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nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

low vis




reignofevil posted:

I'm still figuring out how to work this in without making sheev look silly

PM CelticPredator and ask him if he's willing to get weird with his sheev pics

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Asgerd
May 6, 2012






Grimey Drawer

???) Re-name local hospital after self.
???) Budget cuts.
???) Shove Vader into the cheapest most lovely suit possible, as a joke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVzc20Bm8Xo

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012

Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.




Wedge Regret


Needs more fuckiní.

Also messing around with Dooku, the slight detour with Maul on Mandalor, whatever his deal with Ezra was, lilí more fuckiní.

In the olden days, thereís also be some messing with Xizor, as explained here:


Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000





Hodgepodge posted:

this list is starting to look p. nice

also im beginning to suspect this palpatines fellow isn't so much a master planner as he is a skilled opportunist with a lot of power. which is actually how people who look like they're doing 5-d chess usually operate

So he wasn't Space Hitler after all, he was Space Bismark all along!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


I can justify palpatine loving once on the list to establish Rey Palpatine as a thing but I'm gonna need some firm sourcing to fit in more loving.

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012

Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.




Wedge Regret

reignofevil posted:

I can justify palpatine loving once on the list to establish Rey Palpatine as a thing but I'm gonna need some firm sourcing to fit in more loving.

This isnít firm enough for ya?


Itís more a joke how the old EU gave him a bunch of rumored relationships that may have lead to Triclops and Lightsaber Knees/Elbows Guy, and possibly a few others here and there. Also itís fun to say Sheev fucks.

Blood Boils
Dec 27, 2006

Its not an S, on my planet it means QUIPS


Hair Elf

Unlimited powah should be at the end of the list, that's his whole goal

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




Unlimited shrimp on the buffet and the party goes until ??? Is what I think you mean.

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013



nine-gear crow posted:

PM CelticPredator and ask him if he's willing to get weird with his sheev pics

Tell me what you need

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

low vis




Asgerd posted:

???) Re-name local hospital after self.
???) Budget cuts.
???) Shove Vader into the cheapest most lovely suit possible, as a joke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVzc20Bm8Xo

Even funnier:



At some point Palpy took Vader back to Mustafar, cut off his robot limbs with a lightsaber and left him helplessly on the same hillside he got immolated on AND HE CAUGHT FIRE A SECOND TIME!

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




Hodgepodge posted:

this list is starting to look p. nice

also im beginning to suspect this palpatines fellow isn't so much a master planner as he is a skilled opportunist with a lot of power. which is actually how people who look like they're doing 5-d chess usually operate

Pretty much, dude set up two halves of the galaxy to crash into each other while being in charge of both, the whole point was that no matter who won he'd end up in charge and the jedi would be decimated from a war where he literally had both armies manufactured.

And the whole point of tempting luke was to trade his old and busted skywalker in for the fresh new model

Finger Prince
Jan 5, 2007

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



Ghost Leviathan posted:

Pretty much, dude set up two halves of the galaxy to crash into each other while being in charge of both, the whole point was that no matter who won he'd end up in charge and the jedi would be decimated from a war where he literally had both armies manufactured.

And the whole point of tempting luke was to trade his old and busted skywalker in for the fresh new model

He originally wanted to have luke killed because he seemed like a threat, and then Vader convinced him that he could be an asset if turned to the dark side. So palpy was like "hmm, train your replacement on the job, yes I could work with that..." and then like a boss, made it seem like it was his idea.

Actually I don't even think there even is a "dark side" of the force, that's just something palpatine came up with to get his underlings to do his bidding. Like a "core corporate values" thing.

RBA Starblade
Apr 27, 2008

Going Home.



Games Idiot Court Jester


nine-gear crow posted:

Even funnier:



At some point Palpy took Vader back to Mustafar, cut off his robot limbs with a lightsaber and left him helplessly on the same hillside he got immolated on AND HE CAUGHT FIRE A SECOND TIME!

lmao

PoptartsNinja
May 9, 2008

He is still almost definitely not a spy




Soiled Meat

Sanguinia posted:

Lets not forget that part of his plan from Phantom Menace, which goes on the list somewhere after Get Posse:

- Rely on the Jedi to coincidentally meet a Cartoon Rabbit
- Get the Queen elected to Senator once she stops being My Home Planet's Elected Queen.
- Rely on Queen Senator to decide to go Do Something About All These Shenanigans rather than doing her job at the senate.
- Cartoon Rabbit uses Queen Senator's authority in absentia to declare a vote of no confidence against the other guy, allowing me to ascend to the chancellorship.

