Power-gaming Faerie Tales - The Something Awful Forums

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BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Face ID'd Rumplestilskin. Turns out he tweeted some seriously f'd up stuff back in '09. Sent links to his employer and his wife's book club.

I not only goaded that shape-shifting giant into turning into a mouse, I told him I didn't believe he was cool enough to sign his castle and savings over to me first and kick himself in the balls repeatedly. Boy did he show me!

Godmother said this carriage would turn back into a pumpkin at midnight, but if I just keep racing West through multiple time zones...

# ? Jan 24, 2021 19:01

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# ? Feb 27, 2021 18:27

biosterous

dumb fairy queen stole my voice but didn't know that both me and my beau have been taking ASL classes together. all he had to do was go to Plant World and buy some juniper seeds. most easily broken curse ever

^{^{thank you heather papps for this sig!!!}}

# ? Jan 24, 2021 19:43

FutonForensic

we're doing a skip in Hansel & Gretel by rushing into the witch's house and killing her immediately. we don't talk to her or eat candy (crowd is cheering in awe as i say this)

# ? Jan 24, 2021 19:58

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Nah man, no way that lovely lady is full-on kissing an amphibian. Never gonna happen. That's why I asked for her to blow a kiss at me, and it worked! gently caress all that personal discovery and sexual maturity metaphor poo poo. Lawyerball!

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 24, 2021 20:38

Nosfereefer

rookie mistake is rushing directly to granny's house. you should be grinding low level critters first, otherwise the wolf will wreck you

# ? Jan 24, 2021 21:23

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Nosfereefer posted:

rookie mistake is rushing directly to granny's house. you should be grinding low level critters first, otherwise the wolf will wreck you

You can keep the woodsman in the party permanently if you just stall and don't ask granny-wolf the three questions long enough, and he wanders close by and pulls aggro on his own. You won't get your basket of goodies back but whatever, that unique axe's power attack is broke a f.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 24, 2021 21:35

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

overcoming sleep enchantment with speed and redbulls

# ? Jan 24, 2021 22:47

super sweet best pal: It's bulbasaur!

Spent my entire life savings filling these woods with traps. I'm guaranteed to catch dozens of talking animals that'll give me wishes in exchange for their freedom.

# ? Jan 24, 2021 23:05

google THIS

Respeccing and reassigning all my hair stats to my legs, then just stepping out of the tower

# ? Jan 24, 2021 23:13

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

You really only need a four-dwarf guild to raid that gem mine. Three if you're amazing at it.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 24, 2021 23:23

Nosfereefer

using a walkthru for the bear house

# ? Jan 24, 2021 23:26

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Yes it's a straw house, but I dug out the foundation so now it's floating juuuust out of wolf-range.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 24, 2021 23:28

Stoner Sloth

Buttchocks posted:

overcoming sleep enchantment with speed and redbulls

pissing off witches/evil fairies/etc in an attempt to cure my crippling insomnia

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut and Heather Papps!!- ty friends!

# ? Jan 25, 2021 00:30

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

You are going to hate me when I tell you how low the rent is in this shoe, the old lady who lived here before me locked it in at 1790's rates.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 01:06

google THIS

"Vanilla is for scrubs," I say, as I install the Disney mod so I don't have to meet a dark tragic end

# ? Jan 25, 2021 01:13

Heather Papps: hello internet friend

our economy is in shambles after the technique of spinning straw into gold caused extreme hyperinflation

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

# ? Jan 25, 2021 02:08

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Don't even bother with all those horses and men, I've been save-scumming, I'll just put a mattress under Humpty this time.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 02:34

Heather Papps: hello internet friend

i'm ruined - some crafty fox stacked a bunch of paintbrushes on top of each other and stole all my grapes!

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

# ? Jan 25, 2021 02:37

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Are you kidding me? Eleven characters, no numbers or capitals and only one punctuation, and they're real words? It took less than 10 minutes to brute-force "open sesame", now we'll see how quickly a bunch of desert nomads can guess "NK=wX'U\?]{cA?s&&<6}"

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 02:45

google THIS

I couldn't wish for more wishes but I wished that the number 3 were the same as a hundred. Got my extra wishes but it really hurt human life expectancy.

