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pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


Chainsaw killers.
"An alpha like Chad".
Forging Rembrandts.
Packs of wild dogs (some of them rabid!) roam the streets.

Hell Truck.

These writers are coked off their tits and I hope their supply never dries up. My only disappointment is Archie's opening being a dream; they could have played it off as being the literal war and it would not have been out of place given everything that follows. This episode is a masterclass in not giving a gently caress.

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Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


https://twitter.com/BLACKMESSlAH/status/1360154849191620609

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay





Veronica mentions that year is 2021.

Also, I'm pretty sure there was a banner that said "congratulations graduating class of 2021!" last episode.

So it's been seven years, but it's still 2021.

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

It's really just been 7 months and they're all brain damaged.

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


Did they ever say what years previous seasons were meant to be? If it's 2021 now it could be that season 1 was 2011; I believe the previous seasons covered three years of school, so throw on a seven-year skip and we're at a clean decade.

cropoval
Feb 16, 2020



pressedbunny posted:

Did they ever say what years previous seasons were meant to be? If it's 2021 now it could be that season 1 was 2011; I believe the previous seasons covered three years of school, so throw on a seven-year skip and we're at a clean decade.

Fred's grave two episodes ago said he died in 2019, I believe.

Somewhat Heroic
Oct 11, 2007

(Insert Mad Max related text)




You guys are all overthinking that time in riverdale follows a straight line to reality. Itís definitely Jeremy Bearimy. They have five seasons as noted by the name of the hotel. These kids accomplish more before breakfast and school starts than I will in an entire day.

Time in Riverdale =/= time in the real world.

Magic Mango
Aug 31, 2006

Only fools are enslaved by time and space.

Somewhat Heroic posted:

You guys are all overthinking that time in riverdale follows a straight line to reality. Itís definitely Jeremy Bearimy. They have five seasons as noted by the name of the hotel. These kids accomplish more before breakfast and school starts than I will in an entire day.

Time in Riverdale =/= time in the real world.

Plus they (Archie excepted) managed to graduate despite never going to class because they were busy solving crimes/faking their deaths/getting harvested for organs/running a bordello/making rum/etc.

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




Archie Andrews is a 24 year old man who has taken lives and hauled broken bodies of men off the battlefield, but he has no idea why someone would set an unused bus stop on fire for a laugh.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

He got really emotional about light vandalism, considering he basically ignored the fact that a dog was mauling a person in the previous scene.
"Who would ever do something so evil to a bus stop? How can busses stop there if the stop is broken? People new this bench to sit!"

Monaghan
Dec 29, 2006



I love how theres been like 4 serial killers on this show and Riverdale has become a godamn dystopia since they left.
Riverdale is amazing when it is loving bonkers so just keep supplying the drugs to the shows writers because I eat this poo poo up.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Remember that time a serial killer came into Pop's on Halloween night and Veronica killed (?) him and just never talked about it again?

I don't blame anyone who doesn't, that wasn't even close to the craziest thing that's ever happened on this show.

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




She burned him to death!

The Notorious ZSB
Apr 19, 2004

I SAID WE'RE NOT GONNA BE FUCKING SUCK THIS YEAR!!!


I feel like letting some of these episode stack is going to be my great pleasure when I burn through them.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




drat, Betty and Archie jumped straight to loving. Good for them.

I'm glad that Pop Tate got to happily retire on his own terms and leave his business in good hands I was so worried they would murder that man. RIP Polly though, you were a terrible sister and a bad mother and now you're dead I guess.

I am loving evil Reggie. It took 5 seasons, but we finally got a sleazy Reggie just like in the comics. Looking forward to him being a smarmy jerkass. Although in this episode he actually came off as the lesser of two evils since he was trying to prevent a bunch of tenants from being forcibly removed from their home while Archie and the gang took up the roll of cops and preformed an illegal raid then permanantly seized their property.

Oh, and Jughead Jones is now officially the dumbest person in town for thinking that The Serpents wouldn't realize his orginal characters (do not steal) The Vipers were based on them. Also he named a character "Toothy" and another one "Popeye", LOL what a dipshit.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

Archie is a giant rear end in a top hat. "I don't like the unsavory sort of people on my rental property, so I will convince the local sheriff and a FBI agent to do an extra-legal raid on them. Let's beat them up, I am 100% sure we will find drugs there, even though I have been proven wrong before. I am the noble paladin of righteousness. Together we will return this town to the utopia it was before I was old enough to perceive its flaws. Let's make Riverdale great again!"

Seriously, the show did basically nothing to convince me that he had any real reason to suspect a drug stash, other than his personal sense of vendetta.
I know this universe bends to his whims, but I am still not quite convinced that those drugs weren't just planted. Well, I guess it would be a bit hard to plant a whole lab in the bath room. It turns out they never entered that room. That stuff was there all along and belonged to Archies mother.

cant cook creole bream fucked around with this message at 14:12 on Feb 18, 2021

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


Archie and Betty were spying on them earlier in the episode and saw them handing around big bunches of jingle jangle sticks.

