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frogge
Apr 7, 2006




Holy gently caress I was in an all day meeting yesterday and they pulled out the dance on camera thing, too!
I stayed off camera, muted, and played games while paying the slightest attention for anything that related to me or my department (lol none of it did). When someone complained about me being off camera I said if I were to use it I would overdo my bandwidth since the whole house is online at once and it would then drop the meeting, so they let it go.

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Pump Jockey
Mar 15, 2019

i believe in love


WILDTURKEY101 posted:

zoom meetings for "self care" which is an hour of listening to people bitch. I usually gamble on horses in another tab during these.

My work likes to send out super stressful emails, constantly threatening to make us return to in-person work despite the fact that we are located in the worst Coronavirus hotspot in the world, and then they end each email with ďdonít forget that we all have access to the Calm app.Ē

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home

Friend posted:

I work for a small home decor retail company with two stores. They recently moved to a new inventory management system from the old one that was "copyright 1997-2003" and changed how they defines SKUs.

Everything in sku #123-45-67 has the same basic structure, but the material and finish can be totally different. We might order 8 red chairs with white wood and 8 leather ones with brown wood, and they would all be under the same sku. Each individual piece gets an inventory number (this one red chair shares sku number 123-45-67 but gets inv number 3210; 3211 might be another red chair, or it could be a vase, just depends when the po went through) but there is no grouping of identical items whatsoever. The only way to know which inventory numbers go with the red ones and which go with the leather ones is by looking at the details of each item and comparing the fabric and finish names one by one.

Part of my job is to photograph all the inventory, and since I don't want to take 8 pictures of identical chairs, I have to take one and then hunt down all the matching ones in the new-but-still-lovely software that logs you out after 15 minutes and can't be open in multiple tabs.

And if we decide to order more with the same options in a few months, the only thing that will stop me from taking new photos is if I just happen to remember these are repeats. I have no idea how the sales team puts up with this poo poo when someone asks for a set of dining chairs.

So there's a likely possibility that the inventory is really messed up. Probably a lot of one offs or odd amount of any one option that's gonna sit around forever.

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Pump Jockey posted:

My work likes to send out super stressful emails [snip] and then they end each email with ďdonít forget that we all have access to the Calm app.Ē

Lol my last job did that same poo poo but it was a ďwellbeing hotlineĒ email address that Iím sure just went to management and used against you.

1redflag fucked around with this message at 20:59 on Jan 30, 2021

Katamari Democracy
Jan 18, 2010

Oh, We understand.
A trip to collect a million votes, yes.
Oh, we know why.
We get the point of rolling up a million


Wedge Regret

I almost applied for a WFH position and had to bail out of it because I was too close to the road for noise and they wanted a camera on me at all times as I was working.

Family members who I told this about informed me those jobs are dead ends and basically slave labor.

Pale Ale
Sep 9, 2001

Yeah I know that but do you honestly expect England to even slightly challenge Australia in the finals? They will be demolished.

I support over one hundred ďserversĒ all over my state, some over 6 hours drive away. They run Windows XP because no one wants to pay to upgrade them.

azflyboy
Nov 9, 2005


I fly for an airline, so we get mandatory "death by powerpoint" sessions (thankfully online from home) several times a year.

One of the mandatory presentations we have to go through is about bombs, which includes an interactive section where you have to correctly identify the various components (power source, detonator, etc...) of several bombs shown as x-rays.

Since our training as pilots doesn't include defusing bombs, it's unclear why we need to be able to identify specific components of them on an x-ray, unless someone thinks we're going to somehow MacGuyer something out of mini water bottles and Biscoffs.

Another section of that same presentation involves a long and detailed description (including a quiz) of a specific procedure that was removed from our manuals and training several years ago, but apparently the TSA refuses to let that section be removed for some reason.

Aardvark!
Mar 3, 2002



What is the specific procedure out of curiosity? Also lmao at the bomb thing. Maybe they figure you'll be able to tell if it's a bomb so you can throw it out the window

Ewan
Sep 29, 2008

Ewan is tired of his reputation as a serious Simon. I'm more of a jokester than you people think. My real name isn't even Ewan, that was a joke it's actually MARTIN! LOL fooled you again, it really is Ewan! Look at that monkey with a big nose, Ewan is so random! XD


My work sent me a free monitor, chair, and keyboard and mouse for home working so I'm pretty happy.

Worst is that now the threshold for calling a meeting is 1000x lower than before, so my day is just back to back meetings and no one actually has time to do any work.