# ? Jan 25, 2021 02:50

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

Once you get to Happily Ever After you can start a New Game + and wear your prince clothes even in the pauper parts!

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 02:53

snergle

watch as i perform the three blind mice entirely blindfolded. more like 4 blind mice i say as i put the blindfold over my mouse fursuits eyes.

i see through the mouth hole

# ? Jan 25, 2021 03:49

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

If you buy out the Little Matchstick Girl's inventory enough times she can afford a coat.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 03:51

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Paying the Piper with loot boxes.

# ? Jan 25, 2021 04:16

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

I wonder what happens if I tell the bag itself to jump in the bag...

*creates black hole, Earth is destroyed*

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 05:19

biosterous

i'm playing as the princess, here's my start: every time the king gets remarried, immediately I find a way to push my new step mom off the parapet. so far every single one has turned out to be an evil witch in disguise.

^{^{thank you heather papps for this sig!!!}}

# ? Jan 25, 2021 06:41

super sweet best pal: It's bulbasaur!

"Heard my neighbors got a wish for each horn on the goat they served to their guests for Christmas dinner," I say to the genetics lab as I show them my mutant goat proposal, "Enough horns and you'll each get a wish as a bonus."

# ? Jan 25, 2021 08:29

biosterous

skipping the entire cursed spinning wheel segment because i know how to wear a thimble

^{^{thank you heather papps for this sig!!!}}

# ? Jan 25, 2021 13:50

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

It takes a few hours of just spamming the hell out of all your summons but it IS possible to beat Baba Yaga. And it's the only way to breed a gold chicken-house.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 15:59

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Instead of climbing all the way down the beanstalk, you can just jump off. Right before you hit the ground, equip the hen that lays golden eggs and stand on her. The hen can't take fall damage, and neither will you!

# ? Jan 25, 2021 20:33

Nosfereefer

constantly micromanaging the camel's inventory

# ? Jan 25, 2021 20:39

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

If you back out of the menu fast enough after asking to taste the pie-man's wares, you can get the pie without spending the penny.

There is, however, currently no way to catch the whale in a bucket of water (without mods).

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 25, 2021 20:42

Heather Papps: hello internet friend

the only way to acquire mother goose's bjork dress alt costume is to purchase it, i'm sorry.

https://giant.gfycat.com/GloomyThreadbareAfricanwilddog.webm
a 2020 vanisher original, paired with my khanstant lord - a byob classic!

# ? Jan 25, 2021 20:55

google THIS

"I want to roll for perception."

(rolls)

"The creepy old hag, who appeared out of the blue at a well hidden house in the middle of a forest, is lying about the apple."

"I eat the apple anyway."

"What?"

# ? Jan 25, 2021 23:21

biosterous

Nosfereefer posted:

constantly micromanaging the camel's inventory

^{^{thank you heather papps for this sig!!!}}

# ? Jan 26, 2021 14:53

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Bribing the royal timekeeper to implement daylight savings time early, thus skipping over the stroke of midnight.

# ? Jan 26, 2021 16:40

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

They nerfed the doctor class in an update but the Playstation version didn't get it, so "physician heal thyself" is still an option there.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 26, 2021 16:43

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Nah man, no way that lovely lady is full-on kissing an amphibian. Never gonna happen. That's why I asked for her to blow a kiss at me, and it worked! gently caress all that personal discovery and sexual maturity metaphor poo poo. Lawyerball!

careful on the syntax there. during my last speed run i screwed up the request to blow a kiss and ended up turning the npc hostile and soft-locking the quest.

# ? Jan 26, 2021 16:53

BoldFrankensteinMir: Darn! Darn! Darn!

canyoneer posted:

careful on the syntax there. during my last speed run i screwed up the request to blow a kiss and ended up turning the npc hostile and soft-locking the quest.

Ooh yeah, good point. And that golden ball in her inventory from act 1 is like a +6 item, and it's ranged.

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Jan 26, 2021 16:56

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# ? Feb 27, 2021 18:27

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

ok, so an ugly duckling start. you're gonna want to start grinding CON and don't put any points into duck-specific skills. you'll also get a huge CHA boost after a major story event with an in-game trigger which i'm not going to spoil for you

# ? Jan 26, 2021 16:56

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