Archie absolutely is a total knob and raiding the house by kicking people through windows and hitting them in the head with baseball bats clearly is not how a sheriff and FBI agent should operate, but there's no question the drugs were already there.

Shneak
Mar 6, 2015

"Doctor, listen to me and listen to me closely.
You're gonna witness all the days..."




I love how they can just raid a house no questions asked but they actively explained how the characters can be teachers at the high school without the credentials.

Veronica's plot is so bad.

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


Was I supposed to be rooting for Mutiny to crash and burn because they were all annoying assholes? Because I was.

The Lobotomy Kid
Aug 27, 2011

and act like a nut.

Riverdale will be cleansed by free charter schools and extrajudicial violence. I feel like this series takes place in the same universe as the Yakuza games.

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 9, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.


Is this the craziest show on tv?

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

The Lobotomy Kid posted:

Riverdale will be cleansed by free charter schools and extrajudicial violence. I feel like this series takes place in the same universe as the Yakuza games.

Huh, this comparison is actually incredibly appropriate.
Random swings between ultra-violent crime drama, weird sidequests and ridiculously mundane events. A main character who is incredibly passionate about the later and keeps committing crimes in the name of justice. Outside of that he's a bit of a cardboard. Random bursts of songs. Nobody ever learning any sort of lesson, from all of this nonsense...

I want Archie to really get into pocket racing now and if it doesn't happen, it's your fault! Also, turn Regie into Majima.


Archie is on the way to confront the human traffickers, who captured his mother. Just before he arrives, he stumbles over a circus troupe in dismay, because their bear wrestler is out sick. Naturally, they convince him to pitch in for a few shows on their state tour. During this time, he finds out that the circus is actually a front for a group of anarchists, who go from place to place to steal nuclear codes. After they have a passionate fight about it, he convinces them, that their real joy was in performing all along, so they promise to focus on entertainment from now on. Archie looks for something else to do, but figures that the main plot is a bit to far away now. Hey this kid needs help with his trading card collection!
Thanks for reading my fan fiction, I guess.

cant cook creole bream fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Feb 18, 2021

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

I mean Archie fought a bear and Kiryu had to fight animals that escaped from that circus.

Roach Warehouse
Nov 1, 2010




Riverdale is Community now.

Rebooting a student-focused show so the cast become staff-members in an attempt to save the failing school is the exact same thing Community did. Iím pretty sure Annie even ended up working for the FBI or something.

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

I was hoping we'd see Betty beat some rear end not just slam a glass into a dude.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

Yay




Question: Are the characters post time skip lives lovely enough that moving back to a dying small town full of serial killers so they can teach high school really a step up for them?

Here are my thoughts:

Jughead

Post Time Skip Life: Has written one book that's a thinly veiled autobiography about his time in Riverdale and nothing else. Is drowning in debt and unable to come up with new ideas. Was recently dumped by his girlfriend because she was fed up with his melodramatic bullshit and immediately afterwards he hooked up with a woman who had been stalking him that then preceded to blackmail him to advance her own career.

So is moving back to Riverdale a good idea?: Yes, lying low and living rent free in Archie's house while chipping away at his debt with a job at a diner is the smartest move he can make right now given that he apparently borrowed money from the kind of people who'll break your legs if you don't pay up. Also, he's apparently only capable of writing about real life events that happen in the town of Riverdale with the names of the people involved very slightly changed, so now he can begin actually writing his second book about Vetty and Beronica and their love of a man named Arnie.

Betty

Post Time Skip Life: Now works for the FBI hunting serial killers, but recently hosed some poo poo up by ignoring the rules which led to a killer getting away. Seems to be dating a man she has so little interest in that she would rather eat take-out alone in her apartment going over cold cases than spend time with him. Owns a super cute cat.

So is moving back to Riverdale a good idea?: Yes, really not much in her life would change except now she would get to hunt serial killer on her own terms without having to worry about things like "rules", "regulations", and "excessive violence" and get to hook-up with a super hot guy she actually enjoys being around. It's an upgrade in all the right ways, the only thing from her old life worth bringing along is that fluffy wuffy kitty cat.

Veronica

Post Time Skip Life: Married a terrible man who sucks and convinced her to quit a job she loved and was really good at. She then secretly got another job she loved and was really good at and when her husband found out about it he threw a tantrum because he's a controlling rear end in a top hat. Has many positive social connections and maintains a good relationship with her mom, pretty much everyone we see interacting with her respects and appreciates her except for her horrible husband.