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012



its so you can calmly explain over the intercom with your pilot voice which part of the device will kill everyone

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


frogge posted:

Holy gently caress I was in an all day meeting yesterday and they pulled out the dance on camera thing, too!
I stayed off camera, muted, and played games while paying the slightest attention for anything that related to me or my department (lol none of it did). When someone complained about me being off camera I said if I were to use it I would overdo my bandwidth since the whole house is online at once and it would then drop the meeting, so they let it go.

lol this week we had an hour long meeting with 30 people for a monthly check in. Not as many minion gifs as last time but with that many people itís safe to switch off my camera, and after a few minutes to make sure they arenít asking me anything audio goes too, so I can stick it to the fat cats by doing my drat job.

This meeting had a new twist: 10 minutes of breathing exercises. If people want to do that on their own go right ahead, I was grateful I could ignore it without calling attention to myself.

Rent-A-Cop
Oct 15, 2004

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!



We have a 2 hour meeting every Friday at 08:00 that the entire company is required to attend.

I take that one from my phone, in bed, asleep.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Aardvark! posted:

What is the specific procedure out of curiosity? Also lmao at the bomb thing. Maybe they figure you'll be able to tell if it's a bomb so you can throw it out the window

I heard that if you keep talking nobody explodes. Maybe so this is so they can talk about the bomb more.

explosivo
May 23, 2004

Fueled by Satan

Changing internal knowledgebases once about every year or so because someone else gets the ear of someone high up and thinks they know how to make a better one. Every time we migrate, a little bit of information gets left behind, and people get a little bit more confused about where to go for what information. Glad I'm not working support anymore.

italian quid
Jan 19, 2014

#essereFerrari



We implemented a whole lean management philosophy because our CEO took a tour of a Toyota factory and was amazed that every worker knew exactly what to do (nothing we do even remotely resembles manufacturing or is standardizable so it just broke all our workflows)

Most recent thing is we got a VP of our division a few years back that very transparently was going through a mid life crisis or something and wanted to work for a tech start up. Cue us acquiring companies to do poo poo like desktop automation through VM so we can order multiple reports out of SAP for millions of dollars instead of just setting up some batch reporting parameters.

azflyboy
Nov 9, 2005


Aardvark! posted:

What is the specific procedure out of curiosity? Also lmao at the bomb thing. Maybe they figure you'll be able to tell if it's a bomb so you can throw it out the window

It's the procedure that's supposed to be used if a bomb is discovered on board in flight.

Essentially, it involves covering the suspected bomb in layers of stuff like wet blankets, clothes, and suitcases (all secured with seat belt extensions, ties, or belts) and the training module gives you a list of various items and requires you to put them in the correct order to place on the bomb.

The procedure used to be in our manuals, but was removed about five years ago for the pilots (someone probably realized there's no situation where we'd leave the flight deck to do that), but that bit of training comes back every year.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


jkk posted:

My boss is not a very good manager, so he was sent to a management training class. At this class, he learned about the concept of "scrum". We are not in software development, but he decided that we could do "scrum" too. So he asked us to do daily e-mails about what we're doing/planning to do.

Of course, he quickly realized that this didn't make much sense in a team where most of us do the exact same tasks every day. So he cut it down to Mon/Wed/Fri. And then he removed Wednesday because that used to be our weekly team meeting.

At some point, the top management ordered everyone to use Yammer more. So he moved the "scrum e-mails" to Yammer. This is when I stopped participating because Yammer is loving terrible and I'd usually see the thread like 3 hours later.

When we started using Teams, the boss decided to move the "scrum" there. So now there's a Teams channel called "Scrum e-mails". About half the time, the boss posts his own message in one of the other channels instead.

I am also not in software development. Iím sure it is useful for some fields but we have baffling hour long sessions with our Scrum master where something that used to take one step now takes thirty (not exaggerating, from needing to add dozens of ďtasksĒ that no one will read.) then that process is abandoned as weíre Kanban now.

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


About 15 years ago I started a job as an entry level engineer I had an internal meeting and all the old white management guys were dropping hard R slurs like it was nothing, really hosed up and shocking to me as a nerd straight out of university

I was so happy to get out of alberta eventually, gently caress those guys

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


As for nowadays being a manager itís loving crazy to me I have to hound guys to wear PPE, no Iím not making you wear a hard hat on site while the crane is lifting materials 35 stories over your head because Iím a hardass, I just donít want you to die

Barudak
May 7, 2007



My company had a meeting with over 200 people worldwide that was scheduled at about 11pm my local time. I dialed in and they wanted everyones faces blah blah. Anyway the first guy starts speaking and announces hes being promoted and moved off the account and thanking everyone for their hard work to make it possible for him.

