaire William "Bud" Post III dies of respiratory failure in Seneca, Pennsylvania. Post had won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania lottery on February 24, 1988. From a 1993 interview: "Everybody dreams of winning money, but nobody realizes the nightmares that come out of the woodwork, or the problems."
https://www.rottenlibrary.net/library/culture/lottery-winners/

Inept
Jul 8, 2003

3 olives has a payment plan with his phone company for his cell phone

Halloween Liker posted:

Also be sure to get an unlisted phone number.

Good advice from 1993. I'm surprised they don't tell you to buy a Blockbuster franchise to diversify your holdings.

Halloween Liker
Oct 31, 2020



Inept posted:

Good advice from 1993. I'm surprised they don't tell you to buy a Blockbuster franchise to diversify your holdings.

Remember when they updated the website rotten dot com yesterday, remember that?

naem
May 29, 2011



if I had $100 million plus net, Id expect to spend about a tenth of that on security over my lifetime

also all your relationships going forward would on one level or another be basically a service rendered so, like get good therapy for how weird that feels

GoutPatrol
Oct 17, 2009

Coal Jobs for the Coal God



I hope my mom wins, so that I don't have to make the big decisions on money, and she can

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"

Buglord

When I win Ill get bored with banging pornstar escorts and having the world at my fingertips and will move on to hunting human for sport. So respond to this if you want to exchange personal safety for a nice chunk of change and be a part of the greatest game

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



if i won id get a nice new hat

AHH F/UGH
May 25, 2002




These people all sound like bitches. Come out guns blazing at the press conference in a new suit, aviator sunglasses, a cigar, and flanked by two huge bodyguards carrying bats and cudgels. Chomp on the cigar as you talk at length about how you will never give a single cent to anyone and to stick their pleas and phone calls up your rear end. Walk out and flip everyone there the double bird as your bodyguards lift you up and carry you away on their shoulders, screaming expletives and telling everyone to have a nice life, suckers!

Algol Star
Sep 6, 2010



Not close to even a single megamillion, not even a kilomillion. Title is misleading.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



poo poo. if i won i could have a dog instead of a job

luchajones
Jan 28, 2018

I have no beard, and I must scream


https://www.jamesedition.com/lifestyle-collectibles/other/finest-ammunition-e-r-gold-shotgun-shells-11132177

Only the finest for me

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

We'll roll on with our heads held high.
Our conscience in the gutter,
Our dreams up in the sky.





I would fix my heater so it is warm (the heat strips don't always engage) and also buy a roof because this one has a little leak in it.

And then spend the rest of my life hugging dogs and other cool animals.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




mind the walrus posted:

So do they just let the jackpot ride until enough people have bought tickets to fulfill it?

Are you an adult who has never heard of a lottery before... What happened here

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




naem posted:

I mean you could live a comfortable lifestyle but all your interactions with people would be weird and fucky forever

I'm sorry my what

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod



my master plan is to just tell people Im a super good investor and Im making big bucks sometimes. A: plausible enough B: still a sort of job so people won't start begging blatantly and C: you can always claim to have a bad beat right now, sorry bro, don't have anything to spare.

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



I have ten that says all this will go away. You need to take this talking money away.

Gologle
Apr 15, 2013

The Gologle Posting Experience.

<3


If I won, would I be able to ban every single user on this site for a period not exceeding 24 hours?


....asking for a friend

Dear Watson
Jun 25, 2005




Hell Gem

Man it would be so cool to win that much money. Id get a hybrid Camry

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

You could build your own guillotine and eat it too!

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christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs of siren songs
To oohs to ahhs to big applause
With all of my anger I scream and shout
America, I love you but you're freaking me out


Biscuit Hider

AHH F/UGH posted:

Wrong

What you do is at the press conference announce that you, like all previous lottery winners before you, are from the far future where earth is a utopian paradise and you are being sent back in time to the present day as punishment for a crime.

At the press conference either do the Bilbo speech and then vanish into thin air or announce that youve hidden all your lottery winnings in one piece and encouraging everyone to try and find it before dramatically killing yourself on the air

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