So is moving back to Riverdale a good idea?: No, the only thing wrong with her current life is her awful husband. Once her divorce from him is finalized the sky's the limit and she can pretty much do whatever she wants, so why should she go back to Riverdale when she can instead go some place with way less murder/gang violence/rabid dogs? Also, being back in Riverdale puts her back in direct contact with her emotionally abusive father whom she's previously had an extremely unhealthy relationship with, which is that last thing she needs.

Space Cadet Omoly fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Feb 19, 2021

The Notorious ZSB
Apr 19, 2004

I SAID WE'RE NOT GONNA BE FUCKING SUCK THIS YEAR!!!


Shimrra Jamaane posted:

Is this the craziest show on tv?

Easily has been since probably somewhere in season 3. The show's ability to be completely bonkers every episode to the point where halfway through a lot of them I'm thinking "this is so loving stupid im gonna quit" to bring it back around by the end of every episode to me saying to myself "poo poo that was wild guess i gotta tune in next week" is astounding to me. It's completely insane, regularly jumps the shark, but somehow manages to stay engaging and fun without going totally over the cliff.

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

he knows...


No other TV show in years has felt so much like each episode has been written by a different person to the previous one, with every plot being made up as they go along. As abstract as something like Twin Peaks gets, that is a consistent type of strange from episode to episode. Riverdale has no clue where it's going, pays very little attention to where it's been, and serves up a different kind of bullshit each episode. There are actual surrealist, fantasy, and sci-fi comedy shows that wish they could be this unhinged.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina, which was first intended to be the magical counterpart to Riverdale, was less insane. And that had Satan as an actual character and multiple trips into literal Hell.

I love it, but there is no question that this is the stupidest show on TV right now and, at least off the top of my head, for the last decade at least. Especially when you consider that the original pitch for this show was another Dawson's/Tree Hill/OC combined with a small town murder mystery, how the gently caress we've ended up here is anyone's guess. I've watched every single episode and I know I could not explain it.

joebuddah
Jan 30, 2005


Shimrra Jamaane posted:

Is this the craziest show on tv?

Yes.
But somehow no one cares. For some reason nobody cares about continuity on this show.

Just two examples with the characters


Archie:
Has joined Hiram's crime family only to later quit
Fought and killed a bear
Went to jail
Started a boxing club


Veronica
Started a distillery
Opened a speakeasy


All before they graduated high school

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




Archie somehow lost the massive bear attack scar on his chest

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

Shoehead posted:

Archie somehow lost the massive bear attack scar on his chest

It healed along with his emotional trauma when he beat Bear Man to death

joebuddah
Jan 30, 2005


I forgot all about his scar.

Also did they say before this episode that Riverdale was so close to NYC.

Also sorry new job at the FBI, I know I just finished the academy but I'm going to take a few months leave.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

joebuddah posted:

Also did they say before this episode that Riverdale was so close to NYC.

Nah, it's a migrating landscape. And now that it is no longer bound by the constrains of being a town, it's free to move where it pleases.
The show isn't really big into that concept of consistency, or logical world building.
Case in point: According to his tombstone, Fred Andrews died 2019, which is 7 year before the current year of 2020. I guess those seven years happened during the 2020 time dilation. By the end of next weeks episode everyone will be in their forties.

cant cook creole bream fucked around with this message at 00:12 on Feb 21, 2021

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




Time Dilation is such a good way to put it.

Thinking back on this week's episode I'm a little disappointed with how quickly its thrown all 4 main characters back together in their teacher plot. Especially because this show went to such pains in the past to keep all 4 separate for huge chunks of the last two seasons. I was hoping for a few episodes of them exploring their adult lives and following them trying to navigate the situations the time skip put them in.

It's funny that they spent so long ignoring the school aspect of the show to do babies first mafia that now they've aged the characters out of school they've sent them back as teachers

Comrade Fakename
Feb 13, 2012



GreenNight posted:

I mean Archie fought a bear and Kiryu had to fight animals that escaped from that circus.

You literally fist-fight a wild bear in Yakuza 5, though youíre not playing as Kiryu when you do it.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

Comrade Fakename posted:

You literally fist-fight a wild bear in Yakuza 5, though youíre not playing as Kiryu when you do it.

Kiryu did fight bears. For example, there's one in Yakuza 0.

GreenNight
Feb 19, 2006
Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

I've only played 0 and the remake of 1 so far, so if there are more animal abuse fights I don't know about them.

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

My cause is just...my will is strong...and my gun is very, very large!




Did Kiryu fight or catch a shark?

I never seem to have enough time to play Yakuza

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

Shoehead posted:

Did Kiryu fight or catch a shark?

I never seem to have enough time to play Yakuza

Yeah, I guess. There's a small fishing game in 0. A great white is a potential catch.
It's a great game by the way. But not quite as great as Like a Dragon, which is the only if he Yakuza I played.

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The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

... TBK is an anagram of BTK GODDAMNIT RIVERDALE

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