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Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




The title of this thread is a bit of a spoiler for the first episode of season five, but is it really that much of a spoiler? This is Riverdale, anything and everything is possible as long as that thing is crazy messed up bullshit.

This year there's going to be: Murder! Time skips! More Murder! Infidelity! Incomprehensible plot twists! Even More Murder! Archie Andrews making the worst possible choices at every given opportunity as his friends and family desperately beg for him to stop being so needlessly self destructive! Veronica running every business in town while also attending college full time (she never sleeps)! Cults! Gangs! Crimes! And More (including more and more and more murder)!

Now sit back, pour yourself a nice tall glass of maple syrup, and enjoy!

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The Notorious ZSB
Apr 19, 2004

I SAID WE'RE NOT GONNA BE FUCKING SUCK THIS YEAR!!!


Can't wait to see how Sexy Archie will once again jump the shark an average of 3-4 times an episode and still convince me at the end of every episode to head on back for more.

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

https://twitter.com/dialhforhagai/status/1352287131687931905?s=21

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

This first episode was originally going to be last seasons finale, right?

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




GreenNight posted:

This first episode was originally going to be last seasons finale, right?

I think we have a few more episodes before that.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.


If people donít like the show, they need to remember to Tele Novella. That makes the insanity much more logical.
The twins should be like, children by now, right?

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




....I honestly forgot the twins even existed until you brought it up just now.

Who's taking care of them again? Nana Blossom? Is their mother still in that insane asylum?

The Lobotomy Kid
Aug 27, 2011

and act like a nut.

I've watched this entire series, but so much poo poo happens in it you could say "remember that episode where Cheryl ate a guy?" and I'd be like "sure"

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




The Lobotomy Kid posted:

I've watched this entire series, but so much poo poo happens in it you could say "remember that episode where Cheryl ate a guy?" and I'd be like "sure"

No, see, she actually only PRETENDED to eat a guy.

She has totally killed a guy though, twice.

Shneak
Mar 6, 2015

"Doctor, listen to me and listen to me closely.
You're gonna witness all the days..."




I'm so glad to be watching this poo poo again. I never bothered to watch Katy Keene so having this 45 year old high school boxer guest star for cross promotion is the schad I needed.

Actual lol at Betty blackmailing her way into the snuff film festival and running into Jellybean because she got an email.

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




God I've missed this show

Beard Yawn
Apr 11, 2011

You would make a good Dalek.


Shoehead posted:

God I've missed this show

Itís loving terrible and I canít wait to see the next episode.

Somewhat Heroic
Oct 11, 2007

(Insert Mad Max related text)




Oh Riverdale you magical show of whimsy and wonder. Getting the AppleTV notification that we had an episode ready to watch fueled my wife and I into a frenzy to get our kids shoved into bed as soon as possible.

How much money did they pay in licensing for recreating She's All That in CW drama TV? All of it I guess. Also "Endgame" counter moves up two from this episode alone which is leaning a little heavy on a single word. Writers - I know you are reading this thread. Knock it off.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Tonight's episode is Chapter Seventy-Eight: The Preppy Murders

"Betty and Jughead's investigation takes a twisted turn after receiving a call from Bret; Archie is forced to make an impossible decision when the person responsible for his father's death needs his help."

The title is a reference to "The Preppie Murder" a television movie based on the real life murders committed by Robert Chambers: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Preppie_Murder

Oh, and I want to take a moment to point out that last weeks episode Chapter Seventy-Seven: Climax is a reference to the 2018 dance horror movie Climax: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8359848/

I loved that film and I recommend checking it out, but be warned: It's a French horror movie, and like most French horror movies it gets brutal.

Also, if you're not already listening to the Riverdale recap podcast Sex Archie I suggest you start now because it is a delight: https://www.stitcher.com/show/sex-archie

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


Space Cadet Omoly posted:

She has totally killed a guy though, twice.
I keep meaning to rewatch Survive The Night to check Cheryl's body count towards the end; in my recollection the Poisons massacre the Gargoyles.

cropoval
Feb 16, 2020



Spoilers for tonight's episode: genuinely cannot shake the feeling that the auteur storyline wrapped up like a Bad Machinery case.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




The body count for this episode was insane, even by Riverdale standards.

You know, for all the well deserved crap Archie gets for making terrible choices, a lot of those terrible choices can probably be traced back to complex PTSD because he has gone through an INSANE amount of trauma over the past few years. Whatever happened to that school counselor who showed up for like one episode? Maybe he should consider tracking her down and trying to talk to her again instead of just beating the crap out of his drug dealing mercenary uncle.

Also, Jellybean being the auteur is so stupid that it wraps back around to being great. Seriously, send that kid to film school because that was pretty drat impressive for a middle schooler.

Edit:

Oh, and have some out of context Riverdale: https://twitter.com/Sex_Archie/status/1354414522778472449?s=20

Space Cadet Omoly fucked around with this message at 12:16 on Jan 28, 2021

Shneak
Mar 6, 2015

"Doctor, listen to me and listen to me closely.
You're gonna witness all the days..."




Riverdale Season Five: I am moving back to the city, and I am becoming a Real Housewife.

An unhinged episode for a rather anticlimactic end to the VHS plot. Then again, Mr Honey wasn't involved with any of this??

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

Shneak posted:

Riverdale Season Five: I am moving back to the city, and I am becoming a Real Housewife.

An unhinged episode for a rather anticlimactic end to the VHS plot. Then again, Mr Honey wasn't involved with any of this??