RBA Starblade
Apr 27, 2008

Going Home.



Games Idiot Court Jester


I wonder if Palpatine voted for the child to be queen as part of his plan to destabilize Naboo, but also it's a popular vote so he only pushed it like 1/100,000,000ths of a way there

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012

Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.




Wedge Regret

PoptartsNinja posted:

- Rely on the Jedi to coincidentally meet a Cartoon Rabbit
- Get the Queen elected to Senator once she stops being My Home Planet's Elected Queen.
- Rely on Queen Senator to decide to go Do Something About All These Shenanigans rather than doing her job at the senate.
- Cartoon Rabbit uses Queen Senator's authority in absentia to declare a vote of no confidence against the other guy, allowing me to ascend to the chancellorship.

I thought this was gonna be about Jaxxon T. Tumperakki at first...

PoptartsNinja
May 9, 2008

He is still almost definitely not a spy




Soiled Meat

- Steal the Death Star plans from a race of disgusting bug people.
- Allow Rebellion to ferment
- Build the first Death Star
- Test it by blowing up your own (only?) Space Server Farm to stop a Rebel attack

PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Jan 29, 2021

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000





PoptartsNinja posted:

- Steal the Death Star plans from a race of disgusting bug people.

-Get Ambitious Middle Manager Guy to recruit Scientist to finish Death Star Laser using Lightsaber Crystals by killing his wife, because apparently the bug people had the idea for the giant space station but never invented the gun that would perform its primary job

-Let Tarkin take all the credit for Ambitious Middle Manager Guy's success when he dies

-Let Tarkin get killed by Scientists' secret flaw in the Death Star

-

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


The innocent bug people thought this whole thing was gonna be a gigantic hotel and then the only thing palpatine didn't strip out was the heated garbage pool.

fartknocker
Oct 28, 2012

Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair.




Wedge Regret

Donít forget attempting to exterminate said bug people after they did the basic construction of said Death Star but making sure to leave plenty of wreckage and poison containers with Imperial markings all over them

Asgerd
May 6, 2012






Grimey Drawer

The penultimate step: announce entire evil plan on Fortnite for some reason.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

low vis




Asgerd posted:

The penultimate step: announce entire evil plan on Fortnite for some reason.

"Children of the Internet, it is I, Emperor Palpatine. I know I've been gone quite a while, but I'm back and ready to pick up right from where I left off ruling the galaxy. If you don't know who I am, ask your parents, they know me

Sir DonkeyPunch
Mar 23, 2007

I didn't hear no bell


PoptartsNinja posted:

- Steal the Death Star plans from a race of disgusting bug people.
- Allow Rebellion to ferment
- Build the first Death Star
- Test it by blowing up your own (only?) Space Server Farm to stop a Rebel attack

Itís clearly a Space SAN

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Ghost Leviathan posted:

Pretty much, dude set up two halves of the galaxy to crash into each other while being in charge of both, the whole point was that no matter who won he'd end up in charge and the jedi would be decimated from a war where he literally had both armies manufactured.

And the whole point of tempting luke was to trade his old and busted skywalker in for the fresh new model

pretty much. the whole phantom menace part of the plot was basicaly him trying to get the loving sympathy vote and gain power plus it would make the corpos look bad and poo poo.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



PoptartsNinja posted:

- Steal the Death Star plans from a race of disgusting bug people.
- Allow Rebellion to ferment
- Build the first Death Star
- Test it by blowing up your own (only?) Space Server Farm to stop a Rebel attack

alright, so the death star at least in the new canon was supposed to be his big nuke button so he could go fully graveyard smash openly. its why he gets rid of the senate and all the vestigial poo poo right around new hope because he doesnt think he needs it around anymore. idk


also lol here is the wookpedia article

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Grand_Plan

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




PoptartsNinja posted:

- Rely on the Jedi to coincidentally meet a Cartoon Rabbit
- Get the Queen elected to Senator once she stops being My Home Planet's Elected Queen.
- Rely on Queen Senator to decide to go Do Something About All These Shenanigans rather than doing her job at the senate.
- Cartoon Rabbit uses Queen Senator's authority in absentia to declare a vote of no confidence against the other guy, allowing me to ascend to the chancellorship.