I hung up and have not joined a single internal call for that teak again and nobody has said anything.

DickParasite
Dec 2, 2004




Slippery Tilde

Do it ironically posted:

As for nowadays being a manager itís loving crazy to me I have to hound guys to wear PPE, no Iím not making you wear a hard hat on site while the crane is lifting materials 35 stories over your head because Iím a hardass, I just donít want you to die

My experience with safety is it's nearly always the workers, technicians, and tradespersons trying to avoid the PPE/safety procedures.

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


DickParasite posted:

My experience with safety is it's nearly always the workers, technicians, and tradespersons trying to avoid the PPE/safety procedures.

PPE isnít even that much of an inconvenience anymore at least in high rise construction Iíll never get these people who would rather get the job done quick than be safe, maybe they need to see how much the developers and investors make and itíll make them slow the gently caress down

Thursday Next
Jan 11, 2004

FUCK THE ISLE OF APPLES. FUCK THEM IN THEIR STUPID ASSES.

Chrs posted:

I have my Switch sitting right under the camera so it looks like Iím looking at the screen and then I hold the controller under the desk during poo poo meetings.

In useful meetings I do the same except I do something menial on it like level grind in RPGs

lol if you don't do this

I have games that I've tagged as "meeting games". Turn-based games with low amounts of reading involved and limited flashing colors are tops. Fire Emblem, Brigandine, Langrisser, etc.

Arven
Sep 23, 2007


I'm in IT, and my job decided to require all IT spending be approved by the CFO equivalent in our hierarchy. After a year of him turning literally every request down, departments just started to buy poo poo out of their own budgets without consulting IT first. We now have a constant stream of new random software and hardware that we have to support and find ways to make work with our infrastructure.

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012



Arven posted:

I'm in IT, and my job decided to require all IT spending be approved by the CFO equivalent in our hierarchy. After a year of him turning literally every request down, departments just started to buy poo poo out of their own budgets without consulting IT first. We now have a constant stream of new random software and hardware that we have to support and find ways to make work with our infrastructure.

Iím on the opposite side of this. IT is so dogmatic and controlling that I just go around them and implement solutions in parallel with our systems or just install my own network and hire someone to make things work.

They get aggravated with me I can tell but it usually works well and I get forgiven.

Last time I just went and bought some iPads and signed up for an off the shelf contractor receptionist app and they got so pissed off when I put it on the guest wifi. They found out because I told them one of the wifi broadcasters wasnít working so they sent me another one and I put it in the front lobby. Then I just called and acted stupid until they made it work for me. (Gosh it worked before I donít know! Ya totally itís been here like forever but I think someone moved the plug. Anyway itís in this port now so just make it work for now and weíll figure it out later)

Eventually they found out but by then the VP of manufacturing had seen it and loved it and got angry at them that all the other plants didnít have it and were using paper sign ins.

My fav way to gently caress with IT is put in some fancy thing like our BAS system and ask them slowly for dedicated IP addresses while adding in all the HVAC and other macro level devices. Then snap photos of the awesome dashboard and get the social media group to put it on our social media so they get phone calls asking about the new systems we have that they never even heard of before and when it will be coming to the other plants.

kazr
Jan 28, 2005


My company used Lotus which they switched to Outlook about a year after I started, with Skype as our instant messenger. Few years later they moved to the full office suite and made Teams our instant messenger but later announced they'd be keeping Skype as well. Now I have two lovely instant messenger systems to contact/respond to people I don't want to talk to

TontoCorazon
Aug 18, 2007


God I loving love working for a government agency, I've never had to do that bullshit fake rear end pretending to be happy about our jobs, also none of this conference dance bullshit. Boss sets up meeting every two weeks to a month just to catch up and update us on policy and regulation changes then we're done.

TontoCorazon
Aug 18, 2007


Like everything I hear about working in a regular office is nightmare inducing

FullLeatherJacket
Dec 30, 2004

Chiunque puÚ essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett



the corona quid posted:

We implemented a whole lean management philosophy because our CEO took a tour of a Toyota factory and was amazed that every worker knew exactly what to do (nothing we do even remotely resembles manufacturing or is standardizable so it just broke all our workflows)

In the end, Toyota's greatest victory wasn't in selling more cars than anyone else, it was in designing bespoke solutions to industry specific problems in a way that somehow convinced a generation of middle-managers to cargo cult themselves into believing that they too were making a product with thousands of components, an integrated supply chain, inelastic demand, and in places with astronomical land values

Oh, your factory does nothing but assemble toilet brushes in rural Poland? Better have no more than ten brush heads and ten handles on site at any one time, for the sake of efficiency

yaffle
Sep 15, 2002

Flapdoodle

Our school switched from zoom to teams because "zoom is banned in china" (it still works). If you think zoom is irritating, try to imagine a Microsoft version.