Honestly becoming a Real Housewife might actually be one of the few things that are more morally degrading than being a mobwife.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Shneak posted:

Riverdale Season Five: I am moving back to the city, and I am becoming a Real Housewife.

An unhinged episode for a rather anticlimactic end to the VHS plot. Then again, Mr Honey wasn't involved with any of this??

I guess not, turns out Mr. Honey is just a regular douchebag teacher who abuses his power to bully kids because he has unresolved emotional problems.

Also he enjoys watching snuff films, I guess everyone needs a hobby.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

Between those mobsters, the preppy psychopaths and the Blossoms. this episode went all in on the murders.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

I know this is mostly due to covid fuckery and this was planned as a finale, but I still feel this is a weird midseason episode. I am intrigued what happens next week.

Is it just me, or has the insulation been a bit rough on Spruce? His face looked really pudgy. But maybe that's just the lack of hat, making his hair to puffy.

cropoval
Feb 16, 2020



cant cook creole bream posted:

Is it just me, or has the insulation been a bit rough on Spruce? His face looked really pudgy. But maybe that's just the lack of hat, making his hair to puffy.

The moment he had his hat off for more than one scene I thought to myself "no...no, put the hat back on." It didn't feel right.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Joining the army to avoid having to repeat senior year is such a stunningly terrible choice. It's completely in character for Archie to do something impulse and dumb like that, but wow. Repeating senior year is like a complete non-issue. He could probably even start earning some transferable credits at Riverdale community college with Reggie. But nope, just gotta make a snap decision without consulting any of his friends or family.

I found myself more emotionally invested in this episode than I thought I would be, once again this stupid show has tricked me into caring. Jughead sitting alone at pop's on the one year anniversary was a legitimatly sad scene.

Shneak
Mar 6, 2015

"Doctor, listen to me and listen to me closely.
You're gonna witness all the days..."






This episode made me more emotional than I thought as well. I don't care for the relationship fallout much but the friendship breakup got me. I hope we can see the Core 4 reunite platonically at first and not immediately rush into pairing them up again. But I'm genuinely excited for the seven year timeskip.

The Lobotomy Kid
Aug 27, 2011

and act like a nut.

What war is Archie signing up to fight in?

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay





This scene, this scene right here? This was a good scene. I rag on this show a lot, but every so often they do something like this and it's wonderful.

The Lobotomy Kid posted:

What war is Archie signing up to fight in?

No idea, judging by the uniform he was wearing in the teaser for next week's episode he's being sent back in time to fight in World War Two.

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


I liked the third episode for what it was, knowing it was meant to be the end of a season that got unavoidably misplaced, but Archie buggering off to a previously-never-mentioned war is quite the leap. That trailer for episode 4 is truly way beyond anything I was expecting, even after all the nonsense that has come before.
I remember, must be 12 or 13 years ago now, One Tree Hill doing a timeskip between its fourth and fifth seasons, bringing in all sorts of nonsense with 1980s Soviet mobsters and how big of a deal that was at the time, both for the novelty of characters actually getting to grow up to match the actors' ages and for the totally absurd departure from the (mostly) grounded highschool drama.
Riverdale's trailer for next week looks like these writers coming up with the biggest "hold my beer" they could imagine.

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

Good for them, especially since it's been renewed. I'm excited to see what they come up with.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Riverdale has always had a vague "what the hell year is this anyway?" vibe to it that I think will actually help with a timeskip because there's no pressure to make things feel futuristic when they move forward a few years.

Things were modern yet also vaguely retro in the past, and they're modern yet also vaguely retro now, that's just the Riverdale way.

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


Space Cadet Omoly posted:

This scene, this scene right here? This was a good scene. I rag on this show a lot, but every so often they do something like this and it's wonderful.


No idea, judging by the uniform he was wearing in the teaser for next week's episode he's being sent back in time to fight in World War Two.

A World War 2 that was apparently fought on an American football fan.

The gently caress is this show.

cropoval
Feb 16, 2020



Shimrra Jamaane posted:

A World War 2 that was apparently fought on an American football fan.

The gently caress is this show.

The football field is so obvious in what we see of the preview that I suspect in might be from some sort of dream sequence with periods of Archieís life melding together. They may have done a bit of a disservice showing it to us without context.

...That said, if Archie truly processes war as being like football, thatís incredibly funny.

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

Or he's on the football field as a coach and having PTSD flashbacks to war.

Beard Yawn
Apr 11, 2011

You would make a good Dalek.


Heís just reliving the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

A World War 2 that was apparently fought on an American football fan.

The gently caress is this show.

In the Archie universe, the only way to bring American Freedom to the world is to plaster the conquered nations with football fields. On this show, that might actually happen.

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




They did it. They played the song!

Quote-Unquote
Oct 21, 2002



lol so Betty is basically Clarice Starling now?

Mameluke
Aug 2, 2013
some dirty-sneaker-inbred-out of the woods-Pabst beer pussy methhead-junkie running all around town telling EVERYONE EVERYTHING ABOUT ELON MUSK


Definitely not the first time in the show she's made that transformation

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

Everyone was on advanced levels of Their poo poo in this episode but Cheryl reacting to her self-imposed break-up by spending seven years training herself to paint so she could do art forgery while living in a cursed Winchester mansion might be Peak Cheryl.

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Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Protip for Hitchhikers: Don't get into the creepy neon truck that has a skeleton on the hood.

This show will be just as crazy now as it was in the High School years. Good, this is good.

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