I got my wires crossed and pictured Jessica Rabbit. You know, that would be a much better movie.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

#RXT REVOLUTION~!
2000





Ghost Leviathan posted:

I got my wires crossed and pictured Jessica Rabbit. You know, that would be a much better movie.

It would have certainly given a new meaning to the Gungan's use of Blue Balls as their primary weapon.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Dapper_Swindler posted:

alright, so the death star at least in the new canon was supposed to be his big nuke button so he could go fully graveyard smash openly. its why he gets rid of the senate and all the vestigial poo poo right around new hope because he doesnt think he needs it around anymore. idk


also lol here is the wookpedia article

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Grand_Plan

using this article has been ruled by our referee as cheating in this legitimate competition

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




nine-gear crow posted:

Even funnier:



At some point Palpy took Vader back to Mustafar, cut off his robot limbs with a lightsaber and left him helplessly on the same hillside he got immolated on AND HE CAUGHT FIRE A SECOND TIME!

I'm not going to lie.

This seems pretty rude.

PoptartsNinja
May 9, 2008

He is still almost definitely not a spy




Soiled Meat

- Trick Samuel L. Jackson into attempted murder
- Electrocute self by accident, exactly as planned
- Make use of new appearance to declare the Jedi traitors
- Execute Order 66

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Raluek
Nov 3, 2006

WUT.


Big Beef City posted:

I'm not going to lie.

This seems pretty rude.

especially because it looks like sheev did it with vader's own lightsaber

wdarkk
Oct 26, 2007

Friends: Protected
World: Saved
Crablettes: Eaten


Cutting off bits whenever Vader failed him was kinda Palp's thing for a while in the EU.

Zesty
Jan 17, 2012



Darth Sidious was originally conceived as a weak-willed dullard named Cos Dashit
- lol

Finger Prince
Jan 5, 2007

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



Seems like the plan is missing the part where he hires some ugly dude with a mashed up skull named Snoke or Snape or Snope or something to be like, I don't know, the Vice President or something? While palps builds a shitload of secret spaceships.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

low vis




Finger Prince posted:

Seems like the plan is missing the part where he hires some ugly dude with a mashed up skull named Snoke or Snape or Snope or something to be like, I don't know, the Vice President or something? While palps builds a shitload of secret spaceships.

Not hired, grew him in a tube using Baby Yoda blood and then just had him running around out there loving with the Skywalker family for no reason and amassing a massive army-cult to act as a heat shield while Sheev waited for all his Exegol Star Destroyers to finish cooking or whatever.

Palpy is a master of spinning plates, dropping like 3/4s of them, and doing it in such a way that you applaud because it looked like he meant to do that all along.

PoptartsNinja
May 9, 2008

He is still almost definitely not a spy




Soiled Meat

- Discover secret love of engineering
- Get thrown in a hole
- Clone self (badly)
- Allow bad clone to think he's in charge
- Design and build a few more space triangles
- Get bored of this around the same time my old middle manager's grandson kills clone(bad)

Finger Prince
Jan 5, 2007

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



nine-gear crow posted:

Not hired, grew him in a tube using Baby Yoda blood and then just had him running around out there loving with the Skywalker family for no reason and amassing a massive army-cult to act as a heat shield while Sheev waited for all his Exegol Star Destroyers to finish cooking or whatever.

Palpy is a master of spinning plates, dropping like 3/4s of them, and doing it in such a way that you applaud because it looked like he meant to do that all along.

I didn't know about the grown in a tube from baby Yoda blood thing, but ostensibly he would have had to interview for the position. Unless it was straight up nepotism.
Wait of course it was straight up nepotism.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011


EEEEEEEY YO

wdarkk posted:

Cutting off bits whenever Vader failed him was kinda Palp's thing for a while in the EU.

I mean, so was repeatedly killing the guy who designed the death star.

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nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

low vis




Finger Prince posted:

I didn't know about the grown in a tube from baby Yoda blood thing, but ostensibly he would have had to interview for the position. Unless it was straight up nepotism.
Wait of course it was straight up nepotism.

Yeah, season 2 of The Mandalorian makes a big deal out of Moff Gideon wanting to hoover up all of Baby Yoda's midichlorians for some Secret Evil Purpose related to the future of the Empire, and then Mando and his crew stumble upon some hosed up looking guy in a tube while Snoke's theme plays over it and a hologram of the the shifty clone doctor who's been popping up every now and then literally goes "Yeah, so this one was a miserable failure, I need more Baby Force blood to get the next one right."

They're being HELLA unsubtle about it.

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