DickParasite
Dec 2, 2004




Slippery Tilde

TontoCorazon posted:

God I loving love working for a government agency, I've never had to do that bullshit fake rear end pretending to be happy about our jobs, also none of this conference dance bullshit. Boss sets up meeting every two weeks to a month just to catch up and update us on policy and regulation changes then we're done.

The government agencies I've worked for are always chasing private sector trends. Lean, Six Sigma, Scrum, etc... It's pure cargo cult.

NO FUCK YOU DAD
Oct 23, 2008

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


One time our Head of IT half-read an article on "shadow IT" and decided that everything he didn't personally know about was shadow IT and thus banned. Devs using tools that didn't come pre loaded on their machines? Shadow IT. Banned. Any changes he wasn't personally walked through? Shadow IT. Banned. Devs having chat groups without him in them? Better believe that's shadow IT. Banned.

This crusade went on for three weeks until eventually the CIO had to get him in a room and explain to him that this wasn't shadow IT, it was regular IT, and productivity was in a death spiral because nobody was allowed to do any work.

mobby_6kl
Aug 9, 2009

"You are the best poster... do not let anyone say otherwise."


yaffle posted:

Our school switched from zoom to teams because "zoom is banned in china" (it still works). If you think zoom is irritating, try to imagine a Microsoft version.

Speaking of Teams (we've used it internally for a year or more now) in schools, I was helping a friend prepare for an Algorithms test she's taking at a local college. Their plan was: everyone turns on their cameras, shares the desktops, and has the microphone on, so that they can make sure you're not cheating.

None of that is actually possible, as only one screen can be shared at a time (and you can just share one monitor out of however many you have), you can't see everyone's cameras if there are many people in the meeting (and the feeds are too small to see if you're cheating), and microphones had to be muted because of horrible noises and feedback.

CyberPingu
Sep 15, 2013




You are a walking security threat


Like, holy poo poo the more I re read that the angrier I get jesus christ.

CyberPingu fucked around with this message at 09:36 on Jan 31, 2021

Bundy
Oct 22, 2013



Noblesse Obliged posted:

Iím on the opposite side of this. IT is so dogmatic and controlling that I just go around them and implement solutions in parallel with our systems or just install my own network and hire someone to make things work.

They get aggravated with me I can tell but it usually works well and I get forgiven.

Last time I just went and bought some iPads and signed up for an off the shelf contractor receptionist app and they got so pissed off when I put it on the guest wifi. They found out because I told them one of the wifi broadcasters wasnít working so they sent me another one and I put it in the front lobby. Then I just called and acted stupid until they made it work for me. (Gosh it worked before I donít know! Ya totally itís been here like forever but I think someone moved the plug. Anyway itís in this port now so just make it work for now and weíll figure it out later)

Eventually they found out but by then the VP of manufacturing had seen it and loved it and got angry at them that all the other plants didnít have it and were using paper sign ins.

My fav way to gently caress with IT is put in some fancy thing like our BAS system and ask them slowly for dedicated IP addresses while adding in all the HVAC and other macro level devices. Then snap photos of the awesome dashboard and get the social media group to put it on our social media so they get phone calls asking about the new systems we have that they never even heard of before and when it will be coming to the other plants.

Lol every reason I am glad I don't work anywhere near Core IT anymore distilled into one colossal idiot.

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003



Grimey Drawer

For us smooth brains, what is he doing?

CyberPingu
Sep 15, 2013


Charles Bukowski posted:

For us smooth brains, what is he doing?

Chukcing unmanaged devices and unvetted software into essentially production environments. Bypassing IT policies and risk measures.

Then playing dumb when he gets caught. And crying to his VP mate who's as clueless as he is


Literally the Dumb poo poo Your Work Does: Keeping him employed

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

He's just a total IT chad, riding the tiger, owning the IT department squares. He'll die young but by god it will be a magnificent death

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003



Grimey Drawer

drat rockstar IT always hotdogging it infront of all the girls (and my wife?!).

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Idiot Doom Spiral
Jan 2, 2020


Charles Bukowski posted:

For us smooth brains, what is he doing?

Being god's most perfect idiot.

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